[Fanfic] Yume
As always, many many thanks to Meia, this time for putting up with my endless string of questions and new scenes over ICQ. This fic definitely wouldn't exist without it.
Even though this is set somewhere around books 4 and 5, there are spoilers for all of Tokyo Babylon, and several major scenes in X (particularly from November 2000's Asuka onwards - eventually). For Tokyo Babylon, I'm using Leareth's scanlations. For X, I draw on Kristin Olsen's Asuka text translations (particularly those for Seishirou's side-story) and Taryn's scanlations (for a better idea of what happens in That Scene).
Yume
(Yes, pretentious title. Hush.)
Seishirou was feeling confident as he left the Sumeragi household. Yes, he was certain he would win this bet - not that there had ever been any doubt at all, especially with Subaru hardly remembering their first encounter.
He had one job to handle this evening, and he completed it with his usual quick, cold skill. Then, he returned to his apartment and prepared for bed. Even deadly cold-blooded assassins need regular sleep.
~ * ~
He was in his office, completing paperwork, when Hokuto bounced in. "Yes, Hokuto-chan?" he asked, amiably.
"I'm getting married! Kakyou finally popped the question!"
"That's wonderful, Hokuto-chan," he said, sincerely. "When's the big day?"
She handed him a laviciously decorated envelope. "There's your invitation. You will be coming, right?"
He nodded.
"Because, you do know Subaru will be there?"
He nodded again. Of course Subaru would be there - it was his own sister's wedding.
"Sei-chan... You have forgiven him for marrying Mitsuki-san, right?"
"Yes, Hokuto, I've forgiven him..." How could he not, when he could hardly blame Subaru for ending their relationship before it had even properly began - as soon as he revealed who he really was, and why he had been living with them for the past year, Subaru had become even more withdrawn. Even though Seishirou swore he wasn't going to kill Subaru, nor his beloved sister, the trust was gone.
And it was ironic, because Subaru had won the bet without even trying. And he had taught Seishirou how to feel regret.
And jealousy, when he saw Subaru with Mitsuki. And loneliness, when Subaru wouldn't even speak to him. Perhaps that was partly because of Seishirou's refusal to attend the wedding, but that didn't stop it hurting.
And now Subaru was happily married, with two children whom Seishirou had never met, and probably never would.
Hokuto was looking at him critically. "Cheer up, Sei-chan," she said, smiling. "You'll find someone someday, I'm sure."
~ * ~
Seishirou rolled over in his sleep. "Dear god, no..." he muttered.
~ * ~
He was standing under the tree when Subaru arrived. The Sumeragi stopped and stared at him, shock written all over his face. "S-S-Seishirou-san!"
"Good afternoon, Subaru-kun," he said, casually leaning against the Sakura.
"Seishirou-san, what are you doing here?"
Seishirou didn't answer the question, instead posing one of his own. "Tell, me, Subaru-kun, do you remember this tree?"
Subaru was silent for a moment. "I think I do... there was a man, under it. He told me about corpses, buried beneath it..."
"Indeed, Subaru-kun. And do you remember the bet you made?"
"Bet... I made?" He frowned. "I remember the wind was loud, I couldn't hear..."
"'I will come live with you for a year. If by the end of that year I love you, I will not kill you. So, today, I'll let you go'," quoted Seishirou, taking his glasses off.
Subaru was staring at him. "Seishirou-san," he said, horrified, as the meaning set in.
The fight was pitifully short. He knelt beside his fallen victim and gently put his hands around the throat. It was easy to crush it, to feel the life, of the last head of the Sumeragi clan, bleed out beneath his hands.
He buried the body under the tree.
~ * ~
He rolled over again. "no..." he murmured, "that's not how it goes..."
~ * ~
He stood by the bedside, regarding the patient with a watchful eye. There was a maze of tubes connected to the still form lying in the stark white hospital bed, and a variety of machines that let out comforting beeps every now and then. Those wide, expressive eyes were closed, the black hair growing a little too long, the facial expression one of peaceful slumber.
"Really, Subaru... Don't you think it's a little melodramatic? It's been months."
The form in the bed did not respond.
"Have you checked on Hokuto recently? But no, I guess you would know automatically what happens to her. You were always extremely close, even for twins," he said, smiling.
The room was silent except for the sound of his own quiet breathing.
"I just killed your sister, and I still get no reaction? You wound me, Subaru-kun."
He regarded the Sumeragi thoughtfully. "I didn't think it was in your heart to just give up like this. I suppose it just goes to show that you never do completely know the person you love."
Not even the casual declaration of love had any effect on the still form of the boy who had once been full of so much innocent joy. Now all Seishirou felt from him was a dull, bitter silence.
Seishirou took off his glasses and placed them on the table beside Subaru's bed. He wouldn't be needing them any more, once he left here. The masquerade was over.
He sketched some wards and prepared to merge with the mind of the boy lying before him. The wards of protection around the Sumeragi's mind were simple enough to break.
He found himself standing beneath the Sakura. Subaru was nowhere to be seen. He tried calling the boy's name a few times. His voice echoed in the silence. The only movement he could sense was the gentle fall of sakura petals around him.
A memory surfaced in his own mind, unbidden. "I'm not letting you take him. I'm not letting you imprison him." Hokuto. Had she taken her brother with her when she died?
He left the Sumeragi lying there in his web of silence. After all, there was no point in killing someone whose heart was already gone.
~ * ~
He twisted under his sheets uneasily. "That's not right. Hokuto wouldn't do that... would she?"
~ * ~
(Work on rewriting this part so it's more dream-like)
It was his wedding day. Hokuto had been bouncing off walls for weeks in preparation for this. They'd finally managed to talk Subaru into being best man, since he'd flat out refused to be a bridesmaid, much to their disappointment. Subaru might have loosened out a lot since meeting Kakyou, but not that much.
Once she realised exactly how much she was messing up her brother's life by trying to force him into a relationship with a man ten years older than himself, Hokuto had begun trying to find other alternatives for her little brother. When she'd introduced him to her friend Kakyou a year ago, things had just... clicked. Subaru was fascinated by the other boy's Dreamscape, and Kakyou seemed completely drawn in by the Sumeragi's adorable personality.
And no one was more surprised than Seishirou when he found himself falling for Subaru's hyperactive twin sister. And since killing her brother would undoubtedly put a hole in their relationship - a thought he found hard to bear - he'd had to grudgingly admit to himself that he'd lost the bet.
It was during one of Subaru's frequent visits with the Dreamgazer that Hokuto had first propositioned him. And now they were getting married.
Subaru looked adorable as ever in formal clothes, but Seishirou's attention was drawn entirely to the beautiful figure of the elder twin - who was dressed somewhat untraditionally in a yellow dress with sunflowers on it.
As they stood together, she leaned over to whisper in his ear, "I love you, Sei-chan."
~ * ~
He rolled over again. "What the hell?" he muttered into his pillow.
~ * ~
He was standing under the tree when Subaru arrived. The Sumeragi stopped and stared at him, shock written all over his face. "S-S-Seishirou-san!"
"Good afternoon, Subaru-kun," he said, casually leaning against the Sakura.
"Seishirou-san, what are you doing here?"
Seishirou didn't answer the question, instead posing one of his own. "Tell, me, Subaru-kun, do you remember this tree?"
Subaru was silent for a moment. "I think I do... there was a man, under it. He told me about corpses, buried beneath it..."
"Indeed, Subaru-kun. And do you remember the bet you made?"
"Bet... I made?" He frowned. "I remember the wind was loud, I couldn't hear..."
"'I will come live with you for a year. If by the end of that year I love you, I will not kill you. So, today, I'll let you go'," quoted Seishirou, taking his glasses off.
Subaru was staring at him. "Seishirou-san," he said, horrified, as the meaning set in.
Seishirou held up a hand. "Wait, Subaru-kun."
Subaru backed away a bit. Seishirou could see him mentally preparing defensive spells.
"I wanted to tell you that you won that bet, Subaru-kun."
Subaru fell over backwards. "What?!"
Seishirou stepped over to the fallen boy and knelt beside his beloved. "I love you."
"S-S-Seishirou-san..."
"Do you love me?"
"I - I ..."
Seishirou leant over him, lips almost touching the Sumeragi's. "Yes?"
"I do..."
They kissed for the first time, lying on the grass with pink sakura petals falling all around them. Then Seishirou moved his kisses lower, and Subaru began to learn about the other aspects of love.
~ * ~
He smiled in his sleep. It had been a while since he'd had a 'robbing Subaru of his innocence beneath the Sakura' dream.
~ * ~
The sky was overcast, but it was not actually raining now, although it had been before. Seishirou trudged along the damp ground to where the 13th Head of the Sumeragi Clan knelt in front of his sister's grave. He stood back a few metres, and waited until Subaru noticed him.
"You shouldn't be here," said Subaru, dully, without turning around.
"And why not, Subaru-kun? We live together, don't we? Sleep together?"
Subaru's eyes flashed. "There are some things I can't forgive you for. This is one of them."
