(no subject)
Sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside of everything. I can't really explain it. But I feel that way sometimes. Like my friends are just putting up with me because they're nice people. I feel disconnected from people. Like concentric circles...within it all but never touching. There's this space. Maybe it's just because I'm busy a lot. I don't know. Maybe I just wish I had the sort of connection they seem to have with one another. Or maybe I'm just being maudlin. That last one is entirely possible.
I saw Zekke again today. That was a nice surprise. He was at the school and so was I, so we hung out until I had to get to rehearsal. Just sat by a tree in the park by the school and talked. It was nice. I say that a lot...and it's a rather apathetic descriptor, when you really think about it. But I really do like him. It's...oh lord, here we go again...nice to have that sort of connection with another person again. As much as I loved Sheena, the distance made it hard sometimes...a lot of the time if I'm being honest, and I try to be honest. At the same time though, I haven't had this sort of thing in so long that I'm constantly worried I'm going to fuck it up, which is silly, because it's not really anything to fuck up yet.
I feel like I'm going to be really just...not up for anything on Wednesday. Maybe I should just phone in sick to life. I don't know. It's weird how much it still hurts. It would have been a year. I need to stop dwelling.
Went by Cosmic Castle today. The store is a great place to go in the break between my classes. I saw Leslie there, which was nice. She was getting lunch with Rod. And I talked to Jeremy for a bit. I went by again before rehearsal and bought some new dice. They're really pretty. Red and white...well, more of a cream colour. I love new dice.
I don't know. Maybe I'm already feeling all meh. It just fucking sucks sometimes. I stand by my original thoughts on the matter. If two people love each other, they stay together. If they don't, they break up. Simple. Or maybe I'm more naive than I'd like to admit.
I really don't know. Just a whole lot of v.v feelings-wise. I hate when I feel like this. I just feel so fucking tired sometimes. But I do think I deserve to be happy...that's not too much to ask, really.
In other news? Actors still make me feel violent for the most part. I'm trying not to give in to the impulse to smack them with sticks.
I saw Zekke again today. That was a nice surprise. He was at the school and so was I, so we hung out until I had to get to rehearsal. Just sat by a tree in the park by the school and talked. It was nice. I say that a lot...and it's a rather apathetic descriptor, when you really think about it. But I really do like him. It's...oh lord, here we go again...nice to have that sort of connection with another person again. As much as I loved Sheena, the distance made it hard sometimes...a lot of the time if I'm being honest, and I try to be honest. At the same time though, I haven't had this sort of thing in so long that I'm constantly worried I'm going to fuck it up, which is silly, because it's not really anything to fuck up yet.
I feel like I'm going to be really just...not up for anything on Wednesday. Maybe I should just phone in sick to life. I don't know. It's weird how much it still hurts. It would have been a year. I need to stop dwelling.
Went by Cosmic Castle today. The store is a great place to go in the break between my classes. I saw Leslie there, which was nice. She was getting lunch with Rod. And I talked to Jeremy for a bit. I went by again before rehearsal and bought some new dice. They're really pretty. Red and white...well, more of a cream colour. I love new dice.
I don't know. Maybe I'm already feeling all meh. It just fucking sucks sometimes. I stand by my original thoughts on the matter. If two people love each other, they stay together. If they don't, they break up. Simple. Or maybe I'm more naive than I'd like to admit.
I really don't know. Just a whole lot of v.v feelings-wise. I hate when I feel like this. I just feel so fucking tired sometimes. But I do think I deserve to be happy...that's not too much to ask, really.
In other news? Actors still make me feel violent for the most part. I'm trying not to give in to the impulse to smack them with sticks.