[Fanfic] For Those Left Behind
For Those Left Behind
After graduation, Sakura makes a very big decision. As a result, Yue angsts. Touya is angsting and clueless. And Yukito decides to do something about it.
One: Changes
Sakura took several deep breaths to calm herself. She'd been working herself up to asking this for days, it wouldn't do to give up again.
But... Her brother...
She frowned, pausing over her food in despair. Her brother and Syaoran-kun still didn't get along, even now that she was almost grown up. She'd even graduated two weeks ago! Her brother had no right to be so mad...
"Stop stabbing at your rice like that," said her brother. She just knew he was readying some comment about monsters, and decided it was high time he got what he had coming to him.
"Otousan? Oniichan? Yukito-san? I have something to tell you."
The three males looked up from their meals to look at Sakura curiously. "Yes?" said her father, encouragingly.
"Well, since we've almost finished school now, Syaoran's been told he has to go back to Hong Kong after graduation --"
Touya scowled automatically at the mention of Sakura's boyfriend. She kicked him under the table.
"-- and I wanted to go with him."
Touya dropped his chopsticks. "WHAT?!"
"It'll only be for a year!" continued Sakura, hurriedly. "He just has some family business to sort out, since he's not at school any more! And... He wants me to meet his family," she trailed off uncertainly, feeling a blush rising in her cheeks.
Her brother opened his mouth as if to make some protest, so she gave her father her best hopeful look and trusted he would interrupt.
"I think it would be a wonderful experience," said her father, giving his son a significant glance.
Touya glowered at the plate in front of him.
"So, I can go?" said Sakura, ignoring her brother.
"Well, that depends on where you would be staying."
"Syaoran said he'd talk his family into letting me stay with them." She just knew she was blushing now but she had to clarify, lest her brother come to any false conclusions. "We'd be in separate rooms, of course," she added, hurriedly.
Touya went scarlet.
Her father just smiled. "You know you'll have to get a visa and everything, don't you?" he asked.
Sakura nodded. "I asked Syaoran about all that. He had to go through it to live here."
"Well, if you're sure you want to, I don't see why you shouldn't go. We'll miss you, of course. But Syaoran-kun is a nice boy and I trust him to look after you," he added, giving his son another look, this time more concerned. "And you're old enough to make your own decisions about what's the best thing to do," he added.
"I'd miss all of you, too," said Sakura, smiling brightly in the face of her brother's anger.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Yukito take Touya's hand from where it was clenched on the tabletop and caress it gently. He bent over to murmur something into Touya's ear, and then bowed politely over the food before making for the stairs.
Touya followed silently.
~ * ~
As soon as they were in Touya's room with the door shut, he lost it. "I can't believe she's going to Hong Kong to live with that brat for an entire year!"
Yukito put a calming hand on his friend's shoulder.
"I mean, who does he think he is, that he can just take her away, out of the country even..." He was so angry, he could barely think.
"He left his country to be with her," Yukito reminded him, gently.
Touya snorted. "And now he expects her to return the favour?"
"If I had to leave the country for a year, wouldn't you come with me?" asked Yukito, looking slightly hurt.
Touya stared at him. Yukito wasn't the type to lay on guilt trips, so he must really feel strongly about this.
"Because Sakura-chan loves Syaoran-kun very much and I'm sure she'd be very miserable if they had to be separated for so long, especially since they already spent so much time apart," continued Yukito, softly. "I know I'd be miserable if I couldn't see the one I loved..."
"Oh, Yuki," said Touya, flopping down onto the bed. "You know I love you. It's just... just..."
"You," said Yukito, pausing for dramatic effect, "have a sister complex." Yukito sat down beside Touya and looked down at him indulgently. "You really should get over that some day."
Touya groaned. "I don't want her to go. I can't help that." She was his beloved little sister, he was supposed to protect her. He wouldn't be able to do that any more if she wasn't in the country.
"Neither does your father, or I. But, Touya... the people we love as children grow up and develop their own lives. You can't be her sole protector forever, you know," Yukito continued, gentler this time.
He sighed, then frowned again. "I still don't like that brat."
Yukito laughed slightly. "You don't have to like him. Just be civil to him. And don't call him that in front of Sakura-chan."
Touya nodded obediently. "I'm still going to miss her, though," he added, petulantly.
"We all will." He smiled, suddenly. "Let me tell you what I know about them."
Touya raised his eyebrows, but sat back to listen.
"Li-kun," he said, "is so afraid to even touch her that half the time when they're together they don't even hold hands. Kerberos tells Yue that he thinks Li-kun is afraid that if he gets too close to her they'll be broken apart again, by someone. And Sakura doesn't notice, because for her, she has her Syaoran-kun back and nothing will ever, ever break them apart again. But you really don't have anything to worry about, because I think Li-kun would die before doing anything that would hurt her in any way imaginable."
"Well, good," said Touya, reaching over and pulling Yukito into a warm hug. He needed this, sometimes, just to know that Yukito was there and he wasn't going to disappear with the sunlight one of these days.
Yukito giggled as Touya found a spot and tickled it mercilessly. "It won't be for months yet. You'll even have time to start getting along with him," he teased, squirming.
"I don't think," he said, with a light kiss to his friend's nose, "there is any hope of that happening."
~ * ~
"So," Kero said as Sakura entered her room after finishing her call to Syaoran to tell him the news, "how did they react?"
She absently handed him a small portion of the dessert she had saved, and he squealed with delight. "Father seems fine with the idea. I'm not sure about my brother." She frowned, remembering the way he had looked at the dinner table.
Kero shrugged, busily gobbling down pudding. "I'm sure he'll come around." He flew up to her face, plate now empty. "Are you sure you want to do it?"
"Yes! Of course! I want to be with Syaoran," she said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"Hong Kong's very different from here, though," said Kero.
"Syaoran came over here for me," said Sakura, stubbornly. "I want to see where he comes from."
"Fine, fine..." He held up his paws in resignation. "But you're taking me with you. I'm not staying here on my own." He stood up. "Besides, I'm your Guardian, the mighty Seal Beast Kerberos. I have to come along."
A thought occurred to her. "But oniichan and Yukito-san --"
"-- Are completely wrapped up in each other."
"And Yue-san?" she asked, triumphantly.
Kero paused. "Yue's not going to be happy," he said, darkly.
That wasn't the answer she was looking for. Sakura looked distressed. "But I can't take Yue-san with me as well!"
"No, I suppose not." Though he would never admit it, the only way she could get Kero along would be by pretending he was a stuffed toy. "But you should talk to him," he continued.
"I will," promised Sakura, picking up the phone and dialing Tomoyo's number. She just felt like having a long, girlish chat with her best friend.
Predictably, Tomoyo was delighted by the news. "It's just like a fairy-tale romance," she gushed.
"But I'll be leaving you and Naoko-chan and Chiharu-chan and Rika-chan..."
Tomoyo was silent for a moment. "We'll miss you, of course, but I promise to forgive you if..."
"If?" she asked, worried.
"If you promise to get married as soon as you get back to Japan!"
Sakura almost fell off her bed. "T-T-Tomoyo-chan..."
"I'll make your dress for you, of course! And the bridesmaid's ones to match." Sakura could practically see her friend's eyes sparkling in delight. "Goodness, I think I'll need a year! Sakura-chan deserves the perfect dress for her wedding!"
Sakura tactfully turned the conversation onto school-related matters, and then less-tactfully onto how Tomoyo needed to find someone to make her happy. The phone conversation ended not long after that.
"And now," said Kero-chan, dramatically, "you are going to get some rest. I know you were up all night stressing about this conversation last night."
"Hai," said Sakura, meekly. Sleep, at least, was not long in coming.
She woke sometime in the middle of the night with the feeling that something was wrong. Yawning, she made her way downstairs to get a drink of water from the kitchen.
Moonlight streamed through the windows, illuminating the winged figure sitting at the kitchen table.
"Yue-san!" she said, surprised.
He gave her a slightly wounded look. "You're leaving?" he asked, quietly.
