fic commentary: fictionkill
I'm bored, so.
fic commentary: fictionkill
harry potter, harry & ron, gen, g. original post here.
(My commentary. )
This is all the friendship in your life, ever.
His hand is against the glass, still and cold.
(This is the picture the whole fic, the whole idea started with. I originally planned on writing some kind of messed up angsty R/H where Ron doesn't love Harry and is a bastard. Or something like that. And Harry angsts near windows. In retrospect, I now see it also relates to the third film, Ron putting his hand against the window of the train that's icing up. So it works in that way, as well, since Harry only remembers things that have something to do with Ron.)
oo
Some moments are like that. Moments after death.
Ron's face was pale and frozen in a horrified expression.
Most things that are still are also quiet. Ron never said a word.
So much death. Harry knows.
(I think with this section I needed to establish that this was post-War. I think I also sort of involuntarily showed where Harry's trauma begins - the moments after death. And he observes Ron in this scene, even if he's gone through hell and knows "so much death" but still, all he remembers is Ron's expression, so that becomes his only focus, his memories' only focus. Everything else just disappears.)
oo
He's kidding himself. He thinks of the time when his palm was against something warm. Another palm; Ron's. And they'd just stay like that. In understanding silence.
Maybe it was summer, in the Burrow, green grass and sunshine. It's always like that. It should be like that.
And it was comfortable and nice. Ron smiled. Harry smiled back at him.
(If you want to find a slashy moment in this fic, I think it's this one. Harry making up memories that are dreamy, wonderful, both of them happy. He's building a past for himself that he'd like.)
oo
He doesn't feel the glass beneath his hand anymore.
“Harry,” Ron says, opening the car door. “Get out. Come on.”
Ford Anglia. Harry still remembers.
They walk through the yard, hands in their pockets and Ginny says hello as she passes them by.
“Pretty girl,” Harry comments once they're inside. Ron just frowns.
(This is where we enter the real environment of the fic, the Burrow, Ron there to help Harry with his illness. I didn't want Ron to speak to Harry like you speak to an insane person, but at the same time I wanted to make the reader get Ron is not happy with the situation, he's frustrated and tired of it all. I think in the right proportions, Harry/Ginny can be cute so I put in that comment from Harry - I think he would be attracted to Ginny. It's also one of the first moments when it hits you something's not right with him. Either that, or you think Harry's kidding. Only Ron's not laughing, so there's definitely something going on.)
oo
Harry doesn't see Hermione often anymore. He asks Ron about it.
“She's tired,” Ron says.
“You're not?” Harry looks at Ron, tilts his head just the slightest bit.
Ron shakes his head. “Of course not, mate. Of course not.”
(I think in here it's already pretty evident Harry is being taken care of. He doesn't call Hermione himself, no, he goes to Ron for information. He's not the Harry he used to be. Ron gets that but he still stays by his side. People always talk about Ron's loyalty. I guess this is it. I don't mean to imply Hermione isn't loyal to Harry, but I think it eats her more than it does Ron. Ron can handle it, whereas Hermione can't - we've seen from canon she can have her emotional outbursts. In a way, she's very fragile. While she can be tough also, I don't think she could handle seeing Harry like this. It'd just kill her to know the Harry she knew wasn't in there anymore. So it's just Harry with Ron.)
oo
It feels like the entire world has gone just an inch toward greyscale. Colours fading. Greys becoming more prominent. Harry watches the world a lot these days. He doesn't seem to have anything else to do these days.
“We wanted to be Aurors,” he tells Ron and Ron nods.
“That was then.”
Ron seems to be just as colourful as always.
("Why is Harry going colour-blind?" someone might ask me. Thank god the fandom I'm writing is HP so I can just answer with, "Magic". Anyway, again we see Harry isn't Harry anymore. He's passive, and lives in his own fantasy world of the little things he can remember.
Now, it occurred to me that Ron is pretty unresponsive, as well. He doesn't encourage Harry's memories, the ones that are correct. I guess I wrote it like this because Ron is tired and doesn't know how to exactly deal with Harry's dementia. One day, Harry remembers something and he gets excited, the next day Harry doesn't remember what he did the day before. Ron's confused, depressed.)
oo
Always.
