BBM Fic: 12 Days of Christmas - Part 7
12 days of Christmas Challenge-Between-Ourselves-For-Your-Entertainment
montana_crows is well, in Montana kicking up her heels on a very well-deserved leave so I'm going to let her have at it while I sneak in and post Part 7 of our "Win your own smex-fest" contest. As
smiles_a_lot, captain of our Fly By the Seat of Your Pants Airline has previously pointed out, please hold on to your answers until we can figure out what the hell we're doing give you further instructions. If you need to re-read to get your smut-fix look for clues, here are the previous parts:
Part 1, http://montana-crows.livejournal.com/28548.html
Part 2, http://fizzerbass.livejournal.com/19301.html
Part 3, http://smiles-a-lot.livejournal.com/10840.html#cutid1
Part 4, http://montana-crows.livejournal.com/29001.html
Part 5, http://fizzerbass.livejournal.com/19962.html
Part 6, http://smiles-a-lot.livejournal.com/11288.html
Dedication: Some people struggle emotionally this time of year, be it from the season itself or for other reasons already in place. This chapter is for you...to give you strength to face your demons, love to soothe your soul, and peace to know tomorrow is another day in which I'll be standing right here with some pretty big shoulders to lean on.
Oh, by the way, this takes place in the Phone Calls Universe.
Part 7
Ennis eases into the room slowly, opening the door just enough to pass through and close it softly behind him. He waits a minute until his eyes adjust to the darkness and sees that Jack hasn’t moved at all from the spot he was in when Ennis left for work earlier that morning; he wonders if Jack even got out of bed today. With a heavy sigh, he crosses to the bed and sits at the end near Jack’s feet, careful not to startle the sleeping man.
The doctor told Ennis to expect this, to expect Jack to have “dark days”, especially after a seemingly good day. Ennis doesn’t understand it in the least but that’s probably because he doesn’t want to. He wants to take Jack’s good days as a sign he’s getting better and is leaving the depression and sadness behind him. He was hopeful this time, probably more so than he should have been, because Jack had been really good for three days in a row now; he hadn’t had one nightmare or crying jag. They’d even gone the next town over and bought a small Christmas tree together last weekend, had a bite to eat in some diner and Jack almost flirted with the waitress when she asked if he wanted “coffee, tea, or me?” Jack started slipping back down into his quiet ways yesterday afternoon when some commercial on TV mentioned only eight more shopping days until Christmas. Thinking back on it, Ennis didn’t think Jack uttered more than five words since then.
“What time is it?”
Ennis looks at Jack, surprised to see his eyes open and looking fairly alert; he thought Jack was sound asleep.
“Little bit after five, just now got home from work.”
Jack nods and pushes the blankets away, revealing blue jeans and a t-shirt. He swings his legs from behind Ennis and sits up next to him on the edge of the bed, running his hands down his face before reaching for his boots tipped over by the night stand.
“Haven’t been laying here all day if that’s what you’re thinking. Just came back here about an hour ago.”
Ennis hears the edge of defensiveness in Jack’s voice and does his best to keep his reply neutral.
“Wasn’t thinking nothing, Rodeo, just wanted to see if you wanted some supper or something. What you do with your days ain’t none of my business.”
Jack gives an angry snort and stands. Goes over to the dresser to get his wallet and watch.
“Wish it was your business so I wouldn’t have to think of things to do to keep myself busy all day. I hate staying in this house all the damn time.” He jams his wallet in his back pocket and stuffs his keys into his front one, stopping with his hand half-way out of the pocket when his shoulders start to shake.
“Oh, fuck me” he whispers as the tears start to flow. He covers his eyes with his free hand and brings his fist down hard on the top of the dresser. “Goddamnit.”
Ennis stands and comes up close behind Jack, aching to draw him into his arms but knowing it won’t do any good. He remembers not to ask what’s wrong and just lets Jack cry, every tear burning an acid trail directly into his heart. It’s not until Jack’s shoulders stop shaking that he reaches a hand up to cup the back of his neck.
“You wanna talk about it?”
Jack leans his head back into Ennis’s touch, keeps his eyes closed as he draws his shoulders up high and lets out a shaky breath.