Sakura forgot about her glass of water. Wordlessly, she nodded.
"Why?"
"Because I've found my special person. And I don't want to be apart from him."
"I don't want you to go," he said, softly.
"I'll be back. It's only a year, Yue-san. I'm not going away forever," she said, doing her best to comfort him. Inwardly, she was panicking. She'd never been good with dealing with Yue's moods, and this time he was upset with something she had done!
A small noise alerted her to the fact that something was coming down the stairs. She turned around to see Kerberos pad into the room, tail swishing. "Get over it, Yue," he said, irritably.
"What?!" said Yue, sticking his nose up in an afronted manner.
"Clow was twisted to begin with. He deserted us. He doesn't deserve to be moped over."
"Kero-chan!" exclaimed Sakura. Kerberos ignored her.
"Sakura isn't deserting you. She's just going away for a bit."
"But she's taking you with her," said Yue, sounding hurt. Sakura didn't even question how he knew that.
"That's because you're needed more here."
Yue looked down. "Am I?"
"Yes!" said Sakura, enthusiastically. "Oniichan needs you. And not just because of Yukito-san."
"Because I'm teaching him how to use his power," said Yue, logically.
"Yes! I mean, no! Not just that. Because you're friends, and he loves you."
"Touya is in love with Yukito."
"Oniichan loves you very much. He's just too afraid to say it," said Sakura, positively.
Yue just looked doubtful.
"And I love you too, Yue-san. You're a very good friend." The Moon Guardian glanced at her. She smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek impishly. "I told you we'd be great friends, didn't I?"
Yue was silent, but she could tell he was really pleased, in his heart.
~ * ~
Two: Farewell
Several months later, all Yue could do was stare at Touya in disbelief. "You want me to what?"
"Yuki and I thought it would be nice for you to come with father and I to see Sakura off. But you can't go wearing that."
Yue looked down at his robes. "What's wrong with my clothing?"
"It'll make you stand out too much. Like the wings." Touya pointed towards the bathroom. "Yuki's picked out some clothes for you to wear. Go in there and get changed into them."
With a long-suffering look, the Moon Guardian obeyed.
Approximately five minutes later, Touya knocked on the door. "Are you done?"
"I look silly," said Yue, opening the door.
Touya almost stopped breathing. He closed his eyes, and then opened them again. Still no change.
Yukito had apparently picked out a pair of black jeans and a loose mauve top. Yue was at that moment hovering about two feet above the ground in order to keep his freed hair from trailing on the floor.
Touya was prevented from saying anything by the distinctive sound of Sakura thumping up the stairs. "Oniichan! Are you..." She stopped. "Yue-san, are you coming too?"
Yue glanced at her, and nodded.
"You look very pretty," she said, bouncing lightly on her toes. "What are you going to do with your hair?" she added, curiously.
"My hair?" said Yue. He put a hand to it protectively.
Sakura frowned in thought. "I know!" she announced, dashing off in the direction of her bedroom.
Touya and Yue looked at each other in bemusement.
"Here!" said Sakura, skidding to a stop in front of the bathroom again. In her hands, she held a loose black hat, in a style rather like a beret. "Tuck some of it up under this, then it won't trail so low."
Yue took the hat, and stared at it blankly.
"Here, I'll do it for you," said Sakura, entering the room and perching on the bench so she could reach. "Like this." She tucked up the hair until it reached the backs of his knees, and then grabbed some more ties to tidy up the rest of the loose hair.
Yue blinked into the mirror. "I look silly," he said again.
"You look very nice," said Sakura.
The Moon Guardian turned to Touya, helplessly. Touya looked determinedly at his watch. "I think we have to leave now," he said, firmly.
Sakura looked at her own watch and turned pale. "Otousan!" she yelled, thudding down the stairs. "We have to go!"
Touya shrugged, and tugged Yue along by the arm. "Come on, Yue."
Fujitaka gave Yue a slightly amused look when he sat in the car. "You're coming to see her off too, are you?"
Yue simply nodded. Touya seated himself on the backseat beside him, moving one of Sakura's carrybags onto the floor to clear some room. "Just remember to keep your feet on the ground, okay?" he said, leaning back casually.
Yue looked down at the floor, then back at Touya.
"When we're walking," he clarified, unnecessarily. Yue knew perfectly well what he meant.
When they reached the airport, the three males helped Sakura lift all her bags onto a trolley, and then she and Fujitaka went to check her in and meet Syaoran. Yue and Touya hung back in the waiting area.
One of the security guards gave Yue a very odd look as he walked by. The Moon Guardian fixed him with his trademark cold look, causing and the man backed away quickly, eyes wide with shock. Yue blinked in confusion.
Touya put a hand on Yue's arm. "It's your eyes," he murmured. He looked around the various stores until he found one with what he wanted. He walked over went inside, returning a few minutes later with something in a little black case.
"Here, put these on," he said, opening the case.
Yue took the wire objects. "Glasses?" he said, frowning. "But they're blue."
"They're fashion sunglasses. They'll stop people noticing your eyes."
Yue put the glasses on and glanced at Touya. "Better?"
Touya could only nod. He didn't trust himself to speak.
By then, it was almost time for Sakura and Syaoran to board the plane, and Touya still hadn't quite adjusted to the fact that he wouldn't see his little sister for months. He gave Syaoran a look that clearly read, "I still don't like you, but you're the only one I can trust to look after my little sister in a new country, so I'm going to let her go with you."
"Last call for the 1:15 to Hong Kong!"
Sakura grabbed at her backpack and flung it over her shoulder, giving her father a big hug. Fujitaka smiled. "Take care, okay? We'll miss you."
Touya gave her a small smile himself, although his heart was aching. "Don't stomp on anyone's feet, kaijuu."
"Oooh," said Sakura, frustrated. She stepped lightly on his toe, just for good measure, and used it as a lever-up to give her brother a similar hug.
She then gave a very surprised Yue another hug and a light kiss on the cheek. "I'll write, okay?" she told the three of them.
And then she was gone. Touya drew a shaky breath.
"I have to get back to the University," said Fujitaka. "Are you two right to get back home, or do you want a lift?"
"We can catch the bus," said Touya. "We'll be fine."
"Touya," asked Yue, when Fujitaka had left, "why are you so mean to Sakura?"
Touya shrugged. "Habit." He walked purposely in the direction of a nearby café, causing Yue to hurry to catch up with him. "Ice cream?" asked Touya, gesturing to the numerous tubs behind the glass of the display.
"I don't eat," said Yue.
"Don't, or can't?"
Yue paused. "Don't."
Touya ordered a chocolate cone for himself, and then a vanilla one. "Try one. You might like it."
Yue frowned. "I think you are confusing me with Yukito."
"If I was confusing you with Yuki, I would have ordered three more cones. Just try it, okay?"
With a very reluctant air, Yue took the icecream from Touya's hand and stared at it blankly until he noticed what Touya was doing with it. Trying to be as delicate as possible, he took a tentative lick at it.
"Cold," he said, surprised. He took another lick, hesitantly.
Touya smirked. "You have icecream on your chin." He refused to think about how much he wanted to lick it away, and presented the Moon Guardian with a napkin instead.
Yue didn't look impressed with being teased like that, but continued to lick away at the icecream until it was all gone.
"You're supposed to eat the cone, too, you know," said Touya.
Yue presented him with the empty wafer, folding his arms affrontedly.
Touya sighed, wrapped it in a spare napkin and put it in the bin. "Want to go home now?" he asked.
The Moon Guardian nodded.
The Kinomoto home seemed very empty when they got back.
~ * ~
Three: Loneliness
"Otousan," said Touya over breakfast a few weeks later. "Yuki and I were thinking... Um... Since Sakura has gone and Yue can't be close to her any more, and Yuki's place is currently just a tax magnet..."
"You two wanted to move out?"
Touya looked down. "Yes. It's not that I don't love living here with my family, it's just..."
"You're in your mid-twenties, practically married and want a place of your own?" His father smiled. "I don't mind."