Seishirou was silent for a moment. "She asked me to kill her, Subaru-kun. I was hardly something I'd planned for."
"That only makes it hurt more, Seishirou-san. That all she was to you was a pretty present for your tree."
"I didn't give Hokuto to the Sakura, Subaru-kun."
"No, I suppose that position is only for important victims. And you have no right to say her name."
Seishirou shrugged, and lit a cigarette.
"I can ignore it, when I'm with you, because I love you, although I don't know why..." Subaru said, pensively. "But I can't here. Never here."
"Subaru-kun..."
"Go away, Seishirou-san. I don't want to see you right now."
Seishirou left. He knew he'd have Subaru in his bed again by this evening, and that was all that mattered. The Sumeragi was his.
~ * ~
He smiled slightly at the thought of the Sumeragi developing a spine. "My Subaru-kun," he muttered possessively.
~ * ~
He was watching Subaru and the Kamui of the Dragons of Heaven as they walked side by side in the gardens just outside of CLAMP Campus. Apparently they'd wanted some privacy without the risk of being interrupted by the other Seals.
"So, what was it you needed to tell me, Kamui?" asked Subaru.
Kamui blushed bright red. "Um... I... You... "
Subaru looked at him, patiently waiting for him to finish.
"I think I've fallen in love with you!"
Subaru blinked at him. "Kamui..."
"And I know you don't feel the same way, because you love Him, but I had to tell you because... because..."
Subaru put a hand on the younger boy's shoulder. "Because...?"
"Because it hurts more to keep it inside..." said Kamui, so quietly it was barely a whisper.
Subaru drew him close and wrapped his arms around him. "Kamui..." he said again, sadder this time.
"I'm sorry!" gasped Kamui, tears beginning to trickle down his cheeks.
"It's okay..." said Subaru, wiping them away with a slender finger. "I think... I think I love you too," he continued, stepping back and taking Kamui's hand in his..
"W-w-what? But... what about him?"
"Seishirou-san?" Subaru smiled sadly. "I offered him my love once. He didn't accept it." Subaru looked off into the distance, his posture radiating deep sorrow. "He lost his chance a very long time ago..."
Seishirou dismissed the spell, and directed his energy at breaking all the vases in his apartment. He was suddenly unbearably angry.
~ * ~
Half-awake, Seishirou wondered who Kamui was and what right he had steal his Subaru. He decided to kill the boy at the nearest opportunity and, dismissing the thought, rolled over and drifted into dreams again.
~ * ~
He was woken up in the early hours of the morning by the distinct feeling that someone was doing something to his tree. He slipped out of bed, got dressed, and made his way to the Sakura the fastest way he could.
The figure sitting beneath the tree was very familiar to the Sakurazukamori. But it couldn't be Subaru - Subaru was already dead.
So, Hokuto then. "Hokuto-chan," he greeted her, smiling as if he didn't know that she knew who had killed her brother.
"Sei-chan," she said, coldly.
He leaned against the tree. "What brings you here so early in the morning?"
She didn't answer. Instead, she looked at him long and hard. "You know, I knew you were the Sakurazukamori, even from the beginning."
"Oh?" said Seishirou.
"But I figured, since you weren't acting like you wanted to hurt us, that you wanted to change." She laughed, bitterly. "I thought if I tried hard enough, you two would fall in love and the Sakurazukamori wouldn't exist anymore."
Seishirou folded his arms and waited for her to continue.
"I told you once that if you hurt him, I would kill you. Do you remember that?"
He nodded.
"I was beginning to suspect, then. And I began to prepare..."
He began to realise that the sense of rising power in the area wasn't just coming from the tree, although it was mostly masked by it.
"If you'd just killed him straight off, like you should do, I wouldn't be doing all this. After all, it's hard for a six year old to fight back against a teenager, isn't it?" She muttered something under her breath and released a spell. "But to toy him along like that, to deliberately break his heart - that I cannot forgive."
The world exploded around him. He felt the tree's presence disappear from his mind as it was destroyed by whatever spell Hokuto had prepared. He fell to the ground, gasping.
He had underestimated her. That was the most shocking thing.
"I should kill you now. But I don't think I will. After all, all you are now is human. Your emotions are no longer locked up in that tree, and with it gone you have very little power. Isn't that right, Sei-chan?"
He tried to speak but all he could do was wheeze.
"Don't come to me begging for forgiveness. You won't get it. Goodbye, Seishirou." And then she turned and walked away.
~ * ~
It felt like a chill swept across the room and he pulled the sheets tighter around him in a subconscious reaction to it. He idly wondered if he should rethink his assessment of the extent Hokuto would go to in order to protect her brother.
~ *~
He was lying in Subaru's arms, the other onmyouji's hand through his heart. He could feel life slipping away from him more by the second.
"Subaru-kun. I..." He leaned forward. "I love you," he said into Subaru's ear. Then he collapsed.
"...You... never... say the words... I'm expecting to hear... do you," gasped Subaru through his tears.
Seishirou couldn't reply. However, the scene remained before his eyes, so that he felt like a spectator looking on as Subaru sobbed quietly over his body. He was slightly worried when the bridge began to collapse, but the Kamui of the Dragons of Heaven interfered with Subaru's impending death.
Seishirou had to fight a certain amount of jealousy at that.
The scene faded. He was watching Subaru talk to Kamui, several months after the disaster at Rainbow Bridge.
"Subaru..." Kamui was clutching at Subaru's hand. "Where are you going?"
"Kamui," said Subaru, gently avoiding the question. "I want you to remember, whatever happens, it was my choice."
"But..."
"I know what I have to do. I'm sorry, Kamui."
"You're not coming back, are you?"
Subaru shook his head.
"No... Please, you can't..."
"I have to." Subaru drew the young man into a tight hug. "I'm sorry. But either way, I'd have to leave you. The Sakurazukamori doesn't belong here."
"You're not--"
"I am. I killed him, therefore I am the Sakurazukamori."
"I mean, you're not like him, Subaru."
Subaru sighed. "No... and I can't become like him. Which is why I have do to this."
"It's not fair," sobbed Kamui.
"Is anything? You of all people should know about balance, Kamui."
"I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too," said Subaru, drawing back. "Be strong, Kamui. The world needs you." He wiped a tear from Kamui's cheek. "And you'll get your Fuuma back some day. I'm sure of it."
The world shifted. Subaru was standing beneath the Sakura, obviously waiting for someone. It didn't take long.
"Hello," said Fuuma - no, 'Kamui'.
Subaru opened his eyes. "'Kamui'," he greeted the young man, coldly.
"Congratulations on your new position."
"I'm not joining your side," said Subaru, bluntly.
"How so? The Sakurazukamori is a Dragon of Earth."
"The Sumeragi head is a Dragon of Heaven."
"Well. I suppose it comes down to which has the greater power. And I think we both know which that is."
Subaru took a step forward. Closing his eyes, he launched an attack.
Seishirou saw it all before it happened. The attack was powerful - not powerful enough to kill, but enough to severely hurt the 'Kamui' if he didn't retaliate. Which, of course, he did. And Subaru let down all his guards.
The 'Kamui' of the Dragons of Earth regarded the body before him with a certain amount of surprise. "That was... unexpected."
Only to you, thought Seishirou. Only to those who don't know him.
The scene faded.
"He will make a far better Sakurazukamori than I ever could," said a quietly explanatory voice behind him.
He turned. "Subaru."
The Sumeragi took a step towards him. "You know," he said, bitterly, "of all the futures I imagined for us, this was never one of them."
A vision of the past swam before him. "I wonder who I'll be killed by."
"By the one you love more than anything."
"Subaru..." He sighed. He had nothing to say. "I didn't, either."
"Did you mean it? What you said to me?"
He shrugged. "What point would there be for a dying man to lie?"
"But you didn't have to die, did you?" insisted Subaru. "You knew the terms of the spell."
"Perhaps I wanted you to have your 'revenge'. Maybe I wanted to make you happy," he said, smiling slightly. "Perhaps I wanted to die..."
"There is no greater happiness than being killed by the one you love."
"You knew that would never make me happy. I never really wanted you to die."
"No."
"Seishirou-san..." He blinked rapidly, perhaps fighting tears. "I..."
He took a few steps forward of his own. "Do you forgive me now?"
Subaru laughed bitterly. "How can I not? I killed you. I'm no better than you are, now."
"You'll always be a better person than I am, Subaru-kun."
Subaru appeared to abandon all dignity and flung himself into Seishirou's arms, sobbing. "I hate destiny. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it..."
~ * ~
He dismissed that scene without even thinking about it. It would never happen.
~ * ~
"So... we lost, then," said Seishirou.
Yuuto nodded. Nataku just looked blank.
"'Kamui'?" he said, referring to their own Kamui, and not the original.
"Dead."
"Well," he said. "Now what do we do?"
The door behind them opened. "I have a suggestion," said the newcomer.
The others blinked at him. The intruder was a young man of small stature, with large, expressive violet-purple eyes.
Kamui smiled brightly. "The Dragons of Earth wanted to wipe out humanity so that the earth would live, right?"