“Just wondered where the hell I thought I was going. Grabbing my keys and wallet like I had some place to go…knowing I wouldn’t get one foot out the door before turning tail and running back inside.”
Ennis rubs softly, letting his thumb trial through the hair at the nape of Jack’s neck.
“Nothing wrong with turning turtle and tucking back into your shell once in a while, least you wanted to poke your head out and look around some. That’s better…right?”
Jack turns to face Ennis, the cowboy’s hand following the movement and coming to rest on Jack’s chest. He chuffs a small snort out his nose and gives a rueful grin.
“Well, ain’t this a switch?”
Ennis squints his brow together, confused, as he lets his hand fall to Jack’s hip. “What’s that?”
Jack takes a step forward, resting his forehead on Ennis’s and grabbing on to his belt loops.
“Me being the one hiding out and you being the one trying to smooth my feathers some. Usually the other way around.”
Ennis flashes back to their last day on Brokeback when he’d laid Jack out cold in the wild columbine with just one punch, his despair and desolation at leaving early clipping the wings right off his ministering angel. He wonders if Jack has ever been able to fly free and true since then, if the years of rejection haven’t weighed him down so much that the burden of Bobby’s death won’t keep him tethered to the earth forever. He wraps his arms around Jack’s shoulders, pulling the man tight against his chest as he vows to help him find a way to fly again.
“Bout time for a change, dontcha think? Bout twenty years time.”
Jack grabs on tight, Ennis can feel the strength in his grip beneath the trembling of his muscles.
“Why you doing this, Ennis? Why you hanging on when I’m falling apart?”
“Want to.” He runs his hand up and down Jack’s back, trying to soothe away sadness and let in comfort. “Have to.”
“Why?”
Ennis hears the desperation in Jack’s voice and holds on even tighter. He knows Jack knows why but figures the need to hear it is bigger than the knowing right now.
“Love you, Jack Twist. You ain’t always gonna feel this way.”
Jack draws back, uncertainty painted over all over his face.
“How do you know? Maybe I’ll always be like this, maybe I’ll always be sad. What’re you gonna do then, huh? Won’t be much fun for you.”
Ennis smiles, letting every bit of love he feels for this man fill his heart and spill out to cover Jack’s fear.
“Didn’t fall in love with you for fun, Jack.” He pulls back a bit so Jack can see the truth in his eyes. “Fell in love with you ’cause I couldn’t help myself. ’Cause I couldn’t do nothing else but love you.”
Jack looks down, his voice small, afraid.
“For how long? How long ‘til you can’t do this no more, ’til you can’t be strong enough for both of us like I …”
Ennis lifts Jack’s chin slowly, hating the pain he knows he put into those sad eyes.
“Like you were for all them years I was too chicken-shit?”
Jack nods, biting down hard on his lip to stop its quivering.
“Forever, Jack. Ain’t no reins on this one.”
Jack closes his eyes, a few tears leaking out but not many more than that. He takes a step back from Ennis, straightening his spine but holding on tight to his cowboy’s hand.
“Take me to dinner, friend? Feel like eating out tonight.”
Ennis thumbs away a tear hanging tight to Jack’s lashes and grabs the black hat from the post of the mirror. He plops it on Jack’s head and gives him one quick, strong kiss.
“Sure thing, bud, but you’re paying. I saw how fat that wallet was when you were sticking it in your jeans.”
Jack rolls his eyes, hits Ennis on the shoulder as he walks past him.
“Bullshit, del Mar, you were just checking out my ass. Always looking for your next lay, I swear it’s all you think about…”
Ennis lets himself be pulled out of the room, still holding Jack’s hand and listening to the man gripe and complain. Even if it is forced, even if Jack putting on a happy face doesn’t really fool either one of them, he knows a bad day with Jack Twist is still a good day in his book. One he’ll gladly wake up to for forever and a day.
