(no subject)
Lets see if this will work...My large posts haven't been going through.
Well Photobucket is being a pain, so sorry Ruth, you are going to have to wait even longer.
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I hate how often I write something, only to find that after it is written it is either so obviously wrong or just inapplicable. Usually it is because I was writing about how my life is so miserable or what not and then the tone definitely changes to something that is easily called "grumbling and complaining". Now I know I am not Job, I have my share of problems, but they are definitely not on as large as scale as his. I sometimes think they are, but that is only because I lack perspective.
Tomorrow is another day. I hope it is as good as this one is. Actually I hope it is better, but I have to admit that today so far isn't bad.
Dealing with seven boys who think the world revolves around them, that they are here because of their parents and not their own foolish choices, that we mentors should be punished as they are and put on the same plane as them, and that we are to blame when they get into trouble is often taxing. Proverbs gets new meaning, especially the use of the word "fool". Most of the time I could submit their name into the verse and nod with agreement and understanding. "Like a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool to his folly." Yep, that is a good one. Mr. Boldman even loves that one so much that he usually quotes it at every graduation as a warning to the graduating boy. More than half the time I am sure that the boy won't heed it. Infact of the four boys who have graduated since I've been here, and two who have finished their studies here to continue with school I only can think of one who is avoiding his past folly.
On top of that I have no friends here. You know the thing I love most about you guys? The ability to do nothing and enjoy each other's company doing it. Here it seems the cry is "entertain me!" and if you are not they complain about nothing to do. Even the other Mentors and guys at the church seem like they are always on the move. They have lives of their own. I mean they all have lives here, and are from around or at least been in the area for a couple years, with only one exception, and he has relatives here. It's understandable, perfectly reasonable to be honest. I don't even fit in that well with their friends so it isn't that big.
Anyways...I could list the many things I am having trouble with in this place. Not having anyone to hang out with, no real sanctuary to relax in. It is a constant challenge to keep things in perspective. I beg God for a reason to be here, and just as often for the chance to go home--for a reason not to be here, for an excuse to leave. I know that the toughest part is Future Men itself. Without that most of my headaches and hassles would go away. I mean even if I were to leave I know I would stay in the area for a couple months at least. Leave in time for Dan and Jane's wedding, but probably not before.
There is one thing I fully enjoy: construction. As odd as it sounds it is. Well except for the at work by seven, but that is just because I often am forced to be up later than eleven more often than not. The boy's bed time is ten (or "room time" technically), but even if we get them in their rooms by then I still have all my finishing things that I couldn't get done before because I was hanging out with the boys or trying to control them. Not only the brush your teeth, but with few exceptions any reading I want to do, including my personal Bible study. (That might change soon, but I am not going to count on it just yet.) So, getting up before six can often be a bit of a hassle with all that. But I would stay for construction because it allows for so much. I've been mostly doing cabinet installation, Paul the guy I work for did that for ten plus years before deciding to build entire houses. He figured I should get a specific aspect under my belt, one that is very lucrative if you get good at it. But I also have been part of his building houses. I have seen them go up from the foundation to the roof, and from framing to finish work. The feeling of going home after a full hard days work...well I don't exactly know. I don't consider myself anywhere near my home, or anyplace I could soon call home. Construction is in many ways more restful than that other place I work where I also sleep.
I do know the one thing I miss most here: companionship. I desire so badly someone who, as I said before, I can do nothing with and enjoy their company. Not that I only would want to do nothing with them, I hope that is obvious, you know how I love adventure. It's just that so much happens, even around the house, it seems like they can't sit still. If they are it won't be for long, because they will soon be complaining about how bored they are and usually complain about something they hate about one of the mentors (the one not currently around).
One of the boys left last night. He packed up his stuff into his car and left. He returned about 40 minutes later, after he had driven around and cooled off. He was the one though that I would have thought would have stuck through for anything. Honestly, he is not that bright. His name's Mark by the way. He's not that bright. He's seventeen and has trouble with algebra 1. It pains me so. He could be better, if 1) people had actually taught him the basics, like multiplication tables (he once told me seven squared was twenty one) and 2) if he actually tried to remember, and 3) didn't try to put his mistakes off on something else. He's blamed me for teaching him wrong on squaring negatives. I know I told him right, because it was one of those things that caught in my mind when I told him. One that I took a couple tries to explain to make sure he got it. "If the negative is inside the parenthesis then it gets squared to a positive. The answer is positive. You know, two negatives make a positive. If there are no parenthesis or the negative is outside then you don't square the negative and the answer is negative." Well, he got it wrong, blamed me for teaching him wrong. Algebra 1 is his last class before graduating. He needs it to get out, and he struggles through every problem. Well, when he decides to struggle and not give up. You know the worse thing? He wants to go to a technical college for a "heating and air" certificate. The entry requirements for that is algebra 2 and physics. It's what he wants to do with his life. A good career, I think, especially for someone like him. Or it could be. He wants it so bad, but he won't be committed to goals that will get him there. He wants to get through math, not understand it. That's why he left, actually. He didn't think he could graduate, and he also was mad at me and one of the other Mentors, Kaleb. Not so mad at me, more frustrated, but he doesn't get along with Kaleb. He also probably left because he wanted attention. With all the frustration about his math he wanted something to get his mind off of it, and the boy does love attention. I gave him mine as he was packing. I didn't want him to think I didn't care, or that nobody does. But I didn't involve anyone else. Heck I wasn't sure Mark wasn't serious, he probably thought he was at the time, but I didn't want a huge deal made out of it. No parade to see him off. He'd be less likely to come back in a couple days of sleeping in his car and eating almost nothing.