Seishirou and Yuuto nodded. Nataku continued to look blank.
"I couldn't do that. I love the Earth, but I have hope for humankind as well. But I don't want the earth to die."
"So...?"
"Well. I want you to start making a difference to the Earth."
"I'm sorry?"
"Start a fund to save endangered species. Make loud protests against the cutting down of the rainforests. Eliminate nuclear waste dumping. I'm sure you all have enough power to make a difference."
"But..." began Seishirou.
"You should have died in the Final Battle," said Kamui. "This way you get to live. If you do what I say."
~ * ~
That, thought Seishirou, was truly bizarre. Why would I want to become an environmental activist? And who the hell is this Kamui person?
~ * ~
He was lying in bed, arms wrapped around Subaru, basking in the afterglow. Subaru was faintly blushing, presumably at the thought of what they'd just been doing.
"You know," said Subaru, unexpectedly, "I could have forgiven you almost anything except harming my sister." He rolled over to look up at Seishirou.
Seishirou pulled out a cigarette, ignoring Subaru's faint look of distaste. "She asked me to kill her."
"She didn't want me to die," explained Subaru, although Seishirou knew perfectly well why Hokuto had done it. "So, why didn't you?"
"Why didn't I kill her?" That was the part Seishirou wasn't very sure of. "Because she made me realise a few things, I suppose."
"What?"
Seishirou removed his cigarette and tapped it gently against the ashtray. "Firstly, that I didn't really want you dead. Secondly - that very fact made me wonder if I hadn't been wrong in thinking I had won our little bet." The first part was the truth. The second... was probably a lie.
"Oh," said Subaru.
"So killing her would have been pointless. Offering herself as a sacrifice in place of her brother was very noble, but would have been utterly senseless if I wasn't going to kill you. And I don't believe in senseless death."
"Only that of people that deserve it," said Subaru, somewhat bitterly.
"Yes."
"What right have you to judge?"
"I'm the Sakurazukamori, Subaru-kun. It's our purpose to judge and punish those that would harm Japan," shrugged Seishirou, implying it was simply a matter of fact.
Subaru sighed again. "This will never work," he moaned, obviously referring to the fact that he was the Thirteenth Head of the Sumeragi clan and therefore sworn to hate the Sakurazukamori.
"Sure it will," said Seishirou, discarding his cigarette and leaning over Subaru with a little smirk. "When two people love each other, anything is possible." He ran a hand down Subaru's chest, smiling seductively.
Subaru shivered, turning faintly pink.
"You know, Hokuto-chan is going to give you hell if she discovers you spent the night here." Seishirou smiled, somewhat teasingly.
Subaru blushed bright red. "Well..." he ventured, "I think it was worth it."
Seishirou laughed, and kissed him deeply. Then he pulled away, with a little chuckle at Subaru's stricken look. "You are going to hit her for doing such a stupid thing, aren't you?" he said, moving his lips down to Subaru's chest.
"Maybe," gasped Subaru. "Although... it worked, didn't it?"
"Only if you've forgiven me for deceiving you. She really wants us to be happy together, remember?"
"Mm," said Subaru, obviously not paying much attention to what Seishirou was saying.
Seishirou smirked, and proceeded to distract the Sumeragi further.
He was fairly certain he didn't actually love the boy. Love was completely different than not wanting him dead, after all. But Subaru was entertaining, and Seishirou had grown used to having him around.
And he certainly was attractive...
~ * ~
Seishirou frowned. "If I didn't love him, then why was he still alive?" It sounded suspiciously like a bad case of 'denial'. The thought disturbed him slightly. He rolled over to think about it, and promptly slipped back into dreams.
~ * ~
"'I hate you.' 'I'll kill you one day.' That's what you want to hear, isn't it?"
Seishirou regarded the young man in front of him curiously. This wasn't the Sumeragi Subaru he was used to.
"Well, I suppose even the best of us can be wrong."
Seishirou raised an eyebrow.
"I've come to realise a few things. One, that it really isn't worth the effort hating you." Subaru pulled at the gloves on his hands, that he had never removed despite all that had happened, with a nervous air.
Seishirou casually lit a cigarette, gesturing slightly for Subaru to continue.
"What is there to hate, after all? It was destiny, wasn't it?" continued the Sumeragi, talking more to himself than to Seishirou. "You only did what you had to do, and I certainly had no control over it.
"And you don't hate me, so what's the point? You never cared a thing for me or my sister."
Seishirou smirked. "It's a very nice speech, Subaru-kun, but you don't actually believe any of it, do you," he stated, bluntly.
"I feel nothing for you, Sakurazuka-san," hissed Subaru. "Anything I may have felt once, you killed."
"And you really don't want revenge for that, the senseless death of your beloved twin?" He plucked a pink Sakura blossom from the air and examined it closely, not paying Subaru any real attention.
"We will be on opposite sides in the end of world. I don't need to challenge you personally in anything," said Subaru, matter-of-factly.
"I thought your wish was to kill me?"
"It seems that lying is another bad habit of yours that I've picked up."
"So what is your wish then, Subaru-kun?" he asked, curious.
"I want not to be tied to you any more." With a quickly muttered phrase, he dissolved the decade-and-a-half old wards on his hands. "I want to have no connection to you.
"I want to never have to see you again." He pulled off his gloves and threw them to the ground in front of Seishirou.
"Sayonara, Sakurazukamori."
Seishirou stared at the gloves at his feet for a long time after Subaru had left. He picked one of them up and caressed it gently.
"You know, Subaru," he addressed the cold wind. "There was a reason I never killed you."
He pocketed the glove and walked off, leaving the remaining one to be buried in falling Sakura blossoms.
~ * ~
"Subaru..." he muttered. "You won't ever be free from me." He shivered involuntarily. Sleepily, he wondered if he shouldn't invest in a heater for his room.
~ * ~
Seishirou searched the building for 'Kamui'. Just as he began to think it was futile, he found the boy in the basement, kneeling in front of the throne. Sobbing.
He paused in the doorway.
So, this wasn't the Dark Kamui, then. This was the boy Fuuma.
He walked in, very deliberately making noise. Fuuma stood up and spun around to face him at the first footstep. His expressions shifted from heartbreak to pure horror as he recognised the Sakurazukamori.
"Hello, Fuuma," said Seishirou, pleasantly.
The boy continued to stare at him, apparently frozen stiff with emotion.
"Would you like to talk about it?" asked Seishirou, kneeling beside the boy and putting a hand on his shoulder.
Fuuma blinked at him for a moment, before crumpling under Seishirou's gentle, encouraging look. "It's Him. I hate it. Him. Us. Kamui... Kamui..." He began to cry.
"What about Kamui?" asked Seishirou, now certain that this was not the Dark Kamui that he had shared icecream with.
"He takes everything I feel and turns it into something twisted and evil," hissed Fuuma. "I would never want to hurt Kamui! I want, him yes, but not without his consent. I... I love him!"
"It's hard, isn't it?" said Seishirou, musingly. "Loving someone destined to always be your opposite."
Fuuma gave him a slightly shocked look.
"I was trying to save him, you know," continued Seishirou. "It was better if he hated me."
"Because you are opposites?"
Seishirou nodded.
"I wouldn't be surprised," said Fuuma in a small voice,"if Kamui hated me now."
Seishirou gave him a rueful smile. "If he hates you, it's only because he's trying to cover his love for you. Love doesn't turn to hate that easily. I found that out the hard way." He got up to leave, glancing down at the boy as he did so. "Do you do this often?" he asked with interest, brushing one of the tears away.
Fuuma shrugged. "Often enough. I think He likes to have me cry."
Seishirou nodded in understanding. "Don't give up hope," he advised the boy. "There's always the future."
"Seishirou-san," said Fuuma when he was halfway to the door.
He winced a little inwardly at the term of address, but halted anyway. "Yes?"
"Who is the one that you love?" The eyes were still wide, but the pain was gone, replaced by a kind of dull amusement.
He turned back to the door. He didn't feel like talking to 'Kamui' now. "You should know," he said simply. "You took his eye out because of it."
~ * ~
He was sure there must be some kind of background knowledge he was missing, there, because that dream made no sense at all to him. Sleep wasn't long in returning to him.
~ * ~
He was fighting two of the Seals - the monk, Sorata and the shrine maiden, Arashi. He thought he was going quite well, actually, considering he was outnumbered two to one, when a strikingly familiar voice behind him brought him to his knees.
"Stop."
Sorata yelled something at the intruder. "Stay away! You don't know what kind of monster he is!"
Subaru casually walked around in front of Seishirou. "On the contrary, I know exactly what kind of monster he is. Hello, Seishirou-san."
Sorata and Arashi stared at him. Then Sorata slapped himself on the forehead. "Sumeragi Subaru. Of course."
"But, isn't he..." began Arashi.
"You..." said Seishirou, at the same time. "But you're dead. I killed you."
"That was my sister you killed."
Seishirou absorbed this silently. "I rather think I would recognise Hokuto-chan..." he ventured, confused.
