In which I am bitchy again (but less so)
RULES THAT GUYS WISHED WOMEN KNEW (by a random internet thing)
And a few important things Women wished Guys knew. (By Me)
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
If you think your penis is small, it probably is. Don’t ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
Wash your hair. Always.
4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sometimes we’re not thinking about you. We might lie about this.
5. Get rid of your cat.
The cat stays.
6. Saturday + Sunday = Sports. Learn this equation
Saturday + Sunday does not = housework. Learn this equation.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
Not everything you wear is fine. Honest.
8. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
Sometimes, women want their boobs to be stared at.
9. You have too many shoes.
You never notice how many shoes you have, mister.
10. Crying is blackmail.
So is blackmail.
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
‘I want’ does not always get. Subtlety can be pleasant.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.
Not if the question is ‘What do you think about...?’
14. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Sometimes a headache isn’t a headache. See a doctor.
15. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
Really. (We’d rather be satisfied than deceive)
16. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
Anything we said six or eight minutes ago is inadmissible in an argument.
17. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Dear god, please don’t act like soap opera guys. Please.
18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
No, you really didn’t. Because sometimes people just want to be mean.
19. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other men, how can we know how sexy you are?
20. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
Don’t rub the lamp if you won’t help the genie come out.
21. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. We’re people too.
22. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
Christopher Columbus thought America was China. Maps were made for a reason.
23. You have enough clothes.
You might want to wash yours occasionally.
24. Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it.
Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it.
25. Nothing says, "I love you" like sex.
Apart from saying “I love you”.