Aftermath with dannymesser

[flack_nypd]

The song played quietly in the background as he sat on the couch, eyes staring straight ahead. It had been months and still...still there were days when he could barely get out of bed.
He'd yet to feel anything between his legs, and hadn't so much as stood naked in front of his husband since he was able to move about on his own two feet.
Still

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dannymesser

[flack_nypd]

Walking up the stairs to their apartment, Danny dreaded going inside. He loved Don more than life itself but the last few months had been so hard. Danny had never been the strong one emotionally but since Don had been injured he'd had to step up and be the encouraging and supportive one. He didn't mind doing it. He'd do anything for Don but it was taking its toll on Danny. Months later nothing Danny did or said seemed to help or even cheer him up the tiniest bit. He knew Don was keeping things from him because he wouldn't even talk about anything with him that had to do with his injury. Sometimes it was like walking on eggshells around him.
Finally walking inside their apartment, Danny sighed when he heard what was playing on the stereo and once he'd taken off his shoes and jacket, he immediately turned it off, not wanting Don to listen to that depressing shit. "Hey, babe." he said quietly when he sat down beside him and gently squeezed his hand. "How was yer day?"

[flack_nypd]

"Hey, I was uh...I was listening to that..." Don murmured, his eyes barely flickering up to Danny as he stood with some difficulty and moved to give him a kiss.
Despite everything that happened, Don had never stopped being tender and loving to Danny, treating him as though he were made of the rarest mineral on earth. But always was the undercurrent of sadness, plain in his eyes, and tonight was no exception as after the kiss, he limped off to the kitchen to start on dinner.
Menial tasks made life easier for him now and gave his brain something to focus on other than the attack.

dannymesser

[flack_nypd]

"Hey..." he began, leaning up for one more kiss, "did you have a good day?" he asked again since Don didn't seem to hear him the first time. Danny sighed softly as Don headed to the kitchen, his heart breaking. He wished he could be enough to pull Don out of this depression or at least help a little. He wasn't good at this. He knew that. Don was the one who was good at making him feel better and not since they'd first gotten together did Danny question whether or not he was good enough for him. Following Don to the kitchen, Danny stopped and leaned against the bar. "You wanna come with me an' get outta our work clothes? Then I can help ya with dinner if ya want."

[flack_nypd]

Don didn't move, didn't speak, for a very long time. It was easier to keep his emotions in check usually, but today, the day the men's sentences were read out in court, Don was finding it much harder.
"I...I had to read a...a victim statement t-today at the sentencing." Don's voice broke towards the end, making it clear that it had been a very tough day for him.

dannymesser

[flack_nypd]

Danny just stood there and frowned when Don seemingly ignored him. Sure, they'd been to court that day but Danny had been right by his side even bringing him home after the trial and dropping him off before heading back to work to tie up a few loose ends on a case. He finally walked around the bar and gently rubbed Don's back. "Baby, I was...I was there with ya. Right by yer side." he reminded gently, knowing how tough that day had been for Don.

[flack_nypd]

"M-my day was g-good." Don sighed, looking at his husband with nothing but anguish.
"Th-they can't hurt me any-anymore." He added in a mumble, his eyes empty and sad. Because of one stupid move, the men had effectively ruined the Don everyone knew and loved permanently.
"Y'want p-pizza or somethin'? I know y'had a long day." He asked, the tenderness coming out in full force as he smoothed a hand over Danny's hair.

dannymesser

[flack_nypd]

"No, they can't hurt ya anymore...never again." Danny assured him, almost finding it impossible to look into those sad eyes. "Nobody's gonna hurt ya ever again, Donnie. I'm not gonna let 'em." he said softly, looking up at Don but trying hard to avoid his eyes. "Pizza sounds good. Ya want me to call it in?" he asked, his eyes momentarily closing when Don touched his hair and he leaned his head against Don's chest.

[flack_nypd]

One thing that hadn't stopped since the day he came home was the trembling, as though something wasn't connecting properly in his brain and misfiring. Don couldn't stop it if he tried, and it served only to deepen the shame he felt over everything that had happened.
"I-I'll call it in." He whispered, moving away before the tears could roll down his face.

dannymesser

[flack_nypd]

Danny had gotten used to the trembling at least whenever Don would let him get close enough to feel it. He knew he shouldn't have moved closer to him, that he shouldn't have rested his head on Don's chest but he needed the contact. He needed to be close to Don even if he wouldn't let him be. So, Don moving away from him just about did Danny in and unlike Don, the tears trickled down his face and he had to walk away, refusing to cry in front of him. "I gotta go change." he said softly, practically running downt he hallway and into the bedroom.

[flack_nypd]

Calling in the order, Don was more robot than human and after hanging up, he followed Danny into the bedroom to change out of his clothes. The colostomy bag was still very much in place, mostly due to the fact that his body was taking its sweet time healing itself.
Sighing softly, he sat at the edge of the bed, undoing his tie.

dannymesser

[flack_nypd]

Danny quickly rubbed at his eyes before Don had gotten into the room, something he wasn't even sure if Don would do or not. He changed into sweats and a t-shirt and sat down on the bed beside Don. Despite how often Don walked away from him, it didn't stop Danny from trying. Reaching over to Don's tie, he loosened it up and tugged it from around his neck.

[flack_nypd]

He'd been mulling over it for weeks. Ever since the doctor's seemingly final diagnosis had been given. The pamphlets for the pump that could be surgically inserted to mimic an erection for him sat on his desk, but Don knew he'd never so much as open them. Call it selfish, but if he couldn't feel anything down there, he didn't want to be able to use it at all.
As Danny loosened his tie, Don thought of how best to form the words that had been running through his mind for so long. It would kill both of them, he knew, but it was for the best. Danny deserved better and that was his primary motivation for doing it.
"I think we should seperate." He whispered after several moments, Don finding no better way of putting it. His voice was calm, emotionless, and his eyes were empty; emotion would only further complicate this process.

dannymesser

[flack_nypd]

If there was anything in the world Danny never thought he'd hear, it was those five words. He shook his head and looked up at Don as he pulled the tie off, holding it tight between his fingers. "No, we shouldn't." he said flatly, not wanting to be away from Don even though Don had turned into someone that he barely recognized.

[flack_nypd]

"You need someone who can give ya what you need, and that's not me." He whispered, his jaw clenched to keep his lips from trembling, Don terrified of breaking down yet again in front of Danny.

dannymesser

[flack_nypd]

Danny sighed, tired of Don always telling him what he thought he needed. "You obviously don't know what I need if yer not wantin' us to be together."

[flack_nypd]

"You deserve better than this! Playin' fuckin' maid to a grown man, havin' to change a fuckin' shit bag every few hours. Havin' to look at it is bad enough. Y'should be startin' a family, havin' the time a yer life. Not stuck 'ere with a fuckin' cripple!" He was yelling now, not loudly, but enough to make it clear that he was pissed at Danny for staying.