bad!fic challenge
OH my goodness, this is honestly horrible, haha. I hadn't intended to write anything for this, just enjoyed the reading of all the amusing parodies, but then I came across this conversation as a result of minerva_one's bad!fic:
minerva_one : lol, thanks! I was going to write a whole diatribe on tampons and pads, but even I couldn't stomach that. XP
priestess_skye : lol. pads and tampons. i don't know why people put those in fics in the details they do. I mean it's more plausible for one to go to the bathroom than to have to worry about a tampon or pad as that's only a monthly thing.
minerva_one: But yet we keep getting the fics where one of the Inu brothers finds pads, tampons, twat powder, etc etc etc. And of course they demand to be shown how to use them.
lol, it's the only writing subject I find truly cringeworthy. Ugh. *shudders*
priestess_skye: i think the only one i appreciated it was one where kagome was wearing a tampon and inu couldn't figure out why she didn't smell of blood and when he found out he demanded it be taken out as nothing was allowed up there but him. that bit was priceless.
what we really need to see is a fic where inu's taking a leak. i have yet to see something like, yet as you said, lots with pads and tampons and powder, etc,
minerva_one: lol, Kagome stumbles on Inu burying his crap in the woods. *cringe*
double EWWWW - Kagome stumbles on Sess burying his crap in the woods.
This challenge is just making bad mental images for me, lol.
Of course, me being me, I couldn't resist a challenge like this (you have no idea how tempted I was to involve both tampons and crap-burying in the woods). So, unfortunately, here you go:
Done for
drjmaxwell and
forthrightly 's bad!fic challenge
Title: How Kagome was Wronged (if you can think of a better title let me know and I'll change it, k? thx)
Author: FlameTwirler (for purposes of this piece of crap, better known as SesshoumaruishotnessandKagomeismygoddess
Rating: M
Genre: Intentional Bad!fic, vague smut, mm..can horribleness be a genre? I petition we make it one. If not maybe horror works.
Pairings: Sess/Kag
Warnings: Clichés, gratuitous (reader) abuse, plot device theft, general grossness/squickiness/tampon usage, and Kagome-deification.
Warnings:clichés, gratuitous (reader) abuse, plot device theft, general grossness, squickiness, and Kagome-deification. I probably wouldn’t read it if I hadn’t written it…though I’m kinda ashamed I ever wrote it in the first place, even as a bad!fic, haha. So cheers!
~ ~ ~
My title: How Kagome was wronged (if you can think of a better title let me know and I’ll change it, k? thx)
By: SesshyishotnessandKagomeismygoddess
a/n Yay for my 24th fic! I’m getting better, don’t you all think? Yah, I think so too. And this one is sooooooo long too! I rox so much! Tee hee.
Oh yeah, and just so you know, I’m 53, not 13. You can even ask my mom! So there! Ha! In your face!
So yeah, you all should go read my other fics. If you don’t then I will hunt you down and skin you like a squirrel and make soup out of you and then feed it to your family. Haha, j/k. I wouldn’t do that, I’m not really that mean and definitely not a killer. I’d just come and…oh, I don’t know, paint ball your room in a really hideous color. Yeah, that’s it. Read my other fics or I’ll come after you with my brothers paintball gun! Here’s a list
Um, I think I did something wrong here, but I’m too lazy to go back and check. Regardless, read them all now or DIE!!!!!! Muahahahahah!
~ ~ ~
Osuwari osurawi osrweiru OSUUUUWAAARIIII! Rang through the clearing and Inuyasha face-planted hardly in the hard dirt, as he well should. He’d had the audacity to insult Kagome’s hair, stupid jerk. She’d tried to put up with it as longas she could but relly a girl could only take so much. It was her hair after all. He should have known better. Everyone snubbed him then even Miroku and Shippo of course and Sango and Myuouga and Kilala (that’s how they say it in the anime so you can go suck it if you wanna complain!) so no one complained when Kagome took off running for the forest since they all knew she could take care of herself no problem.
Besides how likely was it sh’ed run into a demon? It’s not like it really happened all that often. Even if she did she wouldn’t need her silly bow - her miko powers rocked and she could vaporize anything with a touch if she wanted to - she was just too nice to do it most of the time and so let the others take care of the killings and stuff.
