Fancy Rained Like Grace; Chapter Ten
Title: Fancy Rained Like Grace; Chapter Ten
Pairings: Jensen/Jared, Drew Nelson/Sandy McCoy, Misha Collins/Rachel Miner
Word Count: 4040
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: see masterpost for complete list thus far
Author’s Note: A fill for this prompt on spn_hardcore
Summary: Orphaned as a child and heatless, therefore mateless, at twenty-seven, Jared has spent most of his life feeling unloved and unwanted. Jensen is the Dominus of the Ramiel Flight, strong, courageous and everything anyone could want in a mate, everything that Jared was sure he’d never have or deserve. Jensen is hell-bent on proving him wrong. But nothing is ever easy when love is involved.
Masterpost
Chapter Nine
Jared lay down in the middle of Jensen's nest, staring up at the smooth, decorated surface of the cave's ceiling. A simple sun spiraled in the center, its yellow dyed clay almost as bright as the day it was painted, probably over a century ago, though Jared wasn't sure. The shadowed form of a dragon was etched in the middle, its wings splayed wide. The curve of its hind legs told Jared that it was facing him, belly exposed and vulnerable to the nest's audience.
Jared was sure it was a representation of the story of Belisama giving birth to Draconis, when Bel placed the sun in the sky to honor his consort and their child.
Still, part of him liked to imagine that the dragon was actually a doe. The way the neck was tilted back was hiding the horns, and the silhouette hid the spines so that the dragon appeared to be smooth and curved. Few does had the wing strength to fly into the sun at its highest peak, but Jared imagined a strong doe rising high into the mid-morning sky. A doe on an impossible journey into the sun.
He closed his eyes and turned onto his side, pulling his mother's quilt closer to his body.
It was cold in this cave. His old cave had been smaller, and his own body heat had easily been able to warm up his surroundings, keeping him warm through the night. This cave, though, was much too big for that, and with the sun now long set, the cave had cooled considerably. Even the robe Jensen had given to him combined with his mother's blanket and the sheets that insulated the nest didn't seem able to keep out the cold.
It had been colder last night, out in the breeding grounds. Is nest had been exposed to the open air, and it had had an ornamental purpose, without any of the dead leaves, grass, strips of old cloth and woven blankets that a proper nest would have to insulate it. Jared had been in the throes of heat then, burning up from the inside out, but he still would've risked frostbite out there by himself.
He hadn't been alone though. He'd had Jensen to keep him warm, his mate's wings stretching over him to cut through the freezing winds of the Rocky Mountains at night. His mate had kept him safe and warm all through the night, even when Jared was too far gone to care about those things.
But Jensen wasn't here now.
It worried Jared that his mate wasn't home yet. He didn't know the hours that Jensen kept, but most dragons rose and rested with the sun, and the sun had long ago fallen behind the horizon. That meant Jensen had been gone for many hours without coming back to the cave. Jared knew that the Dominus was in high demand, his attention sought by many, but he'd have thought that Jensen would be home by now, at least. Jared was exhausted, and he was sure that his mate must be tired as well after so little sleep the night before.
Jared sighed, curling in on himself. Jensen was fine, he assured himself. The Dominus was probably just with the wing still, attending to whatever the Elders had summoned him for.
Jared's hands found his belly, and he smoothed his palms over its flat surface.
He'd been worried this morning that he wasn't pregnant, that his heat had simply lasted a single day before it had gone again, leaving him childless for one more season. But in the quiet darkness of Jensen's cave, Jared knew. In the same way he knew that the summer sun brought light and life to the land, Jared knew that soon his belly would be round, full of Jensen's eggs.
He was finally a mother. After all this time longing and crying for a heat that had refused to come, Jared was a mother.
He smiled softly to himself, imagining what it would be like to have hatchlings and juveniles of his own. He wondered if Jensen would want a big family like Jared did, or if he'd only want this single clutch. Either way, Jared would be happy with this gift that he had been given, and he hoped Jensen was just as happy.
And he wished that Jensen would come home soon.
Jared woke with a start some time later, confused and disoriented by the sudden presence of light in the previously pitch black room.
His hand rose, blocking it from his sleep-sensitive eyes as he tried to figure out what was happening.
Jensen was standing at the edge of the room with a joss stick in hand, lighting an oil lamp attached to the wall. The fire from the lamp bathed the room in a gentle, glowing light.
Jensen withdrew the stick from the lamp, waving it to put out the ember at the end before turning to Jared, a soft, serene smile on his face.
"Jensen," Jared felt himself flush under Jensen's gaze. He sat up, smiling tentatively in return. "You're home."
The Dominus stepped toward Jared, the light from the lamp casting warm shadows over Jensen's bare shoulders, his dark hair haloed with light.
"I didn't mean to wake you," he apologized, extending his arms to Jared, who shyly reached for him in return, curling into the warmth of his mate's body. "Go back to sleep, little one."