~~~~
Another Note: While this takes place in the Phone Calls universe, I reserve all rights to pretend it never existed if it screws up the real story when I get back to it. (Please note I said when I get back to it and not if.) Thank you to all those still interested in this story for sporking me on a regular basis, I appreciate the gesture if not the actually poking - those sporks hurt! J
montana_crows is well, in Montana kicking up her heels on a very well-deserved leave so I'm going to let her have at it while I sneak in and post Part 7 of our "Win your own smex-fest" contest. As
smiles_a_lot, captain of our Fly By the Seat of Your Pants Airline has previously pointed out, please hold on to your answers until we can figure out what the hell we're doing give you further instructions. If you need to re-read to get your smut-fix look for clues, here are the previous parts:
Part 1, http://montana-crows.livejournal.com/28548.html
Part 2, http://fizzerbass.livejournal.com/19301.html
Part 3, http://smiles-a-lot.livejournal.com/10840.html#cutid1
Part 4, http://montana-crows.livejournal.com/29001.html
Part 5, http://fizzerbass.livejournal.com/19962.html
Part 6, http://smiles-a-lot.livejournal.com/11288.html
Dedication: Some people struggle emotionally this time of year, be it from the season itself or for other reasons already in place. This chapter is for you...to give you strength to face your demons, love to soothe your soul, and peace to know tomorrow is another day in which I'll be standing right here with some pretty big shoulders to lean on.
Oh, by the way, this takes place in the Phone Calls Universe.
Part 7
Ennis eases into the room slowly, opening the door just enough to pass through and close it softly behind him. He waits a minute until his eyes adjust to the darkness and sees that Jack hasn’t moved at all from the spot he was in when Ennis left for work earlier that morning; he wonders if Jack even got out of bed today. With a heavy sigh, he crosses to the bed and sits at the end near Jack’s feet, careful not to startle the sleeping man.
The doctor told Ennis to expect this, to expect Jack to have “dark days”, especially after a seemingly good day. Ennis doesn’t understand it in the least but that’s probably because he doesn’t want to. He wants to take Jack’s good days as a sign he’s getting better and is leaving the depression and sadness behind him. He was hopeful this time, probably more so than he should have been, because Jack had been really good for three days in a row now; he hadn’t had one nightmare or crying jag. They’d even gone the next town over and bought a small Christmas tree together last weekend, had a bite to eat in some diner and Jack almost flirted with the waitress when she asked if he wanted “coffee, tea, or me?” Jack started slipping back down into his quiet ways yesterday afternoon when some commercial on TV mentioned only eight more shopping days until Christmas. Thinking back on it, Ennis didn’t think Jack uttered more than five words since then.
“What time is it?”
Ennis looks at Jack, surprised to see his eyes open and looking fairly alert; he thought Jack was sound asleep.
“Little bit after five, just now got home from work.”
Jack nods and pushes the blankets away, revealing blue jeans and a t-shirt. He swings his legs from behind Ennis and sits up next to him on the edge of the bed, running his hands down his face before reaching for his boots tipped over by the night stand.
“Haven’t been laying here all day if that’s what you’re thinking. Just came back here about an hour ago.”
Ennis hears the edge of defensiveness in Jack’s voice and does his best to keep his reply neutral.
“Wasn’t thinking nothing, Rodeo, just wanted to see if you wanted some supper or something. What you do with your days ain’t none of my business.”
Jack gives an angry snort and stands. Goes over to the dresser to get his wallet and watch.
“Wish it was your business so I wouldn’t have to think of things to do to keep myself busy all day. I hate staying in this house all the damn time.” He jams his wallet in his back pocket and stuffs his keys into his front one, stopping with his hand half-way out of the pocket when his shoulders start to shake.
“Oh, fuck me” he whispers as the tears start to flow. He covers his eyes with his free hand and brings his fist down hard on the top of the dresser. “Goddamnit.”
Ennis stands and comes up close behind Jack, aching to draw him into his arms but knowing it won’t do any good. He remembers not to ask what’s wrong and just lets Jack cry, every tear burning an acid trail directly into his heart. It’s not until Jack’s shoulders stop shaking that he reaches a hand up to cup the back of his neck.
“You wanna talk about it?”
Jack leans his head back into Ennis’s touch, keeps his eyes closed as he draws his shoulders up high and lets out a shaky breath.