It hasn't been that long since it's been just two of them, just Ron and him, in this apartment with the car that's now theirs and with everyone too busy to visit them.
“It's been six years,” Ron says.
“Six,” he repeats but it comes out a question.
“It feels like a month because you don't remember.” Ron turns away and sighs, stretches his hand to lean against a cupboard door as if he's doing his everything not to say what he wants to.
Harry remembers. Ford Anglia. Moments after death. Reading about Aurors in the Hogwarts Library.
Ron's morning hair and dress robes and face red from anger.
(This is so heart-breaking to me. It's where the tragedy comes out, Harry's eagerness to remember, his willingness to just be with Ron, his happiness over the things he remembers, all this countered with Ron's frustration, anger, sadness. )
oo
One night he wanders to Ron's bedroom and presses his palm against Ron's.
Ron stirs.
“Remember when we did this? That summer in the Burrow.” Harry presses Ron's hand between his own. Ron's fingers are longer than his.
“We never did this.”
“Oh.”
Ron falls back to sleep but Harry stays there that night, feeling Ron's hand against his.
Even more of his memories turn greyscale.
(It's even sadder to see how Ron's own actions affecting Harry's memory in a negative way. It's also sad to see Harry clinging onto Ron like this (both physically and mentally), but in the end I think it'd be even more tragic to see Ron let Harry believe in the lies he's made up.)
oo
Hermione visits. Her smile is forced, and she seems constantly close to tears. She talks to him but he doesn't answer. Can't.
When Harry is in the bathroom, he hears her conversation with Ron.
“I've researched it, Ron, he's not going to get better! He's not who he was, he doesn't know who he is and he's not going to be the Harry we knew, Ron, ever. That's why the Healers let him stay here with you, even they've given up. He doesn't even remember Ginny and he loved Ginny.”
“He remembers certain things, he talks to me and -”
“It's not enough, Ron, you know it isn't.”
Harry finds it difficult concentrate that night because certain things are slipping away.
He holds onto what he knows he's got.
(Oh yay, more hopelessness. It's sort of awful how even though this is not exactly the Harry they knew, Hermione is sort of dismissing this new Harry and thus making the old Harry escape even further away, the memories just escaping his grasp. I also think Hermione would do her utter most to help Harry be cured but she doesn't realize the situation in full and neither does Ron.
Also, the holding kind of refers to the previous segment, with the hand-holding. )
oo
Ron tells him stories one night, stories about things they've done and he sounds like he's repeating someone's last words. Repeating.
When Harry asks about the girl in the story about the three-headed dog, Ron goes to bed.
Harry feels sorry and sits next to the sleeping Ron, holding his hand.
He's forgotten why he does that. Or when he started.
('Repeating' because Ron's told the tales a million times by then, but Harry always forgets them. Soon even the characters escape him and he no longer remembers Hermione. Harry mistakes Ron's tiredness for anger and feels sorry. The last lines are really just a show of how he not only forgets the past, but the things that've happened lately, as well. Even the most mundane things, even the significant, nice things like holding Ron's hand.)
oo
Harry knows he's dying even if Ron won't say it.
His body is young but his mind deteriorates along with his vision.
Sometimes, when the world is still and quiet, and Ron is sleeping, he doesn't mind it. Then he just thinks about some of things he has experienced.
The best memories are fiction.
(In the end, Harry doesn't even want to bother Ron anymore, so he makes up the stories himself, tells them to himself, makes up new ones as he forgets them. It's a sad cycle, but he knows where it's leading and he also knows he just needs Ron to be there for him.
Overall, about this fic, well, it is very close to my heart because I just began writing and am still not sure whether the story came from. It's a topic that's tragic by default, though. By that I mean it's easy to make a good, thought-provoking, sad fic with the topic. It's also easy to completely fuck it up, but I think my writing style just works with the topic so well, it came naturally. Little words, lots to tell.)
fic commentary: fictionkill
harry potter, harry & ron, gen, g. original post here.
