Jul 02, 2014 12:20
Please, share a cuppa with me as I unwind my longish tale of Why I Am Misunderstood.
I think it's pertinent to address all the various and unfair attacks upon my person, where non-persons who are Nothing Like Me continue to natter on about me as if they knew me. Of course, they do not, so I will set the record straight, no?
Clearly, my spiritual, empathetic compassion and friendly aura have encouraged jackals to gather to bite and tear. They are the liars of the internet, suckling at my bleeding heart and it aches and hurts, my loves! How I have tried to ignore them (by deleting their comments) and go on (castigating them in print) without a moment's thought to retaliating on my own behalf (because that is what my feminine wiles are for--to rope in unsuspecting men to fight my battles, carry my baggage, and to defend me in all situations as they give me their valuables)! Being as I am La Mama Nutrizione, as long-suffering and as kind, as thoughtful, and as loving as La Madonna Mia, well! You can just imagine!
One would imagine the fans should be appreciative of what I have been doing for them, for ALL I do is For Them--For The Fans! I would bleed out ale and my flesh become Yorkshire pud if I could! Why, I give out little treats to my little pets, as well as provide transportation, I sing, I danse, and I pout my widdle duckface out for them (as I remake the entire back catalogue of another band's music so that I can claim ownership of everything) while I remain as stylish as any overage nonna in my form-fitting Goth clothing, beekeeper's veil, and my ample pizza mama bosom falling out into the front rows of the fans. What else do you ingrates desire of La Mama Nutrizone, ey?!?
The fact that my personal life has tended to eclipse that of all my bandmates is nothing evil or as insulting as 'illicit'; it is only my personality is SO BIG, it cannot help but takeover everything, no? Of course! If their wives or friends get in the way, then it is only that these little people have no understanding of what their men NEED, which is my gift in life. I know precisely what they need, and as soon as (I get it in my own bank account), I will be shown to be the deliverance (and somewhat compleatly clueless as well) of this band that we all love.
The truth is, I will be in the band until I have wrung every single thing from them, because it is absolutely certain that THAT IS what The True Fans of our band want and desire! I will also continue to delete, block, cancel, and destroy anything that stands in my way, including those actions of those Never-Official Ex-Members who have walked out and quit for no good reason! It is proof-positive that they had NO ISSUES with me (so long as I bounced my titties at them) and (they were so focused on my breasts that) they never complained one bit! Things might have been a little stressed at home as I (shouted at and browbeat my current lover over and over again) every night and weekend, but now I am the happy one to say: There is no longer anything but calm and powerful peace at my home, because (he knows who rules the roost now and he has supported my creating a situation so volatile and evil that ) those Ex-Members are now GONE! Arrivederci!!!
Those of you who say it's bad to have the romance with another member of the band do not understand how nurturing (jk) and valuable that can be. Try naming me a band that was not STRENGTHENED by such a thing! The Beatles? Well, I am not Yoko. No Doubt? Gwen deserved to become solo, she is so fashionable! White Stripes? ABBA? Culture Club? Evanescence? So, okay, most of these either broke up the BAND or the RELATIONSHIP, but I am such a witch, I can make these things WORK!
So do not attempt to reason with me. You are all obviously so in love and obsessed by La Mama Nutrizione you cannot help but read and watch and listen on all your multiple accounts!
You know you love me; I am as delicious as chocolate and my purposes twice as dark! I am the SPIRIT of this band, which is so much more than just being the lead singer or a musician in it, but it means I am TRANSCENDENTALLY, METAPHYSICALLY MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OTHER BAND MEMBER!! Get used to it!!!
La Mama Nutrizione
gigi,
tds,
dsr