"You won't be lonely?" The house would be reduced from having four occupants to having one, after all - assuming he didn't count his mother's ghost, whom he saw around far more often than he thought strictly necessary. He couldn't help worrying about his father, sometimes.
His father smiled, sunnily. "I won't be lonely, Touya-kun. You know how often I'm away or out late, anyway. I don't get to spend as much time with you as I could anyway. Just so long as you come around for dinner occasionally, right?"
"Of course I will," he promised. "Yuki and I wouldn't want to miss your cooking for the world."
They arranged the move for the Saturday after next. The house needed to be dusted and rearranged slightly to account for the non-existence of Yukito's family.
Yukito confessed that it would be somewhat strange to be sleeping in the room and bed he'd always thought belonged to his grandparents, so they splashed out and bought a new double bed, along with redecorating the room considerably.
"It's our room now," Yuki proclaimed, when they were done.
Touya kissed him.
~ * ~
They'd been intending to watch a movie on their first night together in their house. But somehow they just got distracted and ended up making out on the bed. The only real advantage of having a second television in the bedroom, Yukito supposed, was that the only place to watch it comfortably was sitting on the bed.
He was very graciously letting Touya be dominant, just enjoying the feel of soft lips against his, tongue lightly tickling his own... Touya gently pushed him down so they were lying back on the bed, taking the kiss even deeper.
Sometimes he thought he could just lie here, kissing Touya like this, for days on end. He wondered how they'd got through so long a time, being simply best friends, without collapsing into bed with each other until the very end of their high school years. Not that bed had anything to do with how much they loved each other.
Well, maybe it did. This beautiful, overwhelming feeling couldn't come from just anybody, surely. Just his To-ya, whom he loved more than anything else in the world, and who only had to smile to make Yuki want to forget the rest of the world and just be his.
He could feel Yue in the back of his mind, determinedly thinking about Something Else and trying to pretend he wasn't hopelessly in love with Touya as well. Yukito resolved to do something about that.
Just as soon as he could think properly again.
Which could be a while.
Later, when it was over and he was lying snuggled tightly next to his beloved To-ya, his thoughts returned to the elusive Moon Guardian. He had become very comfortable with his dual identity, and was starting to realise things about his own place in Clow's creation.
He was, he knew, somewhat lacking in some aspects.
Yue didn't agree with him and told him so, huffily. He never missed a chance to point out when Yukito was being unreasonable about something.
But he was, Yukito protested. He knew his own mind well, now. He was endlessly kind and patient, if occasionally mischevious, and slow to anger and sadness. Yue, he knew, was the complete opposite.
Touya needed Yue just as much as he needed Yukito because Yue was everything Yukito wasn't.
Now, all he needed was to convince To-ya of that.
Yue thought the idea was ridiculous, because as far as he was concerned Touya was in love with Yukito and that was that. As for Yukito, he knew Touya's heart better than Touya did himself, and he was certain Touya wasn't as indifferent to Yue as the moon guardian thought.
Yue was, oddly enough, an insecure person. All of Yukito's insecurites had melted and been replaced by an overwhelming love, but Yue's heart was harder than that.
Yukito had never been hurt by love. Yue had. Yue was afraid. Yukito didn't understand that kind of fear. This was the way it was.
It distressed him.
Yue would rather anything than have Yukito in pain. Grudgingly, hesitantly, and not without a little anxiety, he agreed to talk with Touya.
Yukito smiled, and cuddled closer to his beloved. The world was going to become even more perfect.
~ * ~
"Anou, To-ya..." said Yukito, with a kiss to his friend's neck.
"Yes, Yuki?" asked Touya, sleepily.
Yukito sat up slowly, blankets pooling in his lap. Sensing this was likely to be a serious conversation, Touya sat up as well, pulling Yukito around so that he could rest his head on his friend's shoulder.
"I was hoping we could talk seriously for a bit. "
Touya blinked at him. He wondered where this was going to. "What did you want to talk about?"
Yukito blushed slightly. "I know... I've come to understand quite a lot about myself and Yue. And he loves you. Just as much as I love you. Did you know that?"
He hadn't known. He'd always presumed Yue was as aloof as he acted and that the moon guardian saw him merely as... not quite a friend, but more than an aquaintance. Perhaps a student. Touya stared at Yukito, surprised. "But... I thought he loved..."
"Clow," said Yukito. "The magician who created him... us," he corrected himself. The mistake was a common one. Yukito had confided to him once that even knowing his memories were false, it was hard to think of Clow as his creator.
"Yuki..." said Touya, thinking that Yukito was still somewhat insecure about his identity, even after all this time.
"It's okay. I understand, now, what we are to each other."
"We? You and Yue, you mean?"
Yukito nodded. "Sakura-chan said we were the same, but we're not, really. We share a soul, but our personalities are different. He is everything I am not, and I am what he isn't. Yue is the serious side, the side that knows pain, and anger, and sorrow... But I am the side that knows happiness, what it is to smile, to laugh, to have fun. Neither of us could survive without the other, because without the other we are not a whole person.
"Kerberos's false form doesn't have the same personality difference that Yue and I do. We think it may have happened by accident - when splitting into an earthly form and an unearthly form, the personality was split as well. But Yue doesn't know how or why it would have happened.
"And... Yue is sad, To-ya. He's so very lonely, because he loves you, but when you look at us you only see me..."
That wasn't entirely true. Sometimes, when Yue was training him in the use of his newfound powers, he would catch himself wondering what sorrow it was that darkened the guardian's eyes. He'd realised Yue was lonely, but he had presumed it was due to missing his Master. Touya could never quite bring himself to approach Yue on the suject. The moon guardian held himself so aloof as to make himself almost untouchable.
And Touya was shy to begin with.
"And since Sakura's been gone," continued Yukito, only then noticing Touya's distraction and trailing off into silence.
"He misses her, doesn't he?" said Touya. He knew exactly how Yue felt.
"Will you talk to him, To-ya? I want Yue to know what I feel..."
Touya grunted. "Just so long as he doesn't want you to know what he feels." He didn't ever want to see Yukito sad like Yue so often seemed.
Yukito laughed. "He just wants us both to be happy. He would never want to hurt me."
"And will you be?"
"If he is? Of course."
He sighed. "All right then. I'll talk to him."
"Great!" said Yukito, happily. "Thank you very much, To-ya," he added, leaning forward for a kiss. Touya pulled him close and held him tightly. Next thing he knew, the figure he was holding was much thinner and the room was half taken up by huge white wings.
Yue pulled away from him and brushed himself down. He regarded Touya with an even gaze.
Touya returned the look, wondering what he was supposed to say.
The two sat there, gazing at each other in silence, for a good ten minutes or so. Touya was trying to figure out how he felt about Yukito's true form - whether the ache in his heart when he saw the distance in Yue's eyes was due to friendship and a desire for his approval, or something deeper.
Lost in thought, it took him several moments before Touya realised Yukito was back. He looked somewhat... exasperated?
"Let's just go to sleep, Touya,"said Yukito, slipping back under the sheets.
"What?!" said Touya, astonished.
"Sleep," repeated Yukito patiently. "We'll discuss it later, okay?" he continued, tugging on Touya's hand gently.
"Okay..." he said, doubtfully.
Yukito kissed him, which was all the encouragement he needed to obey.
~ * ~
Yukito wanted very much to understand what Yue's life had been like, what pain would cause him to be so withdrawn in the presence of one that he loved.
Sometimes, when he dreamt, he was back where he had lived with Clow. Sometimes he was there in spirit watching Yue and Clow interact, other times he was Yue, feeling his joy and sadness as one. The sensation of being joined like that, no longer two people, was disorienting yet somehow beautiful.
Yue's master had been kind and gentle, and Yue had adored him beyond measure. The happiest moments in his dreams were when he and Clow were alone, and his master would talk to him. It didn't matter what about - whatever topic had taken Clow's fancy at the moment was infinitely of interest to Yue.
Yet tonight, it seemed Yukito was alone in the house. He wandered through, opening doors and calling for someone to come to him until it became painfully obvious that there was no one there to come.