"That was my sister, pretending to be me," clarified Subaru.
"You let your own sister be killed in your place?" gasped Sorata.
Subaru's eyes flashed with pain and anger. "No! She didn't tell me what she was doing. I had nothing to do with it! When I found out, I..."
"You ran away," said Arashi, simply. "That's what was supposed to have happened to Sumeragi Hokuto, ne?"
He nodded, looking miserable. "I didn't want to be Clan Head anymore. Not after that."
"But I would have known if it was Hokuto's soul!" protested Seishirou, still disbelieving.
"She had a spell," said Subaru, sounding pained. "She asked me for it the night before. If I'd known, I wouldn't have given it to her." A single tear slipped from between his lashes to his cheek.
Seishirou stared at him. It was possible, he supposed. He didn't know all the Sumeragi spells, after all.
"I learnt a few things while I was away, though, Seishirou-san."
"Yes?" said Seishirou, interested.
"So, let's try again, then, shall we?" said Subaru, taking a few steps forward.
"I'm sorry?"
"A year. If, by the end of it, you love me... I won't kill you," said Subaru, taking Seishirou's hand and gently tracing a pentagram on the palm. "Ja ne, Seishirou-san."
~ * ~
"But that doesn't make sense," muttered Seishirou. "That's why I marked him. There is no way I could mistake Hokuto for Subaru. Not even with a spell." He rolled over again, putting the scene out of his mind.
~ * ~
He was watching Subaru, as usual. The onmyouji sat at the base of the Sakura, absently petting his Shikigami. It wasn't the bird he was talking to, however. Seishirou crept slightly closer to hear what he saying.
"It's you that I hear in my mind, isn't it?" said Subaru. "You're that voice that tells me who has to die, and how, and when..." He shivered. "I don't like killing people. It's wrong."
Subaru sent his Shikigami off into the sky with one swift motion. "But I don't want to get rid of you yet, because you're the only connection to him I have left."
It became clear to him that the Sumeragi was more than a little bit insane. He scratched at his ear, intrigued.
"Did you know what it would do to me, Seishirou-san? You always did seem to enjoy hurting me. Was this just your final revenge?"
The onmyouji stood up slowly, using the tree for support. "You knew what would happen. So why did you do it? What would make you want to die, Seishirou-san?"
He didn't even try to reply. Some questions were better left unanswered.
Still, he padded closer, rubbing himself against Subaru's legs affectionately. The Sumeragi knelt beside him and gently stroked him on the head. "Hello, kitten," he said, with an innocent smile totally at odd with the slightly deranged depression he had been exhibiting earlier.
Subaru stood up again, taking Seishirou with him and cradling him in his arms. "You shouldn't be here, you know," he added, still smiling. "This isn't a good place."
He gave Subaru a searching look, that was returned in kind by the Sumeragi. "What happened to your eye, kitten?" he asked, sounding curious but not particularly interested. Suddenly, he laughed bitterly. "It doesn't matter. I suppose it makes us a right pair, though."
He licked Subaru's cheek, gently beginning to purr.
~ * ~
"What," he muttered, "is wrong with my subconscious tonight?" Perhaps someone was trying to send him a message. Or maybe he'd just had some bad rice.
~ * ~
He really wasn't surprised that Subaru went within after Seishirou revealed who he really was. Of course Subaru would break down - he was only human, and a very young one at that.
However, he was surprised to find the boy in his maboroshi a few days later. "Subaru-kun. How nice to see you," he said, smiling.
Subaru's eyes were wild and he didn't even respond to the smile. "Don't kill her. Please, don't kill her," the boy pleaded, desperately.
Seishirou stared at him. "Subaru-kun, what are you talking about?"
"Hokuto-chan. She's going to come to you and ask you to kill her, instead of me."
"I see. And you don't want me to do it?"
"NO! Do whatever you want to me, just don't harm her! Please, please, please don't hurt her..." The Sumeragi broke down into desperate tears.
"'Whatever' I want?" mused Seishirou. "But what if I want to do something you don't like?"
"I don't care, as long as she lives..."
"I can do anything I want to you here, you know, and not have to be concerned about physical capabilities. Nothing I do here will affect your body in the real world.
"Unless, of course, I kill you. Then, you die."
"Are you going to kill me?" asked Subaru, in a small voice.
Seishirou glanced at him and shrugged. "Not today, I think." He took Subaru's face between his hands gently. "At least, not in the conventional manner," he added, leaning closer. Subaru's eyelids fluttered closed. He licked them softly with no qualms about giving in to his desire.
It was a perfectly natural hormonal response, after all. He couldn't help what his body wanted.
~ * ~
Seishirou strangled his pillow in frustration and got up to make himself something to drink. Something nice and cold, preferably alcoholic.
It took him at least an hour to get back to sleep.
~ * ~
Seishirou sat down, cross-legged, in order to summon his new shikigami. The spirit formed as mist first, then slowly shifted to make the form of a bird.
"An owl?" he said, raising an eyebrow. "You surprise me. But I suppose it is appropriate." He reached out to tickle the bird under the chin. "A timid bird, but powerful in its element. Just like you, Subaru-kun."
The owl regarded him sullenly.
"Oh, don't tell me you're mad at me, Subaru-kun. It was your sister's spell that allowed this to happen, after all. I wouldn't have been able to take your body if you hadn't been the one to kill me." He regarded the pentagram markings on his hands with a certain amount of amusement. "These spells don't know quite what to do with themselves."
The bird was not amused.
"Oh, don't be like that. I freed your soul, after all. I could have just left you in here to watch while I used your body." He stroked the bird on the head, gently. "You know why, don't you?" He didn't bother waiting for an answer he knew wouldn't come. "This way, we can be together forever." He smiled. "Romantic, isn't it?" he continued, tasting the words as he spoke. "Just like what your sister always wanted."
The owl stayed sullenly silent.
He wanted to laugh at his fancy. It wasn't like Subaru's soul even understood his words. All it knew was that the one in this body was the one he hated.
And that he was now its master.
~ * ~
He sat up, blankets pooling in his lap. Subaru's soul? His shikigami? An owl? He wasn't sure if it was even possible. It was certainly intriguing, if not what he wanted to do with the boy.
Sleep was quick in coming again.
~ * ~
It was a lot easy than he'd expected, finding Kamui alone. The boy spun as soon as he noticed Seishirou's presence. "You!"
"Kamui, yes?" said Seishirou. "I wanted to speak to you."
"About him?" snapped Kamui. "What do you care?"
Seishirou didn't answer. "He doesn't love you, of course," he said, as if it was a matter of fact. "Subaru isn't capable of loving you."
"Don't you think I know that?" said Kamui, irritably.
"He isn't even thinking of you when you're sleeping together," continued Seishirou, lighting a cigarette.
"That may be so, but at least I know he's not wishing he's somewhere else. I'd much rather he be with me and thinking of you than knowing he is with you and wishing he wasn't."
"You don't mind being used, then?"
"I don't see it that way. The fact that you do just goes to show that you don't understand," said the boy, a snatch of his old attitude appearing.
"I understand Subaru far more than you ever can. I'm all he has left of That Time. He can't let me go."
Kamui regarded him thoughtfully. "No, actually, you're wrong. I don't think you do understand him. At all."
"Oh?"
"After all, you don't know what pain is."
Seishirou laughed and bent over to kiss the boy soundly on the lips. "You're so cute. Just like he was." He smiled again, and then stepped back into his maboroshi, leaving only a cloud of sakura petals.
Kamui brushed the stray petals off his school uniform, and ran.
~ * ~
"Kamui?!" muttered Seishirou, puzzled. "Why would I want to kiss Kamui?" He blinked. "Wait, who's Kamui?"
The night didn't answer. After listening to the sound of distant traffic for a few minutes, he decided that sleep was definitely in order. And real sleep. None of these bizarre dreams.
~ * ~
He was standing in a room. The only other occupant was a boy with long, golden hair, who sat on the bed staring at him intensely. He smiled at Seishirou. "We finally meet in person, Sakurazuka-san."
"You caused all that."
"That was your dream. What did I have to do with it?" He smiled at the look Seishirou gave him. "But, in another way, yes, I suppose I did."
"So, this is where you tell me what I just had were visions of the future and that I have to choose which one to follow, right?" said Seishirou, leaning against a wall.
The boy shook his head. "Oh, no. Some of those were simply figments of your imagination."
"But others were precognitions?"
"Well, yes. Certainly. And you're right, you do have to choose one."
"Which do you think I should choose, then?" he said, smoothly.
The boy shrugged. "Whichever you prefer. It's your life. I just wanted to show you what your life could be like."
"I don't love him," Seishirou said, firmly.
The boy smiled indulgently. "Are you so sure of that?"
The room swirled around him, and he awoke alone in his own bed.
Seishirou thought of making love to Subaru under the Sakura, pink petals swirling around them. He thought of the satisfaction as his mission was finally completed, the life of the 13th head of the Sumeragi clan snuffed by his own hands. He thought of his own death at the hands of a very different Sumeragi, his innocent light destroyed by murder and betrayal.