I love him to death though. The thing that pains me most about him? He "tried" Christianity, to see if it would help him. He first wanted it because he was going through a bad time, and as soon as life seemed good for a while he stopped caring. Then as recently life has been getting tough again he shucked it all off because it "wasn't doing anything to help" him, and he didn't want to waste any more of his time. He told me that last night as I told him one more time that being a Christian wasn't about getting something out of it, but about God and us doing our part to keep a good relationship with Him. He was too busy to look at pictures to make any more responses.
Would I trade it away? In a heart beat, as terrible as it sounds--but only if God Himself gave the blessing. I see nothing come of what I do here. I feel like Jeremiah, preaching to people I know not even Moses or Samuel's intervention can save. Every moment they are here they get more turned off from Christianity. Not, I must say, because we are being such terrible examples, but because I think they are seeing it for what it truly is for the first time in their lives and they hate it. At least with the luke warm they could have their fun and friends, but here they see their lives are pitted against the truth.
But I am here right now. That isn't going to change. Or even if it is soon, I can't plan that it will. I am here. That means I need to do my duty. It is not to the boys, or not directly, but to God. He might send me to them. But if they don't approve of what I am doing, or even if Mr. Boldman doesn't approve, it's okay. My duty is toward God. Right now He has me here. If after this He can say "well done, good and faithful servant," oh my eyes tear up at the thought. Oh, but that's tomorrow being said of today. I hope He has already said that, about past things, at the least, but today I need to be what He tells me to be. As He commands.
"I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall always be in my mouth.
My soul shall boast in the Lord;
Let the humble hear it and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:1-3
Well Photobucket is being a pain, so sorry Ruth, you are going to have to wait even longer.
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I hate how often I write something, only to find that after it is written it is either so obviously wrong or just inapplicable. Usually it is because I was writing about how my life is so miserable or what not and then the tone definitely changes to something that is easily called "grumbling and complaining". Now I know I am not Job, I have my share of problems, but they are definitely not on as large as scale as his. I sometimes think they are, but that is only because I lack perspective.
Tomorrow is another day. I hope it is as good as this one is. Actually I hope it is better, but I have to admit that today so far isn't bad.
Dealing with seven boys who think the world revolves around them, that they are here because of their parents and not their own foolish choices, that we mentors should be punished as they are and put on the same plane as them, and that we are to blame when they get into trouble is often taxing. Proverbs gets new meaning, especially the use of the word "fool". Most of the time I could submit their name into the verse and nod with agreement and understanding. "Like a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool to his folly." Yep, that is a good one. Mr. Boldman even loves that one so much that he usually quotes it at every graduation as a warning to the graduating boy. More than half the time I am sure that the boy won't heed it. Infact of the four boys who have graduated since I've been here, and two who have finished their studies here to continue with school I only can think of one who is avoiding his past folly.
On top of that I have no friends here. You know the thing I love most about you guys? The ability to do nothing and enjoy each other's company doing it. Here it seems the cry is "entertain me!" and if you are not they complain about nothing to do. Even the other Mentors and guys at the church seem like they are always on the move. They have lives of their own. I mean they all have lives here, and are from around or at least been in the area for a couple years, with only one exception, and he has relatives here. It's understandable, perfectly reasonable to be honest. I don't even fit in that well with their friends so it isn't that big.
Anyways...I could list the many things I am having trouble with in this place. Not having anyone to hang out with, no real sanctuary to relax in. It is a constant challenge to keep things in perspective. I beg God for a reason to be here, and just as often for the chance to go home--for a reason not to be here, for an excuse to leave. I know that the toughest part is Future Men itself. Without that most of my headaches and hassles would go away. I mean even if I were to leave I know I would stay in the area for a couple months at least. Leave in time for Dan and Jane's wedding, but probably not before.