Of all the dreams he had had of the past, this dream was hurting the most. So this was loneliness. This was what it was like to have no one left, no one to love, no one to hold...
The entire house was empty. He was alone, so alone, he wanted someone to talk to but there was nobody there, everyone was gone... Everyone was...
He felt himself gathered in a tight hold, tears brushed away by gentle fingers.
"I never meant for you to see this," came a soft whisper. "This is not right for you."
He rested his head on Yue's shoulder, holding him tightly. "This isn't right for you, either. Neither of us has the need to be lonely."
Yue gave a long, drawn out sigh. "This is my dream. He has my power. I will call him here."
~ * ~
Four: Conciliation
Touya was in front of a house. It was a Western style house, with dark wooden beams set against creamy walls. Tudor, he thought the style was called. At any rate, it certainly didn't look like he was anywhere in Japan.
He looked around him curiously. The entire area seemed completely devoid of modern conveniences. He saw no telephone lines, no power cables, no car parked out on the road - which, he noted, was not bitumen.
Not knowing anything else to do, he walked up to the door and knocked on it.
After about a minute it opened. Yukito gave him a small smile and hugged him tightly. "You came!" After a moment, he pulled away, grabbing Touya's hand and leading him through the house. Their destination appeared to be towards the back of the house, behind an intricately panelled door of burnished timber.
Yukito opened the door for him, and indicated that he go first. Bemused, Touya entered the room to see... Yue.
Yukito closed the door behind him and moved to sit in one of the chairs. Completely confused now, Touya took another one. Yue sat down on the bed, carefully arranging his robes and hair so that it wasn't being pulled on.
"Um..." said Touya. "Where am I?"
"This is a dream," said Yukito, quietly. "This is Yue's dream."
"The countryside doesn't look like anywhere in Japan," observed Touya, curiously.
"It's England," said Yue, quietly. "This is where I lived with my Master."
This was Clow's house, then. Touya wasn't entirely sure when Clow had lived, but it appeared it was in a time before electricity and telephones were widespread, or perhaps even invented.
For the first time, he found himself wondering exactly how old Yue was. If he'd been alone ever since Clow's 'death', and Clow had lived this long ago... The thought hurt him, deep inside.
"Do you miss him?" said Touya, curiously. A second later he wanted to kick himself. Of course Yue missed him. He already knew that.
Yue's eyes were distant. "Not so much as I used to," he said eventually. "I have... other things to focus on, now."
Yukito was watching the pair of them intently. Touya wondered what he was waiting for. He was talking with Yue, right? And that was what Yukito had wanted.
They fell into silence again. After several minutes of this, Yukito stood up. "To-ya. Yue. I'd wanted a way for us to be here together so we could sort this out for so long, and since he have a way, now," he turned expressive hazel eyes on Touya, "Please, To-ya..."
Touya blinked at him, once again confused.
Yukito turned to Yue, who just gave his false form a flat gaze, as if he thought this was a Very Bad Idea and that Yukito was just wasting his time trying.
Trying what? Touya wondered.
Yukito sighed. "Look, I can say it." He turned back to Touya. "Touya, I love you."
Touya started, then glanced past Yukito to Yue, who was looking vaguely hurt.
"Oh, Yue..." said Yukito, turning to his other form. "I love you too, don't you know?"
Yue's expression shifted into one of shock before resolving back into it's usual regal look. "Why?" he asked, softly, not quite managing to keep the surprise out of his voice.
"Because you're loyal," said Touya, without thinking. "You've a kind heart underneath, you're thoughtful, you have a sense of justice and fairness most people should take note of." In dreams, one often says things one wouldn't usually say.
"To-ya!" said Yukito, sounding surprised but pleased.
Touya looked away, embarrassed. Unfortunately for him, looking away from Yukito caused his eyes to meet with an intense violet gaze.
"Is that... how you feel?" said Yue, glancing at Yukito, who appeared to be encouraging him in some way.
Touya nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
Yue closed his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered.
Yukito cleared his throat meaningfully.
Yue's eyes snapped open again. He glanced at Touya, slightly panicky. "I... I feel something for you, too."
Touya smiled weakly. "It's okay, Yue, I know how hard it is to say."
Yukito sighed. "You do understand though, don't you, that I want us all to be happy? And this," he made a wide gesture that encircled all of them, "was not working."
Touya stared at the moon guardian, a suspicion beginning to enter his mind. "Yue... how long have you felt like this?"
Yue blinked. "I don't know. A long time."
Touya frowned. "When we spoke that night after Yukito 'confessed'?"
"I didn't know you very well then." Yue shrugged, gracefully.
"And when you gave me my power back?" he asked.
Yue was silent.
Touya rubbed his head. He began to see why Yukito had been so insistent on sorting this 'issue' out.
For his part, Yukito was beginning to look somewhat frustrated. "Oh, you two... You can kiss, you know. I don't mind."
Touya almost fell off his chair.
Yukito made a small, exasperated noise and stepped over to Yue. "Like this," he said, in a soft, husky tone that was very familiar to Touya. Then he slipped his arms around Yue's neck and kissed him, settling comfortably on the angel's lap.
Yue's eyes widened for a moment, before he closed them and seemed to relax into the embrace.
He should have been jealous. But this was Yue. He'd just all but admitted to being in love with Yukito's other form as well as the adorable little snow bunny. And once he got over his shock, Touya began to feel it was possibly one of the most beautiful things he'd seen in a long time.
After what seemed like far too long, Yukito stood up again, taking Yue by the hand and gently pulling him off the bed and to his feet. The moon guardian seemed somewhat dazed. Yukito gently took Touya's hand in his other one, thus drawing the three of them closer together. Then he moved his hands to their backs and pushed, not gently, so that they practically fell into each other's arms.
Yue looked up at Touya, startled. Touya tried to force himself to breathe.
"Yue, I..." Coherent thought was leaving him. "Oh..." He gave up. There didn't seem to be any reasons left to fight it.
They kissed for the first time, standing together in the memory of a room belonging to a house long ago destroyed. They kissed deep, and long, and it lasted much longer than Touya had thought possible without having to break apart to breathe. But maybe it only felt like forever.
When they finally broke apart, Yukito wrapped his arms around the two of them, one arm per waist, and kissed them each on the cheek. "I love you," he said, the 'you' most definitely plural.
Touya felt the dream begin to dissolve, and he fell back into deep slumber.
~ * ~
Touya woke the next morning feeling somewhat lightheaded - and cold. He was alone in the bed and the sheets had half slipped off, which would explain the temperature difference.
Slightly puzzled, he got up. He could hear sounds from the kitchen and, extending his Power, felt the light presence of... Yue?
The long-haired spirit was standing in front of the bench, gazing at the electric kettle with a somewhat puzzled expression.
Touya slipped past him and quickly managed to ascertain Yue's problem. "You have to turn it on at the wall first," he said, helpfully.
Yue started, and for a moment Touya could have sworn he blushed. "Clow always boiled water on the fireplace," said Yue, sounding more like he was passing judgement than offering excuses.
"Yue..." said Touya, putting a hand on the spirit's shoulder. Yue turned to face him. Touya looked down again. Eventually, he decided that actions spoke louder than words and that he should just show Yue what he was feeling. He gently took both the spirit's hands in his and brought them up to his heart.
Yue moved closer and pressed his lips against Touya's cheek, then against his neck in a gesture that was becoming increasingly familiar to Touya. He released Yue's hands and pulled the spirit into a tight hug.
It wasn't the first time they'd hugged.
But it was the first time they both meant it as a completely conscious gesture of acknowledged love.
~ * ~
Epilogue
The phone rang. Touya picked it up. "Moshi moshi."
"Congratulations!"
He regarded the bench in front of him suspiciously. "What for?" The voice seemed vaguely familiar...
"Getting through to Yue. It took him long enough to get over it --"
Touya hung up.
"Who was that?" asked Yukito, curiously.
"Wrong number," said Touya, flatly.
