Isolation
I'm not good at making close friends. The few i have I trust completly, but I need someone close by. I mean talking to God I know that should be good, but to have the human face the hug shoulder to cry against I miss that so much.
I just want to put my head in a lap and have someone rub my back and say its ok. It doesn't matter what happened today, I still love you. Oh God, I don't know how my friends from other countries make it in this country. They may not even have someone who speaks the same native tounge as them.
I miss everyone from Houghton. I miss being in that close community. I miss MaryKay. I miss Linnea, Beth, Sharon, Amy, Lisa, I miss them so much. I miss coming home at night and unwinding by talking to Lisa and telling her what happened in my day as we both head to bed after a long day.
This week has been hard. I've gotten home from work after 11pm everyday this week except today Today well, I got home at about 1am. Went back to school at 8am. hmm, not enough sleep. At school well, tried to do tests on the alightment of the quarterwaveplates to see if we were generating the polarizaiton o flight correctly. Ingeneral it looks ok, but it is not perfect. At the end of the day afterstraing at the laser beam all fricking day Nathan comes up to me and says I'm going to review your writing for Mike, so that he doesn't have to see my crappy work. Then he says the first sentence I wrote is not a complete sentence. OK I've already had along day, he has already told me I look like I need to go home. That was the last straw for the day, well not quite, but I had spent two fricking hours working on that exact paragraph, I had read it aloud. I though as far as I knew that first sentence was a complete sentence. I just about started bawling at that moment in time, but I still had to get the testing done if I didn't want to have to do it tommorow. The results of that expeperiment were not good! What they told me is I have no clue what the heck I'm looking at. I just don't know.
Oh and I was supposed to hand in an Outline today, but that didn't happen because I was trying to work on my first paragraph. Grrr. that is tommrows activity.
All of this is on top of lack of sleep, dreams that involve my lab mate Michael and I and our relationship. They were vaugly upsetting and yet intriguing.
This evening was pleasant. I watched Stargate with Darryl and we laugh at the wierd Olypmic opening stuff. The cowsa scatting around athe the strange music and dancing that Darryl said sounded like it was from a horror movie. We talked a little and then I came up here and started writting and I've cried a bit and now I am tired and ready for bed.
Goodnight, Don't know if anyone cares, but here are my thoughts.
I just want to put my head in a lap and have someone rub my back and say its ok. It doesn't matter what happened today, I still love you. Oh God, I don't know how my friends from other countries make it in this country. They may not even have someone who speaks the same native tounge as them.
I miss everyone from Houghton. I miss being in that close community. I miss MaryKay. I miss Linnea, Beth, Sharon, Amy, Lisa, I miss them so much. I miss coming home at night and unwinding by talking to Lisa and telling her what happened in my day as we both head to bed after a long day.
This week has been hard. I've gotten home from work after 11pm everyday this week except today Today well, I got home at about 1am. Went back to school at 8am. hmm, not enough sleep. At school well, tried to do tests on the alightment of the quarterwaveplates to see if we were generating the polarizaiton o flight correctly. Ingeneral it looks ok, but it is not perfect. At the end of the day afterstraing at the laser beam all fricking day Nathan comes up to me and says I'm going to review your writing for Mike, so that he doesn't have to see my crappy work. Then he says the first sentence I wrote is not a complete sentence. OK I've already had along day, he has already told me I look like I need to go home. That was the last straw for the day, well not quite, but I had spent two fricking hours working on that exact paragraph, I had read it aloud. I though as far as I knew that first sentence was a complete sentence. I just about started bawling at that moment in time, but I still had to get the testing done if I didn't want to have to do it tommorow. The results of that expeperiment were not good! What they told me is I have no clue what the heck I'm looking at. I just don't know.
Oh and I was supposed to hand in an Outline today, but that didn't happen because I was trying to work on my first paragraph. Grrr. that is tommrows activity.
All of this is on top of lack of sleep, dreams that involve my lab mate Michael and I and our relationship. They were vaugly upsetting and yet intriguing.
This evening was pleasant. I watched Stargate with Darryl and we laugh at the wierd Olypmic opening stuff. The cowsa scatting around athe the strange music and dancing that Darryl said sounded like it was from a horror movie. We talked a little and then I came up here and started writting and I've cried a bit and now I am tired and ready for bed.
Goodnight, Don't know if anyone cares, but here are my thoughts.