purified
yesterday i went to the beach and drank some coffee with a very wise friend. my heart was blessed more in those few hours than it had been in a few months. we got to talking about life. about god and troubles and his workings. and i can't write this in a comprehensive manner.
lately my heart was heavy and i was blaming god. god was always taking things from me. anything that brought me the slightest bit of happiness was ripped away and it was never replaced. i felt that god was taking my dreams, my hopes, my loved ones and my future. he wanted everything and i was left barren. there is nothing here for me, i thought. why wasn't god refilling my life with good things? why hadn't he given my life a plan and a purpose yet? what else could he possibly take from me? i yelled at him and screamed at him and cursed at him that he could have whatever crumbs of my life he wanted. he was harvesting an arid field. i don't dream anymore.
"theres nothing here at all that could placate my hunger" -jon foreman
i questioned isaiah 48:10, where god tells israel "i have made you pure, but not by fire as silver is made pure. i have purified you by giving you troubles." i understand, god makes me who i am through troubles and i deserve gods anger, but why was it that there were people out there living lives for god who were happy? they didnt seem to have the same pain as i did and i know i haven't been through half of the things others have. why didnt god give them these troubles? why did he hate me so much?
my friend said to me that we asked god for lives filled with him. for lives that were exciting and different. so he took us at our word and knew we could handle these tough situations. it's like job, god let the devil tempt him because he knew job would come out praising god. the devil has to exist, and he has to tempt someone, so it has to be someone god trusts.
but what about her, god? look at her life. she praises you, she has a perfect boyfriend. she reaches out to others. why can't my life look like hers? god let me know that he has greater things for me. he needs to break me down, to sanctify and purify me and the only way to get me to his elements is to give me heartache. jesus lived a life of heartache. in heartache is the place where you seek god the most, cry out for him the most.
"the devil will afflict you [and] will make a real doctor of you, and will teach you by his temptations to seek and to love god's word. for i myself...owe my papists many thanks for so beating, pressing, and frightening me through the devils raging that they have turned me into a fairly good theologian, driving me to a goal i should never have reached." -martin luther
but what about her god? she has no troubles like this and still you bless her! and he said, if i gave her troubles like yours, i wouldn't know where she would end up. you would stay with me.
my friend told me to have hope, to keep dreaming. when god is taking everything, offer him up anything thats left. daily sacrifice. when the troubles come, seek gods heart. he has faith in us. he is putting us on the right road to great things of him. these times of pain are his great plan. there really is no destination. we're always moving, looking forward, asking god for new experiences. and after job had everything taken from him, after all of the situations filled with pain, when he was broken down to rely completely on god, then god blessed him greatly. have hope.
lately my heart was heavy and i was blaming god. god was always taking things from me. anything that brought me the slightest bit of happiness was ripped away and it was never replaced. i felt that god was taking my dreams, my hopes, my loved ones and my future. he wanted everything and i was left barren. there is nothing here for me, i thought. why wasn't god refilling my life with good things? why hadn't he given my life a plan and a purpose yet? what else could he possibly take from me? i yelled at him and screamed at him and cursed at him that he could have whatever crumbs of my life he wanted. he was harvesting an arid field. i don't dream anymore.
"theres nothing here at all that could placate my hunger" -jon foreman
i questioned isaiah 48:10, where god tells israel "i have made you pure, but not by fire as silver is made pure. i have purified you by giving you troubles." i understand, god makes me who i am through troubles and i deserve gods anger, but why was it that there were people out there living lives for god who were happy? they didnt seem to have the same pain as i did and i know i haven't been through half of the things others have. why didnt god give them these troubles? why did he hate me so much?
my friend said to me that we asked god for lives filled with him. for lives that were exciting and different. so he took us at our word and knew we could handle these tough situations. it's like job, god let the devil tempt him because he knew job would come out praising god. the devil has to exist, and he has to tempt someone, so it has to be someone god trusts.
but what about her, god? look at her life. she praises you, she has a perfect boyfriend. she reaches out to others. why can't my life look like hers? god let me know that he has greater things for me. he needs to break me down, to sanctify and purify me and the only way to get me to his elements is to give me heartache. jesus lived a life of heartache. in heartache is the place where you seek god the most, cry out for him the most.
"the devil will afflict you [and] will make a real doctor of you, and will teach you by his temptations to seek and to love god's word. for i myself...owe my papists many thanks for so beating, pressing, and frightening me through the devils raging that they have turned me into a fairly good theologian, driving me to a goal i should never have reached." -martin luther
but what about her god? she has no troubles like this and still you bless her! and he said, if i gave her troubles like yours, i wouldn't know where she would end up. you would stay with me.
my friend told me to have hope, to keep dreaming. when god is taking everything, offer him up anything thats left. daily sacrifice. when the troubles come, seek gods heart. he has faith in us. he is putting us on the right road to great things of him. these times of pain are his great plan. there really is no destination. we're always moving, looking forward, asking god for new experiences. and after job had everything taken from him, after all of the situations filled with pain, when he was broken down to rely completely on god, then god blessed him greatly. have hope.