Yukito blinked at him. Touya moved over and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Just forget about it."
After graduation, Sakura makes a very big decision. As a result, Yue angsts. Touya is angsting and clueless. And Yukito decides to do something about it.
One: Changes
Sakura took several deep breaths to calm herself. She'd been working herself up to asking this for days, it wouldn't do to give up again.
But... Her brother...
She frowned, pausing over her food in despair. Her brother and Syaoran-kun still didn't get along, even now that she was almost grown up. She'd even graduated two weeks ago! Her brother had no right to be so mad...
"Stop stabbing at your rice like that," said her brother. She just knew he was readying some comment about monsters, and decided it was high time he got what he had coming to him.
"Otousan? Oniichan? Yukito-san? I have something to tell you."
The three males looked up from their meals to look at Sakura curiously. "Yes?" said her father, encouragingly.
"Well, since we've almost finished school now, Syaoran's been told he has to go back to Hong Kong after graduation --"
Touya scowled automatically at the mention of Sakura's boyfriend. She kicked him under the table.
"-- and I wanted to go with him."
Touya dropped his chopsticks. "WHAT?!"
"It'll only be for a year!" continued Sakura, hurriedly. "He just has some family business to sort out, since he's not at school any more! And... He wants me to meet his family," she trailed off uncertainly, feeling a blush rising in her cheeks.
Her brother opened his mouth as if to make some protest, so she gave her father her best hopeful look and trusted he would interrupt.
"I think it would be a wonderful experience," said her father, giving his son a significant glance.
Touya glowered at the plate in front of him.
"So, I can go?" said Sakura, ignoring her brother.
"Well, that depends on where you would be staying."
"Syaoran said he'd talk his family into letting me stay with them." She just knew she was blushing now but she had to clarify, lest her brother come to any false conclusions. "We'd be in separate rooms, of course," she added, hurriedly.
Touya went scarlet.
Her father just smiled. "You know you'll have to get a visa and everything, don't you?" he asked.
Sakura nodded. "I asked Syaoran about all that. He had to go through it to live here."
"Well, if you're sure you want to, I don't see why you shouldn't go. We'll miss you, of course. But Syaoran-kun is a nice boy and I trust him to look after you," he added, giving his son another look, this time more concerned. "And you're old enough to make your own decisions about what's the best thing to do," he added.
"I'd miss all of you, too," said Sakura, smiling brightly in the face of her brother's anger.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Yukito take Touya's hand from where it was clenched on the tabletop and caress it gently. He bent over to murmur something into Touya's ear, and then bowed politely over the food before making for the stairs.
Touya followed silently.
~ * ~
As soon as they were in Touya's room with the door shut, he lost it. "I can't believe she's going to Hong Kong to live with that brat for an entire year!"
Yukito put a calming hand on his friend's shoulder.
"I mean, who does he think he is, that he can just take her away, out of the country even..." He was so angry, he could barely think.
"He left his country to be with her," Yukito reminded him, gently.
Touya snorted. "And now he expects her to return the favour?"
"If I had to leave the country for a year, wouldn't you come with me?" asked Yukito, looking slightly hurt.
Touya stared at him. Yukito wasn't the type to lay on guilt trips, so he must really feel strongly about this.
"Because Sakura-chan loves Syaoran-kun very much and I'm sure she'd be very miserable if they had to be separated for so long, especially since they already spent so much time apart," continued Yukito, softly. "I know I'd be miserable if I couldn't see the one I loved..."
"Oh, Yuki," said Touya, flopping down onto the bed. "You know I love you. It's just... just..."
"You," said Yukito, pausing for dramatic effect, "have a sister complex." Yukito sat down beside Touya and looked down at him indulgently. "You really should get over that some day."
Touya groaned. "I don't want her to go. I can't help that." She was his beloved little sister, he was supposed to protect her. He wouldn't be able to do that any more if she wasn't in the country.
"Neither does your father, or I. But, Touya... the people we love as children grow up and develop their own lives. You can't be her sole protector forever, you know," Yukito continued, gentler this time.
He sighed, then frowned again. "I still don't like that brat."
Yukito laughed slightly. "You don't have to like him. Just be civil to him. And don't call him that in front of Sakura-chan."
Touya nodded obediently. "I'm still going to miss her, though," he added, petulantly.
"We all will." He smiled, suddenly. "Let me tell you what I know about them."
Touya raised his eyebrows, but sat back to listen.
"Li-kun," he said, "is so afraid to even touch her that half the time when they're together they don't even hold hands. Kerberos tells Yue that he thinks Li-kun is afraid that if he gets too close to her they'll be broken apart again, by someone. And Sakura doesn't notice, because for her, she has her Syaoran-kun back and nothing will ever, ever break them apart again. But you really don't have anything to worry about, because I think Li-kun would die before doing anything that would hurt her in any way imaginable."
"Well, good," said Touya, reaching over and pulling Yukito into a warm hug. He needed this, sometimes, just to know that Yukito was there and he wasn't going to disappear with the sunlight one of these days.
Yukito giggled as Touya found a spot and tickled it mercilessly. "It won't be for months yet. You'll even have time to start getting along with him," he teased, squirming.
"I don't think," he said, with a light kiss to his friend's nose, "there is any hope of that happening."
~ * ~
"So," Kero said as Sakura entered her room after finishing her call to Syaoran to tell him the news, "how did they react?"
She absently handed him a small portion of the dessert she had saved, and he squealed with delight. "Father seems fine with the idea. I'm not sure about my brother." She frowned, remembering the way he had looked at the dinner table.
Kero shrugged, busily gobbling down pudding. "I'm sure he'll come around." He flew up to her face, plate now empty. "Are you sure you want to do it?"
"Yes! Of course! I want to be with Syaoran," she said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"Hong Kong's very different from here, though," said Kero.
"Syaoran came over here for me," said Sakura, stubbornly. "I want to see where he comes from."
"Fine, fine..." He held up his paws in resignation. "But you're taking me with you. I'm not staying here on my own." He stood up. "Besides, I'm your Guardian, the mighty Seal Beast Kerberos. I have to come along."
A thought occurred to her. "But oniichan and Yukito-san --"
"-- Are completely wrapped up in each other."
"And Yue-san?" she asked, triumphantly.
Kero paused. "Yue's not going to be happy," he said, darkly.
That wasn't the answer she was looking for. Sakura looked distressed. "But I can't take Yue-san with me as well!"
"No, I suppose not." Though he would never admit it, the only way she could get Kero along would be by pretending he was a stuffed toy. "But you should talk to him," he continued.
"I will," promised Sakura, picking up the phone and dialing Tomoyo's number. She just felt like having a long, girlish chat with her best friend.
Predictably, Tomoyo was delighted by the news. "It's just like a fairy-tale romance," she gushed.
"But I'll be leaving you and Naoko-chan and Chiharu-chan and Rika-chan..."
Tomoyo was silent for a moment. "We'll miss you, of course, but I promise to forgive you if..."
"If?" she asked, worried.
"If you promise to get married as soon as you get back to Japan!"
Sakura almost fell off her bed. "T-T-Tomoyo-chan..."
"I'll make your dress for you, of course! And the bridesmaid's ones to match." Sakura could practically see her friend's eyes sparkling in delight. "Goodness, I think I'll need a year! Sakura-chan deserves the perfect dress for her wedding!"
Sakura tactfully turned the conversation onto school-related matters, and then less-tactfully onto how Tomoyo needed to find someone to make her happy. The phone conversation ended not long after that.
"And now," said Kero-chan, dramatically, "you are going to get some rest. I know you were up all night stressing about this conversation last night."
"Hai," said Sakura, meekly. Sleep, at least, was not long in coming.
She woke sometime in the middle of the night with the feeling that something was wrong. Yawning, she made her way downstairs to get a drink of water from the kitchen.
Moonlight streamed through the windows, illuminating the winged figure sitting at the kitchen table.
"Yue-san!" she said, surprised.
He gave her a slightly wounded look. "You're leaving?" he asked, quietly.
Sakura forgot about her glass of water. Wordlessly, she nodded.
