POST #421
I'm supposed to be writing an essay that's due at 11p tonight. I can't concentrate. I haven't been able to concentrate all day. Not even spending time with Joe really distracted me.
I'm so sad my whole body feels numb. I want to run away or curl into a ball and cry. I've been doing the latter because the former wouldn't help anyone.
I feel so powerless and helpless to control my life right now. Is this what trust is like?
David really seems to think that he and I are most likely too different of people to carry on in this relationship. I don't know what he expects of me.
He and I were up until after 3 on the phone last night. I don't remember the last time I heaved out such disgusting body-wracking sobs. My neck and elbows are sore today.
I just don't understand my place. I don't know the rules here. I don't know the boundaries. All I'm allowed to know is that he cares about me, he loves me, but he's not sure.
I understand that I'm argumentative and I have been working on that all day. I understand I have problems with trust, but I'm trying to trust that the people who love me are on my side. I understand that it's hard for me to focus on the good things, but I'm really trying to stay as positive as I can. I understand that I can't bother David right now because he's working on a very important, very long paper. I understand that it is my job to be loving and supportive.
But I feel so confused.
I'm so sad my whole body feels numb. I want to run away or curl into a ball and cry. I've been doing the latter because the former wouldn't help anyone.
I feel so powerless and helpless to control my life right now. Is this what trust is like?
David really seems to think that he and I are most likely too different of people to carry on in this relationship. I don't know what he expects of me.
He and I were up until after 3 on the phone last night. I don't remember the last time I heaved out such disgusting body-wracking sobs. My neck and elbows are sore today.
I just don't understand my place. I don't know the rules here. I don't know the boundaries. All I'm allowed to know is that he cares about me, he loves me, but he's not sure.
I understand that I'm argumentative and I have been working on that all day. I understand I have problems with trust, but I'm trying to trust that the people who love me are on my side. I understand that it's hard for me to focus on the good things, but I'm really trying to stay as positive as I can. I understand that I can't bother David right now because he's working on a very important, very long paper. I understand that it is my job to be loving and supportive.
But I feel so confused.