Jensen settled into the nest beside Jared, pulling some of the bedding over them both.
Safe and warmed by the body of his mate, Jared tucked his face into Jensen's neck and closed his eyes.
*
When Jared woke up the next morning, Jensen was already gone.
He supposed he shouldn't have expected any different. Jensen was a busy dragon. He didn't have time to lounge around in their nest all day, even if he wanted to.
Jared stretched out his arms and yawned, exhausted but knowing that he needed to get up regardless. It was dark in the room still, only the single lamp Jensen had lit last night offering any light, but Jared was sure that it was getting to be late in the day. He needed to get up, maybe go check on the other does in the main house.
First things first, though, he needed a bath, desperately. He'd been too tired to bother with it yesterday, but the sweat and musk of pheromones of the past few days clung to his skin, leaving him feeling vaguely sticky and gross.
Jared slid out of his robe, folding it and placing it back on the shelf. He pulled a t-shirt and pair of sweats down, just in case he needed them, and reached into a mostly empty basket tucked into the corner of the lowest shelf. From it, he grabbed a few chips of the bars made from a mixture of potash, animal fat and herbs the dragons used for washing.
He placed everything into his bag and shifted, the leather adjusting strap easily sliding to accommodate his body's larger, scaled form.
The sun was high in the sky when Jared stepped out onto the landing ledge, stretching his wings out wide. They were still sore from the long, tiring journey that the flight to the breeding grounds had been. A cool bath in the river would do them good.
The nearest bend in the river wasn't very far at all, almost within sight of Jensen's cave. It only took a few minutes to get to, and when he broke through the trees, he was pleasantly surprised to see that several does and their children were already at the river.
Even while the does were in heat, there were juveniles to be tended to.
Some of the does were bathing their children. They held their juveniles close as they waded out into the river, using their own bars of crude soap to gently wash away dirt and dead scales, much to the kids' displeasure. Other does sunbathed while their children played in the shallows.
Jared had often come to this section of the river as a fawn and had taken other does' juveniles out here to play.
Soon, he would be bringing his own hatchlings here for their first baths.
The thought sent a little thrill up Jared's spine, imagining how amazing it would be to watch his children as they splashed around in the water when they were old enough, curious little juveniles testing it out themselves for the first time.
Shifting just before he touched down, Jared landed on the balls of his feet right at the water's edge. He retrieved some of the chips from his bag before sliding it over his head and placing it on a rock to keep the clothes inside from getting wet.
The water was chilly as he stepped into it, still working through all the run-off that the snow and ice had dripped into the river in late spring. Goosebumps pebbled on Jared's skin, but the day was warm, and the flowing water felt good, made him feel clean again.
As the water edged up over his waist, he took a deep breath and dove beneath the surface.
The cold nearly took his breath away, but his pushed through the burn growing in his chest, swimming into the deeper parts of the river.
He’d always enjoyed swimming, even as a very young fawn. He couldn’t remember much of his childhood, only bits and pieces from before his parents’ deaths, but most of what he could remember was time spent in the springs by the Arael’s domain, his mother splashing and playing with him.
His heart tugged at the memory of her. Sixteen years after her death, he could barely remember her face or even the shade of her scales anymore. But he remembered her love for him, the only egg of hers to hatch. And he remembered how she would play with him in the springs.
When his chest began to draw too tight to bear, Jared twisted his body, heading back to the shallower waters and simply standing up.
"Jared!"
A mess of scales attached itself to his face, little claws curling into his hair for purchase.
Jared made a muffled sound of surprised before raising his hands to pry the excited little calf from his face.
“Charlie, can’t breathe,” he managed, though to no avail. The little calf just clung all that much harder, her claws starting to dig into his scalp. Jared curled his fingers against her underbelly, knowing Charlie’s tickle spots well by now.
She squealed at the assault, trying to get away and splashing water everywhere.
“Okay, okay, okay. Truce,” Jared finally said, ceasing his tickling to hold her more firmly beneath her forelegs. At six years old, she was getting to be pretty big in her scaled form, about the size of a medium sized dog, but she was still equally clumsy. She could drown easily if she dropped into this deep.
She stopped struggling and looked up at him, a toothy smile on her face.
“I win,” she told him triumphantly before shaking her head, ridding her still cartilaginous and therefore sensitive horns of the water.
Jared laughed.
“Yeah, you win,” he agreed, repositioning her so that she was cradled in his arms. She was getting to be almost too big for him to hold her like that, her limbs long and knobby. But she curled up against his chest automatically, the instinct to assume nursing posture still fairly strong in her.
He patted her soft underbelly and looked up, expecting to see Sandy somewhere nearby. He was sure she’d be dying to know everything he could possibly tell her about the past couple of days. But he didn’t see her amongst the does wading in the water.
“Where’s your mother?” he asked the little calf, still looking for her. “She’s going to be upset that you wandered off.”
