(no subject)
i find my self having a new take on life daily... sometimes hourly.
for the first time in my life i have no clue what i am doing.
im staying responsible and doing things right.
but seriously what the fuck is going on.
ive been in az for a week and it feels like years.
i feel like i woke up back here.
i feel like i never left.
and i dont like that.
i feel like rochester was a dream.
when i was falling asleep last night i pictured the day before i left....
i met jon at guitar center for lunch and he got in my car and was already crying.
we hugged for about 10 minutes.
we got in his car and drove to debellas and he was still crying..
he had to go back out side.
he came back in and picked up the food and he held the door open for me.
we got in the car ... both crying.
and i remeber looking at him as we were driving down jefferson road thinking
"how am i supposed to do this."
everyone says im strong for doing what i did....
but it feels alot more along the lines of heartless.
thats what ive decided ... i am heartless.
because i thought my heart was here .... and when i got here i learned it was in rochester.... but soon to find out it wasnt there .... and i dont care enough about it to go looking so im drawing the line at heartless.
This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
"Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you had just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”
So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me"
for the first time in my life i have no clue what i am doing.
im staying responsible and doing things right.
but seriously what the fuck is going on.
ive been in az for a week and it feels like years.
i feel like i woke up back here.
i feel like i never left.
and i dont like that.
i feel like rochester was a dream.
when i was falling asleep last night i pictured the day before i left....
i met jon at guitar center for lunch and he got in my car and was already crying.
we hugged for about 10 minutes.
we got in his car and drove to debellas and he was still crying..
he had to go back out side.
he came back in and picked up the food and he held the door open for me.
we got in the car ... both crying.
and i remeber looking at him as we were driving down jefferson road thinking
"how am i supposed to do this."
everyone says im strong for doing what i did....
but it feels alot more along the lines of heartless.
thats what ive decided ... i am heartless.
because i thought my heart was here .... and when i got here i learned it was in rochester.... but soon to find out it wasnt there .... and i dont care enough about it to go looking so im drawing the line at heartless.
This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
"Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go
And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home
Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you had just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”
So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me"