"That's like, almost a..MILE"
just got home from Ben's
was fun and exciting. now i get fuckin post-visit depression, no actually not really, but it kinda sucks to do normal every day stuff and not have someone to play with anymore.
i will never read drunken Ernest Hemingway again, certainly not a whole book, 4 chapters nearly killed me. if he was in someones english class, even a highschool class, he wouldn't pass, regardless of whatever talent or feeling lies in the work it was nothing but a run on sentence full of dull adjectives and repetitive lines and ands.
so tonight we drove around looking for and calling for rent signs, so maybe that will happen really soon, and my computer as well. this whole home situation is wierd, plus they brought their fucking dogs with them and they bark nonstop, there goes all my sleeping days (oh wait, whats sleeping in?)
I had a really nice time in the city, i was happy to see lydia and really touched that she asked me to come hang out with her downtown and i met all her crazy friends ("Cowboy" this vietnam dude who runs flesh theatre i believe, was trying to convince me to come to one of the parties, so he could tie me to the cross, aww how cute:)
Last night we drove tim out to the end of LI to return him to the vineyard where hes working so Ben could have the car and they debated on the subject of school/college/demographics/work ethic the whole time. I kept having things to say but the hazyness in my head from the alcohol prevented the words from forming till after they'd moved on. I enjoy listening to people debate, if they're good at it that is, i thought of an interesting point to add to the college debate last night before i went to sleep but i forgot in the morning. For the most part i agreed with Ben on the nonschool alternative learning side, and it gives me some kind of fuel for my arguments when i continue to get pestered by practically everyone, (or rather witness them get completely threatened by the idea of me possibly not going to school or what if possibly *gasp* failure?!? as if im gonna turn up a bum and be a hindrance to them/What??) asinine shit. ive been telling people i dont want to get into debt and waste time in school without knowing what i want to study, that tends to cool them down they think "oh wow, she's logisitical and business minded maybe she wont fail life". But that's just me avoiding some kind of conflict, i never really feel the need for conflict, unless its my family or something that i cant ignore. Whats the use for conflict? there was so much of it when i was little, i got a heavy dose and i dont really need much for a while.
But anyway. Part of the college point in my mind, is not that its neccesarily an easy way out or a half assed choice, but for those of us that have grown up in a completely alternative setting, we have these options that dont have to involve college, that are more challenging more productive etc., College is good for people that like to conform, or rather dont know how not to conform, its like training wheels or something, you dont really need them but they can be helpful if your slow. And, college is also useful if theres some program that you want to spend 4-8 years in and use this 'well of knowledge', its really handy and useful. but not neccessary, and college loans are evil.
Plus when they first started having college it was a different thing, it was the only real option that wasn't working some grueling job till you died, or at least for a while you can just learn and learn, and not just what you were required to. Now, theres many more options. and people just need to broaden their horizons.
Ok, done.
that was probably useless.
i should go and buy harry potter, i want to finish it, im on page 76.
thanks Alex, for the shirt, its cute.
i got sushi tonight for dinner and shrimp and it was just lovely i was So Hungry i barely ate this week, it wasn't good. its time for more dinner.
i like having little marks on my body, how exciting to find.
id like to see hannah, i really miss her and still haven't spokjen to her since hulbert when alex lost the directions and we couldn't get in touch with her. i miss my girl.
i have to get used to sleeping at night and getting up early again.
more recording this friday, and i just got a $150 check from last week.
i dont know what to do, i dont know what to think, give me some feedback it might be useful. Im thinking about alot of things, theres so much that i want, i dont know if im unreasonable, i dont know if im delusional either, 'youll be able to find her, it's easy, she's really quite delusional' hah. anyways.
i had a really ridiculous moment last night, i though Blade was dusk til dawn 2. im kind of retarded, i dont really need to be told that one:) granted it was almost 4 am.
right now im thinking about how pissed im going to be when i go into work and fucking Lukas is working with me til 3 and hes a lazy fuck who doesn't do shit SO i get to pick up all his slack starting at 8:45 mmm i feel a bitchfest coming on..., im thinking about having my own living room, about getting a record player and a nice computer, about enjoying pain, needing a shower because im actually really dirty. oh and my BED.