(My commentary. )
This is all the friendship in your life, ever.
His hand is against the glass, still and cold.
(This is the picture the whole fic, the whole idea started with. I originally planned on writing some kind of messed up angsty R/H where Ron doesn't love Harry and is a bastard. Or something like that. And Harry angsts near windows. In retrospect, I now see it also relates to the third film, Ron putting his hand against the window of the train that's icing up. So it works in that way, as well, since Harry only remembers things that have something to do with Ron.)
oo
Some moments are like that. Moments after death.
Ron's face was pale and frozen in a horrified expression.
Most things that are still are also quiet. Ron never said a word.
So much death. Harry knows.
(I think with this section I needed to establish that this was post-War. I think I also sort of involuntarily showed where Harry's trauma begins - the moments after death. And he observes Ron in this scene, even if he's gone through hell and knows "so much death" but still, all he remembers is Ron's expression, so that becomes his only focus, his memories' only focus. Everything else just disappears.)
oo
He's kidding himself. He thinks of the time when his palm was against something warm. Another palm; Ron's. And they'd just stay like that. In understanding silence.
Maybe it was summer, in the Burrow, green grass and sunshine. It's always like that. It should be like that.
And it was comfortable and nice. Ron smiled. Harry smiled back at him.
(If you want to find a slashy moment in this fic, I think it's this one. Harry making up memories that are dreamy, wonderful, both of them happy. He's building a past for himself that he'd like.)
oo
He doesn't feel the glass beneath his hand anymore.
“Harry,” Ron says, opening the car door. “Get out. Come on.”
Ford Anglia. Harry still remembers.
They walk through the yard, hands in their pockets and Ginny says hello as she passes them by.
“Pretty girl,” Harry comments once they're inside. Ron just frowns.
(This is where we enter the real environment of the fic, the Burrow, Ron there to help Harry with his illness. I didn't want Ron to speak to Harry like you speak to an insane person, but at the same time I wanted to make the reader get Ron is not happy with the situation, he's frustrated and tired of it all. I think in the right proportions, Harry/Ginny can be cute so I put in that comment from Harry - I think he would be attracted to Ginny. It's also one of the first moments when it hits you something's not right with him. Either that, or you think Harry's kidding. Only Ron's not laughing, so there's definitely something going on.)
oo
Harry doesn't see Hermione often anymore. He asks Ron about it.
“She's tired,” Ron says.
“You're not?” Harry looks at Ron, tilts his head just the slightest bit.
Ron shakes his head. “Of course not, mate. Of course not.”
(I think in here it's already pretty evident Harry is being taken care of. He doesn't call Hermione himself, no, he goes to Ron for information. He's not the Harry he used to be. Ron gets that but he still stays by his side. People always talk about Ron's loyalty. I guess this is it. I don't mean to imply Hermione isn't loyal to Harry, but I think it eats her more than it does Ron. Ron can handle it, whereas Hermione can't - we've seen from canon she can have her emotional outbursts. In a way, she's very fragile. While she can be tough also, I don't think she could handle seeing Harry like this. It'd just kill her to know the Harry she knew wasn't in there anymore. So it's just Harry with Ron.)
oo
It feels like the entire world has gone just an inch toward greyscale. Colours fading. Greys becoming more prominent. Harry watches the world a lot these days. He doesn't seem to have anything else to do these days.
“We wanted to be Aurors,” he tells Ron and Ron nods.
“That was then.”
Ron seems to be just as colourful as always.
("Why is Harry going colour-blind?" someone might ask me. Thank god the fandom I'm writing is HP so I can just answer with, "Magic". Anyway, again we see Harry isn't Harry anymore. He's passive, and lives in his own fantasy world of the little things he can remember.
Now, it occurred to me that Ron is pretty unresponsive, as well. He doesn't encourage Harry's memories, the ones that are correct. I guess I wrote it like this because Ron is tired and doesn't know how to exactly deal with Harry's dementia. One day, Harry remembers something and he gets excited, the next day Harry doesn't remember what he did the day before. Ron's confused, depressed.)
oo
Always.