So she was walking for a long time but didn’t get lost of course because she’s kagome and smart enough to know where she’s going, unlike another miko we all know. So who comes along? Sesshoumaru. See he’d been stalking their group for a while wanting to annoy his annoying half-brother and got intrigued by the weird things that Kagome did - because of all her time traveling and stuffs.
So he’s walking behind her and being careful to hide his demonic aura because he knows that with her miko powers she’d pick up on it in a snap and then he’d have to explain himself or run and Sessy didn’t really like to do either of those things. Anyhow she’s walking in a huff and drops something out of her pocket and he picks it up, wondering at what it is.
It’s her tampon. (See, I told you Minerva and priestess_skye that I’d use it. Aren’t you grossed out, haha?) He’s never seen one before so he’s wondering what it is.
He’s too curious to pass up so he catches up to the all-wonderful amazingly beautiful woman in front of him.
“What is this?
He holds up her tampon and she thinks oh crap. She’d thought ahead and was going to sneak away from the group to do her business so shed put it in her pocket but she didn’t notice when it fell out so now she blushed but then raised her head because hey it was natural so there was nothing to be ashamed of besides he was demon so he had to be able to smell it right even if it was disgusting that he could smell it - eew she thought.
It’s a tampon she said.
What is a tampon woman.” He asked.
“My name isn’t woman it’s Ka-“ and that was all she got out because he’d picked her up by her throat cutting off his words. Her large orbs bulged and he smirked down at them.
She knew then that he was the hottest thing she’d ever seen alive, or dead too for that matter, because she was smart enough to see past his demon evilness to see the squishy softy hottie he was on the inside. I mean, why else would he carry his furthingy all the time if he didn’t like soft things? So she held up her hands in surrender and he let her go. She squeaked in indigation that he didn’t put her down softly, he really should know better how to treat the better gender with as long as he’d been alive.
Still, she got distracted when he held up the tampon again. “Show me what this is” he commanded in that awesomelicious voice of his.
She squeaked again. She seemed to do that along in the Feudal Era. “I can’t show you what it is.”
He glared.
“It’s something that only women use.”
He stard at it with more interest. “It’s a sponge?” (I heard about them on Seinfeld. I don’t know if they really had those in Japan back then but they must’ve had something similar, right?)
She imagined a cleaning kitchen sponge and figured he must be talking about it’s amazing absorbtive properties. “well, kind of, but, not really,” she said warily.
“Then what is it exactly?” he mimicked.
She sighed but figured it was for the betterment of womankind if she just relieved him of his ignorance. Before she could say anything though he held it up again. “Show me.” She tried to stare him down. “No.” He put it in her hands and held up his own fingers glowing with poison entirely too close to her gorgeous hair. What was it with all these Feudal Era demons and her hair?. “NOW.”
“I can’t,” she almosted whined but Kagome doesn’t whine. “It goes down there,” she looked down and noticed he looked down as well.
“It matters not. This sesshy-poo wishes to know.”
She stared from his oh so deliciously temptingly astonishly breathtakingly hot face to his glowing hand to the tampon and back to the hard lines of his jaw and figured ‘to heck with it!’ because perfect-kagome doesn’t cuss.
Off came her unders and she sat on the ground to put it in and then Sesshoumaru put his face right up to her and started sniffing at it. Of course she got all flustered and hot and bothered - anyone would in such a situation with Sesshoumaru.
He sniffed longer before he summarily declard “It makes you smell better since it blocks that hole up.” His curiosity satisfied he got up to elave. Kagome was fuming, rightly so. Before thinking about it she yelled “Osuwari!!1!” as he walked away and to both their surprises he fell flat on the ground. See it turned out that Inuyasha hadn’t been being controlled by the rosary anymore - Kagome was just all-powerful and it was her word hat was controlling him and keeping him on the leash like the dog he was. Now she got to control Sesshy-kun as well - lucky girl!
Kagome got up and stocked over to him glaring down at him. What a jark! She thought. Didn’t keep her from ogling his butt though or still thinking he was still hto. Sshe flipped him over though he was still stuck by the spell and couldn’t move and hse noticed that his pants had gotten really tight. She immediately felt vindicated. See! He really did think she was hot too and got affected by being down on her fertile garden. Maybe he was just scared to admit he liked her? Maybe he thought she liked Inuyasha more than she liked him or was afraid she would turn him down. She knew that was possible, that he was just afraid of admitting anything like that or being vulnerable, him being all soft and squishy and all inside. Maybe he was still stuck on the whole demon/human thing but she figured he was smart enough to have gotten over that by now. No matter what the problem was in his head she knew he wanted her and figured she’d help him resolve that if he wasn’t willing to admit it.
