(no subject)
Today has been one of those days that I just want to get in bed, pull the covers over my head, and stay there for like a week. I dont know. I just feel super shitty right now, not physically but moreso emotionally. Saturday night I lost my phone! Its somewhere on my floor but I have no idea where. Dont know what Im going to do about that. I dont know anyones number! Like all the peopel that I have meet the last month, cant get a hold of any of them. Like I wanted to meet a friend for lunch but I couldnt because I have no way of getting in thouch with him. Im just so mad! I was in my friend Adams room and I pur my phone down and when I went back to pick it up again it was gone! I have looked for it everywhere. Oh well I guess. And of course it died so I cant even call it.
I got my calculus test back today. I did a lot worse then I thought I did. I can only miss another 35 maybe 40 points the rest of the semesters to get a B in the class. So pretty much I am fucked~ I dont know if it is going to be possible but Im going to workmy ass off and see if I can do it. I dont know. Im doing really well in all my other classes so I hope that even if mu calc grade is low that when everything averages out it will end up okay. Ill have a better idea after midterms which are in like 3 weeks.
On top of this my brother decides to call me today and bitch me out about pictures that he found in my car of him at one of Adams parties. I was just like WTF! I dont know whatever I guess.
So I am not super excited with myself and the decisions that I have made since I have been here. I dont like the fact that I am going out three nights a week partying. But its liek if I dont party there is nothing to do. All the people that I am friends with on my floor party and there is just nothing else to do! I give into peer pressure way too easily! Its so bad! Apparently I have started smoking when I drink and I cannot tell you how much that pisses me off. I have tried so hard not to become a smoker and I have been so successful up until now and it makes me so mad becasue I am finding myself wanting cigarettes when Im sober and I dont want to do that. Like I had some of these feeling towards the end of summer but they are really bad now and a lot harder to ignore. I have always been so anti-smpking and I have gotten mad at so many of my friends for smoking and now I am doing it. I dont even know anymore. I am so confused and lost right not that its not even funny. Like I dont even know what I am thinking. I have been drunk more since I have been at school then I have in my entire life. And I just dont know what I think about it. It depends on how I want to look at it I guess. I can put whatever spin on it that I want. I can be like yeah I did a good job though high school for the most part of resisting shit like that so now I can just let loose and do whatever I want at school and go back to the way things were when I am home. Cuz I have definately realized that its not worth it to drink at home cuz I always get caught and even when I dont drink I get accused of it and its just not worth it cuz I dont get in trouble here *knock on wood* Or I can look at it like Im loosing my morals and shit like that. I dont know. I am getting to the point of just fuck it because being "good" hasnt gotten me anywhere really. I dont know I dont think that I am even making sense anymore. But I am really sick of my random hookups!! Like its getting really old!! I know that your not suposed to do this...but I really want a boyfriend right now. But I want one that is at school that I can spend time with and stuff like that. I dont know I just want someone that will make me feel good and that we can just cuddle and stuff like that and I dont know if I am going to find that. I have been reading all those bullitens on myspace about the perfect boyfriend and thats what I want and I know that its never going to happen. Anyways....
Things with my roommate are okay. I dont know. I was just expecting way too much and I got super disappointed when it didnt happen. But like we dont fight or anything so thats good. The worst thing that she did was we were talking and she was like do you mind that my boyfriend is here all the time and I was like no its fine because I really dont care. I really like her boyfriend and we get along really well. And she was like well even if you did care its not going to change because he is my best friend and my boyfriend so you will just have to deal. I was like WHAT THE FUCK?!? But I dont know we get along when we are both in the room. We usualy jsut sit here and dont talk but thats okay I guess. But her and her boyfriend are like an old married couple and stay in everynight and go to bed at like 11:00. They are always together and he is ALWAYS here. And they both stay here every night. Sometimes its like whats wrong with Brandons room. Like its making me not ever want a roommate again. I have realized that I really do like living by myself and it makes me realize how much I miss time to myself. Like I never really realized it when I am home cuz I did have the time. Like when I went to bed and when I got up I was by myself and I could do my own thing and didnt have to go with anyone elses schdule. Like on Fridays I wake up 3 times. Cuz Brandon has early football and then Corey has and early class and then I get up for my class. But whatever. I think that Jill and I are going to live together next year in a house or apartment which would be super fun!! We are getting along really well and I think we would have fun next year!