He wondered which he would choose.
Even though this is set somewhere around books 4 and 5, there are spoilers for all of Tokyo Babylon, and several major scenes in X (particularly from November 2000's Asuka onwards - eventually). For Tokyo Babylon, I'm using Leareth's scanlations. For X, I draw on Kristin Olsen's Asuka text translations (particularly those for Seishirou's side-story) and Taryn's scanlations (for a better idea of what happens in That Scene).
Yume
(Yes, pretentious title. Hush.)
Seishirou was feeling confident as he left the Sumeragi household. Yes, he was certain he would win this bet - not that there had ever been any doubt at all, especially with Subaru hardly remembering their first encounter.
He had one job to handle this evening, and he completed it with his usual quick, cold skill. Then, he returned to his apartment and prepared for bed. Even deadly cold-blooded assassins need regular sleep.
~ * ~
He was in his office, completing paperwork, when Hokuto bounced in. "Yes, Hokuto-chan?" he asked, amiably.
"I'm getting married! Kakyou finally popped the question!"
"That's wonderful, Hokuto-chan," he said, sincerely. "When's the big day?"
She handed him a laviciously decorated envelope. "There's your invitation. You will be coming, right?"
He nodded.
"Because, you do know Subaru will be there?"
He nodded again. Of course Subaru would be there - it was his own sister's wedding.
"Sei-chan... You have forgiven him for marrying Mitsuki-san, right?"
"Yes, Hokuto, I've forgiven him..." How could he not, when he could hardly blame Subaru for ending their relationship before it had even properly began - as soon as he revealed who he really was, and why he had been living with them for the past year, Subaru had become even more withdrawn. Even though Seishirou swore he wasn't going to kill Subaru, nor his beloved sister, the trust was gone.
And it was ironic, because Subaru had won the bet without even trying. And he had taught Seishirou how to feel regret.
And jealousy, when he saw Subaru with Mitsuki. And loneliness, when Subaru wouldn't even speak to him. Perhaps that was partly because of Seishirou's refusal to attend the wedding, but that didn't stop it hurting.
And now Subaru was happily married, with two children whom Seishirou had never met, and probably never would.
Hokuto was looking at him critically. "Cheer up, Sei-chan," she said, smiling. "You'll find someone someday, I'm sure."
~ * ~
Seishirou rolled over in his sleep. "Dear god, no..." he muttered.
~ * ~
He was standing under the tree when Subaru arrived. The Sumeragi stopped and stared at him, shock written all over his face. "S-S-Seishirou-san!"
"Good afternoon, Subaru-kun," he said, casually leaning against the Sakura.
"Seishirou-san, what are you doing here?"
Seishirou didn't answer the question, instead posing one of his own. "Tell, me, Subaru-kun, do you remember this tree?"
Subaru was silent for a moment. "I think I do... there was a man, under it. He told me about corpses, buried beneath it..."
"Indeed, Subaru-kun. And do you remember the bet you made?"
"Bet... I made?" He frowned. "I remember the wind was loud, I couldn't hear..."
"'I will come live with you for a year. If by the end of that year I love you, I will not kill you. So, today, I'll let you go'," quoted Seishirou, taking his glasses off.
Subaru was staring at him. "Seishirou-san," he said, horrified, as the meaning set in.
The fight was pitifully short. He knelt beside his fallen victim and gently put his hands around the throat. It was easy to crush it, to feel the life, of the last head of the Sumeragi clan, bleed out beneath his hands.
He buried the body under the tree.
~ * ~
He rolled over again. "no..." he murmured, "that's not how it goes..."
~ * ~
He stood by the bedside, regarding the patient with a watchful eye. There was a maze of tubes connected to the still form lying in the stark white hospital bed, and a variety of machines that let out comforting beeps every now and then. Those wide, expressive eyes were closed, the black hair growing a little too long, the facial expression one of peaceful slumber.
"Really, Subaru... Don't you think it's a little melodramatic? It's been months."
The form in the bed did not respond.
"Have you checked on Hokuto recently? But no, I guess you would know automatically what happens to her. You were always extremely close, even for twins," he said, smiling.
The room was silent except for the sound of his own quiet breathing.
"I just killed your sister, and I still get no reaction? You wound me, Subaru-kun."
He regarded the Sumeragi thoughtfully. "I didn't think it was in your heart to just give up like this. I suppose it just goes to show that you never do completely know the person you love."
Not even the casual declaration of love had any effect on the still form of the boy who had once been full of so much innocent joy. Now all Seishirou felt from him was a dull, bitter silence.
Seishirou took off his glasses and placed them on the table beside Subaru's bed. He wouldn't be needing them any more, once he left here. The masquerade was over.
He sketched some wards and prepared to merge with the mind of the boy lying before him. The wards of protection around the Sumeragi's mind were simple enough to break.
He found himself standing beneath the Sakura. Subaru was nowhere to be seen. He tried calling the boy's name a few times. His voice echoed in the silence. The only movement he could sense was the gentle fall of sakura petals around him.
A memory surfaced in his own mind, unbidden. "I'm not letting you take him. I'm not letting you imprison him." Hokuto. Had she taken her brother with her when she died?
He left the Sumeragi lying there in his web of silence. After all, there was no point in killing someone whose heart was already gone.
~ * ~
He twisted under his sheets uneasily. "That's not right. Hokuto wouldn't do that... would she?"
~ * ~
(Work on rewriting this part so it's more dream-like)
It was his wedding day. Hokuto had been bouncing off walls for weeks in preparation for this. They'd finally managed to talk Subaru into being best man, since he'd flat out refused to be a bridesmaid, much to their disappointment. Subaru might have loosened out a lot since meeting Kakyou, but not that much.
Once she realised exactly how much she was messing up her brother's life by trying to force him into a relationship with a man ten years older than himself, Hokuto had begun trying to find other alternatives for her little brother. When she'd introduced him to her friend Kakyou a year ago, things had just... clicked. Subaru was fascinated by the other boy's Dreamscape, and Kakyou seemed completely drawn in by the Sumeragi's adorable personality.
And no one was more surprised than Seishirou when he found himself falling for Subaru's hyperactive twin sister. And since killing her brother would undoubtedly put a hole in their relationship - a thought he found hard to bear - he'd had to grudgingly admit to himself that he'd lost the bet.
It was during one of Subaru's frequent visits with the Dreamgazer that Hokuto had first propositioned him. And now they were getting married.
Subaru looked adorable as ever in formal clothes, but Seishirou's attention was drawn entirely to the beautiful figure of the elder twin - who was dressed somewhat untraditionally in a yellow dress with sunflowers on it.
As they stood together, she leaned over to whisper in his ear, "I love you, Sei-chan."
~ * ~
He rolled over again. "What the hell?" he muttered into his pillow.
~ * ~
He was standing under the tree when Subaru arrived. The Sumeragi stopped and stared at him, shock written all over his face. "S-S-Seishirou-san!"
"Good afternoon, Subaru-kun," he said, casually leaning against the Sakura.
"Seishirou-san, what are you doing here?"
Seishirou didn't answer the question, instead posing one of his own. "Tell, me, Subaru-kun, do you remember this tree?"
Subaru was silent for a moment. "I think I do... there was a man, under it. He told me about corpses, buried beneath it..."
"Indeed, Subaru-kun. And do you remember the bet you made?"
"Bet... I made?" He frowned. "I remember the wind was loud, I couldn't hear..."
"'I will come live with you for a year. If by the end of that year I love you, I will not kill you. So, today, I'll let you go'," quoted Seishirou, taking his glasses off.
Subaru was staring at him. "Seishirou-san," he said, horrified, as the meaning set in.
Seishirou held up a hand. "Wait, Subaru-kun."
Subaru backed away a bit. Seishirou could see him mentally preparing defensive spells.
"I wanted to tell you that you won that bet, Subaru-kun."
Subaru fell over backwards. "What?!"
Seishirou stepped over to the fallen boy and knelt beside his beloved. "I love you."
"S-S-Seishirou-san..."
"Do you love me?"
"I - I ..."
Seishirou leant over him, lips almost touching the Sumeragi's. "Yes?"
"I do..."
They kissed for the first time, lying on the grass with pink sakura petals falling all around them. Then Seishirou moved his kisses lower, and Subaru began to learn about the other aspects of love.
~ * ~
He smiled in his sleep. It had been a while since he'd had a 'robbing Subaru of his innocence beneath the Sakura' dream.
~ * ~
The sky was overcast, but it was not actually raining now, although it had been before. Seishirou trudged along the damp ground to where the 13th Head of the Sumeragi Clan knelt in front of his sister's grave. He stood back a few metres, and waited until Subaru noticed him.
"You shouldn't be here," said Subaru, dully, without turning around.
"And why not, Subaru-kun? We live together, don't we? Sleep together?"
Subaru's eyes flashed. "There are some things I can't forgive you for. This is one of them."
Seishirou was silent for a moment. "She asked me to kill her, Subaru-kun. I was hardly something I'd planned for."
