(no subject)
RANT
today was pretty good. i hung with charlie and quentin and im glad cuz yesterday i felt i was slipping into old habits.thats a scary feeling. feeling uncontrolably numb and lost and confused and alone and the only thing you knwo is real is your skin because youre grasping onto it so tightly, creating tiny puncture wounds that you crave because you need to feel the pain. you need to feel in control of somehting. its like a venom. youre blood is, i mean. a painful expreience, but it happens... you cant control getting bitten by a snake. well, you cant at that moment, but looking back you realize you shouldent have plunged your wrist into that cage in the first place... looking back, perspectively, there are so many other things you could have done...but int he moment, its not you grasping the snake by the neck, but a lunatic. a crazy psycho wanting nothing more than to get wasted, and fucked up, and abused, and hurt, anf then turn around and have the nerver to blame it on society. turn aroung and find another putlet. another snake thirsting to digest another selfish human. this lunatic isnt me. but inside me. it only comes out when im alone, when im venerable. my little lunatic. mine and only mine. i dont know whether to cherish the beast or discard it forever.
"insides bared"
im curled up on my bedroom floor
the music's blasting through the door
so many people sit and stare
so many try and try to care
but its not there
no its not there
my fucked up mind bleeds through my pores
my home will soon be at the morgue
im red with pain and wet with tears
red bleeds through veins. tears pour from fears
ive made it to my bathroom door
im crawling, falling on my floor
people all around me stare
they dont even try to care
my veins are teared
my insides bared
"bedtime"
these voices in my head i fear
becoming louder; coming near
the static black that fills this void
my life is nervous, paranoid
i fear these voices in my head
thats wat me hurting, want me dead
and to relate is to ecsape
and understand my ful-filled state
these voices louder,
way more clear
and oh how many
things i fear
abuse myself, i dont hurt ME
i hurt the voices you dont see
hold me close, then say goodbye
and with your riddance, i should die
im done with concience,
done with me
done withconstant
agony
these words that only i can hear
do not drive me to hide in fear
i must agree, i do comply
the only way to cleanse is cry
youre silence blares my heartless void
im sleepless, dumb and paranoid
little voice, why do you sleep?
but in my head your quiet creeps
is love to cry
id love to keep
my thoughtless mind
youre unknown means
but now our world will change you see
and now my thoughts mirage to dreams
and now i lay me down to sleep
till you and me again will weep.
today was pretty good. i hung with charlie and quentin and im glad cuz yesterday i felt i was slipping into old habits.thats a scary feeling. feeling uncontrolably numb and lost and confused and alone and the only thing you knwo is real is your skin because youre grasping onto it so tightly, creating tiny puncture wounds that you crave because you need to feel the pain. you need to feel in control of somehting. its like a venom. youre blood is, i mean. a painful expreience, but it happens... you cant control getting bitten by a snake. well, you cant at that moment, but looking back you realize you shouldent have plunged your wrist into that cage in the first place... looking back, perspectively, there are so many other things you could have done...but int he moment, its not you grasping the snake by the neck, but a lunatic. a crazy psycho wanting nothing more than to get wasted, and fucked up, and abused, and hurt, anf then turn around and have the nerver to blame it on society. turn aroung and find another putlet. another snake thirsting to digest another selfish human. this lunatic isnt me. but inside me. it only comes out when im alone, when im venerable. my little lunatic. mine and only mine. i dont know whether to cherish the beast or discard it forever.
"insides bared"
im curled up on my bedroom floor
the music's blasting through the door
so many people sit and stare
so many try and try to care
but its not there
no its not there
my fucked up mind bleeds through my pores
my home will soon be at the morgue
im red with pain and wet with tears
red bleeds through veins. tears pour from fears
ive made it to my bathroom door
im crawling, falling on my floor
people all around me stare
they dont even try to care
my veins are teared
my insides bared
"bedtime"
these voices in my head i fear
becoming louder; coming near
the static black that fills this void
my life is nervous, paranoid
i fear these voices in my head
thats wat me hurting, want me dead
and to relate is to ecsape
and understand my ful-filled state
these voices louder,
way more clear
and oh how many
things i fear
abuse myself, i dont hurt ME
i hurt the voices you dont see
hold me close, then say goodbye
and with your riddance, i should die
im done with concience,
done with me
done withconstant
agony
these words that only i can hear
do not drive me to hide in fear
i must agree, i do comply
the only way to cleanse is cry
youre silence blares my heartless void
im sleepless, dumb and paranoid
little voice, why do you sleep?
but in my head your quiet creeps
is love to cry
id love to keep
my thoughtless mind
youre unknown means
but now our world will change you see
and now my thoughts mirage to dreams
and now i lay me down to sleep
till you and me again will weep.