Ch-ch-ch-changes
A lot of advice on how to better oneself is based around the idea of modeling your present self after someone whom you greatly admire. "What would Jesus do?" "Be more like Person You Think is a Great Person." I don't think that's enough, though. It's not enough to mimic some other good person's actions, or beliefs. It's a good first step to be able to stop before acting or speaking and question what you are about to do or say, but following that step up with pretending you're someone else - even if that someone is Ghandi - is not enough.
I'm going to switch over to the personal pronoun that refers to me now, rather than the universal "you," because I think this is something I need to internalize, as well as a truth that applies to most other people.
If my goal is to be a better person - be, and not just seem like, or act like - then I can't try to turn myself into someone else. I have to turn myself into a better version of myself. I can't be Ghandi. I can't be Mother Theresa. I can't be my mom. I absolutely cannot be anything or anyone other than me. So if I want to be better, I have to be a better me, and that doesn't start or end with looking at other peoples' actions. That's not to say I (or anyone else) can't or shouldn't observe, appreciate, and desire to emulate pieces of other people, or certain of other peoples' actions. Change, though, has to be about the self.
Ready? Let's try for "we" now. This is a collective. This applies to everyone.
If we want to better ourselves, what we should be trying to do is be a better version of the us that already exists. We shouldn't ask ourselves how we can be more like That Guy Over There. We should be asking ourselves two things: One, what better version of ourselves we want to be and Two, what steps we can take to achieve that goal. What better version of ourselves do we want to be? Well, I think for me the answer to that is "I want to be the version of me I would most be proud and happy to be friends with." This is different than "I want to be more like Jesse, or Kelly, who are people I am proud and happy to be friends with," but it does give me some insights into some actions I might take towards that goal. I also think it's a good general formula. Who is the most important to you in your life? Who has the most impact? That statement could instead be "I want to be the version of me I would be most proud and happy to have as a family member," or "I want to be the version of me I would most want to be protecting me and my loved ones," or "...governing me and my loved ones." You see the way that can work? What matters most to you? Who matters most to you? Be the best version of yourself you can be, moving in that direction. What steps we can take to achieve that goal is, of course, multifaceted, and a part of it is learning how to stop and evaluate our actions and words before they come out of us. Another part of it is learning how to direct our energies clearly and cleanly. It's important to keep our goals in mind, and make conscientious efforts to alter our behaviors towards those goals. Once we've done that (and make no mistake, that will be extremely difficult and take a very long time, and some of us will fail at doing it at all for a great while), we can start to internalize those changes. If we want to be the best versions of ourselves, it can't be an act. It has to be about more than actions and words, it has to be about thoughts. In order for me, personally, to be the version of myself that I want to be - the person I would most be happy and proud to have as a friend - I have to have kinder thoughts, as well as words and actions. I have to have to be more positive internally, as well as externally.
Changes like this take time. In many cases they take lifetimes. They are journeys. They are important. I truly believe we can only better ourselves as ourselves. So the next time someone tells you (or you tell yourself) to be more like someone else, say No. Say that, instead, you will be a better version of who you already are.
After all, the world doesn't need another That Guy Over There. It already has one. Don't be a different version of That Guy. The world needs You. Be the version of you that makes you feel the best.
I'm going to switch over to the personal pronoun that refers to me now, rather than the universal "you," because I think this is something I need to internalize, as well as a truth that applies to most other people.
If my goal is to be a better person - be, and not just seem like, or act like - then I can't try to turn myself into someone else. I have to turn myself into a better version of myself. I can't be Ghandi. I can't be Mother Theresa. I can't be my mom. I absolutely cannot be anything or anyone other than me. So if I want to be better, I have to be a better me, and that doesn't start or end with looking at other peoples' actions. That's not to say I (or anyone else) can't or shouldn't observe, appreciate, and desire to emulate pieces of other people, or certain of other peoples' actions. Change, though, has to be about the self.
Ready? Let's try for "we" now. This is a collective. This applies to everyone.
If we want to better ourselves, what we should be trying to do is be a better version of the us that already exists. We shouldn't ask ourselves how we can be more like That Guy Over There. We should be asking ourselves two things: One, what better version of ourselves we want to be and Two, what steps we can take to achieve that goal. What better version of ourselves do we want to be? Well, I think for me the answer to that is "I want to be the version of me I would most be proud and happy to be friends with." This is different than "I want to be more like Jesse, or Kelly, who are people I am proud and happy to be friends with," but it does give me some insights into some actions I might take towards that goal. I also think it's a good general formula. Who is the most important to you in your life? Who has the most impact? That statement could instead be "I want to be the version of me I would be most proud and happy to have as a family member," or "I want to be the version of me I would most want to be protecting me and my loved ones," or "...governing me and my loved ones." You see the way that can work? What matters most to you? Who matters most to you? Be the best version of yourself you can be, moving in that direction. What steps we can take to achieve that goal is, of course, multifaceted, and a part of it is learning how to stop and evaluate our actions and words before they come out of us. Another part of it is learning how to direct our energies clearly and cleanly. It's important to keep our goals in mind, and make conscientious efforts to alter our behaviors towards those goals. Once we've done that (and make no mistake, that will be extremely difficult and take a very long time, and some of us will fail at doing it at all for a great while), we can start to internalize those changes. If we want to be the best versions of ourselves, it can't be an act. It has to be about more than actions and words, it has to be about thoughts. In order for me, personally, to be the version of myself that I want to be - the person I would most be happy and proud to have as a friend - I have to have kinder thoughts, as well as words and actions. I have to have to be more positive internally, as well as externally.
Changes like this take time. In many cases they take lifetimes. They are journeys. They are important. I truly believe we can only better ourselves as ourselves. So the next time someone tells you (or you tell yourself) to be more like someone else, say No. Say that, instead, you will be a better version of who you already are.
After all, the world doesn't need another That Guy Over There. It already has one. Don't be a different version of That Guy. The world needs You. Be the version of you that makes you feel the best.