She opened his pants, relishing all 14 inches of his stiff telephone pole despite the fact that she’d never seen one before so she thought it was kind of weird looking and wiggly, kind of like that movie with the giant man-eating worms in the desert, but he was freakin’ hot so she knew all of him must be equally hot. Besides, she didn’t want to embarrass him and she was nice enough to let the weirdness pass her by. Besides, she’d heard friends talk about it and knew it’d make her feel good so what did it matter what it looked like, right? It’s not like she was as shallow as everyone else in the world. Besides, she knew she’d come to like how it looked soon right? It was just new to her that was all.
He started to move again so she yelled “Osuwari” again to keep him still and so he wouldn’t feel guilty later abut willfully going against his human-hating tendencies desite how he very obviously wanted to. Luckily he didn’t flip over since she’d thought in her head when she said it that it must hurt for him to be pressed over on his stomach with his giant meaty man, er, demon-schlong sticking out, so when she thought it she thought about him staying on his back and it worked like that because it was her power after all.
She wanted to see the rest of him so she unbuttoned his shirt and spready it open. She couldn’t take it or his pants off since the spell still held him hardly against the ground.
In an instant she seated herself on him and screamed instantly in pleasure. He felt awesomely wonderfully amazingly splendidly super-duper magnificent! She moved on him and before she knew it she’d organismed and it was over.
It took over 3.54 hours, during which she had to Osuwari him multiple times to keep his conscience from working against them, and she’d orgasm’d 213 times. That’s because Sesshoumaru was just that good and Kagome was really sensitive, both emotionally, spiritually, physicially, as we all know, and now sexually as well.
Finally exhausted she fell over on top of him and snuggled against his bare chest. “I love you Sesshoumaru.” She hadn’t known that she did before this, in fact she’d been afraid of his poison just earlier during their discussion, but she knew that nothing could be like this without love and knew she was smart enough to recognize the real thing when it bit her in the butt…or, as in her case…sniffed her in the tampon. She didn’t expect him to tell her he loved her in return - she already knew he did and to say it out loud would go against his carefully constructed outer arrogant cold I don’t give a crap shell - the sehll that only she, his one true love, could see through.
She leaned over then and bit him soundly on the shoulder and he yelped. “What was that for?”
It’s a mating mark, silly,” she replied. “I read all about them online when I was home so I know this is what demons do. This means that now we’ll be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever…(ad infinitum)”
She trailed off, not noticing the horrified look slowly coming over Sesshoumaru’s face.
~ ~ ~
a/n by SesshyishotnessandKagomeismygoddess:
Because Sesshoumaru is teh hotness. He is totally the hottest thing alive, ever! Oh, but I hope my boyfriend doesn’t read this because if he does then he might break up with me, which would make me sad, unless I could date Sessy-kun instead, in which case I’d be happy.
*tee-hee* I can't believe I said orgasm! *gasp* That is so the hottest thing I ever wrote. Yeah man, go me!
Edit: Oh yes, I totally forgot to have Kagome take the tampon out when they did it. Er, whoops. Oh well. Just pretend that she remembered to take it out and I just didn’t want to go into gross detail, or you can pretend it was just some form of kinky bondage or whatever you weirdos do.
~ ~ ~
Oh my dear. *goes to gouge out eyes - and maybe brain matter - with a blunt spoon*
minerva_one : lol, thanks! I was going to write a whole diatribe on tampons and pads, but even I couldn't stomach that. XP
priestess_skye : lol. pads and tampons. i don't know why people put those in fics in the details they do. I mean it's more plausible for one to go to the bathroom than to have to worry about a tampon or pad as that's only a monthly thing.
minerva_one: But yet we keep getting the fics where one of the Inu brothers finds pads, tampons, twat powder, etc etc etc. And of course they demand to be shown how to use them.
lol, it's the only writing subject I find truly cringeworthy. Ugh. *shudders*
priestess_skye: i think the only one i appreciated it was one where kagome was wearing a tampon and inu couldn't figure out why she didn't smell of blood and when he found out he demanded it be taken out as nothing was allowed up there but him. that bit was priceless.
what we really need to see is a fic where inu's taking a leak. i have yet to see something like, yet as you said, lots with pads and tampons and powder, etc,
minerva_one: lol, Kagome stumbles on Inu burying his crap in the woods. *cringe*
double EWWWW - Kagome stumbles on Sess burying his crap in the woods.