"That only makes it hurt more, Seishirou-san. That all she was to you was a pretty present for your tree."
"I didn't give Hokuto to the Sakura, Subaru-kun."
"No, I suppose that position is only for important victims. And you have no right to say her name."
Seishirou shrugged, and lit a cigarette.
"I can ignore it, when I'm with you, because I love you, although I don't know why..." Subaru said, pensively. "But I can't here. Never here."
"Subaru-kun..."
"Go away, Seishirou-san. I don't want to see you right now."
Seishirou left. He knew he'd have Subaru in his bed again by this evening, and that was all that mattered. The Sumeragi was his.
~ * ~
He smiled slightly at the thought of the Sumeragi developing a spine. "My Subaru-kun," he muttered possessively.
~ * ~
He was watching Subaru and the Kamui of the Dragons of Heaven as they walked side by side in the gardens just outside of CLAMP Campus. Apparently they'd wanted some privacy without the risk of being interrupted by the other Seals.
"So, what was it you needed to tell me, Kamui?" asked Subaru.
Kamui blushed bright red. "Um... I... You... "
Subaru looked at him, patiently waiting for him to finish.
"I think I've fallen in love with you!"
Subaru blinked at him. "Kamui..."
"And I know you don't feel the same way, because you love Him, but I had to tell you because... because..."
Subaru put a hand on the younger boy's shoulder. "Because...?"
"Because it hurts more to keep it inside..." said Kamui, so quietly it was barely a whisper.
Subaru drew him close and wrapped his arms around him. "Kamui..." he said again, sadder this time.
"I'm sorry!" gasped Kamui, tears beginning to trickle down his cheeks.
"It's okay..." said Subaru, wiping them away with a slender finger. "I think... I think I love you too," he continued, stepping back and taking Kamui's hand in his..
"W-w-what? But... what about him?"
"Seishirou-san?" Subaru smiled sadly. "I offered him my love once. He didn't accept it." Subaru looked off into the distance, his posture radiating deep sorrow. "He lost his chance a very long time ago..."
Seishirou dismissed the spell, and directed his energy at breaking all the vases in his apartment. He was suddenly unbearably angry.
~ * ~
Half-awake, Seishirou wondered who Kamui was and what right he had steal his Subaru. He decided to kill the boy at the nearest opportunity and, dismissing the thought, rolled over and drifted into dreams again.
~ * ~
He was woken up in the early hours of the morning by the distinct feeling that someone was doing something to his tree. He slipped out of bed, got dressed, and made his way to the Sakura the fastest way he could.
The figure sitting beneath the tree was very familiar to the Sakurazukamori. But it couldn't be Subaru - Subaru was already dead.
So, Hokuto then. "Hokuto-chan," he greeted her, smiling as if he didn't know that she knew who had killed her brother.
"Sei-chan," she said, coldly.
He leaned against the tree. "What brings you here so early in the morning?"
She didn't answer. Instead, she looked at him long and hard. "You know, I knew you were the Sakurazukamori, even from the beginning."
"Oh?" said Seishirou.
"But I figured, since you weren't acting like you wanted to hurt us, that you wanted to change." She laughed, bitterly. "I thought if I tried hard enough, you two would fall in love and the Sakurazukamori wouldn't exist anymore."
Seishirou folded his arms and waited for her to continue.
"I told you once that if you hurt him, I would kill you. Do you remember that?"
He nodded.
"I was beginning to suspect, then. And I began to prepare..."
He began to realise that the sense of rising power in the area wasn't just coming from the tree, although it was mostly masked by it.
"If you'd just killed him straight off, like you should do, I wouldn't be doing all this. After all, it's hard for a six year old to fight back against a teenager, isn't it?" She muttered something under her breath and released a spell. "But to toy him along like that, to deliberately break his heart - that I cannot forgive."
The world exploded around him. He felt the tree's presence disappear from his mind as it was destroyed by whatever spell Hokuto had prepared. He fell to the ground, gasping.
He had underestimated her. That was the most shocking thing.
"I should kill you now. But I don't think I will. After all, all you are now is human. Your emotions are no longer locked up in that tree, and with it gone you have very little power. Isn't that right, Sei-chan?"
He tried to speak but all he could do was wheeze.
"Don't come to me begging for forgiveness. You won't get it. Goodbye, Seishirou." And then she turned and walked away.
~ * ~
It felt like a chill swept across the room and he pulled the sheets tighter around him in a subconscious reaction to it. He idly wondered if he should rethink his assessment of the extent Hokuto would go to in order to protect her brother.
~ *~
He was lying in Subaru's arms, the other onmyouji's hand through his heart. He could feel life slipping away from him more by the second.
"Subaru-kun. I..." He leaned forward. "I love you," he said into Subaru's ear. Then he collapsed.
"...You... never... say the words... I'm expecting to hear... do you," gasped Subaru through his tears.
Seishirou couldn't reply. However, the scene remained before his eyes, so that he felt like a spectator looking on as Subaru sobbed quietly over his body. He was slightly worried when the bridge began to collapse, but the Kamui of the Dragons of Heaven interfered with Subaru's impending death.
Seishirou had to fight a certain amount of jealousy at that.
The scene faded. He was watching Subaru talk to Kamui, several months after the disaster at Rainbow Bridge.
"Subaru..." Kamui was clutching at Subaru's hand. "Where are you going?"
"Kamui," said Subaru, gently avoiding the question. "I want you to remember, whatever happens, it was my choice."
"But..."
"I know what I have to do. I'm sorry, Kamui."
"You're not coming back, are you?"
Subaru shook his head.
"No... Please, you can't..."
"I have to." Subaru drew the young man into a tight hug. "I'm sorry. But either way, I'd have to leave you. The Sakurazukamori doesn't belong here."
"You're not--"
"I am. I killed him, therefore I am the Sakurazukamori."
"I mean, you're not like him, Subaru."
Subaru sighed. "No... and I can't become like him. Which is why I have do to this."
"It's not fair," sobbed Kamui.
"Is anything? You of all people should know about balance, Kamui."
"I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too," said Subaru, drawing back. "Be strong, Kamui. The world needs you." He wiped a tear from Kamui's cheek. "And you'll get your Fuuma back some day. I'm sure of it."
The world shifted. Subaru was standing beneath the Sakura, obviously waiting for someone. It didn't take long.
"Hello," said Fuuma - no, 'Kamui'.
Subaru opened his eyes. "'Kamui'," he greeted the young man, coldly.
"Congratulations on your new position."
"I'm not joining your side," said Subaru, bluntly.
"How so? The Sakurazukamori is a Dragon of Earth."
"The Sumeragi head is a Dragon of Heaven."
"Well. I suppose it comes down to which has the greater power. And I think we both know which that is."
Subaru took a step forward. Closing his eyes, he launched an attack.
Seishirou saw it all before it happened. The attack was powerful - not powerful enough to kill, but enough to severely hurt the 'Kamui' if he didn't retaliate. Which, of course, he did. And Subaru let down all his guards.
The 'Kamui' of the Dragons of Earth regarded the body before him with a certain amount of surprise. "That was... unexpected."
Only to you, thought Seishirou. Only to those who don't know him.
The scene faded.
"He will make a far better Sakurazukamori than I ever could," said a quietly explanatory voice behind him.
He turned. "Subaru."
The Sumeragi took a step towards him. "You know," he said, bitterly, "of all the futures I imagined for us, this was never one of them."
A vision of the past swam before him. "I wonder who I'll be killed by."
"By the one you love more than anything."
"Subaru..." He sighed. He had nothing to say. "I didn't, either."
"Did you mean it? What you said to me?"
He shrugged. "What point would there be for a dying man to lie?"
"But you didn't have to die, did you?" insisted Subaru. "You knew the terms of the spell."
"Perhaps I wanted you to have your 'revenge'. Maybe I wanted to make you happy," he said, smiling slightly. "Perhaps I wanted to die..."
"There is no greater happiness than being killed by the one you love."
"You knew that would never make me happy. I never really wanted you to die."
"No."
"Seishirou-san..." He blinked rapidly, perhaps fighting tears. "I..."
He took a few steps forward of his own. "Do you forgive me now?"
Subaru laughed bitterly. "How can I not? I killed you. I'm no better than you are, now."
"You'll always be a better person than I am, Subaru-kun."
Subaru appeared to abandon all dignity and flung himself into Seishirou's arms, sobbing. "I hate destiny. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it..."
~ * ~
He dismissed that scene without even thinking about it. It would never happen.
~ * ~
"So... we lost, then," said Seishirou.
Yuuto nodded. Nataku just looked blank.
"'Kamui'?" he said, referring to their own Kamui, and not the original.
"Dead."
"Well," he said. "Now what do we do?"
The door behind them opened. "I have a suggestion," said the newcomer.
The others blinked at him. The intruder was a young man of small stature, with large, expressive violet-purple eyes.
Kamui smiled brightly. "The Dragons of Earth wanted to wipe out humanity so that the earth would live, right?"
Seishirou and Yuuto nodded. Nataku continued to look blank.
