"Letters: No Starting Over"
Title: Letters
Chapter: "No Starting Over" (2 of 3)
Word Count: 3920
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Ginny
Summary: Ginny never expected for things to turn out the way they did after the defeat of Voldemort. Who knew that Harry would pull away? Who knew that he was capable of walking out of her life? Yet still, he did without a single word to her for five years.
Notes: Special thanks to my rock awesome betas,
deena_s and
redhot_witch.
“Letters”
Chapter Two: No Starting Over
[Later that same night]
“You never told me that,” Eric laughed.
“Well, it’s not something that I pride myself on,” Ginny said with a painfully embarrassed look about her.
“I don’t quite think that you were as embarrassed as Harry was,” Ron chuckled heartily.
“Ron,” Harry said quietly as he shook his head, trying to stop him.
Ginny swallowed her bite of treacle tart drowning out the laughs from her brother and her boyfriend. Hermione caught her friend’s attempt to avoid the humiliating memory and quickly spoke up.
“Ron! What time are we meeting everyone?”
“In about fifteen minutes,” he answered. “Why?”
“Well…shouldn’t we be getting ready?”
“Hermione,” Ron said frowning, “it takes us five seconds to get there-”
“You two are coming aren’t you?” she turned to ask Ginny and Eric, cutting Ron short. Ginny’s brow furrowed as she looked up at Hermione.
“Oh…er, well- we actually already have plans for the evening.”
“What?!” Ron shouted. “Oh, come on! You two can do whatever you were going to do some other night.”
“If they already have plans, it’s okay,” Harry interjected.
“Bloody hell it’s not okay. Stuff the plans.” Ron wasn’t about to let his sister skip out on this. “Besides, this is a good chance to get together with the old gang. We hardly ever get to do that anymore. And you know that you’ll regret it if you don’t go.”
“Honey, we can do what we’d planned some other time. Moreover, it’s Harry’s welcome home party,” Eric was trying to coax her into going. “Ron’s right, you will regret it if you don’t go.”
Ginny felt the heavy weight fall on her chest as she gave in. “Fine,” she said putting on her best fake smile. “We’ll be there.”
“Terrific,” Hermione grinned excitedly. “How about we go on to The Leaky Cauldron and see if we can’t sway Tom into giving us a proper treat for Harry’s welcome back? Eric, why don’t you come with us? Let’s give these two a chance to catch up for a few more minutes,” she said, nodding to Ron and Harry as she pulled Ginny up from her chair.
“Sure, Hermione,” Eric said, waving back to the two men at the table. “See you guys in a few.”
A moment later, all three of them were gone, leaving Harry and Ron to talk.
“Who’s this Eric, fellow?” Harry asked immediately, catching Ron slightly off guard.
“Oh, I guess we didn’t really properly introduce the two of you, did we? That’s Eric Summerby…you remember? He was the Seeker for Hufflepuff after Cedric was…killed.”
Harry sucked in a sharp breath as realization set in on him. “Oh. Yeah…I remember.” His brow furrowed in question.
“What’s on your mind, mate?” Ron asked, noticing Harry’s quizzical state.
“How long have they been dating?”
“Oh…I’d say almost a year now.”
Harry thought that it was a little strange that Ginny would wait so long after her last year at Hogwarts to begin dating a fellow student.
“How’d they end up getting together after such a long time out of Hogwarts?” Harry asked, trying to appear nonchalant.
“I think they actually bumped into each other at the World Cup last year. She went with Fred, Angelina and George. She said something about he was there to see the game with some of his old mates from Hufflepuff.” Ron finally stopped and gave his friend a seemingly knowing look. “Why do you seem so interested in them, mate?”
“Oh…no reason. Just curious,” he answered. “It’s just that…three years is a while. Did she date anyone before him?”
Ron didn’t really like where this was going. Admittedly, he’d prefer that Harry was the one that his sister would finally settle down with but, his best mate had left her under harsh circumstances. How could he expect to make things right with her after leaving the way he did?
“Look Harry, I understand that you might still have feelings for Ginny, but I will not let her be just another notch on your belt,” he said seriously.
