healthy sex?
The redhead came by today. He's been worried about me since I had a tiny nervous breakdown last week. I guess he wanted to see for himself that I'm ok now. So he came by between work and school; and he slept with me. Literally. Only I was awake the entire time. I don't think he ever got completely into REM sleep. I think that to some extent he played me. Caressing me in his sleep, hugging me to him so tightly. He had said that he stayed awake all night last night. I considered going there with him, but I thought he would taste like the girl he's been dating lately. He now knows that I won't have casual sex with him because I'm afraid of falling in love with him. We've discussed it quite a bit. And today he made it clear he wanted to have sex with me. It wasn't like last time, I wasn't drinking and feeling all melancholy. So I made sure he was satisfied to some extent and I kept my pants on. Now I have to wonder what he was thinking. (I know... a guy with a hardon isn't really thinking.) But he decided to come by, he suggested taking a nap with me, he made the first move. That doesn't in anyway absolve me from responsibility. But it does give me reason to question his motives. He knows I thought I was in love with him and that I'm trying to prevent getting there again. I know he cares for me; he's never said it, but he is the only person who has been consistent in my life in the past 3 years. And not just for me but for Elyse also; she used to call him her father-figure. Considering he isn't even 30 that's funny. hmmm....that reminds me; he made a strong point of telling me that I place too much emphasis on age difference in relationships. Come to think of it, he's talked alot lately about people we both know who are with someone much younger or much older. I don't want to think about this anymore. Not now anyway.