“Mommy won’t be mad,” Charlie assured him. “She said I could come here with Rachel, since it wasn’t too far for me to fly.”
“Rachel?”
Charlie nodded.
“Yeah. She’s staying at the main house with all of us.”
“Charlie!”
Jared looked up to see a doe wading their way looking perplexed. She was petite with dark hair that curled over her collarbone, her small mouth pursed.
That was when Jared recognized her. This was Rachel, Misha's mate.
“Your mother is going to kill me if I keep losing you,” she said with a huff, holding out her arms.
Jared moved to hand the little calf over, but she turned away from Rachel, burying into his chest.
“I wanna play with Jared!”
“Fine, have it your way. But you’re in for it when I tell your mother how you’ve been acting,” Rachel said with a huff.
Charlie made a face but obediently went to Rachel after that.
"I don’t know how you do it," Rachel said with a little snort. "Even my own juveniles run from me. But stick you within a five mile radius of one and they flock to you. Must have the magic touch. Either that, or I think I'm missing out on something here."
Jared laughed, looking down at Charlie as she pouted over not being getting her way.
"You're not missing out on anything. I wouldn’t exactly call a single calf ambushing me a ‘flock’," Jared told her, amused by Charlie’s annoyance.
"Still," Rachel said as she a displeased little face, wrinkling her nose. But then the corner of her mouth tilted up. "But I've gotta say, I'm surprised to see you out here."
Jared blinked, a little taken off guard. "Why's that?"
"Well," she leaned in conspiratorially, her eyebrow arched. "I may have heard some interesting talk in the main house that you went into heat this year."
Jared flushed at that, though more from happiness than anything else. He was a little embarrassed that there were actually rumors about him floating around amongst the does, but he wasn't ashamed of gaining his heat at last. Instead, he found himself feeling proud.
"I did," he replied, nodding.
"That's great, Jared." She beamed up at him. "And I know for a fact you weren’t at the main house, so… Are you going to make me guess who the lucky drake is?"
Jared bit his lip and smiled, thinking about his mate, remembering how his bronze scales had shone in the afternoon sun as he’d touched down beside Jared’s nest and crooned Jared’s name.
“Jensen.”
Rachel's eyes widened, but her smile took on a knowing quality. She crossed her arms and tilted her hips.
"Well then. Someone's finally snagged our beloved Dominus. About time that drake settled down and had some hatchlings of his own. You both must've been long overdue for them to take so quickly."
Jared's hands coming up to touch his belly. He wasn't showing, wouldn't be for another month or so, but he could feel his eggs' presence there, soft and warm, little glimmers of precious new life waiting to come into existence.
"I'm ready for them," he said, voice soft.
"So it's true then?"
The new voice was startling, completely unexpected, and Jared turned to face its owner.
Three does that Jared didn’t recognize were making their way toward them, each with bright, curious eyes.
“You’re our Dominus’ mate?” the one on the right asked again, adjusting the fawn on his hip.
Jared nodded hesitantly.
A few other does started wading their way, and Jared took a tentative step back, beginning to feel distinctly uncomfortable with so much attention on him.
“You know,” a different doe chimed in, “I heard there wasn’t even a fight.”
Jared’s smile faded, remembering the rest of the day at the breeding grounds, remembering how humiliated he’d been to not be chosen, to not be worth the fight for him. But, somehow, he hadn’t really realized that Jensen had never fought for him either. He hadn’t had any competition.
And that was embarrassing.
“There wasn’t,” Jared admitted, heat blooming in his cheeks.
“Sasha,” Rachel cut her off as she opened her mouth to say something else, “that sort of thing is private. However our Dominus won Jared’s affections is between the two of them.”
Jared looked back at Rachel, smiling gratefully. He was proud to have Jensen as his mate, but having to admit that there hadn’t been a fight for him had left him feeling inexplicably ashamed.
“Besides,” Rachel continued, returning his smile, “from what I understand, our Dominus was called away by the Elders for some important business on the morning of Beltane. He probably just didn’t make it to the grounds until later in the day, and I’m sure many of the drakes had already been through several rounds of fighting and were paired off with other does by then.”
Jared’s smile faltered a second time, his stomach turning sickly and his heart twisting.
He hadn’t thought about their mating like that before. Yes, he’d known that Jensen was late because of the Elders, late enough that just about everyone was paired up, leaving Jared in despair, when he finally appeared.
Jared had only thought about it from his own viewpoint, that all the drakes were taken, and it had humiliated him to not even be asked for.
But now he saw it from Jensen’s point of view. Just as all the drakes had been taken, all the does had been taken. Jensen had had no one to choose from, no one to fight for.
Except Jared.
His stomach lurched rebelliously, the acrid taste of bile rising in his mouth, but he swallowed it back down.
“Jared?” Rachel frowned, shifting Charlie into one arm so she could reach out to him, touching his shoulder. “Honey, are you okay?”
He forced a weak smile and nodded.
“Sorry, I-I have to go. I’m-Just, sorry,” he muttered, ducking his head.