It hasn't been that long since it's been just two of them, just Ron and him, in this apartment with the car that's now theirs and with everyone too busy to visit them.
“It's been six years,” Ron says.
“Six,” he repeats but it comes out a question.
“It feels like a month because you don't remember.” Ron turns away and sighs, stretches his hand to lean against a cupboard door as if he's doing his everything not to say what he wants to.
Harry remembers. Ford Anglia. Moments after death. Reading about Aurors in the Hogwarts Library.
Ron's morning hair and dress robes and face red from anger.
(This is so heart-breaking to me. It's where the tragedy comes out, Harry's eagerness to remember, his willingness to just be with Ron, his happiness over the things he remembers, all this countered with Ron's frustration, anger, sadness. )
oo
One night he wanders to Ron's bedroom and presses his palm against Ron's.
Ron stirs.
“Remember when we did this? That summer in the Burrow.” Harry presses Ron's hand between his own. Ron's fingers are longer than his.
“We never did this.”
“Oh.”
Ron falls back to sleep but Harry stays there that night, feeling Ron's hand against his.
Even more of his memories turn greyscale.
(It's even sadder to see how Ron's own actions affecting Harry's memory in a negative way. It's also sad to see Harry clinging onto Ron like this (both physically and mentally), but in the end I think it'd be even more tragic to see Ron let Harry believe in the lies he's made up.)
oo
Hermione visits. Her smile is forced, and she seems constantly close to tears. She talks to him but he doesn't answer. Can't.
When Harry is in the bathroom, he hears her conversation with Ron.
“I've researched it, Ron, he's not going to get better! He's not who he was, he doesn't know who he is and he's not going to be the Harry we knew, Ron, ever. That's why the Healers let him stay here with you, even they've given up. He doesn't even remember Ginny and he loved Ginny.”
“He remembers certain things, he talks to me and -”
“It's not enough, Ron, you know it isn't.”
Harry finds it difficult concentrate that night because certain things are slipping away.
He holds onto what he knows he's got.
(Oh yay, more hopelessness. It's sort of awful how even though this is not exactly the Harry they knew, Hermione is sort of dismissing this new Harry and thus making the old Harry escape even further away, the memories just escaping his grasp. I also think Hermione would do her utter most to help Harry be cured but she doesn't realize the situation in full and neither does Ron.
Also, the holding kind of refers to the previous segment, with the hand-holding. )
oo
Ron tells him stories one night, stories about things they've done and he sounds like he's repeating someone's last words. Repeating.
When Harry asks about the girl in the story about the three-headed dog, Ron goes to bed.
Harry feels sorry and sits next to the sleeping Ron, holding his hand.
He's forgotten why he does that. Or when he started.
('Repeating' because Ron's told the tales a million times by then, but Harry always forgets them. Soon even the characters escape him and he no longer remembers Hermione. Harry mistakes Ron's tiredness for anger and feels sorry. The last lines are really just a show of how he not only forgets the past, but the things that've happened lately, as well. Even the most mundane things, even the significant, nice things like holding Ron's hand.)
oo
Harry knows he's dying even if Ron won't say it.
His body is young but his mind deteriorates along with his vision.
Sometimes, when the world is still and quiet, and Ron is sleeping, he doesn't mind it. Then he just thinks about some of things he has experienced.
The best memories are fiction.
(In the end, Harry doesn't even want to bother Ron anymore, so he makes up the stories himself, tells them to himself, makes up new ones as he forgets them. It's a sad cycle, but he knows where it's leading and he also knows he just needs Ron to be there for him.
Overall, about this fic, well, it is very close to my heart because I just began writing and am still not sure whether the story came from. It's a topic that's tragic by default, though. By that I mean it's easy to make a good, thought-provoking, sad fic with the topic. It's also easy to completely fuck it up, but I think my writing style just works with the topic so well, it came naturally. Little words, lots to tell.)