“No, Ron…you’ve got it all wrong. I’d never-”
“Because, I know you see plenty of other women…but she’s more than just some fling. Besides,” he continued despite Harry’s protests, “Ginny’s got a good thing going with Eric. It took her a long time before she finally moved on with her life and I want her to keep the happiness that she finally has.”
Harry hung his head, feeling his friend’s eyes on him. “All I want is for her to be happy too,” he spoke softly.
“Good, at least we agree on that.” Ron glanced over at the clock on the wall. “We’d better be going. Looks like the guest of honor will be fashionably late. Ah, well…like it really matters.”
--------------------------
Harry didn’t really realize just how much he’d missed his old mates until that evening. He’d forgotten about all of the good times that he used to have with Dean, Seamus, Neville and Ron, when it was just the five of them in their dormitory.
However, in the midst of the laughter with his friends, Fred and George included, it all had seemed to fade in and out over the course of the evening as his eyes followed Ginny each time she moved around the room.
You’ve got to stop this, man. She’s with him now, he thought.
But, I just can’t believe that she’s actually given up hope on me, his mind countered.
You left her for five years…and told Ron that you saw other women. You can’t honestly expect her to have held herself back just for you, especially when you never wrote to her.
Harry knew that his chances of renewing things with Ginny would be difficult, but for some reason, he never considered the possibility that she would have met someone else…and moved on.
“Yeah, I’ll never forget that,” Fred laughed heartily, cutting through his thoughts.
“Merlin, we had such a great time giving Umbridge pure hell. Remember those times, Harry?” George asked, forcing Harry to pay attention to someone else other than Ginny.
He looked at George, slightly dazed, “Yeah mate. Who can ever forget her face when you two flew out of the school yelling at Peeves to ‘give her hell’.” Harry chuckled lightly as he looked at his friends. He really had missed this.
Seamus started talking about some incident that happened at a pub a few weeks ago that he and a bloke that he worked with witnessed and Harry found himself drifting out of the conversation again.
His eyes scanned the room for Ginny’s small frame and fiery red hair but he didn’t see her anywhere. Bugger, I lost her again, he thought.
“Excuse me, mates,” Harry interrupted Seamus’s story. “I’m going to mingle around a bit.” He absentmindedly heard the guys mutter their ‘see you in a bit’ when he had already begun searching for her.
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of her as she descended the stairs slowly. I have to talk to her, he thought as his mind continued to try and win the argument.
“Ginny!” he called out, startling her as she grabbed the stair rail to catch her balance.
“Merlin, Harry! Must you keep doing that?” she asked slightly annoyed.
“Sorry. Er…listen, I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes…over here maybe?” Harry said pointing to a nearby table that was empty.
“Erm…actually, I was just going back to join Eric,” she fidgeted. Truth was, she didn’t trust being alone with him. Ginny didn’t know if she couldn’t trust Harry or if she just couldn’t trust herself, but either way wasn’t going to work.
He looked back at Eric with silent jealousy and noticed him drifting in to talk with Fred and George, where Harry had been merely a minute ago.
“Well…,” he said turning back to Ginny, “it looks like he’ll be caught up in conversation for a little while. Shall we?” Harry pointed back to the table as he started to walk over and pull out a chair for her, however, she didn’t move from the step that she was on.
“What do you want Harry?” she asked with a slightly harsh tone. He looked back to see that she hadn’t followed him and sighed as he walked back toward her.
Fine…we’ll do this her way then, he thought. “Erm…well…I know that we haven’t had much of a chance to catch up yet…but, er…there’s something else that’s a bit more pressing right now.”
“And that would be?” she said, pushing her nervousness away.
“I- …Ginny, I just wanted to apologize, I mean really apologize, for the way that I’ve been these last five years. I know that you’re angry with me and I can certainly understand why…” Harry’s voice trailed off as she stood there without saying a word to him.
If he wants to apologize, that’s fine, Ginny thought. But if he thinks that he’s just going to pop right back into my life…he’s got another thing coming.
He watched her fold her arms across her chest and braced himself for a rough road ahead.
“I know that there’s nothing I can do or say that will make up for the things that I’ve done…but I was hoping that there was some way that we could put these things behind us and just move on with our lives. Do you think that there might be any chance that you’d be able to forgive me?” Harry stood there silently and waited for her reaction with a questioning but hopeful expression on his face.
