the saddest post i've ever written...
tomorrow...i'm almost too afraid to write it because then i'll know for sure that it's going to happen to me tomorrow.
i have this deep inward panic in the pit of my stomach that is praying it won't really happen; that i'll wake up and there will be no need for worry anymore.
it's a possibility that it won't happen after all...i might not have the money for it, and then all is to be avoided, perhaps.
but in the end i can't tell if i'm really terrified as i feel i am, or whether there is some excitement in the mix as well. i really just don't know at this point. but i feel like i'm going to throw up mulling it over.
i've never been so attached to something so silly before. i really just don't know how to react. i made a commitment for the long-haul with this, and i feel like i'm selling the dream short. and i am. i've only had them for one year and seven months. i had hoped i could keep them longer.
so have you guessed what makes me so vexed? so pensive that i sit and finally update my livejournal? i'll tell you...i had to talk it through with anna earlier today, and even just telling the mother of the subject in question choked me up.
tomorrow, you see...i'm giving up.
i'm cutting my hair...
and losing what feels like part of my identity. tragic, yes? silly to be so attached to my dreads, but i wanted them for so long and it seems like anna and i were just at school putting them in. and now tomorrow i'll have butchered them into nothing but what i'll keep in a trinket box.
all but the three i have to set aside for anna, my mother, and my little brother. the rest are mine to remember the days when i could afford to do something different and not worry about snotty bitches not giving me a job. i hate professionals and their clean-cut ways and snazzy suits.
i never even really had pictures of me with dreads. only a few here and there. nothing really to remember them by, except for the memory of how they itched at my ears and nose, how they fell into my food when i leaned forward to eat, how they attacked clinton one day and left him scarred for life...
tomorrow, my friends, is a very sad day indeed.
tomorrow...i will be nearly bald and dreadless.
i will have them again, my precious dreads, when the time comes...when anna and i are neighbors in massachusettes and we live next door and are old and gray. at least that is the plan we made up today.
you know, clinton's aunt, who is taking me to get the great travesty done tomorrow at two in the afternoon, once offered me $200 to cut my hair after i put the dreads in with anna.
that was a year and seven months ago, and i'm still not taking the money.
p.s.~ i haven't told clint yet, so when he comes home tomorrow, i'm going to have no hair and surprise him. i hope he likes it because i'm pretty sure i'm going to hate it. hopefully he'll think it's a good surprise. i think he'll be sad too, though. my mom is--she really likes them now that they are longer and was really upset when i said i was getting them cut. she asked if she could have one to put in my photo album.
i love my mom:) she is the coolest.
i have this deep inward panic in the pit of my stomach that is praying it won't really happen; that i'll wake up and there will be no need for worry anymore.
it's a possibility that it won't happen after all...i might not have the money for it, and then all is to be avoided, perhaps.
but in the end i can't tell if i'm really terrified as i feel i am, or whether there is some excitement in the mix as well. i really just don't know at this point. but i feel like i'm going to throw up mulling it over.
i've never been so attached to something so silly before. i really just don't know how to react. i made a commitment for the long-haul with this, and i feel like i'm selling the dream short. and i am. i've only had them for one year and seven months. i had hoped i could keep them longer.
so have you guessed what makes me so vexed? so pensive that i sit and finally update my livejournal? i'll tell you...i had to talk it through with anna earlier today, and even just telling the mother of the subject in question choked me up.
tomorrow, you see...i'm giving up.
i'm cutting my hair...
and losing what feels like part of my identity. tragic, yes? silly to be so attached to my dreads, but i wanted them for so long and it seems like anna and i were just at school putting them in. and now tomorrow i'll have butchered them into nothing but what i'll keep in a trinket box.
all but the three i have to set aside for anna, my mother, and my little brother. the rest are mine to remember the days when i could afford to do something different and not worry about snotty bitches not giving me a job. i hate professionals and their clean-cut ways and snazzy suits.
i never even really had pictures of me with dreads. only a few here and there. nothing really to remember them by, except for the memory of how they itched at my ears and nose, how they fell into my food when i leaned forward to eat, how they attacked clinton one day and left him scarred for life...
tomorrow, my friends, is a very sad day indeed.
tomorrow...i will be nearly bald and dreadless.
i will have them again, my precious dreads, when the time comes...when anna and i are neighbors in massachusettes and we live next door and are old and gray. at least that is the plan we made up today.
you know, clinton's aunt, who is taking me to get the great travesty done tomorrow at two in the afternoon, once offered me $200 to cut my hair after i put the dreads in with anna.
that was a year and seven months ago, and i'm still not taking the money.
p.s.~ i haven't told clint yet, so when he comes home tomorrow, i'm going to have no hair and surprise him. i hope he likes it because i'm pretty sure i'm going to hate it. hopefully he'll think it's a good surprise. i think he'll be sad too, though. my mom is--she really likes them now that they are longer and was really upset when i said i was getting them cut. she asked if she could have one to put in my photo album.
i love my mom:) she is the coolest.