He heard Rachel protest behind him, call his name, but he didn’t look back. He just couldn’t deal with this right now, not in front of so many other people.
He quickly made his way back to shore and snatched his bag up, barely haven’t time to get it over his neck and shoulder before he shifted and took to the air.
*
Jared found himself longing for his cave. Not Jensen’s cave but his own. It was old, crudely dug into the mountain by some dragon before him who’d abandoned it, and it let in drafts in the winter sometimes, but it had been his. It was small and dark, calming, and he’d known every nook and cranny of it.
It had been his shelter when he’d finally moved out of the main house, the first thing he’d owned that had been solely his since he was twelve, aside from his blanket.
Jensen’s cave, lavish and large as it may have been, was still Jensen’s. The cave of the Ramiel Dominus.
Not the cave of an Arael orphan.
But he’d abandoned his old cave for Jensen’s, so his was the only place Jared could go to hide.
Jared dropped his bag on the floor near the nest, unable to find it within himself to care right now that he was cluttering Jensen’s cave. He would take care of it later, but right now, he just didn’t care.
He crawled into the nest, pulling his blanket around himself and curling into a little ball.
He felt so incredibly stupid, having to have his and Jensen’s relationship laid out for him like that, by people who hadn’t even seen the two of them together yet. It was so obvious that they hadn’t even had to witness the actual relationship to figure out what was happening.
To figure out that Jensen didn’t actually want him. He’d been so ridiculous, believing that Jensen ever had.
Jared was big and clumsy. He was painfully awkward around most adult dragons and preferred spending time watching over the juveniles and hatchlings. He was nothing like the other does in their flight. He wasn’t even a Ramiel dragon by birth. He had nothing to offer Jensen.
Except for his womb.
Jared had been the last doe left by the time Jensen had gotten to the mating grounds, and Jensen had had to decide between mating Jared and not having the eggs he wanted. And he’d chosen the former.
Jared curled up on himself just that much tighter, knees touching his forehead. A sob wrenched its way out of his throat, and he closed his eyes tightly, tears threatening to fall.
Jared had known he wasn’t truly in love with Jensen, not yet, but he’d been falling. Jensen’s strength and his kindness toward him, a mate he didn’t even want, had wooed Jared, made his heart flutter and yearn.
And now he just felt more broken than before.
But Jensen had been kind to him so far. He’d allowed Jared his fantasy of being loved and hadn’t thrown him from the nest. He seemed to genuinely care for Jared, at least on some level.
Jared bit his lip, afraid to dare to hope. Jensen didn’t love him now, but he didn’t seem repulsed by him either. Maybe with time, just maybe, Jared could change that. Woo his mate, as his mate had begun to woo him.
It was a long shot at best, but Jared longed to carry Jensen’s heart as well as his eggs. He had to at least try.
*
Jensen returned to the cave late again, well past sunset.
Jared had forced himself to stay awake, though he still felt tired, dragged down by the weariness he still felt from the past few days and from the day’s events. He was still in the nest, unable to bring himself to sit up, but he’d at least stayed awake.
Jensen padded quietly into the nesting room, a joss stick glowing red in his hand. He lit the oil lamp in the corner of the room, just as he had the previous night, then waved the stick, putting it out.
When Jensen turned toward him, Jared could see the exhaustion on his face in the light of the lamp. His eyes were dark, brow pinched, and his shoulders relaxed to near slumping.
It was the first time that Jared had ever seen the Dominus like that, he realized. Jensen was usually so proud, carried himself so regally. Jared had never, not once, seen Jensen look… tired.
Then Jensen tilted his head a little, and Jared felt the weight of his gaze settle on him as Jensen stepped forward.
He crawled into the nest best Jared, his hand coming down to touch Jared’s head softly.
“Are you all right, Jared?” he asked quietly, the sound of his deep, calming voice the first noise Jared had heard in hours.
Jared looked up at him, into the kind face of the drake he wished to love him.
“Yes,” he said, equally quiet. “It’s just been a long day.”
Jensen hummed, hand sliding beneath Jared’s quilt and taking his hand, drawing him close.
“Jensen,” he murmured into his mate’s neck, nerves twisting his stomach into knots, “I was wondering… well, if you’d like to spend tomorrow together.”
Jensen released a breath, his hand coming up to pet Jared’s hair, smoothing it back.
“I wish I could, little one,” he told him, and Jared’s heart did a swan dive. “I have to run drills with the wing. The trainees are going to be initiated soon, and we’ve had to take on extra patrols along our borders. I just… don’t have the time right now.”
Jared swallowed thickly, biting his lip to hold back a whimper. Now that he knew the truth, it almost felt like it was too much to bear.
Jensen didn’t even want to try to spend time with him. Jensen wanted to go through the motions, to have someone warm his bed, to have someone bear his eggs, but he didn’t want Jared.
“I understand,” Jared managed, somehow keeping his voice steady.