She laughed to herself, throwing him off a bit. He definitely hadn’t expected her to laugh about this.
“That’s very amusing, Harry.”
He was puzzled now. “I’m sorry, I don’t quite follow. What’s so funny?”
“You see…none of this really matters now, does it…because you’ve already put the past behind you and moved on. Obviously, this little ‘kind’ gesture of yours is just a way to help soothe your guilty conscience,” Ginny huffed. “Well, I’m sorry that I can’t help you there because…I’ve moved on with my life as well. But as far as forgiveness, I don’t quite know that I can give you that.”
She began to try to push her way past him, but he put out his arm, blocking her way down the remaining steps. Harry was hurt by her remark, but more upset at the way she was acting.
It was his turn, now, to behave like a jealous child. “Yeah, I can see that you’ve moved on. Eric…he’s quite a nice bloke, if you like that shallow sort.”
“You’ve been gone for five years and you feel that you can pass judgment on him after knowing him for five hours?” Ginny glared at him angrily. He’d hit far below the belt and now she was ready to come out fighting. “I’ll have you know,” she said spitefully, “that Eric is not shallow. He’s actually very kind, sweet, gentle, loyal-”
“…playful, easy-going…yes, all characteristics of a dog,” Harry snipped smartly.
She was beyond angry with him now. He’d pushed far too many wrong buttons. Even he knew he’d gone too far with that last comment, but once he got started, it was really hard to hold his envy back.
So this is the game that we’re playing then…she thought. “At least when he said that he loved me, he didn’t run away from me for years without so much as a single word.”
I didn’t run away from you, Harry thought regrettably as he dropped his head. He swallowed the lump that suddenly rose in his throat. This can’t be possible…he can’t…
“He can’t love you…” he began to say, looking into the empty space next to her. Ginny’s burning gaze was too much for him to bear but somehow he brought his eyes back to meet hers.
“What?” she scoffed at him. “And, why exactly is it that he can’t love me, Harry? Please, tell me. Do I not have the capability of being loved by someone else?” Her eyes were glistening with tears but she refused to let a single drop fall. She hated this more than he knew. How has it come to us having a row?
Harry’s stuttering became prominent as he tried to continue on. “He can’t love you…the way,” he stopped and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Don’t do it; she’ll never forgive you, his mind called out.
But, I have to let her know how I really feel, his heart countered and his eyes snapped open.
“He can’t love you the way that I love you, Gin.”
“Don’t,” her voice quivered. His gaze stayed on hers, refusing to show the heartbreak that he was beginning to feel. “I’m not your Gin anymore…” she said with a disappointed look in her eyes. This time, he couldn’t stop the hurt from shining through. “Harry, things haven’t been the same between us in a very long time. What makes you think that I would still feel the same way?”
“I know that it hasn’t been the same. But I had hoped that…maybe…” his voice trailed off, full of regret.
“You thought I’d wait for you?” Ginny asked, finding his assumption unsurprising.
“No…I…” Harry stuttered.
“Don’t act like you didn’t think that. I knew you more than you ever understood.”
“Knew me?”
“I’m not starting this here, Harry,” she said as she pushed her way around him until he turned to stop her again.
“Gin…Ginny,” he corrected himself. “I know that I’ve made a mess of things between us…and I’m sorry for behaving the way that I did. I have no right to ask to have you back, but I’m doing it anyway. Please…be my Gin again.”
“You’re damn right. You don’t have any right to ask to have me back in your life,” she bit back. “How dare you even ask me that?! For five years, I never heard a word from you! I got one letter before you defeated Voldemort and after that …I thought that you would have come back to me. Instead, you ran away…ran to another place that wasn’t London, ran to another life that wasn’t yours, ran to another woman…that wasn’t me.”
Harry tried to speak, to even form some sort of coherent thought, but his body was frozen by her words.
“I knew even though you didn’t want me to. Ron didn’t know that I read the letters that you sent to him,” Ginny said as she saw Harry glance in Ron’s direction. “He tried to keep your new life hidden from me, only ever saying that you’d taken a new job away from England.”
