I miss him. Good God, I miss the man. I shouldn't miss him so much but I do.
I established that I was doing the irrational, that I was being weak and ruled by men of all things, but I want it to work.
There's times when I pass him in the corridor and he looks so dejected, so lonely. I realised something today. The scary blond girl is going to be gone in a few days, if nothing else. A few days. Which I know means he'll be upset because he's like that over the ones where he doesn't have some kind of weird...whatever. But it helped me realise something too. Anything he has with the living is temporary. They move on, they have lives in the rest of the world, they do what we can't. Die. It means they have to go places, they have to be things, they have to meet deadlines, they have to live.
I feel bad for them almost. Me and Nick are here forever. I cannot hold a grudge against a man I actually love for the rest of eternity. It's possible to hold such a grudge for the rest of one's life, perhaps. But I am not and will not be alive. What will me resenting him do? Just delay the inevitable for years. Centuries, perhaps.
Which is why it hurts so damned much that he promised me his eternity. Which seemed like a lie for so long after. The wickedest, the bitterest lie a man could tell someone. But it wasn't actually a lie. That's what I realised. How could I let one fleeting moment of idiocy ruin the rest of my life?
I love this man and I want him back. On my terms, but I want him back. Because it really wouldn't be the same without him.
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You and me should go on a walk today. It's lovely and sunny. Unless you're busy, but I'd still like to go on a walk sometime soon. It'd be nice.
Nora.
Well, on this lovely summer's day, I do regret that I might have to forfeit on the House Cup this year. Come on, Hufflepuff, you don't want me to have to forfeit, we can still catch up.
Anyway, before you all go, I hope you have a nice summer and I do hope all my 7th year Hufflepuffs look after themselves in the future. Oh, and obviously enjoy yourselves, I'm not that depressing, I swear.