And he did.
Chapter Eleven
Pairings: Jensen/Jared, Drew Nelson/Sandy McCoy, Misha Collins/Rachel Miner
Word Count: 4040
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: see masterpost for complete list thus far
Author’s Note: A fill for this prompt on spn_hardcore
Summary: Orphaned as a child and heatless, therefore mateless, at twenty-seven, Jared has spent most of his life feeling unloved and unwanted. Jensen is the Dominus of the Ramiel Flight, strong, courageous and everything anyone could want in a mate, everything that Jared was sure he’d never have or deserve. Jensen is hell-bent on proving him wrong. But nothing is ever easy when love is involved.
Masterpost
Chapter Nine
Jared lay down in the middle of Jensen's nest, staring up at the smooth, decorated surface of the cave's ceiling. A simple sun spiraled in the center, its yellow dyed clay almost as bright as the day it was painted, probably over a century ago, though Jared wasn't sure. The shadowed form of a dragon was etched in the middle, its wings splayed wide. The curve of its hind legs told Jared that it was facing him, belly exposed and vulnerable to the nest's audience.
Jared was sure it was a representation of the story of Belisama giving birth to Draconis, when Bel placed the sun in the sky to honor his consort and their child.
Still, part of him liked to imagine that the dragon was actually a doe. The way the neck was tilted back was hiding the horns, and the silhouette hid the spines so that the dragon appeared to be smooth and curved. Few does had the wing strength to fly into the sun at its highest peak, but Jared imagined a strong doe rising high into the mid-morning sky. A doe on an impossible journey into the sun.
He closed his eyes and turned onto his side, pulling his mother's quilt closer to his body.
It was cold in this cave. His old cave had been smaller, and his own body heat had easily been able to warm up his surroundings, keeping him warm through the night. This cave, though, was much too big for that, and with the sun now long set, the cave had cooled considerably. Even the robe Jensen had given to him combined with his mother's blanket and the sheets that insulated the nest didn't seem able to keep out the cold.
It had been colder last night, out in the breeding grounds. Is nest had been exposed to the open air, and it had had an ornamental purpose, without any of the dead leaves, grass, strips of old cloth and woven blankets that a proper nest would have to insulate it. Jared had been in the throes of heat then, burning up from the inside out, but he still would've risked frostbite out there by himself.
He hadn't been alone though. He'd had Jensen to keep him warm, his mate's wings stretching over him to cut through the freezing winds of the Rocky Mountains at night. His mate had kept him safe and warm all through the night, even when Jared was too far gone to care about those things.
But Jensen wasn't here now.
It worried Jared that his mate wasn't home yet. He didn't know the hours that Jensen kept, but most dragons rose and rested with the sun, and the sun had long ago fallen behind the horizon. That meant Jensen had been gone for many hours without coming back to the cave. Jared knew that the Dominus was in high demand, his attention sought by many, but he'd have thought that Jensen would be home by now, at least. Jared was exhausted, and he was sure that his mate must be tired as well after so little sleep the night before.
Jared sighed, curling in on himself. Jensen was fine, he assured himself. The Dominus was probably just with the wing still, attending to whatever the Elders had summoned him for.
Jared's hands found his belly, and he smoothed his palms over its flat surface.
He'd been worried this morning that he wasn't pregnant, that his heat had simply lasted a single day before it had gone again, leaving him childless for one more season. But in the quiet darkness of Jensen's cave, Jared knew. In the same way he knew that the summer sun brought light and life to the land, Jared knew that soon his belly would be round, full of Jensen's eggs.
He was finally a mother. After all this time longing and crying for a heat that had refused to come, Jared was a mother.
He smiled softly to himself, imagining what it would be like to have hatchlings and juveniles of his own. He wondered if Jensen would want a big family like Jared did, or if he'd only want this single clutch. Either way, Jared would be happy with this gift that he had been given, and he hoped Jensen was just as happy.
And he wished that Jensen would come home soon.
Jared woke with a start some time later, confused and disoriented by the sudden presence of light in the previously pitch black room.
His hand rose, blocking it from his sleep-sensitive eyes as he tried to figure out what was happening.
Jensen was standing at the edge of the room with a joss stick in hand, lighting an oil lamp attached to the wall. The fire from the lamp bathed the room in a gentle, glowing light.
Jensen withdrew the stick from the lamp, waving it to put out the ember at the end before turning to Jared, a soft, serene smile on his face.
"Jensen," Jared felt himself flush under Jensen's gaze. He sat up, smiling tentatively in return. "You're home."
The Dominus stepped toward Jared, the light from the lamp casting warm shadows over Jensen's bare shoulders, his dark hair haloed with light.
"I didn't mean to wake you," he apologized, extending his arms to Jared, who shyly reached for him in return, curling into the warmth of his mate's body. "Go back to sleep, little one."
Jensen settled into the nest beside Jared, pulling some of the bedding over them both.