She smiled sorrowfully, tears still beaming in her eyes. “I did wait for you. For four years, I waited for you…until I overheard Ron telling Hermione that people were talking about you dating certain…women. And then your letter came telling Ron that you had been dating around. Of course, he didn’t dare mention it to me…but I knew.”
“Ginny…please,” he was at a loss for words, “let…let me explain.”
“I think you explained enough in your letters, Harry. So, let me explain something to you now. Eric and I are…together. We have been for almost a year. I have him and you have…your women friends to keep you company.”
“You can’t tell me that you love him.” Harry’s accusation escaped before he could stop himself.
“I most certainly do,” she said as he saw the anger flash in her eyes.
“Say it then; tell me that you love him...tell me that you don’t still need me.” He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he sucked in each painful breath.
The heat from her gaze was becoming unbearable but the hurt that was shining through her deep brown eyes matched the darkness that filled his once emerald depths. Harry felt as if his heart was being wrenched out every second that he looked at her. How can I do this to her?
She drew a deep breath willing her voice not to break, “I- I love him.”
“But you can’t tell me that you don’t need me…that you don’t still want me,” he said. “…that you don’t still love me…”
Her chest was heaving with each heavy breath and Ginny felt as though she was beginning to lose her control. She couldn’t say it; how could she possibly tell him that?
“Please,” he begged, holding himself back from reaching out to caress her cheek. “Tell me that you still need me. Tell me that you still love me.”
She looked away before saying anything, finding Eric across the room talking with her brothers. He waved at her, mouthing ‘I love you’ and she smiled back, having to force the very expression.
Closing her eyes for a brief moment, she slowly opened them as her vision turned to focus on Harry again. This time, nothing held back the tears that she finally shed.
“I don’t,” Ginny whispered. “You loved me once, as I loved you…but it wasn’t enough, was it? I wasn’t enough…” She reached out and took his hand one last time, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You have to let me go…just let me go on…”
Before Harry could even fully comprehend what she’d just said, the touch of her warm skin against his was gone again. She was gone. He watched her cross the room, interrupting Hermione’s conversation with Neville as Ginny whispered something into her friend’s ear.
Gah!...LJ is screwed up by not letting me post this in one entry. Anywho...click HERE to continue chapter two.
Chapter: "No Starting Over" (2 of 3)
Word Count: 3920
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Harry/Ginny
Summary: Ginny never expected for things to turn out the way they did after the defeat of Voldemort. Who knew that Harry would pull away? Who knew that he was capable of walking out of her life? Yet still, he did without a single word to her for five years.
Notes: Special thanks to my rock awesome betas,
deena_s and
redhot_witch.
“Letters”
Chapter Two: No Starting Over
[Later that same night]
“You never told me that,” Eric laughed.
“Well, it’s not something that I pride myself on,” Ginny said with a painfully embarrassed look about her.
“I don’t quite think that you were as embarrassed as Harry was,” Ron chuckled heartily.
“Ron,” Harry said quietly as he shook his head, trying to stop him.
Ginny swallowed her bite of treacle tart drowning out the laughs from her brother and her boyfriend. Hermione caught her friend’s attempt to avoid the humiliating memory and quickly spoke up.
“Ron! What time are we meeting everyone?”
“In about fifteen minutes,” he answered. “Why?”
“Well…shouldn’t we be getting ready?”
“Hermione,” Ron said frowning, “it takes us five seconds to get there-”
“You two are coming aren’t you?” she turned to ask Ginny and Eric, cutting Ron short. Ginny’s brow furrowed as she looked up at Hermione.
“Oh…er, well- we actually already have plans for the evening.”
“What?!” Ron shouted. “Oh, come on! You two can do whatever you were going to do some other night.”
“If they already have plans, it’s okay,” Harry interjected.
“Bloody hell it’s not okay. Stuff the plans.” Ron wasn’t about to let his sister skip out on this. “Besides, this is a good chance to get together with the old gang. We hardly ever get to do that anymore. And you know that you’ll regret it if you don’t go.”
“Honey, we can do what we’d planned some other time. Moreover, it’s Harry’s welcome home party,” Eric was trying to coax her into going. “Ron’s right, you will regret it if you don’t go.”
Ginny felt the heavy weight fall on her chest as she gave in. “Fine,” she said putting on her best fake smile. “We’ll be there.”