This challenge is just making bad mental images for me, lol.
Of course, me being me, I couldn't resist a challenge like this (you have no idea how tempted I was to involve both tampons and crap-burying in the woods). So, unfortunately, here you go:
Done for
drjmaxwell and
forthrightly 's bad!fic challenge
Title: How Kagome was Wronged (if you can think of a better title let me know and I'll change it, k? thx)
Author: FlameTwirler (for purposes of this piece of crap, better known as SesshoumaruishotnessandKagomeismygoddess
Rating: M
Genre: Intentional Bad!fic, vague smut, mm..can horribleness be a genre? I petition we make it one. If not maybe horror works.
Pairings: Sess/Kag
Warnings: Clichés, gratuitous (reader) abuse, plot device theft, general grossness/squickiness/tampon usage, and Kagome-deification.
Warnings:clichés, gratuitous (reader) abuse, plot device theft, general grossness, squickiness, and Kagome-deification. I probably wouldn’t read it if I hadn’t written it…though I’m kinda ashamed I ever wrote it in the first place, even as a bad!fic, haha. So cheers!
~ ~ ~
My title: How Kagome was wronged (if you can think of a better title let me know and I’ll change it, k? thx)
By: SesshyishotnessandKagomeismygoddess
a/n Yay for my 24th fic! I’m getting better, don’t you all think? Yah, I think so too. And this one is sooooooo long too! I rox so much! Tee hee.
Oh yeah, and just so you know, I’m 53, not 13. You can even ask my mom! So there! Ha! In your face!
So yeah, you all should go read my other fics. If you don’t then I will hunt you down and skin you like a squirrel and make soup out of you and then feed it to your family. Haha, j/k. I wouldn’t do that, I’m not really that mean and definitely not a killer. I’d just come and…oh, I don’t know, paint ball your room in a really hideous color. Yeah, that’s it. Read my other fics or I’ll come after you with my brothers paintball gun! Here’s a list
- How Sesshy-kun saved Kagome
- Why Kikyou died - because she couldn’t trust Inuyasha of course!
- Why kAgome is better than everyone else
- Poor Kagome
- Hot shmex with Sesshoumaru
- Why Sesshoumaru really has that fur-thingy
- Poor Sesshoumaru growing up with a cheating father
- Sesshy didn’t get enough love as a child
- Why Sesshoumaru is nice enough to let Inuyasha live
- How can you say the Demon Lord is mean if he lets a little girl and annoying demon follow him all the time? (ha! Longest title ever! Yay me!)\
- Sesshy didn’t get enough love as a child
- Sesshoumaru and Kagome do it
- Sesshy loves Kagome
- Kagome loves Sesshy
- Midoriko=Kagome
- What if Kagome had been in Kikyou’s place? -or- how Kagome saved the past
- Why Inuyasha doesn’t deserve Kagome
- Sesshy didn’t get enough love as a child
- Hot shmexing again!
- Sesshoumaru and Kagome do it again!
- Sesshy-papa and Rin get along at home as father and daughter. Yes, daughter people!
- How Sesshoumaru falls for Kagome
- Sesshy didn’t get enough love as a child
- Um, can’t think of title, will come back to it later (I forgot to do that, will do later, k?)
- When Sesshoumaru found Kagome alone and shivering in an abandoned hut.
- How Kagome saved Sesshoumaru in the blizzard.
Um, I think I did something wrong here, but I’m too lazy to go back and check. Regardless, read them all now or DIE!!!!!! Muahahahahah!
~ ~ ~
Osuwari osurawi osrweiru OSUUUUWAAARIIII! Rang through the clearing and Inuyasha face-planted hardly in the hard dirt, as he well should. He’d had the audacity to insult Kagome’s hair, stupid jerk. She’d tried to put up with it as longas she could but relly a girl could only take so much. It was her hair after all. He should have known better. Everyone snubbed him then even Miroku and Shippo of course and Sango and Myuouga and Kilala (that’s how they say it in the anime so you can go suck it if you wanna complain!) so no one complained when Kagome took off running for the forest since they all knew she could take care of herself no problem.