Safe and warmed by the body of his mate, Jared tucked his face into Jensen's neck and closed his eyes.
*
When Jared woke up the next morning, Jensen was already gone.
He supposed he shouldn't have expected any different. Jensen was a busy dragon. He didn't have time to lounge around in their nest all day, even if he wanted to.
Jared stretched out his arms and yawned, exhausted but knowing that he needed to get up regardless. It was dark in the room still, only the single lamp Jensen had lit last night offering any light, but Jared was sure that it was getting to be late in the day. He needed to get up, maybe go check on the other does in the main house.
First things first, though, he needed a bath, desperately. He'd been too tired to bother with it yesterday, but the sweat and musk of pheromones of the past few days clung to his skin, leaving him feeling vaguely sticky and gross.
Jared slid out of his robe, folding it and placing it back on the shelf. He pulled a t-shirt and pair of sweats down, just in case he needed them, and reached into a mostly empty basket tucked into the corner of the lowest shelf. From it, he grabbed a few chips of the bars made from a mixture of potash, animal fat and herbs the dragons used for washing.
He placed everything into his bag and shifted, the leather adjusting strap easily sliding to accommodate his body's larger, scaled form.
The sun was high in the sky when Jared stepped out onto the landing ledge, stretching his wings out wide. They were still sore from the long, tiring journey that the flight to the breeding grounds had been. A cool bath in the river would do them good.
The nearest bend in the river wasn't very far at all, almost within sight of Jensen's cave. It only took a few minutes to get to, and when he broke through the trees, he was pleasantly surprised to see that several does and their children were already at the river.
Even while the does were in heat, there were juveniles to be tended to.
Some of the does were bathing their children. They held their juveniles close as they waded out into the river, using their own bars of crude soap to gently wash away dirt and dead scales, much to the kids' displeasure. Other does sunbathed while their children played in the shallows.
Jared had often come to this section of the river as a fawn and had taken other does' juveniles out here to play.
Soon, he would be bringing his own hatchlings here for their first baths.
The thought sent a little thrill up Jared's spine, imagining how amazing it would be to watch his children as they splashed around in the water when they were old enough, curious little juveniles testing it out themselves for the first time.
Shifting just before he touched down, Jared landed on the balls of his feet right at the water's edge. He retrieved some of the chips from his bag before sliding it over his head and placing it on a rock to keep the clothes inside from getting wet.
The water was chilly as he stepped into it, still working through all the run-off that the snow and ice had dripped into the river in late spring. Goosebumps pebbled on Jared's skin, but the day was warm, and the flowing water felt good, made him feel clean again.
As the water edged up over his waist, he took a deep breath and dove beneath the surface.
The cold nearly took his breath away, but his pushed through the burn growing in his chest, swimming into the deeper parts of the river.
He’d always enjoyed swimming, even as a very young fawn. He couldn’t remember much of his childhood, only bits and pieces from before his parents’ deaths, but most of what he could remember was time spent in the springs by the Arael’s domain, his mother splashing and playing with him.
His heart tugged at the memory of her. Sixteen years after her death, he could barely remember her face or even the shade of her scales anymore. But he remembered her love for him, the only egg of hers to hatch. And he remembered how she would play with him in the springs.
When his chest began to draw too tight to bear, Jared twisted his body, heading back to the shallower waters and simply standing up.
"Jared!"
A mess of scales attached itself to his face, little claws curling into his hair for purchase.
Jared made a muffled sound of surprised before raising his hands to pry the excited little calf from his face.
“Charlie, can’t breathe,” he managed, though to no avail. The little calf just clung all that much harder, her claws starting to dig into his scalp. Jared curled his fingers against her underbelly, knowing Charlie’s tickle spots well by now.
She squealed at the assault, trying to get away and splashing water everywhere.
“Okay, okay, okay. Truce,” Jared finally said, ceasing his tickling to hold her more firmly beneath her forelegs. At six years old, she was getting to be pretty big in her scaled form, about the size of a medium sized dog, but she was still equally clumsy. She could drown easily if she dropped into this deep.
She stopped struggling and looked up at him, a toothy smile on her face.
“I win,” she told him triumphantly before shaking her head, ridding her still cartilaginous and therefore sensitive horns of the water.
Jared laughed.
“Yeah, you win,” he agreed, repositioning her so that she was cradled in his arms. She was getting to be almost too big for him to hold her like that, her limbs long and knobby. But she curled up against his chest automatically, the instinct to assume nursing posture still fairly strong in her.
He patted her soft underbelly and looked up, expecting to see Sandy somewhere nearby. He was sure she’d be dying to know everything he could possibly tell her about the past couple of days. But he didn’t see her amongst the does wading in the water.
“Where’s your mother?” he asked the little calf, still looking for her. “She’s going to be upset that you wandered off.”
“Mommy won’t be mad,” Charlie assured him. “She said I could come here with Rachel, since it wasn’t too far for me to fly.”