“Terrific,” Hermione grinned excitedly. “How about we go on to The Leaky Cauldron and see if we can’t sway Tom into giving us a proper treat for Harry’s welcome back? Eric, why don’t you come with us? Let’s give these two a chance to catch up for a few more minutes,” she said, nodding to Ron and Harry as she pulled Ginny up from her chair.
“Sure, Hermione,” Eric said, waving back to the two men at the table. “See you guys in a few.”
A moment later, all three of them were gone, leaving Harry and Ron to talk.
“Who’s this Eric, fellow?” Harry asked immediately, catching Ron slightly off guard.
“Oh, I guess we didn’t really properly introduce the two of you, did we? That’s Eric Summerby…you remember? He was the Seeker for Hufflepuff after Cedric was…killed.”
Harry sucked in a sharp breath as realization set in on him. “Oh. Yeah…I remember.” His brow furrowed in question.
“What’s on your mind, mate?” Ron asked, noticing Harry’s quizzical state.
“How long have they been dating?”
“Oh…I’d say almost a year now.”
Harry thought that it was a little strange that Ginny would wait so long after her last year at Hogwarts to begin dating a fellow student.
“How’d they end up getting together after such a long time out of Hogwarts?” Harry asked, trying to appear nonchalant.
“I think they actually bumped into each other at the World Cup last year. She went with Fred, Angelina and George. She said something about he was there to see the game with some of his old mates from Hufflepuff.” Ron finally stopped and gave his friend a seemingly knowing look. “Why do you seem so interested in them, mate?”
“Oh…no reason. Just curious,” he answered. “It’s just that…three years is a while. Did she date anyone before him?”
Ron didn’t really like where this was going. Admittedly, he’d prefer that Harry was the one that his sister would finally settle down with but, his best mate had left her under harsh circumstances. How could he expect to make things right with her after leaving the way he did?
“Look Harry, I understand that you might still have feelings for Ginny, but I will not let her be just another notch on your belt,” he said seriously.
“No, Ron…you’ve got it all wrong. I’d never-”
“Because, I know you see plenty of other women…but she’s more than just some fling. Besides,” he continued despite Harry’s protests, “Ginny’s got a good thing going with Eric. It took her a long time before she finally moved on with her life and I want her to keep the happiness that she finally has.”
Harry hung his head, feeling his friend’s eyes on him. “All I want is for her to be happy too,” he spoke softly.
“Good, at least we agree on that.” Ron glanced over at the clock on the wall. “We’d better be going. Looks like the guest of honor will be fashionably late. Ah, well…like it really matters.”
--------------------------
Harry didn’t really realize just how much he’d missed his old mates until that evening. He’d forgotten about all of the good times that he used to have with Dean, Seamus, Neville and Ron, when it was just the five of them in their dormitory.
However, in the midst of the laughter with his friends, Fred and George included, it all had seemed to fade in and out over the course of the evening as his eyes followed Ginny each time she moved around the room.
You’ve got to stop this, man. She’s with him now, he thought.
But, I just can’t believe that she’s actually given up hope on me, his mind countered.
You left her for five years…and told Ron that you saw other women. You can’t honestly expect her to have held herself back just for you, especially when you never wrote to her.
Harry knew that his chances of renewing things with Ginny would be difficult, but for some reason, he never considered the possibility that she would have met someone else…and moved on.
“Yeah, I’ll never forget that,” Fred laughed heartily, cutting through his thoughts.
“Merlin, we had such a great time giving Umbridge pure hell. Remember those times, Harry?” George asked, forcing Harry to pay attention to someone else other than Ginny.
He looked at George, slightly dazed, “Yeah mate. Who can ever forget her face when you two flew out of the school yelling at Peeves to ‘give her hell’.” Harry chuckled lightly as he looked at his friends. He really had missed this.
Seamus started talking about some incident that happened at a pub a few weeks ago that he and a bloke that he worked with witnessed and Harry found himself drifting out of the conversation again.
His eyes scanned the room for Ginny’s small frame and fiery red hair but he didn’t see her anywhere. Bugger, I lost her again, he thought.
“Excuse me, mates,” Harry interrupted Seamus’s story. “I’m going to mingle around a bit.” He absentmindedly heard the guys mutter their ‘see you in a bit’ when he had already begun searching for her.
