a rev
I’m sorry for neglecting you for so long. I will not deny that I am fair weather regarding you, and like other times that I have written it was because I really need to this time.
I realized something that I am going to regard as devasting today.
Depression is defined as the feeling of loss.
When I try to consider what things in my life bring me joy it is a daunting task. The first thing that comes to my mind is Sebastian. There were so many times when I just looked at him and smiled and felt this giddy feeling that I can hardly remember now. I think the feeling was always fleeting, so when it got hard and it seemed like it would be better for Sebastian to go, I couldn’t let go. I can’t really articulate how that dog changed me as a person but I can say that I know what it is like to love something (someone) unconditionally.
I lost something that brought me a simple joy in my life. I lost a comfort that no other source could provide. I lost an understanding with someone with has yet to be matched in my life. And I think I still cry because I am feeling this loss.
I can say I have gained some perspective, I have looked at someone I love and said goodbye. And now when I contemplate that place in my heart and in my life that Sebastian was I can only have gratitude. I miss him, and I just wanted to write about how profound of a feeling that has been and will continue to be. It makes me think that maybe I could have a child one day.
It has been almost a month since I have talked to Matthew. I miss him, and think of him often, but it feels okay and more distant. However, there is something I feel about him that scares me. Though we haven’t talked, and I feel happy without him. I’m hoping he thinks of me, misses me, and cares about him. I don’t want him to get over it, and I think that may be me holding on in the worst of ways. I don’t want to hold on, I want to forget. Laying in bed missing him is one thing, and I know that feeling will fade, but when that feeling is gone, I still want him to care about me, and that might ruin something great in the future.
I do want to say something about this guy I am dating, Ben. I really like this guy, and I really like how he likes me. I hope that isn't a bad thing. There is a certain struggle though. I'm having a hard time with expectations, and comparisons, and taking the time and having the understanding that this situation is new. I'm curious to know how a year from now this firstm onth will feel. If I will look to disregard it, or if I will smile remembering what the start of something great was.
I realized something that I am going to regard as devasting today.
Depression is defined as the feeling of loss.
When I try to consider what things in my life bring me joy it is a daunting task. The first thing that comes to my mind is Sebastian. There were so many times when I just looked at him and smiled and felt this giddy feeling that I can hardly remember now. I think the feeling was always fleeting, so when it got hard and it seemed like it would be better for Sebastian to go, I couldn’t let go. I can’t really articulate how that dog changed me as a person but I can say that I know what it is like to love something (someone) unconditionally.
I lost something that brought me a simple joy in my life. I lost a comfort that no other source could provide. I lost an understanding with someone with has yet to be matched in my life. And I think I still cry because I am feeling this loss.
I can say I have gained some perspective, I have looked at someone I love and said goodbye. And now when I contemplate that place in my heart and in my life that Sebastian was I can only have gratitude. I miss him, and I just wanted to write about how profound of a feeling that has been and will continue to be. It makes me think that maybe I could have a child one day.
It has been almost a month since I have talked to Matthew. I miss him, and think of him often, but it feels okay and more distant. However, there is something I feel about him that scares me. Though we haven’t talked, and I feel happy without him. I’m hoping he thinks of me, misses me, and cares about him. I don’t want him to get over it, and I think that may be me holding on in the worst of ways. I don’t want to hold on, I want to forget. Laying in bed missing him is one thing, and I know that feeling will fade, but when that feeling is gone, I still want him to care about me, and that might ruin something great in the future.
I do want to say something about this guy I am dating, Ben. I really like this guy, and I really like how he likes me. I hope that isn't a bad thing. There is a certain struggle though. I'm having a hard time with expectations, and comparisons, and taking the time and having the understanding that this situation is new. I'm curious to know how a year from now this firstm onth will feel. If I will look to disregard it, or if I will smile remembering what the start of something great was.