Besides how likely was it sh’ed run into a demon? It’s not like it really happened all that often. Even if she did she wouldn’t need her silly bow - her miko powers rocked and she could vaporize anything with a touch if she wanted to - she was just too nice to do it most of the time and so let the others take care of the killings and stuff.
So she was walking for a long time but didn’t get lost of course because she’s kagome and smart enough to know where she’s going, unlike another miko we all know. So who comes along? Sesshoumaru. See he’d been stalking their group for a while wanting to annoy his annoying half-brother and got intrigued by the weird things that Kagome did - because of all her time traveling and stuffs.
So he’s walking behind her and being careful to hide his demonic aura because he knows that with her miko powers she’d pick up on it in a snap and then he’d have to explain himself or run and Sessy didn’t really like to do either of those things. Anyhow she’s walking in a huff and drops something out of her pocket and he picks it up, wondering at what it is.
It’s her tampon. (See, I told you Minerva and priestess_skye that I’d use it. Aren’t you grossed out, haha?) He’s never seen one before so he’s wondering what it is.
He’s too curious to pass up so he catches up to the all-wonderful amazingly beautiful woman in front of him.
“What is this?
He holds up her tampon and she thinks oh crap. She’d thought ahead and was going to sneak away from the group to do her business so shed put it in her pocket but she didn’t notice when it fell out so now she blushed but then raised her head because hey it was natural so there was nothing to be ashamed of besides he was demon so he had to be able to smell it right even if it was disgusting that he could smell it - eew she thought.
It’s a tampon she said.
What is a tampon woman.” He asked.
“My name isn’t woman it’s Ka-“ and that was all she got out because he’d picked her up by her throat cutting off his words. Her large orbs bulged and he smirked down at them.
She knew then that he was the hottest thing she’d ever seen alive, or dead too for that matter, because she was smart enough to see past his demon evilness to see the squishy softy hottie he was on the inside. I mean, why else would he carry his furthingy all the time if he didn’t like soft things? So she held up her hands in surrender and he let her go. She squeaked in indigation that he didn’t put her down softly, he really should know better how to treat the better gender with as long as he’d been alive.
Still, she got distracted when he held up the tampon again. “Show me what this is” he commanded in that awesomelicious voice of his.
She squeaked again. She seemed to do that along in the Feudal Era. “I can’t show you what it is.”
He glared.
“It’s something that only women use.”
He stard at it with more interest. “It’s a sponge?” (I heard about them on Seinfeld. I don’t know if they really had those in Japan back then but they must’ve had something similar, right?)
She imagined a cleaning kitchen sponge and figured he must be talking about it’s amazing absorbtive properties. “well, kind of, but, not really,” she said warily.
“Then what is it exactly?” he mimicked.
She sighed but figured it was for the betterment of womankind if she just relieved him of his ignorance. Before she could say anything though he held it up again. “Show me.” She tried to stare him down. “No.” He put it in her hands and held up his own fingers glowing with poison entirely too close to her gorgeous hair. What was it with all these Feudal Era demons and her hair?. “NOW.”
“I can’t,” she almosted whined but Kagome doesn’t whine. “It goes down there,” she looked down and noticed he looked down as well.
“It matters not. This sesshy-poo wishes to know.”
She stared from his oh so deliciously temptingly astonishly breathtakingly hot face to his glowing hand to the tampon and back to the hard lines of his jaw and figured ‘to heck with it!’ because perfect-kagome doesn’t cuss.
Off came her unders and she sat on the ground to put it in and then Sesshoumaru put his face right up to her and started sniffing at it. Of course she got all flustered and hot and bothered - anyone would in such a situation with Sesshoumaru.
He sniffed longer before he summarily declard “It makes you smell better since it blocks that hole up.” His curiosity satisfied he got up to elave. Kagome was fuming, rightly so. Before thinking about it she yelled “Osuwari!!1!” as he walked away and to both their surprises he fell flat on the ground. See it turned out that Inuyasha hadn’t been being controlled by the rosary anymore - Kagome was just all-powerful and it was her word hat was controlling him and keeping him on the leash like the dog he was. Now she got to control Sesshy-kun as well - lucky girl!