"I couldn't do that. I love the Earth, but I have hope for humankind as well. But I don't want the earth to die."
"So...?"
"Well. I want you to start making a difference to the Earth."
"I'm sorry?"
"Start a fund to save endangered species. Make loud protests against the cutting down of the rainforests. Eliminate nuclear waste dumping. I'm sure you all have enough power to make a difference."
"But..." began Seishirou.
"You should have died in the Final Battle," said Kamui. "This way you get to live. If you do what I say."
~ * ~
That, thought Seishirou, was truly bizarre. Why would I want to become an environmental activist? And who the hell is this Kamui person?
~ * ~
He was lying in bed, arms wrapped around Subaru, basking in the afterglow. Subaru was faintly blushing, presumably at the thought of what they'd just been doing.
"You know," said Subaru, unexpectedly, "I could have forgiven you almost anything except harming my sister." He rolled over to look up at Seishirou.
Seishirou pulled out a cigarette, ignoring Subaru's faint look of distaste. "She asked me to kill her."
"She didn't want me to die," explained Subaru, although Seishirou knew perfectly well why Hokuto had done it. "So, why didn't you?"
"Why didn't I kill her?" That was the part Seishirou wasn't very sure of. "Because she made me realise a few things, I suppose."
"What?"
Seishirou removed his cigarette and tapped it gently against the ashtray. "Firstly, that I didn't really want you dead. Secondly - that very fact made me wonder if I hadn't been wrong in thinking I had won our little bet." The first part was the truth. The second... was probably a lie.
"Oh," said Subaru.
"So killing her would have been pointless. Offering herself as a sacrifice in place of her brother was very noble, but would have been utterly senseless if I wasn't going to kill you. And I don't believe in senseless death."
"Only that of people that deserve it," said Subaru, somewhat bitterly.
"Yes."
"What right have you to judge?"
"I'm the Sakurazukamori, Subaru-kun. It's our purpose to judge and punish those that would harm Japan," shrugged Seishirou, implying it was simply a matter of fact.
Subaru sighed again. "This will never work," he moaned, obviously referring to the fact that he was the Thirteenth Head of the Sumeragi clan and therefore sworn to hate the Sakurazukamori.
"Sure it will," said Seishirou, discarding his cigarette and leaning over Subaru with a little smirk. "When two people love each other, anything is possible." He ran a hand down Subaru's chest, smiling seductively.
Subaru shivered, turning faintly pink.
"You know, Hokuto-chan is going to give you hell if she discovers you spent the night here." Seishirou smiled, somewhat teasingly.
Subaru blushed bright red. "Well..." he ventured, "I think it was worth it."
Seishirou laughed, and kissed him deeply. Then he pulled away, with a little chuckle at Subaru's stricken look. "You are going to hit her for doing such a stupid thing, aren't you?" he said, moving his lips down to Subaru's chest.
"Maybe," gasped Subaru. "Although... it worked, didn't it?"
"Only if you've forgiven me for deceiving you. She really wants us to be happy together, remember?"
"Mm," said Subaru, obviously not paying much attention to what Seishirou was saying.
Seishirou smirked, and proceeded to distract the Sumeragi further.
He was fairly certain he didn't actually love the boy. Love was completely different than not wanting him dead, after all. But Subaru was entertaining, and Seishirou had grown used to having him around.
And he certainly was attractive...
~ * ~
Seishirou frowned. "If I didn't love him, then why was he still alive?" It sounded suspiciously like a bad case of 'denial'. The thought disturbed him slightly. He rolled over to think about it, and promptly slipped back into dreams.
~ * ~
"'I hate you.' 'I'll kill you one day.' That's what you want to hear, isn't it?"
Seishirou regarded the young man in front of him curiously. This wasn't the Sumeragi Subaru he was used to.
"Well, I suppose even the best of us can be wrong."
Seishirou raised an eyebrow.
"I've come to realise a few things. One, that it really isn't worth the effort hating you." Subaru pulled at the gloves on his hands, that he had never removed despite all that had happened, with a nervous air.
Seishirou casually lit a cigarette, gesturing slightly for Subaru to continue.
"What is there to hate, after all? It was destiny, wasn't it?" continued the Sumeragi, talking more to himself than to Seishirou. "You only did what you had to do, and I certainly had no control over it.
"And you don't hate me, so what's the point? You never cared a thing for me or my sister."
Seishirou smirked. "It's a very nice speech, Subaru-kun, but you don't actually believe any of it, do you," he stated, bluntly.
"I feel nothing for you, Sakurazuka-san," hissed Subaru. "Anything I may have felt once, you killed."
"And you really don't want revenge for that, the senseless death of your beloved twin?" He plucked a pink Sakura blossom from the air and examined it closely, not paying Subaru any real attention.
"We will be on opposite sides in the end of world. I don't need to challenge you personally in anything," said Subaru, matter-of-factly.
"I thought your wish was to kill me?"
"It seems that lying is another bad habit of yours that I've picked up."
"So what is your wish then, Subaru-kun?" he asked, curious.
"I want not to be tied to you any more." With a quickly muttered phrase, he dissolved the decade-and-a-half old wards on his hands. "I want to have no connection to you.
"I want to never have to see you again." He pulled off his gloves and threw them to the ground in front of Seishirou.
"Sayonara, Sakurazukamori."
Seishirou stared at the gloves at his feet for a long time after Subaru had left. He picked one of them up and caressed it gently.
"You know, Subaru," he addressed the cold wind. "There was a reason I never killed you."
He pocketed the glove and walked off, leaving the remaining one to be buried in falling Sakura blossoms.
~ * ~
"Subaru..." he muttered. "You won't ever be free from me." He shivered involuntarily. Sleepily, he wondered if he shouldn't invest in a heater for his room.
~ * ~
Seishirou searched the building for 'Kamui'. Just as he began to think it was futile, he found the boy in the basement, kneeling in front of the throne. Sobbing.
He paused in the doorway.
So, this wasn't the Dark Kamui, then. This was the boy Fuuma.
He walked in, very deliberately making noise. Fuuma stood up and spun around to face him at the first footstep. His expressions shifted from heartbreak to pure horror as he recognised the Sakurazukamori.
"Hello, Fuuma," said Seishirou, pleasantly.
The boy continued to stare at him, apparently frozen stiff with emotion.
"Would you like to talk about it?" asked Seishirou, kneeling beside the boy and putting a hand on his shoulder.
Fuuma blinked at him for a moment, before crumpling under Seishirou's gentle, encouraging look. "It's Him. I hate it. Him. Us. Kamui... Kamui..." He began to cry.
"What about Kamui?" asked Seishirou, now certain that this was not the Dark Kamui that he had shared icecream with.
"He takes everything I feel and turns it into something twisted and evil," hissed Fuuma. "I would never want to hurt Kamui! I want, him yes, but not without his consent. I... I love him!"
"It's hard, isn't it?" said Seishirou, musingly. "Loving someone destined to always be your opposite."
Fuuma gave him a slightly shocked look.
"I was trying to save him, you know," continued Seishirou. "It was better if he hated me."
"Because you are opposites?"
Seishirou nodded.
"I wouldn't be surprised," said Fuuma in a small voice,"if Kamui hated me now."
Seishirou gave him a rueful smile. "If he hates you, it's only because he's trying to cover his love for you. Love doesn't turn to hate that easily. I found that out the hard way." He got up to leave, glancing down at the boy as he did so. "Do you do this often?" he asked with interest, brushing one of the tears away.
Fuuma shrugged. "Often enough. I think He likes to have me cry."
Seishirou nodded in understanding. "Don't give up hope," he advised the boy. "There's always the future."
"Seishirou-san," said Fuuma when he was halfway to the door.
He winced a little inwardly at the term of address, but halted anyway. "Yes?"
"Who is the one that you love?" The eyes were still wide, but the pain was gone, replaced by a kind of dull amusement.
He turned back to the door. He didn't feel like talking to 'Kamui' now. "You should know," he said simply. "You took his eye out because of it."
~ * ~
He was sure there must be some kind of background knowledge he was missing, there, because that dream made no sense at all to him. Sleep wasn't long in returning to him.
~ * ~
He was fighting two of the Seals - the monk, Sorata and the shrine maiden, Arashi. He thought he was going quite well, actually, considering he was outnumbered two to one, when a strikingly familiar voice behind him brought him to his knees.
"Stop."
Sorata yelled something at the intruder. "Stay away! You don't know what kind of monster he is!"
Subaru casually walked around in front of Seishirou. "On the contrary, I know exactly what kind of monster he is. Hello, Seishirou-san."
Sorata and Arashi stared at him. Then Sorata slapped himself on the forehead. "Sumeragi Subaru. Of course."
"But, isn't he..." began Arashi.
"You..." said Seishirou, at the same time. "But you're dead. I killed you."
"That was my sister you killed."
Seishirou absorbed this silently. "I rather think I would recognise Hokuto-chan..." he ventured, confused.
"That was my sister, pretending to be me," clarified Subaru.
