(no subject)
today, something very scary happened to me.
i've quit smoking now for 2 days without anything, and i've been cutting down to about one or maybe half a fag a day since tuesday. quitting is solid, but im doing ok.
since tuesday, i've been feeling really out of breath and had heavy breathing. i thought smoking had caused this so thats why i quit. since then, i've had troubles trying to sleep and just generally being scared in the day because of short asthma attacks i've been having many times a day. i keep it to myself when i have it because it scares me so fucking much.
today i was driving in my car and i had one, only this one was fucking insane - the worst one yet..so i drove myself to the hospital (light headed and feeling as though i was gonna faint {dangerous as fuck}) and checked myself in. after waiting about 5 minutes having this attack i was seen to by a woman who sent me straight into a little room where i led down, took my top off and they could do all the checks on me.
the doctor tells me my mates were outside and theyre coming into the room so in walks gay ben, kristian and scott.
after about 10 minutes of me lying on this bed shitting myself, totally shaking all over and i had pins and needles all in my arms and hands. the boys in the room are pissing about with nitrogen tanks and rubber gloves cos theyre pissed. kristian sticks a puke bowl on his head...etc etc.
the doctor comes in and asks me stuff like how much do i smoke and drink and do i take drugs etc. the whole time im scared as hell the boys are in the background laughing and pissing about, and kristian hasnt realised that his puke bowl hat was still on his head (which i found funny later on). anyway the doctor asks me how much and basically labels me as a junkie.
then he tells me that the whole attack is just psychological, and that if i calm down i'll be fine. it was all apparently withdrawl symptoms from fags, and my bodys way of handling it, but i went into a pannic attack and couldnt stop freaking out. i coudlnt fucking believe him like...i seriously thought i was gonna die i was that freaked out. fuck me.
this is total incentive to quit smoking. theres no way in hell im ever touching a fag...nicotine is wrong - i felt like a junkie. fuck i was scared and i seriously do not wish the whole experience on anyone.
i walked out of the hospital and the nurse gave me a paper bag and told me that if i have another attack, to jujst breathe into it. i havent had a bad one yet...but i've been short of breathe. i just cant wait till its all over with and i will never need nicotine again. fuck!
i've quit smoking now for 2 days without anything, and i've been cutting down to about one or maybe half a fag a day since tuesday. quitting is solid, but im doing ok.
since tuesday, i've been feeling really out of breath and had heavy breathing. i thought smoking had caused this so thats why i quit. since then, i've had troubles trying to sleep and just generally being scared in the day because of short asthma attacks i've been having many times a day. i keep it to myself when i have it because it scares me so fucking much.
today i was driving in my car and i had one, only this one was fucking insane - the worst one yet..so i drove myself to the hospital (light headed and feeling as though i was gonna faint {dangerous as fuck}) and checked myself in. after waiting about 5 minutes having this attack i was seen to by a woman who sent me straight into a little room where i led down, took my top off and they could do all the checks on me.
the doctor tells me my mates were outside and theyre coming into the room so in walks gay ben, kristian and scott.
after about 10 minutes of me lying on this bed shitting myself, totally shaking all over and i had pins and needles all in my arms and hands. the boys in the room are pissing about with nitrogen tanks and rubber gloves cos theyre pissed. kristian sticks a puke bowl on his head...etc etc.
the doctor comes in and asks me stuff like how much do i smoke and drink and do i take drugs etc. the whole time im scared as hell the boys are in the background laughing and pissing about, and kristian hasnt realised that his puke bowl hat was still on his head (which i found funny later on). anyway the doctor asks me how much and basically labels me as a junkie.
then he tells me that the whole attack is just psychological, and that if i calm down i'll be fine. it was all apparently withdrawl symptoms from fags, and my bodys way of handling it, but i went into a pannic attack and couldnt stop freaking out. i coudlnt fucking believe him like...i seriously thought i was gonna die i was that freaked out. fuck me.
this is total incentive to quit smoking. theres no way in hell im ever touching a fag...nicotine is wrong - i felt like a junkie. fuck i was scared and i seriously do not wish the whole experience on anyone.
i walked out of the hospital and the nurse gave me a paper bag and told me that if i have another attack, to jujst breathe into it. i havent had a bad one yet...but i've been short of breathe. i just cant wait till its all over with and i will never need nicotine again. fuck!