"Why?"
"Because I've found my special person. And I don't want to be apart from him."
"I don't want you to go," he said, softly.
"I'll be back. It's only a year, Yue-san. I'm not going away forever," she said, doing her best to comfort him. Inwardly, she was panicking. She'd never been good with dealing with Yue's moods, and this time he was upset with something she had done!
A small noise alerted her to the fact that something was coming down the stairs. She turned around to see Kerberos pad into the room, tail swishing. "Get over it, Yue," he said, irritably.
"What?!" said Yue, sticking his nose up in an afronted manner.
"Clow was twisted to begin with. He deserted us. He doesn't deserve to be moped over."
"Kero-chan!" exclaimed Sakura. Kerberos ignored her.
"Sakura isn't deserting you. She's just going away for a bit."
"But she's taking you with her," said Yue, sounding hurt. Sakura didn't even question how he knew that.
"That's because you're needed more here."
Yue looked down. "Am I?"
"Yes!" said Sakura, enthusiastically. "Oniichan needs you. And not just because of Yukito-san."
"Because I'm teaching him how to use his power," said Yue, logically.
"Yes! I mean, no! Not just that. Because you're friends, and he loves you."
"Touya is in love with Yukito."
"Oniichan loves you very much. He's just too afraid to say it," said Sakura, positively.
Yue just looked doubtful.
"And I love you too, Yue-san. You're a very good friend." The Moon Guardian glanced at her. She smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek impishly. "I told you we'd be great friends, didn't I?"
Yue was silent, but she could tell he was really pleased, in his heart.
~ * ~
Two: Farewell
Several months later, all Yue could do was stare at Touya in disbelief. "You want me to what?"
"Yuki and I thought it would be nice for you to come with father and I to see Sakura off. But you can't go wearing that."
Yue looked down at his robes. "What's wrong with my clothing?"
"It'll make you stand out too much. Like the wings." Touya pointed towards the bathroom. "Yuki's picked out some clothes for you to wear. Go in there and get changed into them."
With a long-suffering look, the Moon Guardian obeyed.
Approximately five minutes later, Touya knocked on the door. "Are you done?"
"I look silly," said Yue, opening the door.
Touya almost stopped breathing. He closed his eyes, and then opened them again. Still no change.
Yukito had apparently picked out a pair of black jeans and a loose mauve top. Yue was at that moment hovering about two feet above the ground in order to keep his freed hair from trailing on the floor.
Touya was prevented from saying anything by the distinctive sound of Sakura thumping up the stairs. "Oniichan! Are you..." She stopped. "Yue-san, are you coming too?"
Yue glanced at her, and nodded.
"You look very pretty," she said, bouncing lightly on her toes. "What are you going to do with your hair?" she added, curiously.
"My hair?" said Yue. He put a hand to it protectively.
Sakura frowned in thought. "I know!" she announced, dashing off in the direction of her bedroom.
Touya and Yue looked at each other in bemusement.
"Here!" said Sakura, skidding to a stop in front of the bathroom again. In her hands, she held a loose black hat, in a style rather like a beret. "Tuck some of it up under this, then it won't trail so low."
Yue took the hat, and stared at it blankly.
"Here, I'll do it for you," said Sakura, entering the room and perching on the bench so she could reach. "Like this." She tucked up the hair until it reached the backs of his knees, and then grabbed some more ties to tidy up the rest of the loose hair.
Yue blinked into the mirror. "I look silly," he said again.
"You look very nice," said Sakura.
The Moon Guardian turned to Touya, helplessly. Touya looked determinedly at his watch. "I think we have to leave now," he said, firmly.
Sakura looked at her own watch and turned pale. "Otousan!" she yelled, thudding down the stairs. "We have to go!"
Touya shrugged, and tugged Yue along by the arm. "Come on, Yue."
Fujitaka gave Yue a slightly amused look when he sat in the car. "You're coming to see her off too, are you?"
Yue simply nodded. Touya seated himself on the backseat beside him, moving one of Sakura's carrybags onto the floor to clear some room. "Just remember to keep your feet on the ground, okay?" he said, leaning back casually.
Yue looked down at the floor, then back at Touya.
"When we're walking," he clarified, unnecessarily. Yue knew perfectly well what he meant.
When they reached the airport, the three males helped Sakura lift all her bags onto a trolley, and then she and Fujitaka went to check her in and meet Syaoran. Yue and Touya hung back in the waiting area.
One of the security guards gave Yue a very odd look as he walked by. The Moon Guardian fixed him with his trademark cold look, causing and the man backed away quickly, eyes wide with shock. Yue blinked in confusion.
Touya put a hand on Yue's arm. "It's your eyes," he murmured. He looked around the various stores until he found one with what he wanted. He walked over went inside, returning a few minutes later with something in a little black case.
"Here, put these on," he said, opening the case.
Yue took the wire objects. "Glasses?" he said, frowning. "But they're blue."
"They're fashion sunglasses. They'll stop people noticing your eyes."
Yue put the glasses on and glanced at Touya. "Better?"
Touya could only nod. He didn't trust himself to speak.
By then, it was almost time for Sakura and Syaoran to board the plane, and Touya still hadn't quite adjusted to the fact that he wouldn't see his little sister for months. He gave Syaoran a look that clearly read, "I still don't like you, but you're the only one I can trust to look after my little sister in a new country, so I'm going to let her go with you."
"Last call for the 1:15 to Hong Kong!"
Sakura grabbed at her backpack and flung it over her shoulder, giving her father a big hug. Fujitaka smiled. "Take care, okay? We'll miss you."
Touya gave her a small smile himself, although his heart was aching. "Don't stomp on anyone's feet, kaijuu."
"Oooh," said Sakura, frustrated. She stepped lightly on his toe, just for good measure, and used it as a lever-up to give her brother a similar hug.
She then gave a very surprised Yue another hug and a light kiss on the cheek. "I'll write, okay?" she told the three of them.
And then she was gone. Touya drew a shaky breath.
"I have to get back to the University," said Fujitaka. "Are you two right to get back home, or do you want a lift?"
"We can catch the bus," said Touya. "We'll be fine."
"Touya," asked Yue, when Fujitaka had left, "why are you so mean to Sakura?"
Touya shrugged. "Habit." He walked purposely in the direction of a nearby café, causing Yue to hurry to catch up with him. "Ice cream?" asked Touya, gesturing to the numerous tubs behind the glass of the display.
"I don't eat," said Yue.
"Don't, or can't?"
Yue paused. "Don't."
Touya ordered a chocolate cone for himself, and then a vanilla one. "Try one. You might like it."
Yue frowned. "I think you are confusing me with Yukito."
"If I was confusing you with Yuki, I would have ordered three more cones. Just try it, okay?"
With a very reluctant air, Yue took the icecream from Touya's hand and stared at it blankly until he noticed what Touya was doing with it. Trying to be as delicate as possible, he took a tentative lick at it.
"Cold," he said, surprised. He took another lick, hesitantly.
Touya smirked. "You have icecream on your chin." He refused to think about how much he wanted to lick it away, and presented the Moon Guardian with a napkin instead.
Yue didn't look impressed with being teased like that, but continued to lick away at the icecream until it was all gone.
"You're supposed to eat the cone, too, you know," said Touya.
Yue presented him with the empty wafer, folding his arms affrontedly.
Touya sighed, wrapped it in a spare napkin and put it in the bin. "Want to go home now?" he asked.
The Moon Guardian nodded.
The Kinomoto home seemed very empty when they got back.
~ * ~
Three: Loneliness
"Otousan," said Touya over breakfast a few weeks later. "Yuki and I were thinking... Um... Since Sakura has gone and Yue can't be close to her any more, and Yuki's place is currently just a tax magnet..."
"You two wanted to move out?"
Touya looked down. "Yes. It's not that I don't love living here with my family, it's just..."
"You're in your mid-twenties, practically married and want a place of your own?" His father smiled. "I don't mind."