There is one thing I fully enjoy: construction. As odd as it sounds it is. Well except for the at work by seven, but that is just because I often am forced to be up later than eleven more often than not. The boy's bed time is ten (or "room time" technically), but even if we get them in their rooms by then I still have all my finishing things that I couldn't get done before because I was hanging out with the boys or trying to control them. Not only the brush your teeth, but with few exceptions any reading I want to do, including my personal Bible study. (That might change soon, but I am not going to count on it just yet.) So, getting up before six can often be a bit of a hassle with all that. But I would stay for construction because it allows for so much. I've been mostly doing cabinet installation, Paul the guy I work for did that for ten plus years before deciding to build entire houses. He figured I should get a specific aspect under my belt, one that is very lucrative if you get good at it. But I also have been part of his building houses. I have seen them go up from the foundation to the roof, and from framing to finish work. The feeling of going home after a full hard days work...well I don't exactly know. I don't consider myself anywhere near my home, or anyplace I could soon call home. Construction is in many ways more restful than that other place I work where I also sleep.
I do know the one thing I miss most here: companionship. I desire so badly someone who, as I said before, I can do nothing with and enjoy their company. Not that I only would want to do nothing with them, I hope that is obvious, you know how I love adventure. It's just that so much happens, even around the house, it seems like they can't sit still. If they are it won't be for long, because they will soon be complaining about how bored they are and usually complain about something they hate about one of the mentors (the one not currently around).
One of the boys left last night. He packed up his stuff into his car and left. He returned about 40 minutes later, after he had driven around and cooled off. He was the one though that I would have thought would have stuck through for anything. Honestly, he is not that bright. His name's Mark by the way. He's not that bright. He's seventeen and has trouble with algebra 1. It pains me so. He could be better, if 1) people had actually taught him the basics, like multiplication tables (he once told me seven squared was twenty one) and 2) if he actually tried to remember, and 3) didn't try to put his mistakes off on something else. He's blamed me for teaching him wrong on squaring negatives. I know I told him right, because it was one of those things that caught in my mind when I told him. One that I took a couple tries to explain to make sure he got it. "If the negative is inside the parenthesis then it gets squared to a positive. The answer is positive. You know, two negatives make a positive. If there are no parenthesis or the negative is outside then you don't square the negative and the answer is negative." Well, he got it wrong, blamed me for teaching him wrong. Algebra 1 is his last class before graduating. He needs it to get out, and he struggles through every problem. Well, when he decides to struggle and not give up. You know the worse thing? He wants to go to a technical college for a "heating and air" certificate. The entry requirements for that is algebra 2 and physics. It's what he wants to do with his life. A good career, I think, especially for someone like him. Or it could be. He wants it so bad, but he won't be committed to goals that will get him there. He wants to get through math, not understand it. That's why he left, actually. He didn't think he could graduate, and he also was mad at me and one of the other Mentors, Kaleb. Not so mad at me, more frustrated, but he doesn't get along with Kaleb. He also probably left because he wanted attention. With all the frustration about his math he wanted something to get his mind off of it, and the boy does love attention. I gave him mine as he was packing. I didn't want him to think I didn't care, or that nobody does. But I didn't involve anyone else. Heck I wasn't sure Mark wasn't serious, he probably thought he was at the time, but I didn't want a huge deal made out of it. No parade to see him off. He'd be less likely to come back in a couple days of sleeping in his car and eating almost nothing.
I love him to death though. The thing that pains me most about him? He "tried" Christianity, to see if it would help him. He first wanted it because he was going through a bad time, and as soon as life seemed good for a while he stopped caring. Then as recently life has been getting tough again he shucked it all off because it "wasn't doing anything to help" him, and he didn't want to waste any more of his time. He told me that last night as I told him one more time that being a Christian wasn't about getting something out of it, but about God and us doing our part to keep a good relationship with Him. He was too busy to look at pictures to make any more responses.
Would I trade it away? In a heart beat, as terrible as it sounds--but only if God Himself gave the blessing. I see nothing come of what I do here. I feel like Jeremiah, preaching to people I know not even Moses or Samuel's intervention can save. Every moment they are here they get more turned off from Christianity. Not, I must say, because we are being such terrible examples, but because I think they are seeing it for what it truly is for the first time in their lives and they hate it. At least with the luke warm they could have their fun and friends, but here they see their lives are pitted against the truth.
But I am here right now. That isn't going to change. Or even if it is soon, I can't plan that it will. I am here. That means I need to do my duty. It is not to the boys, or not directly, but to God. He might send me to them. But if they don't approve of what I am doing, or even if Mr. Boldman doesn't approve, it's okay. My duty is toward God. Right now He has me here. If after this He can say "well done, good and faithful servant," oh my eyes tear up at the thought. Oh, but that's tomorrow being said of today. I hope He has already said that, about past things, at the least, but today I need to be what He tells me to be. As He commands.
"I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall always be in my mouth.
My soul shall boast in the Lord;
Let the humble hear it and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together."
Psalm 34:1-3