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of her as she descended the stairs slowly. I have to talk to her, he thought as his mind continued to try and win the argument.
“Ginny!” he called out, startling her as she grabbed the stair rail to catch her balance.
“Merlin, Harry! Must you keep doing that?” she asked slightly annoyed.
“Sorry. Er…listen, I just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes…over here maybe?” Harry said pointing to a nearby table that was empty.
“Erm…actually, I was just going back to join Eric,” she fidgeted. Truth was, she didn’t trust being alone with him. Ginny didn’t know if she couldn’t trust Harry or if she just couldn’t trust herself, but either way wasn’t going to work.
He looked back at Eric with silent jealousy and noticed him drifting in to talk with Fred and George, where Harry had been merely a minute ago.
“Well…,” he said turning back to Ginny, “it looks like he’ll be caught up in conversation for a little while. Shall we?” Harry pointed back to the table as he started to walk over and pull out a chair for her, however, she didn’t move from the step that she was on.
“What do you want Harry?” she asked with a slightly harsh tone. He looked back to see that she hadn’t followed him and sighed as he walked back toward her.
Fine…we’ll do this her way then, he thought. “Erm…well…I know that we haven’t had much of a chance to catch up yet…but, er…there’s something else that’s a bit more pressing right now.”
“And that would be?” she said, pushing her nervousness away.
“I- …Ginny, I just wanted to apologize, I mean really apologize, for the way that I’ve been these last five years. I know that you’re angry with me and I can certainly understand why…” Harry’s voice trailed off as she stood there without saying a word to him.
If he wants to apologize, that’s fine, Ginny thought. But if he thinks that he’s just going to pop right back into my life…he’s got another thing coming.
He watched her fold her arms across her chest and braced himself for a rough road ahead.
“I know that there’s nothing I can do or say that will make up for the things that I’ve done…but I was hoping that there was some way that we could put these things behind us and just move on with our lives. Do you think that there might be any chance that you’d be able to forgive me?” Harry stood there silently and waited for her reaction with a questioning but hopeful expression on his face.
She laughed to herself, throwing him off a bit. He definitely hadn’t expected her to laugh about this.
“That’s very amusing, Harry.”
He was puzzled now. “I’m sorry, I don’t quite follow. What’s so funny?”
“You see…none of this really matters now, does it…because you’ve already put the past behind you and moved on. Obviously, this little ‘kind’ gesture of yours is just a way to help soothe your guilty conscience,” Ginny huffed. “Well, I’m sorry that I can’t help you there because…I’ve moved on with my life as well. But as far as forgiveness, I don’t quite know that I can give you that.”
She began to try to push her way past him, but he put out his arm, blocking her way down the remaining steps. Harry was hurt by her remark, but more upset at the way she was acting.
It was his turn, now, to behave like a jealous child. “Yeah, I can see that you’ve moved on. Eric…he’s quite a nice bloke, if you like that shallow sort.”
“You’ve been gone for five years and you feel that you can pass judgment on him after knowing him for five hours?” Ginny glared at him angrily. He’d hit far below the belt and now she was ready to come out fighting. “I’ll have you know,” she said spitefully, “that Eric is not shallow. He’s actually very kind, sweet, gentle, loyal-”
“…playful, easy-going…yes, all characteristics of a dog,” Harry snipped smartly.
She was beyond angry with him now. He’d pushed far too many wrong buttons. Even he knew he’d gone too far with that last comment, but once he got started, it was really hard to hold his envy back.
So this is the game that we’re playing then…she thought. “At least when he said that he loved me, he didn’t run away from me for years without so much as a single word.”
I didn’t run away from you, Harry thought regrettably as he dropped his head. He swallowed the lump that suddenly rose in his throat. This can’t be possible…he can’t…
“He can’t love you…” he began to say, looking into the empty space next to her. Ginny’s burning gaze was too much for him to bear but somehow he brought his eyes back to meet hers.
“What?” she scoffed at him. “And, why exactly is it that he can’t love me, Harry? Please, tell me. Do I not have the capability of being loved by someone else?” Her eyes were glistening with tears but she refused to let a single drop fall. She hated this more than he knew. How has it come to us having a row?