“Rachel?”
Charlie nodded.
“Yeah. She’s staying at the main house with all of us.”
“Charlie!”
Jared looked up to see a doe wading their way looking perplexed. She was petite with dark hair that curled over her collarbone, her small mouth pursed.
That was when Jared recognized her. This was Rachel, Misha's mate.
“Your mother is going to kill me if I keep losing you,” she said with a huff, holding out her arms.
Jared moved to hand the little calf over, but she turned away from Rachel, burying into his chest.
“I wanna play with Jared!”
“Fine, have it your way. But you’re in for it when I tell your mother how you’ve been acting,” Rachel said with a huff.
Charlie made a face but obediently went to Rachel after that.
"I don’t know how you do it," Rachel said with a little snort. "Even my own juveniles run from me. But stick you within a five mile radius of one and they flock to you. Must have the magic touch. Either that, or I think I'm missing out on something here."
Jared laughed, looking down at Charlie as she pouted over not being getting her way.
"You're not missing out on anything. I wouldn’t exactly call a single calf ambushing me a ‘flock’," Jared told her, amused by Charlie’s annoyance.
"Still," Rachel said as she a displeased little face, wrinkling her nose. But then the corner of her mouth tilted up. "But I've gotta say, I'm surprised to see you out here."
Jared blinked, a little taken off guard. "Why's that?"
"Well," she leaned in conspiratorially, her eyebrow arched. "I may have heard some interesting talk in the main house that you went into heat this year."
Jared flushed at that, though more from happiness than anything else. He was a little embarrassed that there were actually rumors about him floating around amongst the does, but he wasn't ashamed of gaining his heat at last. Instead, he found himself feeling proud.
"I did," he replied, nodding.
"That's great, Jared." She beamed up at him. "And I know for a fact you weren’t at the main house, so… Are you going to make me guess who the lucky drake is?"
Jared bit his lip and smiled, thinking about his mate, remembering how his bronze scales had shone in the afternoon sun as he’d touched down beside Jared’s nest and crooned Jared’s name.
“Jensen.”
Rachel's eyes widened, but her smile took on a knowing quality. She crossed her arms and tilted her hips.
"Well then. Someone's finally snagged our beloved Dominus. About time that drake settled down and had some hatchlings of his own. You both must've been long overdue for them to take so quickly."
Jared's hands coming up to touch his belly. He wasn't showing, wouldn't be for another month or so, but he could feel his eggs' presence there, soft and warm, little glimmers of precious new life waiting to come into existence.
"I'm ready for them," he said, voice soft.
"So it's true then?"
The new voice was startling, completely unexpected, and Jared turned to face its owner.
Three does that Jared didn’t recognize were making their way toward them, each with bright, curious eyes.
“You’re our Dominus’ mate?” the one on the right asked again, adjusting the fawn on his hip.
Jared nodded hesitantly.
A few other does started wading their way, and Jared took a tentative step back, beginning to feel distinctly uncomfortable with so much attention on him.
“You know,” a different doe chimed in, “I heard there wasn’t even a fight.”
Jared’s smile faded, remembering the rest of the day at the breeding grounds, remembering how humiliated he’d been to not be chosen, to not be worth the fight for him. But, somehow, he hadn’t really realized that Jensen had never fought for him either. He hadn’t had any competition.
And that was embarrassing.
“There wasn’t,” Jared admitted, heat blooming in his cheeks.
“Sasha,” Rachel cut her off as she opened her mouth to say something else, “that sort of thing is private. However our Dominus won Jared’s affections is between the two of them.”
Jared looked back at Rachel, smiling gratefully. He was proud to have Jensen as his mate, but having to admit that there hadn’t been a fight for him had left him feeling inexplicably ashamed.
“Besides,” Rachel continued, returning his smile, “from what I understand, our Dominus was called away by the Elders for some important business on the morning of Beltane. He probably just didn’t make it to the grounds until later in the day, and I’m sure many of the drakes had already been through several rounds of fighting and were paired off with other does by then.”
Jared’s smile faltered a second time, his stomach turning sickly and his heart twisting.
He hadn’t thought about their mating like that before. Yes, he’d known that Jensen was late because of the Elders, late enough that just about everyone was paired up, leaving Jared in despair, when he finally appeared.
Jared had only thought about it from his own viewpoint, that all the drakes were taken, and it had humiliated him to not even be asked for.
But now he saw it from Jensen’s point of view. Just as all the drakes had been taken, all the does had been taken. Jensen had had no one to choose from, no one to fight for.
Except Jared.
His stomach lurched rebelliously, the acrid taste of bile rising in his mouth, but he swallowed it back down.
“Jared?” Rachel frowned, shifting Charlie into one arm so she could reach out to him, touching his shoulder. “Honey, are you okay?”
He forced a weak smile and nodded.
“Sorry, I-I have to go. I’m-Just, sorry,” he muttered, ducking his head.