"You won't be lonely?" The house would be reduced from having four occupants to having one, after all - assuming he didn't count his mother's ghost, whom he saw around far more often than he thought strictly necessary. He couldn't help worrying about his father, sometimes.
His father smiled, sunnily. "I won't be lonely, Touya-kun. You know how often I'm away or out late, anyway. I don't get to spend as much time with you as I could anyway. Just so long as you come around for dinner occasionally, right?"
"Of course I will," he promised. "Yuki and I wouldn't want to miss your cooking for the world."
They arranged the move for the Saturday after next. The house needed to be dusted and rearranged slightly to account for the non-existence of Yukito's family.
Yukito confessed that it would be somewhat strange to be sleeping in the room and bed he'd always thought belonged to his grandparents, so they splashed out and bought a new double bed, along with redecorating the room considerably.
"It's our room now," Yuki proclaimed, when they were done.
Touya kissed him.
~ * ~
They'd been intending to watch a movie on their first night together in their house. But somehow they just got distracted and ended up making out on the bed. The only real advantage of having a second television in the bedroom, Yukito supposed, was that the only place to watch it comfortably was sitting on the bed.
He was very graciously letting Touya be dominant, just enjoying the feel of soft lips against his, tongue lightly tickling his own... Touya gently pushed him down so they were lying back on the bed, taking the kiss even deeper.
Sometimes he thought he could just lie here, kissing Touya like this, for days on end. He wondered how they'd got through so long a time, being simply best friends, without collapsing into bed with each other until the very end of their high school years. Not that bed had anything to do with how much they loved each other.
Well, maybe it did. This beautiful, overwhelming feeling couldn't come from just anybody, surely. Just his To-ya, whom he loved more than anything else in the world, and who only had to smile to make Yuki want to forget the rest of the world and just be his.
He could feel Yue in the back of his mind, determinedly thinking about Something Else and trying to pretend he wasn't hopelessly in love with Touya as well. Yukito resolved to do something about that.
Just as soon as he could think properly again.
Which could be a while.
Later, when it was over and he was lying snuggled tightly next to his beloved To-ya, his thoughts returned to the elusive Moon Guardian. He had become very comfortable with his dual identity, and was starting to realise things about his own place in Clow's creation.
He was, he knew, somewhat lacking in some aspects.
Yue didn't agree with him and told him so, huffily. He never missed a chance to point out when Yukito was being unreasonable about something.
But he was, Yukito protested. He knew his own mind well, now. He was endlessly kind and patient, if occasionally mischevious, and slow to anger and sadness. Yue, he knew, was the complete opposite.
Touya needed Yue just as much as he needed Yukito because Yue was everything Yukito wasn't.
Now, all he needed was to convince To-ya of that.
Yue thought the idea was ridiculous, because as far as he was concerned Touya was in love with Yukito and that was that. As for Yukito, he knew Touya's heart better than Touya did himself, and he was certain Touya wasn't as indifferent to Yue as the moon guardian thought.
Yue was, oddly enough, an insecure person. All of Yukito's insecurites had melted and been replaced by an overwhelming love, but Yue's heart was harder than that.
Yukito had never been hurt by love. Yue had. Yue was afraid. Yukito didn't understand that kind of fear. This was the way it was.
It distressed him.
Yue would rather anything than have Yukito in pain. Grudgingly, hesitantly, and not without a little anxiety, he agreed to talk with Touya.
Yukito smiled, and cuddled closer to his beloved. The world was going to become even more perfect.
~ * ~
"Anou, To-ya..." said Yukito, with a kiss to his friend's neck.
"Yes, Yuki?" asked Touya, sleepily.
Yukito sat up slowly, blankets pooling in his lap. Sensing this was likely to be a serious conversation, Touya sat up as well, pulling Yukito around so that he could rest his head on his friend's shoulder.
"I was hoping we could talk seriously for a bit. "
Touya blinked at him. He wondered where this was going to. "What did you want to talk about?"
Yukito blushed slightly. "I know... I've come to understand quite a lot about myself and Yue. And he loves you. Just as much as I love you. Did you know that?"
He hadn't known. He'd always presumed Yue was as aloof as he acted and that the moon guardian saw him merely as... not quite a friend, but more than an aquaintance. Perhaps a student. Touya stared at Yukito, surprised. "But... I thought he loved..."
"Clow," said Yukito. "The magician who created him... us," he corrected himself. The mistake was a common one. Yukito had confided to him once that even knowing his memories were false, it was hard to think of Clow as his creator.
"Yuki..." said Touya, thinking that Yukito was still somewhat insecure about his identity, even after all this time.
"It's okay. I understand, now, what we are to each other."
"We? You and Yue, you mean?"
Yukito nodded. "Sakura-chan said we were the same, but we're not, really. We share a soul, but our personalities are different. He is everything I am not, and I am what he isn't. Yue is the serious side, the side that knows pain, and anger, and sorrow... But I am the side that knows happiness, what it is to smile, to laugh, to have fun. Neither of us could survive without the other, because without the other we are not a whole person.
"Kerberos's false form doesn't have the same personality difference that Yue and I do. We think it may have happened by accident - when splitting into an earthly form and an unearthly form, the personality was split as well. But Yue doesn't know how or why it would have happened.
"And... Yue is sad, To-ya. He's so very lonely, because he loves you, but when you look at us you only see me..."
That wasn't entirely true. Sometimes, when Yue was training him in the use of his newfound powers, he would catch himself wondering what sorrow it was that darkened the guardian's eyes. He'd realised Yue was lonely, but he had presumed it was due to missing his Master. Touya could never quite bring himself to approach Yue on the suject. The moon guardian held himself so aloof as to make himself almost untouchable.
And Touya was shy to begin with.
"And since Sakura's been gone," continued Yukito, only then noticing Touya's distraction and trailing off into silence.
"He misses her, doesn't he?" said Touya. He knew exactly how Yue felt.
"Will you talk to him, To-ya? I want Yue to know what I feel..."
Touya grunted. "Just so long as he doesn't want you to know what he feels." He didn't ever want to see Yukito sad like Yue so often seemed.
Yukito laughed. "He just wants us both to be happy. He would never want to hurt me."
"And will you be?"
"If he is? Of course."
He sighed. "All right then. I'll talk to him."
"Great!" said Yukito, happily. "Thank you very much, To-ya," he added, leaning forward for a kiss. Touya pulled him close and held him tightly. Next thing he knew, the figure he was holding was much thinner and the room was half taken up by huge white wings.
Yue pulled away from him and brushed himself down. He regarded Touya with an even gaze.
Touya returned the look, wondering what he was supposed to say.
The two sat there, gazing at each other in silence, for a good ten minutes or so. Touya was trying to figure out how he felt about Yukito's true form - whether the ache in his heart when he saw the distance in Yue's eyes was due to friendship and a desire for his approval, or something deeper.
Lost in thought, it took him several moments before Touya realised Yukito was back. He looked somewhat... exasperated?
"Let's just go to sleep, Touya,"said Yukito, slipping back under the sheets.
"What?!" said Touya, astonished.
"Sleep," repeated Yukito patiently. "We'll discuss it later, okay?" he continued, tugging on Touya's hand gently.
"Okay..." he said, doubtfully.
Yukito kissed him, which was all the encouragement he needed to obey.
~ * ~
Yukito wanted very much to understand what Yue's life had been like, what pain would cause him to be so withdrawn in the presence of one that he loved.
Sometimes, when he dreamt, he was back where he had lived with Clow. Sometimes he was there in spirit watching Yue and Clow interact, other times he was Yue, feeling his joy and sadness as one. The sensation of being joined like that, no longer two people, was disorienting yet somehow beautiful.
Yue's master had been kind and gentle, and Yue had adored him beyond measure. The happiest moments in his dreams were when he and Clow were alone, and his master would talk to him. It didn't matter what about - whatever topic had taken Clow's fancy at the moment was infinitely of interest to Yue.
Yet tonight, it seemed Yukito was alone in the house. He wandered through, opening doors and calling for someone to come to him until it became painfully obvious that there was no one there to come.