Harry’s stuttering became prominent as he tried to continue on. “He can’t love you…the way,” he stopped and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Don’t do it; she’ll never forgive you, his mind called out.
But, I have to let her know how I really feel, his heart countered and his eyes snapped open.
“He can’t love you the way that I love you, Gin.”
“Don’t,” her voice quivered. His gaze stayed on hers, refusing to show the heartbreak that he was beginning to feel. “I’m not your Gin anymore…” she said with a disappointed look in her eyes. This time, he couldn’t stop the hurt from shining through. “Harry, things haven’t been the same between us in a very long time. What makes you think that I would still feel the same way?”
“I know that it hasn’t been the same. But I had hoped that…maybe…” his voice trailed off, full of regret.
“You thought I’d wait for you?” Ginny asked, finding his assumption unsurprising.
“No…I…” Harry stuttered.
“Don’t act like you didn’t think that. I knew you more than you ever understood.”
“Knew me?”
“I’m not starting this here, Harry,” she said as she pushed her way around him until he turned to stop her again.
“Gin…Ginny,” he corrected himself. “I know that I’ve made a mess of things between us…and I’m sorry for behaving the way that I did. I have no right to ask to have you back, but I’m doing it anyway. Please…be my Gin again.”
“You’re damn right. You don’t have any right to ask to have me back in your life,” she bit back. “How dare you even ask me that?! For five years, I never heard a word from you! I got one letter before you defeated Voldemort and after that …I thought that you would have come back to me. Instead, you ran away…ran to another place that wasn’t London, ran to another life that wasn’t yours, ran to another woman…that wasn’t me.”
Harry tried to speak, to even form some sort of coherent thought, but his body was frozen by her words.
“I knew even though you didn’t want me to. Ron didn’t know that I read the letters that you sent to him,” Ginny said as she saw Harry glance in Ron’s direction. “He tried to keep your new life hidden from me, only ever saying that you’d taken a new job away from England.”
She smiled sorrowfully, tears still beaming in her eyes. “I did wait for you. For four years, I waited for you…until I overheard Ron telling Hermione that people were talking about you dating certain…women. And then your letter came telling Ron that you had been dating around. Of course, he didn’t dare mention it to me…but I knew.”
“Ginny…please,” he was at a loss for words, “let…let me explain.”
“I think you explained enough in your letters, Harry. So, let me explain something to you now. Eric and I are…together. We have been for almost a year. I have him and you have…your women friends to keep you company.”
“You can’t tell me that you love him.” Harry’s accusation escaped before he could stop himself.
“I most certainly do,” she said as he saw the anger flash in her eyes.
“Say it then; tell me that you love him...tell me that you don’t still need me.” He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he sucked in each painful breath.
The heat from her gaze was becoming unbearable but the hurt that was shining through her deep brown eyes matched the darkness that filled his once emerald depths. Harry felt as if his heart was being wrenched out every second that he looked at her. How can I do this to her?
She drew a deep breath willing her voice not to break, “I- I love him.”
“But you can’t tell me that you don’t need me…that you don’t still want me,” he said. “…that you don’t still love me…”
Her chest was heaving with each heavy breath and Ginny felt as though she was beginning to lose her control. She couldn’t say it; how could she possibly tell him that?
“Please,” he begged, holding himself back from reaching out to caress her cheek. “Tell me that you still need me. Tell me that you still love me.”
She looked away before saying anything, finding Eric across the room talking with her brothers. He waved at her, mouthing ‘I love you’ and she smiled back, having to force the very expression.
Closing her eyes for a brief moment, she slowly opened them as her vision turned to focus on Harry again. This time, nothing held back the tears that she finally shed.
“I don’t,” Ginny whispered. “You loved me once, as I loved you…but it wasn’t enough, was it? I wasn’t enough…” She reached out and took his hand one last time, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You have to let me go…just let me go on…”
Before Harry could even fully comprehend what she’d just said, the touch of her warm skin against his was gone again. She was gone. He watched her cross the room, interrupting Hermione’s conversation with Neville as Ginny whispered something into her friend’s ear.
Gah!...LJ is screwed up by not letting me post this in one entry. Anywho...click HERE to continue chapter two.