drunken reminiscing

[flambloom]

so i went to corbins on friday night and we got a few coronas in us and it got me to thinking (haha picture that for a second). while i was still buzzing i realized that it wasnt getting drunk that i loved in australia, it ws having people i love WITH me while i did. i had so much fun, and so that memory got transfered to the most tangible thing at the moment of fun, the alcohol. now while at corbins, i felt like an empty shell sitting on his couch. this time around i had no one with me to share the good time with. i was (basically) all alone. it was the worst feeling i have ever felt. i hated it. it basically ruined my weekend because i was almost over australia and now im having flashbacks all over. i hate that im pasty white again, i hate that my hair is darker again, i hate the my wetsuit continues to sit in a box, and my bodyboard continues to sit in my room not being used. i hate that i made my friend tara cry when i was leaving. i hate that i cant walk to james's and watch the incubus DVD with him. i hate that i dont have to wear john curtin uniform every day. i hate that penn is so cold and lonely. i hate that people forget once youve gone away. i hate that things have changed here. i hate that im out of shape because i dont have james and davo to work out with. i hate that im sad when i could be happy. i hate that im so fucked up. i hate that i get emails from people in australia telling me how much they miss me but theres not a damn thing i can do about it. i hate that its on EXACTLY the OTHER side of the world. i hate that my parents are overbearing. i hate george bush. i hate how republicans are so closed minded. i hate that there is no love in america. i hate being single. i hate winter. i hate the feeling where its 40 degrees and its all muddy and wet and gross. i hate wearing jeans and pants day after day after day. i hate that i cant eat milo cereal or make milkshakes with davo. i hate that every time i listen to james's song it almost brings me to tears cause i can hear him but hes not here. i hate south bend. i hate money. home is where the heart is, so in the words of my bud tara "nick you suck come home".

i plan to.