goodnight
was fun and exciting. now i get fuckin post-visit depression, no actually not really, but it kinda sucks to do normal every day stuff and not have someone to play with anymore.
i will never read drunken Ernest Hemingway again, certainly not a whole book, 4 chapters nearly killed me. if he was in someones english class, even a highschool class, he wouldn't pass, regardless of whatever talent or feeling lies in the work it was nothing but a run on sentence full of dull adjectives and repetitive lines and ands.
so tonight we drove around looking for and calling for rent signs, so maybe that will happen really soon, and my computer as well. this whole home situation is wierd, plus they brought their fucking dogs with them and they bark nonstop, there goes all my sleeping days (oh wait, whats sleeping in?)
I had a really nice time in the city, i was happy to see lydia and really touched that she asked me to come hang out with her downtown and i met all her crazy friends ("Cowboy" this vietnam dude who runs flesh theatre i believe, was trying to convince me to come to one of the parties, so he could tie me to the cross, aww how cute:)
Last night we drove tim out to the end of LI to return him to the vineyard where hes working so Ben could have the car and they debated on the subject of school/college/demographics/work ethic the whole time. I kept having things to say but the hazyness in my head from the alcohol prevented the words from forming till after they'd moved on. I enjoy listening to people debate, if they're good at it that is, i thought of an interesting point to add to the college debate last night before i went to sleep but i forgot in the morning. For the most part i agreed with Ben on the nonschool alternative learning side, and it gives me some kind of fuel for my arguments when i continue to get pestered by practically everyone, (or rather witness them get completely threatened by the idea of me possibly not going to school or what if possibly *gasp* failure?!? as if im gonna turn up a bum and be a hindrance to them/What??) asinine shit. ive been telling people i dont want to get into debt and waste time in school without knowing what i want to study, that tends to cool them down they think "oh wow, she's logisitical and business minded maybe she wont fail life". But that's just me avoiding some kind of conflict, i never really feel the need for conflict, unless its my family or something that i cant ignore. Whats the use for conflict? there was so much of it when i was little, i got a heavy dose and i dont really need much for a while.
But anyway. Part of the college point in my mind, is not that its neccesarily an easy way out or a half assed choice, but for those of us that have grown up in a completely alternative setting, we have these options that dont have to involve college, that are more challenging more productive etc., College is good for people that like to conform, or rather dont know how not to conform, its like training wheels or something, you dont really need them but they can be helpful if your slow. And, college is also useful if theres some program that you want to spend 4-8 years in and use this 'well of knowledge', its really handy and useful. but not neccessary, and college loans are evil.
Plus when they first started having college it was a different thing, it was the only real option that wasn't working some grueling job till you died, or at least for a while you can just learn and learn, and not just what you were required to. Now, theres many more options. and people just need to broaden their horizons.
Ok, done.
that was probably useless.
i should go and buy harry potter, i want to finish it, im on page 76.
thanks Alex, for the shirt, its cute.
i got sushi tonight for dinner and shrimp and it was just lovely i was So Hungry i barely ate this week, it wasn't good. its time for more dinner.
i like having little marks on my body, how exciting to find.
id like to see hannah, i really miss her and still haven't spokjen to her since hulbert when alex lost the directions and we couldn't get in touch with her. i miss my girl.
i have to get used to sleeping at night and getting up early again.
more recording this friday, and i just got a $150 check from last week.
i dont know what to do, i dont know what to think, give me some feedback it might be useful. Im thinking about alot of things, theres so much that i want, i dont know if im unreasonable, i dont know if im delusional either, 'youll be able to find her, it's easy, she's really quite delusional' hah. anyways.
i had a really ridiculous moment last night, i though Blade was dusk til dawn 2. im kind of retarded, i dont really need to be told that one:) granted it was almost 4 am.
right now im thinking about how pissed im going to be when i go into work and fucking Lukas is working with me til 3 and hes a lazy fuck who doesn't do shit SO i get to pick up all his slack starting at 8:45 mmm i feel a bitchfest coming on..., im thinking about having my own living room, about getting a record player and a nice computer, about enjoying pain, needing a shower because im actually really dirty. oh and my BED.
goodnight