“Just wondered where the hell I thought I was going. Grabbing my keys and wallet like I had some place to go…knowing I wouldn’t get one foot out the door before turning tail and running back inside.”
Ennis rubs softly, letting his thumb trial through the hair at the nape of Jack’s neck.
“Nothing wrong with turning turtle and tucking back into your shell once in a while, least you wanted to poke your head out and look around some. That’s better…right?”
Jack turns to face Ennis, the cowboy’s hand following the movement and coming to rest on Jack’s chest. He chuffs a small snort out his nose and gives a rueful grin.
“Well, ain’t this a switch?”
Ennis squints his brow together, confused, as he lets his hand fall to Jack’s hip. “What’s that?”
Jack takes a step forward, resting his forehead on Ennis’s and grabbing on to his belt loops.
“Me being the one hiding out and you being the one trying to smooth my feathers some. Usually the other way around.”
Ennis flashes back to their last day on Brokeback when he’d laid Jack out cold in the wild columbine with just one punch, his despair and desolation at leaving early clipping the wings right off his ministering angel. He wonders if Jack has ever been able to fly free and true since then, if the years of rejection haven’t weighed him down so much that the burden of Bobby’s death won’t keep him tethered to the earth forever. He wraps his arms around Jack’s shoulders, pulling the man tight against his chest as he vows to help him find a way to fly again.
“Bout time for a change, dontcha think? Bout twenty years time.”
Jack grabs on tight, Ennis can feel the strength in his grip beneath the trembling of his muscles.
“Why you doing this, Ennis? Why you hanging on when I’m falling apart?”
“Want to.” He runs his hand up and down Jack’s back, trying to soothe away sadness and let in comfort. “Have to.”
“Why?”
Ennis hears the desperation in Jack’s voice and holds on even tighter. He knows Jack knows why but figures the need to hear it is bigger than the knowing right now.
“Love you, Jack Twist. You ain’t always gonna feel this way.”
Jack draws back, uncertainty painted over all over his face.
“How do you know? Maybe I’ll always be like this, maybe I’ll always be sad. What’re you gonna do then, huh? Won’t be much fun for you.”
Ennis smiles, letting every bit of love he feels for this man fill his heart and spill out to cover Jack’s fear.
“Didn’t fall in love with you for fun, Jack.” He pulls back a bit so Jack can see the truth in his eyes. “Fell in love with you ’cause I couldn’t help myself. ’Cause I couldn’t do nothing else but love you.”
Jack looks down, his voice small, afraid.
“For how long? How long ‘til you can’t do this no more, ’til you can’t be strong enough for both of us like I …”
Ennis lifts Jack’s chin slowly, hating the pain he knows he put into those sad eyes.
“Like you were for all them years I was too chicken-shit?”
Jack nods, biting down hard on his lip to stop its quivering.
“Forever, Jack. Ain’t no reins on this one.”
Jack closes his eyes, a few tears leaking out but not many more than that. He takes a step back from Ennis, straightening his spine but holding on tight to his cowboy’s hand.
“Take me to dinner, friend? Feel like eating out tonight.”
Ennis thumbs away a tear hanging tight to Jack’s lashes and grabs the black hat from the post of the mirror. He plops it on Jack’s head and gives him one quick, strong kiss.
“Sure thing, bud, but you’re paying. I saw how fat that wallet was when you were sticking it in your jeans.”
Jack rolls his eyes, hits Ennis on the shoulder as he walks past him.
“Bullshit, del Mar, you were just checking out my ass. Always looking for your next lay, I swear it’s all you think about…”
Ennis lets himself be pulled out of the room, still holding Jack’s hand and listening to the man gripe and complain. Even if it is forced, even if Jack putting on a happy face doesn’t really fool either one of them, he knows a bad day with Jack Twist is still a good day in his book. One he’ll gladly wake up to for forever and a day.
~~~~
Another Note: While this takes place in the Phone Calls universe, I reserve all rights to pretend it never existed if it screws up the real story when I get back to it. (Please note I said when I get back to it and not if.) Thank you to all those still interested in this story for sporking me on a regular basis, I appreciate the gesture if not the actually poking - those sporks hurt! J