It's been pointed out to me that six months is a fairly long absence and that I have returned only with a collection of random thoughts and moods
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Thank you, sweetheart. I do realize that I am little haphazard, so it seems right to say it in some order.
Ah, you say that, but you read the little differences, hm? I told you I'd been thinking. It's not just you or Lexia who have been talking about change. I've thought about little else in some time.
Then you do not know how to love.
Yes, Armand. Ah, for Armand. And making Armand say ahhhh.
Yes, now and again. Nothing else can fix it and I do like Ian as you know. I rather miss those long nights on the beach with him, gazing at the stars.
Change. About meeting the past with a different attitude. Not being shackled to it. I thought I was good at that, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that it's still with me. It holds me back.
That's not letting him go. That's obliterating him.
I avoid the land that used to be my father's. That's why I am here now, to face it and break that spell. I have just handed Nicki over to the care of a vampire - doesn't that sound familiar? How do I break that pattern? I don't know. I feel something changing within me when I think of Armand. The old suspicion and mockery isn't there - is that just love? Delusion?
A self-help group would be a start. Maybe Armand knows a few? Or simply ask yourself first, What are your goals when you engage in this behavior/way of thinking, feeling, believing, or acting? In other words, what are you getting out of doing it? By what means can you stop this behavior? What do you need to do in order to stop thinking, acting, behaving this way? And ask, What is the substance of this behavior? What does this negative, limiting (and sometimes potentially dangerous) behavior/attitude/belief really have to do with who I am? That's the normal psycho thing, no Idea if that helps you...
Hehe. Well, its true, right? Except for exceptions, I do not like changes. I also don´t think change is always good. But yes, you are right, change can be a key. You have to decide for yourself if a change is good. And what have change to do with Armand, I wonder?
Hahahahahahahahaha. Well, somehow, yes. ^^
It seems so, my love.
Thank you, vielen, herzlichen Dank! And yes, like a little girl, I wanna know what happens next.
Of course we remember all that. We have no dusty vampire brains but clever mortal brains!
I would have sent Nicolas to Hades a long time ago. ^^
Ah, Armand...
Hm, poor Ian, and you are still his candy man, eh?
Well, wanna pull the trigger or is it better to wait and see?
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Ah, you say that, but you read the little differences, hm? I told you I'd been thinking. It's not just you or Lexia who have been talking about change. I've thought about little else in some time.
Then you do not know how to love.
Yes, Armand. Ah, for Armand. And making Armand say ahhhh.
Yes, now and again. Nothing else can fix it and I do like Ian as you know. I rather miss those long nights on the beach with him, gazing at the stars.
I may have done that already.
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Love means also, let it go.
Making Armand say ahhhh, sounds for me perfect right now...
And as you know, I do like Ian as well. *rawr*
Oh??? Tell me about it!
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That's not letting him go. That's obliterating him.
Why else am I not getting out of bed?
Something happened this summer.
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Oh well, vampire or not, we all have to die one day.
I hope there are painful aaahhh´s
As long there is no clone vampire out there, everything is fine with me. So, what happened this summer?
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I avoid the land that used to be my father's. That's why I am here now, to face it and break that spell. I have just handed Nicki over to the care of a vampire - doesn't that sound familiar? How do I break that pattern? I don't know. I feel something changing within me when I think of Armand. The old suspicion and mockery isn't there - is that just love? Delusion?
And then there is Louis.
No clones.
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Ha. Ja. Very familiar.
Something changing when you think of Armand?? Never thought that...Phew. No Idea. Have you talked to Armand about that topic/feelings you have?
What about Louis? He take care of Nicolas right now, yes?
Good. Aliens? Reptile beings? Bloody fairy's?
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Yes, he does. How do I change old patterns of behavior? I don't know how to do it.
Just blood.
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A self-help group would be a start. Maybe Armand knows a few?
Or simply ask yourself first, What are your goals when you engage in this behavior/way of thinking, feeling, believing, or acting? In other words, what are you getting out of doing it?
By what means can you stop this behavior? What do you need to do in order to stop thinking, acting, behaving this way?
And ask, What is the substance of this behavior? What does this negative, limiting (and sometimes potentially dangerous) behavior/attitude/belief really have to do with who I am?
That's the normal psycho thing, no Idea if that helps you...
A massacre?
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Self-help?
Okay, what are my goals, what am I getting out of it. I can do that.
How do I stop? This, I don't know. It simply happens.
What does it have to do with who I am? I shall think on that. That's a good question. I am not sure I have an answer.
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Are there no Self-help groups in your world? Or is it called differently?
Yes, think about it. In the end it always has to do with who or what we are. What belongs to one and what not. Who we-you- really are.
And you said something happened that summer. What was it? I wanna know that!
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What? A bunch of the undead in a circle of wooden chairs? Archaics Anonymous?
Back to the question of identity, then. Yes.
As you command.
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Except for exceptions, I do not like changes. I also don´t think change is always good. But yes, you are right, change can be a key. You have to decide for yourself if a change is good.
And what have change to do with Armand, I wonder?
Hahahahahahahahaha. Well, somehow, yes. ^^
It seems so, my love.
Thank you, vielen, herzlichen Dank! And yes, like a little girl, I wanna know what happens next.
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So, change. What think your other lovers and friend about that topic?
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Armand is stoic. I haven't spoken to Louis about it yet.
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