Goodbye, M...
Well, I don't know what to say these days...
I guess you could say I've undergone my 'change'. Lately I've been keeping to myself, avoiding the late night parties of the summer. Or maybe the parties themselves just died down. Regardless, I've switched paths towards self-preservation, and hopefully towards realizing my potential. It has laid dormant for too long.
I just wanted to get a few things out of the way. M is no longer a factor. More precisely, she no longer has any potential that coincides with where I want to take my life. Did I figuratively paint her into a corner by having her become a dancer, and her somewhat-breakup with her bf? Maybe, but it wasn't planned. However, I must play the cards as they are dealt, and they force me to go on a path where no one can follow. It's not the first time this has happened, yet its always a meloncholy experience. No one likes to leave behind the people or things they care about. And this girl was the closest to being the right one. Not perfect, but the best so far, by far. Fate has once again saved me from making a terrible decision, but that doesn't stop the pain of letting go, nor the thoughts of 'what could have been...'.
Yeah, letting go is hard. Trying to resist the urge to squeeze every last drop of sweetness out of this relationship, but I can't hold out hoping that it could happen one day. As before, I know I've evolved, and will keep going further than all those around me, and I can't bring anyone along, no matter how hard I try or how much I want to...
I miss you. I miss the times we had. I miss the illusion in which you surrounded me. For a while, I felt like I could live a regular life with you. Ready to give up my crazy pursuits of ultimate knowledge and never-ending travels, for the sake of being by your side. I know I may have started the ball rolling, by telling you I was changing and hurting you, but I'm never prepared for the repurcussions. The way you brush me off these days, the way you make other plans, the lack of 'I miss you's and 'I love you's... Why am I always the one left carrying the torch?
Enough for tonight. I pray sleep will erase the residual pain of these thoughts, and time can mend the wounds they've left. Next time, let's have some good news, ok?
I guess you could say I've undergone my 'change'. Lately I've been keeping to myself, avoiding the late night parties of the summer. Or maybe the parties themselves just died down. Regardless, I've switched paths towards self-preservation, and hopefully towards realizing my potential. It has laid dormant for too long.
I just wanted to get a few things out of the way. M is no longer a factor. More precisely, she no longer has any potential that coincides with where I want to take my life. Did I figuratively paint her into a corner by having her become a dancer, and her somewhat-breakup with her bf? Maybe, but it wasn't planned. However, I must play the cards as they are dealt, and they force me to go on a path where no one can follow. It's not the first time this has happened, yet its always a meloncholy experience. No one likes to leave behind the people or things they care about. And this girl was the closest to being the right one. Not perfect, but the best so far, by far. Fate has once again saved me from making a terrible decision, but that doesn't stop the pain of letting go, nor the thoughts of 'what could have been...'.
Yeah, letting go is hard. Trying to resist the urge to squeeze every last drop of sweetness out of this relationship, but I can't hold out hoping that it could happen one day. As before, I know I've evolved, and will keep going further than all those around me, and I can't bring anyone along, no matter how hard I try or how much I want to...
I miss you. I miss the times we had. I miss the illusion in which you surrounded me. For a while, I felt like I could live a regular life with you. Ready to give up my crazy pursuits of ultimate knowledge and never-ending travels, for the sake of being by your side. I know I may have started the ball rolling, by telling you I was changing and hurting you, but I'm never prepared for the repurcussions. The way you brush me off these days, the way you make other plans, the lack of 'I miss you's and 'I love you's... Why am I always the one left carrying the torch?
Enough for tonight. I pray sleep will erase the residual pain of these thoughts, and time can mend the wounds they've left. Next time, let's have some good news, ok?