i am us. we are conjoined my friend.
i have thse moments where all the world becomes void. not only is everything around me unacknowledgable, but all of me is drained away. i have no feeling, no personality, no enthusiasm, joy, anger, sadness, is of complete exile. i know my name, my first at best, what is the purpose of knowing your last when it comes from someone who has not a molecule of respect or care for you as a being. why should you even be one, for the purpose of control? not for yourself but for others to take advantage of you. isn't that all life is? it's a game, a con, where you find someone, you make them practically your slave whether its an employee, a friend, a companion, a family member. is it true that they actually care for you? that they want anything at all to do with you? or is it just 'the game' they try to take a hold of everything you are, every optic of your being, but i don't want that to happen to me. in a guess i assume that is why i become what i do at times like this. i don't accept love, i don't give it, if i don't have it, then what's to take away? where does the hurt go that is supposed to be injected inside of you? it goes away, when there is no acceptance, it just fades away.
my eyes are dry from crying, and the lump in the back of my throat feels as if it will be a part of me forever. i know in time i will emerge from this, and become again a player, but now, right now, i feel good. the voidness of the state makes me feel impenitrable. i am unbreakable, untouchable.
he is the only thing that makes me want to come back, snap back in, but i do i just want to cry again. i don't want that. i don't want to feel the hurt, the pain of the situation. it's pointless to hurt, it's pointless to cry. what do you learn. you learn absolutely nothing from the experience just that no one cares about you. the people you thought were there your entire life have turned their backs on you when you need them the most, when you feel like you're about to crash and burn. they tell you to fend for youself.
i just hope that i can. i don't know if i can. i don't think i can.
my eyes are dry from crying, and the lump in the back of my throat feels as if it will be a part of me forever. i know in time i will emerge from this, and become again a player, but now, right now, i feel good. the voidness of the state makes me feel impenitrable. i am unbreakable, untouchable.
he is the only thing that makes me want to come back, snap back in, but i do i just want to cry again. i don't want that. i don't want to feel the hurt, the pain of the situation. it's pointless to hurt, it's pointless to cry. what do you learn. you learn absolutely nothing from the experience just that no one cares about you. the people you thought were there your entire life have turned their backs on you when you need them the most, when you feel like you're about to crash and burn. they tell you to fend for youself.
i just hope that i can. i don't know if i can. i don't think i can.