He heard Rachel protest behind him, call his name, but he didn’t look back. He just couldn’t deal with this right now, not in front of so many other people.
He quickly made his way back to shore and snatched his bag up, barely haven’t time to get it over his neck and shoulder before he shifted and took to the air.
*
Jared found himself longing for his cave. Not Jensen’s cave but his own. It was old, crudely dug into the mountain by some dragon before him who’d abandoned it, and it let in drafts in the winter sometimes, but it had been his. It was small and dark, calming, and he’d known every nook and cranny of it.
It had been his shelter when he’d finally moved out of the main house, the first thing he’d owned that had been solely his since he was twelve, aside from his blanket.
Jensen’s cave, lavish and large as it may have been, was still Jensen’s. The cave of the Ramiel Dominus.
Not the cave of an Arael orphan.
But he’d abandoned his old cave for Jensen’s, so his was the only place Jared could go to hide.
Jared dropped his bag on the floor near the nest, unable to find it within himself to care right now that he was cluttering Jensen’s cave. He would take care of it later, but right now, he just didn’t care.
He crawled into the nest, pulling his blanket around himself and curling into a little ball.
He felt so incredibly stupid, having to have his and Jensen’s relationship laid out for him like that, by people who hadn’t even seen the two of them together yet. It was so obvious that they hadn’t even had to witness the actual relationship to figure out what was happening.
To figure out that Jensen didn’t actually want him. He’d been so ridiculous, believing that Jensen ever had.
Jared was big and clumsy. He was painfully awkward around most adult dragons and preferred spending time watching over the juveniles and hatchlings. He was nothing like the other does in their flight. He wasn’t even a Ramiel dragon by birth. He had nothing to offer Jensen.
Except for his womb.
Jared had been the last doe left by the time Jensen had gotten to the mating grounds, and Jensen had had to decide between mating Jared and not having the eggs he wanted. And he’d chosen the former.
Jared curled up on himself just that much tighter, knees touching his forehead. A sob wrenched its way out of his throat, and he closed his eyes tightly, tears threatening to fall.
Jared had known he wasn’t truly in love with Jensen, not yet, but he’d been falling. Jensen’s strength and his kindness toward him, a mate he didn’t even want, had wooed Jared, made his heart flutter and yearn.
And now he just felt more broken than before.
But Jensen had been kind to him so far. He’d allowed Jared his fantasy of being loved and hadn’t thrown him from the nest. He seemed to genuinely care for Jared, at least on some level.
Jared bit his lip, afraid to dare to hope. Jensen didn’t love him now, but he didn’t seem repulsed by him either. Maybe with time, just maybe, Jared could change that. Woo his mate, as his mate had begun to woo him.
It was a long shot at best, but Jared longed to carry Jensen’s heart as well as his eggs. He had to at least try.
*
Jensen returned to the cave late again, well past sunset.
Jared had forced himself to stay awake, though he still felt tired, dragged down by the weariness he still felt from the past few days and from the day’s events. He was still in the nest, unable to bring himself to sit up, but he’d at least stayed awake.
Jensen padded quietly into the nesting room, a joss stick glowing red in his hand. He lit the oil lamp in the corner of the room, just as he had the previous night, then waved the stick, putting it out.
When Jensen turned toward him, Jared could see the exhaustion on his face in the light of the lamp. His eyes were dark, brow pinched, and his shoulders relaxed to near slumping.
It was the first time that Jared had ever seen the Dominus like that, he realized. Jensen was usually so proud, carried himself so regally. Jared had never, not once, seen Jensen look… tired.
Then Jensen tilted his head a little, and Jared felt the weight of his gaze settle on him as Jensen stepped forward.
He crawled into the nest best Jared, his hand coming down to touch Jared’s head softly.
“Are you all right, Jared?” he asked quietly, the sound of his deep, calming voice the first noise Jared had heard in hours.
Jared looked up at him, into the kind face of the drake he wished to love him.
“Yes,” he said, equally quiet. “It’s just been a long day.”
Jensen hummed, hand sliding beneath Jared’s quilt and taking his hand, drawing him close.
“Jensen,” he murmured into his mate’s neck, nerves twisting his stomach into knots, “I was wondering… well, if you’d like to spend tomorrow together.”
Jensen released a breath, his hand coming up to pet Jared’s hair, smoothing it back.
“I wish I could, little one,” he told him, and Jared’s heart did a swan dive. “I have to run drills with the wing. The trainees are going to be initiated soon, and we’ve had to take on extra patrols along our borders. I just… don’t have the time right now.”
Jared swallowed thickly, biting his lip to hold back a whimper. Now that he knew the truth, it almost felt like it was too much to bear.
Jensen didn’t even want to try to spend time with him. Jensen wanted to go through the motions, to have someone warm his bed, to have someone bear his eggs, but he didn’t want Jared.
“I understand,” Jared managed, somehow keeping his voice steady.
And he did.
Chapter Eleven