"You let your own sister be killed in your place?" gasped Sorata.
Subaru's eyes flashed with pain and anger. "No! She didn't tell me what she was doing. I had nothing to do with it! When I found out, I..."
"You ran away," said Arashi, simply. "That's what was supposed to have happened to Sumeragi Hokuto, ne?"
He nodded, looking miserable. "I didn't want to be Clan Head anymore. Not after that."
"But I would have known if it was Hokuto's soul!" protested Seishirou, still disbelieving.
"She had a spell," said Subaru, sounding pained. "She asked me for it the night before. If I'd known, I wouldn't have given it to her." A single tear slipped from between his lashes to his cheek.
Seishirou stared at him. It was possible, he supposed. He didn't know all the Sumeragi spells, after all.
"I learnt a few things while I was away, though, Seishirou-san."
"Yes?" said Seishirou, interested.
"So, let's try again, then, shall we?" said Subaru, taking a few steps forward.
"I'm sorry?"
"A year. If, by the end of it, you love me... I won't kill you," said Subaru, taking Seishirou's hand and gently tracing a pentagram on the palm. "Ja ne, Seishirou-san."
~ * ~
"But that doesn't make sense," muttered Seishirou. "That's why I marked him. There is no way I could mistake Hokuto for Subaru. Not even with a spell." He rolled over again, putting the scene out of his mind.
~ * ~
He was watching Subaru, as usual. The onmyouji sat at the base of the Sakura, absently petting his Shikigami. It wasn't the bird he was talking to, however. Seishirou crept slightly closer to hear what he saying.
"It's you that I hear in my mind, isn't it?" said Subaru. "You're that voice that tells me who has to die, and how, and when..." He shivered. "I don't like killing people. It's wrong."
Subaru sent his Shikigami off into the sky with one swift motion. "But I don't want to get rid of you yet, because you're the only connection to him I have left."
It became clear to him that the Sumeragi was more than a little bit insane. He scratched at his ear, intrigued.
"Did you know what it would do to me, Seishirou-san? You always did seem to enjoy hurting me. Was this just your final revenge?"
The onmyouji stood up slowly, using the tree for support. "You knew what would happen. So why did you do it? What would make you want to die, Seishirou-san?"
He didn't even try to reply. Some questions were better left unanswered.
Still, he padded closer, rubbing himself against Subaru's legs affectionately. The Sumeragi knelt beside him and gently stroked him on the head. "Hello, kitten," he said, with an innocent smile totally at odd with the slightly deranged depression he had been exhibiting earlier.
Subaru stood up again, taking Seishirou with him and cradling him in his arms. "You shouldn't be here, you know," he added, still smiling. "This isn't a good place."
He gave Subaru a searching look, that was returned in kind by the Sumeragi. "What happened to your eye, kitten?" he asked, sounding curious but not particularly interested. Suddenly, he laughed bitterly. "It doesn't matter. I suppose it makes us a right pair, though."
He licked Subaru's cheek, gently beginning to purr.
~ * ~
"What," he muttered, "is wrong with my subconscious tonight?" Perhaps someone was trying to send him a message. Or maybe he'd just had some bad rice.
~ * ~
He really wasn't surprised that Subaru went within after Seishirou revealed who he really was. Of course Subaru would break down - he was only human, and a very young one at that.
However, he was surprised to find the boy in his maboroshi a few days later. "Subaru-kun. How nice to see you," he said, smiling.
Subaru's eyes were wild and he didn't even respond to the smile. "Don't kill her. Please, don't kill her," the boy pleaded, desperately.
Seishirou stared at him. "Subaru-kun, what are you talking about?"
"Hokuto-chan. She's going to come to you and ask you to kill her, instead of me."
"I see. And you don't want me to do it?"
"NO! Do whatever you want to me, just don't harm her! Please, please, please don't hurt her..." The Sumeragi broke down into desperate tears.
"'Whatever' I want?" mused Seishirou. "But what if I want to do something you don't like?"
"I don't care, as long as she lives..."
"I can do anything I want to you here, you know, and not have to be concerned about physical capabilities. Nothing I do here will affect your body in the real world.
"Unless, of course, I kill you. Then, you die."
"Are you going to kill me?" asked Subaru, in a small voice.
Seishirou glanced at him and shrugged. "Not today, I think." He took Subaru's face between his hands gently. "At least, not in the conventional manner," he added, leaning closer. Subaru's eyelids fluttered closed. He licked them softly with no qualms about giving in to his desire.
It was a perfectly natural hormonal response, after all. He couldn't help what his body wanted.
~ * ~
Seishirou strangled his pillow in frustration and got up to make himself something to drink. Something nice and cold, preferably alcoholic.
It took him at least an hour to get back to sleep.
~ * ~
Seishirou sat down, cross-legged, in order to summon his new shikigami. The spirit formed as mist first, then slowly shifted to make the form of a bird.
"An owl?" he said, raising an eyebrow. "You surprise me. But I suppose it is appropriate." He reached out to tickle the bird under the chin. "A timid bird, but powerful in its element. Just like you, Subaru-kun."
The owl regarded him sullenly.
"Oh, don't tell me you're mad at me, Subaru-kun. It was your sister's spell that allowed this to happen, after all. I wouldn't have been able to take your body if you hadn't been the one to kill me." He regarded the pentagram markings on his hands with a certain amount of amusement. "These spells don't know quite what to do with themselves."
The bird was not amused.
"Oh, don't be like that. I freed your soul, after all. I could have just left you in here to watch while I used your body." He stroked the bird on the head, gently. "You know why, don't you?" He didn't bother waiting for an answer he knew wouldn't come. "This way, we can be together forever." He smiled. "Romantic, isn't it?" he continued, tasting the words as he spoke. "Just like what your sister always wanted."
The owl stayed sullenly silent.
He wanted to laugh at his fancy. It wasn't like Subaru's soul even understood his words. All it knew was that the one in this body was the one he hated.
And that he was now its master.
~ * ~
He sat up, blankets pooling in his lap. Subaru's soul? His shikigami? An owl? He wasn't sure if it was even possible. It was certainly intriguing, if not what he wanted to do with the boy.
Sleep was quick in coming again.
~ * ~
It was a lot easy than he'd expected, finding Kamui alone. The boy spun as soon as he noticed Seishirou's presence. "You!"
"Kamui, yes?" said Seishirou. "I wanted to speak to you."
"About him?" snapped Kamui. "What do you care?"
Seishirou didn't answer. "He doesn't love you, of course," he said, as if it was a matter of fact. "Subaru isn't capable of loving you."
"Don't you think I know that?" said Kamui, irritably.
"He isn't even thinking of you when you're sleeping together," continued Seishirou, lighting a cigarette.
"That may be so, but at least I know he's not wishing he's somewhere else. I'd much rather he be with me and thinking of you than knowing he is with you and wishing he wasn't."
"You don't mind being used, then?"
"I don't see it that way. The fact that you do just goes to show that you don't understand," said the boy, a snatch of his old attitude appearing.
"I understand Subaru far more than you ever can. I'm all he has left of That Time. He can't let me go."
Kamui regarded him thoughtfully. "No, actually, you're wrong. I don't think you do understand him. At all."
"Oh?"
"After all, you don't know what pain is."
Seishirou laughed and bent over to kiss the boy soundly on the lips. "You're so cute. Just like he was." He smiled again, and then stepped back into his maboroshi, leaving only a cloud of sakura petals.
Kamui brushed the stray petals off his school uniform, and ran.
~ * ~
"Kamui?!" muttered Seishirou, puzzled. "Why would I want to kiss Kamui?" He blinked. "Wait, who's Kamui?"
The night didn't answer. After listening to the sound of distant traffic for a few minutes, he decided that sleep was definitely in order. And real sleep. None of these bizarre dreams.
~ * ~
He was standing in a room. The only other occupant was a boy with long, golden hair, who sat on the bed staring at him intensely. He smiled at Seishirou. "We finally meet in person, Sakurazuka-san."
"You caused all that."
"That was your dream. What did I have to do with it?" He smiled at the look Seishirou gave him. "But, in another way, yes, I suppose I did."
"So, this is where you tell me what I just had were visions of the future and that I have to choose which one to follow, right?" said Seishirou, leaning against a wall.
The boy shook his head. "Oh, no. Some of those were simply figments of your imagination."
"But others were precognitions?"
"Well, yes. Certainly. And you're right, you do have to choose one."
"Which do you think I should choose, then?" he said, smoothly.
The boy shrugged. "Whichever you prefer. It's your life. I just wanted to show you what your life could be like."
"I don't love him," Seishirou said, firmly.
The boy smiled indulgently. "Are you so sure of that?"
The room swirled around him, and he awoke alone in his own bed.
Seishirou thought of making love to Subaru under the Sakura, pink petals swirling around them. He thought of the satisfaction as his mission was finally completed, the life of the 13th head of the Sumeragi clan snuffed by his own hands. He thought of his own death at the hands of a very different Sumeragi, his innocent light destroyed by murder and betrayal.
He wondered which he would choose.