I have been homesick on and off lately. It was really nice going home and seeing everyone two weekends ago! I dont know I think it was just nice to see that all my friends and my family do miss me and things have changed since I have left. I dont know if that makes sense but I know that how much I miss everyone and it just makes me feel good to know that my friends and family miss me just as much. The fact that my dad didnt get mad at me when I told him that I was coming home meant a lot to me!! If he would of been pissed I would of felt like shit. Cuz I missed him a lot and if he didnt want me to come home I dont think I could of handeled that!! I really liked how I suprised people!! Like Sam and Ryans reactions were priceless!! I loved it!! Wow do I miss those boys!!! And seeing Dan and hanging out with "cool" Tony again!! Life was good!! And I cannot tell you how good it was to see Mackenzie again!! I had missed her so much and it was just crazy. Its just so weird gong from seeing your best friends every day to not seeing them in a couple of weeks!! I talked to Ryan last night and that was nice. And the boys *Sam and Ryan* called me Friday night and I got to talk to them for a little bit so that was fun!! And Steve and Jack called me after they freaking beat Carmel on Friday night *GO LIONS!!* And it was just fun. But I dont think I am going home again till Thanksgiving so that is going to be long. Hopefully some people will come see me! I wanted to go home for Viators homecoming but I have a test that Saturday and that really sucks but oh well I guess. I will see my dad and brother the weekend before Halloween at Marty's wedding so that should be fun!!
My family is sending me a package this week that will include my YEARBOOK and tickets to the Purdue NOTRE DAME game this weekend. I am sooo excited for that. Jill is going to the game with me and I cant wait. We are going to have so much fun its going to be crazy!! I cant wait. And I cant wait to see my yearbook. I worked so hard on that and I cant wait to see the finished product. yAy!!
I have a meeting tomorrow about "Going Greek." I havent decided if I want to pledge yet but I definately am going to rush. I am pretty excited to meet new girls and stuff like that. I have had a lot of mixed feelings on whether or not I want to join but I think that it would be fun but I am not sure if I can live with all girls! I guess we will see how rushing goes!! But anyways I need to go get some thigs done cuz I have another class today and not to mention this is really really long!!! But please comment and Ill talk to you all later!!
Love always
Alex
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
I got my calculus test back today. I did a lot worse then I thought I did. I can only miss another 35 maybe 40 points the rest of the semesters to get a B in the class. So pretty much I am fucked~ I dont know if it is going to be possible but Im going to workmy ass off and see if I can do it. I dont know. Im doing really well in all my other classes so I hope that even if mu calc grade is low that when everything averages out it will end up okay. Ill have a better idea after midterms which are in like 3 weeks.
On top of this my brother decides to call me today and bitch me out about pictures that he found in my car of him at one of Adams parties. I was just like WTF! I dont know whatever I guess.
So I am not super excited with myself and the decisions that I have made since I have been here. I dont like the fact that I am going out three nights a week partying. But its liek if I dont party there is nothing to do. All the people that I am friends with on my floor party and there is just nothing else to do! I give into peer pressure way too easily! Its so bad! Apparently I have started smoking when I drink and I cannot tell you how much that pisses me off. I have tried so hard not to become a smoker and I have been so successful up until now and it makes me so mad becasue I am finding myself wanting cigarettes when Im sober and I dont want to do that. Like I had some of these feeling towards the end of summer but they are really bad now and a lot harder to ignore. I have always been so anti-smpking and I have gotten mad at so many of my friends for smoking and now I am doing it. I dont even know anymore. I am so confused and lost right not that its not even funny. Like I dont even know what I am thinking. I have been drunk more since I have been at school then I have in my entire life. And I just dont know what I think about it. It depends on how I want to look at it I guess. I can put whatever spin on it that I want. I can be like yeah I did a good job though high school for the most part of resisting shit like that so now I can just let loose and do whatever I want at school and go back to the way things were when I am home. Cuz I have definately realized that its not worth it to drink at home cuz I always get caught and even when I dont drink I get accused of it and its just not worth it cuz I dont get in trouble here *knock on wood* Or I can look at it like Im loosing my morals and shit like that. I dont know. I am getting to the point of just fuck it because being "good" hasnt gotten me anywhere really. I dont know I dont think that I am even making sense anymore. But I am really sick of my random hookups!! Like its getting really old!! I know that your not suposed to do this...but I really want a boyfriend right now. But I want one that is at school that I can spend time with and stuff like that. I dont know I just want someone that will make me feel good and that we can just cuddle and stuff like that and I dont know if I am going to find that. I have been reading all those bullitens on myspace about the perfect boyfriend and thats what I want and I know that its never going to happen. Anyways....