Kagome got up and stocked over to him glaring down at him. What a jark! She thought. Didn’t keep her from ogling his butt though or still thinking he was still hto. Sshe flipped him over though he was still stuck by the spell and couldn’t move and hse noticed that his pants had gotten really tight. She immediately felt vindicated. See! He really did think she was hot too and got affected by being down on her fertile garden. Maybe he was just scared to admit he liked her? Maybe he thought she liked Inuyasha more than she liked him or was afraid she would turn him down. She knew that was possible, that he was just afraid of admitting anything like that or being vulnerable, him being all soft and squishy and all inside. Maybe he was still stuck on the whole demon/human thing but she figured he was smart enough to have gotten over that by now. No matter what the problem was in his head she knew he wanted her and figured she’d help him resolve that if he wasn’t willing to admit it.
She opened his pants, relishing all 14 inches of his stiff telephone pole despite the fact that she’d never seen one before so she thought it was kind of weird looking and wiggly, kind of like that movie with the giant man-eating worms in the desert, but he was freakin’ hot so she knew all of him must be equally hot. Besides, she didn’t want to embarrass him and she was nice enough to let the weirdness pass her by. Besides, she’d heard friends talk about it and knew it’d make her feel good so what did it matter what it looked like, right? It’s not like she was as shallow as everyone else in the world. Besides, she knew she’d come to like how it looked soon right? It was just new to her that was all.
He started to move again so she yelled “Osuwari” again to keep him still and so he wouldn’t feel guilty later abut willfully going against his human-hating tendencies desite how he very obviously wanted to. Luckily he didn’t flip over since she’d thought in her head when she said it that it must hurt for him to be pressed over on his stomach with his giant meaty man, er, demon-schlong sticking out, so when she thought it she thought about him staying on his back and it worked like that because it was her power after all.
She wanted to see the rest of him so she unbuttoned his shirt and spready it open. She couldn’t take it or his pants off since the spell still held him hardly against the ground.
In an instant she seated herself on him and screamed instantly in pleasure. He felt awesomely wonderfully amazingly splendidly super-duper magnificent! She moved on him and before she knew it she’d organismed and it was over.
It took over 3.54 hours, during which she had to Osuwari him multiple times to keep his conscience from working against them, and she’d orgasm’d 213 times. That’s because Sesshoumaru was just that good and Kagome was really sensitive, both emotionally, spiritually, physicially, as we all know, and now sexually as well.
Finally exhausted she fell over on top of him and snuggled against his bare chest. “I love you Sesshoumaru.” She hadn’t known that she did before this, in fact she’d been afraid of his poison just earlier during their discussion, but she knew that nothing could be like this without love and knew she was smart enough to recognize the real thing when it bit her in the butt…or, as in her case…sniffed her in the tampon. She didn’t expect him to tell her he loved her in return - she already knew he did and to say it out loud would go against his carefully constructed outer arrogant cold I don’t give a crap shell - the sehll that only she, his one true love, could see through.
She leaned over then and bit him soundly on the shoulder and he yelped. “What was that for?”
It’s a mating mark, silly,” she replied. “I read all about them online when I was home so I know this is what demons do. This means that now we’ll be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever…(ad infinitum)”
She trailed off, not noticing the horrified look slowly coming over Sesshoumaru’s face.
~ ~ ~
a/n by SesshyishotnessandKagomeismygoddess:
Because Sesshoumaru is teh hotness. He is totally the hottest thing alive, ever! Oh, but I hope my boyfriend doesn’t read this because if he does then he might break up with me, which would make me sad, unless I could date Sessy-kun instead, in which case I’d be happy.
*tee-hee* I can't believe I said orgasm! *gasp* That is so the hottest thing I ever wrote. Yeah man, go me!
Edit: Oh yes, I totally forgot to have Kagome take the tampon out when they did it. Er, whoops. Oh well. Just pretend that she remembered to take it out and I just didn’t want to go into gross detail, or you can pretend it was just some form of kinky bondage or whatever you weirdos do.
~ ~ ~
Oh my dear. *goes to gouge out eyes - and maybe brain matter - with a blunt spoon*