Of all the dreams he had had of the past, this dream was hurting the most. So this was loneliness. This was what it was like to have no one left, no one to love, no one to hold...
The entire house was empty. He was alone, so alone, he wanted someone to talk to but there was nobody there, everyone was gone... Everyone was...
He felt himself gathered in a tight hold, tears brushed away by gentle fingers.
"I never meant for you to see this," came a soft whisper. "This is not right for you."
He rested his head on Yue's shoulder, holding him tightly. "This isn't right for you, either. Neither of us has the need to be lonely."
Yue gave a long, drawn out sigh. "This is my dream. He has my power. I will call him here."
~ * ~
Four: Conciliation
Touya was in front of a house. It was a Western style house, with dark wooden beams set against creamy walls. Tudor, he thought the style was called. At any rate, it certainly didn't look like he was anywhere in Japan.
He looked around him curiously. The entire area seemed completely devoid of modern conveniences. He saw no telephone lines, no power cables, no car parked out on the road - which, he noted, was not bitumen.
Not knowing anything else to do, he walked up to the door and knocked on it.
After about a minute it opened. Yukito gave him a small smile and hugged him tightly. "You came!" After a moment, he pulled away, grabbing Touya's hand and leading him through the house. Their destination appeared to be towards the back of the house, behind an intricately panelled door of burnished timber.
Yukito opened the door for him, and indicated that he go first. Bemused, Touya entered the room to see... Yue.
Yukito closed the door behind him and moved to sit in one of the chairs. Completely confused now, Touya took another one. Yue sat down on the bed, carefully arranging his robes and hair so that it wasn't being pulled on.
"Um..." said Touya. "Where am I?"
"This is a dream," said Yukito, quietly. "This is Yue's dream."
"The countryside doesn't look like anywhere in Japan," observed Touya, curiously.
"It's England," said Yue, quietly. "This is where I lived with my Master."
This was Clow's house, then. Touya wasn't entirely sure when Clow had lived, but it appeared it was in a time before electricity and telephones were widespread, or perhaps even invented.
For the first time, he found himself wondering exactly how old Yue was. If he'd been alone ever since Clow's 'death', and Clow had lived this long ago... The thought hurt him, deep inside.
"Do you miss him?" said Touya, curiously. A second later he wanted to kick himself. Of course Yue missed him. He already knew that.
Yue's eyes were distant. "Not so much as I used to," he said eventually. "I have... other things to focus on, now."
Yukito was watching the pair of them intently. Touya wondered what he was waiting for. He was talking with Yue, right? And that was what Yukito had wanted.
They fell into silence again. After several minutes of this, Yukito stood up. "To-ya. Yue. I'd wanted a way for us to be here together so we could sort this out for so long, and since he have a way, now," he turned expressive hazel eyes on Touya, "Please, To-ya..."
Touya blinked at him, once again confused.
Yukito turned to Yue, who just gave his false form a flat gaze, as if he thought this was a Very Bad Idea and that Yukito was just wasting his time trying.
Trying what? Touya wondered.
Yukito sighed. "Look, I can say it." He turned back to Touya. "Touya, I love you."
Touya started, then glanced past Yukito to Yue, who was looking vaguely hurt.
"Oh, Yue..." said Yukito, turning to his other form. "I love you too, don't you know?"
Yue's expression shifted into one of shock before resolving back into it's usual regal look. "Why?" he asked, softly, not quite managing to keep the surprise out of his voice.
"Because you're loyal," said Touya, without thinking. "You've a kind heart underneath, you're thoughtful, you have a sense of justice and fairness most people should take note of." In dreams, one often says things one wouldn't usually say.
"To-ya!" said Yukito, sounding surprised but pleased.
Touya looked away, embarrassed. Unfortunately for him, looking away from Yukito caused his eyes to meet with an intense violet gaze.
"Is that... how you feel?" said Yue, glancing at Yukito, who appeared to be encouraging him in some way.
Touya nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
Yue closed his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered.
Yukito cleared his throat meaningfully.
Yue's eyes snapped open again. He glanced at Touya, slightly panicky. "I... I feel something for you, too."
Touya smiled weakly. "It's okay, Yue, I know how hard it is to say."
Yukito sighed. "You do understand though, don't you, that I want us all to be happy? And this," he made a wide gesture that encircled all of them, "was not working."
Touya stared at the moon guardian, a suspicion beginning to enter his mind. "Yue... how long have you felt like this?"
Yue blinked. "I don't know. A long time."
Touya frowned. "When we spoke that night after Yukito 'confessed'?"
"I didn't know you very well then." Yue shrugged, gracefully.
"And when you gave me my power back?" he asked.
Yue was silent.
Touya rubbed his head. He began to see why Yukito had been so insistent on sorting this 'issue' out.
For his part, Yukito was beginning to look somewhat frustrated. "Oh, you two... You can kiss, you know. I don't mind."
Touya almost fell off his chair.
Yukito made a small, exasperated noise and stepped over to Yue. "Like this," he said, in a soft, husky tone that was very familiar to Touya. Then he slipped his arms around Yue's neck and kissed him, settling comfortably on the angel's lap.
Yue's eyes widened for a moment, before he closed them and seemed to relax into the embrace.
He should have been jealous. But this was Yue. He'd just all but admitted to being in love with Yukito's other form as well as the adorable little snow bunny. And once he got over his shock, Touya began to feel it was possibly one of the most beautiful things he'd seen in a long time.
After what seemed like far too long, Yukito stood up again, taking Yue by the hand and gently pulling him off the bed and to his feet. The moon guardian seemed somewhat dazed. Yukito gently took Touya's hand in his other one, thus drawing the three of them closer together. Then he moved his hands to their backs and pushed, not gently, so that they practically fell into each other's arms.
Yue looked up at Touya, startled. Touya tried to force himself to breathe.
"Yue, I..." Coherent thought was leaving him. "Oh..." He gave up. There didn't seem to be any reasons left to fight it.
They kissed for the first time, standing together in the memory of a room belonging to a house long ago destroyed. They kissed deep, and long, and it lasted much longer than Touya had thought possible without having to break apart to breathe. But maybe it only felt like forever.
When they finally broke apart, Yukito wrapped his arms around the two of them, one arm per waist, and kissed them each on the cheek. "I love you," he said, the 'you' most definitely plural.
Touya felt the dream begin to dissolve, and he fell back into deep slumber.
~ * ~
Touya woke the next morning feeling somewhat lightheaded - and cold. He was alone in the bed and the sheets had half slipped off, which would explain the temperature difference.
Slightly puzzled, he got up. He could hear sounds from the kitchen and, extending his Power, felt the light presence of... Yue?
The long-haired spirit was standing in front of the bench, gazing at the electric kettle with a somewhat puzzled expression.
Touya slipped past him and quickly managed to ascertain Yue's problem. "You have to turn it on at the wall first," he said, helpfully.
Yue started, and for a moment Touya could have sworn he blushed. "Clow always boiled water on the fireplace," said Yue, sounding more like he was passing judgement than offering excuses.
"Yue..." said Touya, putting a hand on the spirit's shoulder. Yue turned to face him. Touya looked down again. Eventually, he decided that actions spoke louder than words and that he should just show Yue what he was feeling. He gently took both the spirit's hands in his and brought them up to his heart.
Yue moved closer and pressed his lips against Touya's cheek, then against his neck in a gesture that was becoming increasingly familiar to Touya. He released Yue's hands and pulled the spirit into a tight hug.
It wasn't the first time they'd hugged.
But it was the first time they both meant it as a completely conscious gesture of acknowledged love.
~ * ~
Epilogue
The phone rang. Touya picked it up. "Moshi moshi."
"Congratulations!"
He regarded the bench in front of him suspiciously. "What for?" The voice seemed vaguely familiar...
"Getting through to Yue. It took him long enough to get over it --"
Touya hung up.
"Who was that?" asked Yukito, curiously.
"Wrong number," said Touya, flatly.
Yukito blinked at him. Touya moved over and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Just forget about it."