Things with my roommate are okay. I dont know. I was just expecting way too much and I got super disappointed when it didnt happen. But like we dont fight or anything so thats good. The worst thing that she did was we were talking and she was like do you mind that my boyfriend is here all the time and I was like no its fine because I really dont care. I really like her boyfriend and we get along really well. And she was like well even if you did care its not going to change because he is my best friend and my boyfriend so you will just have to deal. I was like WHAT THE FUCK?!? But I dont know we get along when we are both in the room. We usualy jsut sit here and dont talk but thats okay I guess. But her and her boyfriend are like an old married couple and stay in everynight and go to bed at like 11:00. They are always together and he is ALWAYS here. And they both stay here every night. Sometimes its like whats wrong with Brandons room. Like its making me not ever want a roommate again. I have realized that I really do like living by myself and it makes me realize how much I miss time to myself. Like I never really realized it when I am home cuz I did have the time. Like when I went to bed and when I got up I was by myself and I could do my own thing and didnt have to go with anyone elses schdule. Like on Fridays I wake up 3 times. Cuz Brandon has early football and then Corey has and early class and then I get up for my class. But whatever. I think that Jill and I are going to live together next year in a house or apartment which would be super fun!! We are getting along really well and I think we would have fun next year!
I have been homesick on and off lately. It was really nice going home and seeing everyone two weekends ago! I dont know I think it was just nice to see that all my friends and my family do miss me and things have changed since I have left. I dont know if that makes sense but I know that how much I miss everyone and it just makes me feel good to know that my friends and family miss me just as much. The fact that my dad didnt get mad at me when I told him that I was coming home meant a lot to me!! If he would of been pissed I would of felt like shit. Cuz I missed him a lot and if he didnt want me to come home I dont think I could of handeled that!! I really liked how I suprised people!! Like Sam and Ryans reactions were priceless!! I loved it!! Wow do I miss those boys!!! And seeing Dan and hanging out with "cool" Tony again!! Life was good!! And I cannot tell you how good it was to see Mackenzie again!! I had missed her so much and it was just crazy. Its just so weird gong from seeing your best friends every day to not seeing them in a couple of weeks!! I talked to Ryan last night and that was nice. And the boys *Sam and Ryan* called me Friday night and I got to talk to them for a little bit so that was fun!! And Steve and Jack called me after they freaking beat Carmel on Friday night *GO LIONS!!* And it was just fun. But I dont think I am going home again till Thanksgiving so that is going to be long. Hopefully some people will come see me! I wanted to go home for Viators homecoming but I have a test that Saturday and that really sucks but oh well I guess. I will see my dad and brother the weekend before Halloween at Marty's wedding so that should be fun!!
My family is sending me a package this week that will include my YEARBOOK and tickets to the Purdue NOTRE DAME game this weekend. I am sooo excited for that. Jill is going to the game with me and I cant wait. We are going to have so much fun its going to be crazy!! I cant wait. And I cant wait to see my yearbook. I worked so hard on that and I cant wait to see the finished product. yAy!!
I have a meeting tomorrow about "Going Greek." I havent decided if I want to pledge yet but I definately am going to rush. I am pretty excited to meet new girls and stuff like that. I have had a lot of mixed feelings on whether or not I want to join but I think that it would be fun but I am not sure if I can live with all girls! I guess we will see how rushing goes!! But anyways I need to go get some thigs done cuz I have another class today and not to mention this is really really long!!! But please comment and Ill talk to you all later!!
Love always
Alex
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love