Let's Start From the Begining and See How Far We Get...
Date With Sanji: An AU in which I attempt to pair off Sanji with every female character in One Piece with mixed (usually disastrous) results. There are currently 19 Dates up on fanfiction, and despite popular belief, I am working on the 20th, which will be up sometime before the end of the world hopefully.
Date 1: Jewelery Bonney
Word Count: 1,316
Apparently, no one informed Sanji about his date's table manners...
“You going out again?”
Sanji glanced away from the mirror where he had been fixing his hair for the past 2 hours to look at his roommate. The green-haired man was casually leaning against the doorway drinking a beer while waiting for an answer.
“Of course.” In an attempt to find a steady girlfriend, Sanji had gone out with a different girl almost every night for the past month or so. Clearly it wasn’t going so well, but Sanji was very hopeful about tonight…just like every other night.
“Where did you find this one? Not in a back alley again I hope.” Zoro finished off his beer and crushed the can in his hand.
“No, I met her outside a Café this afternoon. Her name’s Jewelry Bonney, ‘cause I know that’s going to be you’re next question.” They’ve been through this routine almost every time.
“Hm? Jewels? I know her.” Also part of the routine. It seemed as if Zoro knew every girl in town. Why he refused to actually introduce any of them to Sanji himself still remained a mystery to the chef. “We’re in that Supernova club thing together. She and Luffy seem to get along swimmingly. Considering…”
There it was. Zoro Roronoa’s reason why this girl, like all of the others, will eventually drive Sanji insane, thus condemning him to bachelor life forever. Maybe Sanji should focus his efforts on a new roommate first. Of course, maybe he just continues to dig his own grave, because he still consistently asked, “Considering what?”
“Well, I’m sure it’s no big deal for you, being a chef and all, but Jewels and Luffy have similar appetites. Honestly, I’m always surprised when the place still has any food left after she and Luffy have had their fill.” Damn him. If there’s one thing that Zoro can do to turn him away from a girl, it’s compare her to Luffy. “You’d probably better off just cooking something for her here rather than taking her out.”
“You just don’t want to make your own dinner. Besides, it’s rude to have the first date at home. Especially if you’re stupid roommate is going to be home all night.”
“Che. It’s your money I guess. Assuming you’re paying for dinner…”
“Of course I am.”
“Meh. Like I said, it’s your money.” He shrugged and made his way to the TV area. Sanji finished his primping and grabbed his jacket before leaving the room. “I’m off.”
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Somehow Sanji’s shoe that was by the front door a few seconds before managed to hit Zoro’s head.
***
Sanji looked at his watch again. Jewelry was almost a half hour late. They had agreed to meet in front of the restaurant at 8, but his watch informed him that it was about 8:27. Where was she?
About 5 minutes later Jewelry came running up the sidewalk. She was wearing a red and black striped mini-skirt with matching leggings, black boots, and a white blouse. Sanji thought she looked absolutely stunning (just like every girl he saw) and was glad that he decided to wear the red pinstripe shirt with the black vest instead of the green one.
“Sorry I’m late. I got held up by this cop.”
“Did you drive here?” Sanji asked, looking around for a car or a vehicle of some kind.
“No, there was this jerk that got in my way. I may have punched him in the face to get my point across and a cop saw us. Apparently that counted as assault or something. I got off though ‘cause the cop thought I was younger than I actually am.”
“The real crime would have been locking up someone as cute as you for something like that in the first place. You look lovely tonight, by the way.”
“You’re not so bad on the eyes yourself. This where we’re eating?”
“Yes. This restaurant is owned by an acquaintance of mine, so I was able to get a reservation.” They entered the restaurant and were promptly seated and served their drinks.
“You’re a cook right? Ya think the food here is going to be any good? Aren’t cooks pretty picky about things like that?”
“My dear, I wouldn’t consider taking someone as divine as you somewhere I wouldn’t consider eating at.” The waiter showed up and they ordered their meal. Sanji was a bit unnerved about the amount of food Jewelry ordered, but Zoro had said she had an appetite and besides, he’s cooked for Luffy and Ace on several occasions. The amount of food some people were able to eat was nothing new to him.
Things were going pretty smoothly if he did say so himself. They probably would have continued smoothly if the food had somehow never arrived. Then again, maybe it would have made things worse; Sanji was never one to think about what could have been anyway.
Jewelry managed to eat her larger-than-normal meal in under 5 minutes. This in itself was no big shock to Sanji. It was more of the way she devoured it. After all, even Luffy knew not to put his feet on the table. After she finished her first course however, she continued banging on the table asking for more and more food until Sanji’s acquaintance had to come over and remove them from the restaurant. Sanji was going to have to pay him back somehow, and Sanji hated having to pay people back if it couldn’t involve food.
Being a gentleman, Sanji waked Jewelry home. The entire trip consisted of her complaining about how restaurants these days never had enough food or were never willing to share. They were paying customers after all; there was no reason for her to be kicked out…again. Sanji simply nodded and agreed with whatever came out of her mouth.
When they got to her building’s door Jewelry said, “Well, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe next time you can cook for me instead.”
Sanji cringed, inwardly of course. “Maybe. I never really have any food on hand though.”
“Yeah, Zoro always says something like that.”
Sanji groaned, inwardly. “Zoro says we never have enough food?”
“Yeah, we’re in the Supernova club thing together and he’s mentioned how you have trouble feeding both him and Luffy on your salary.”
Sanji didn’t know what was worse, the fact that he was once again ending a date with the topic of Zoro or the fact that Zoro complained about not having enough food in the apartment when he ate more of it than Luffy.
“Well, it was nice meeting you. You’re a lot nicer than Zoro says.” Sanji had the sudden urge to kick something, preferable a green-haired something with a sword fetish. “Thanks for dinner.” And with that, she went inside and left Sanji on the front stoop.
Sanji sighed. “Ce la vie.” He walked down the lonely streets back to his apartment.
***
Upon returning, Sanji found Zoro, Luffy, and Brooke sitting around the coffee table in the TV area playing cards. They looked up as Sanji came through the door. “That bad huh?” Zoro asked, picking up on his defeated stance and food-stained…everything.
“It was fine until the food showed up.” Sanji countered, sitting down with the others at the unoccupied side of the square table.
“Yeah, it’s usually like that with Bonney,” Luffy felt the need to add, before slamming his cards down on the table and shouting “King me!”
“Yohoho, Luffy, we’re playing go fish. By the way, do you have any threes?” Brooke asked.
“As a matter of fact I have three. How did you know?”
Zoro rolled his eyes. “You want in?” he asked Sanji.
“Sure, why not?” He picked up seven cards from the deck in the middle of the table and proceeded to just play cards with his friends.
Date 2: Kalifa
Word Count: 1,365
Sanji takes his date out to eat. It's his specialty after all.
“You’re taking her where?” Zoro was sitting on Sanji’s bed playing with a slinky while Sanji was searching for a shirt to wear in his closet. At this moment, however, the slinky had ceased all movement as Zoro was looking at his roommate with pure shock written all over his face.
“Che La Orbit.” Sanji answered nonchalantly while looking an orange pinstripe shirt before placing it back in the closet.
“That high-class-snotty-French place where you need to call ahead at least 6 months to even be considered for a reservation?” Sanji nodded. “How in the hell did you get a reservation, unless you’ve been planning this for a year?”
“I know a guy.” Sanji simply said, checking out a green shirt before putting that back too.
“You always seem to know a guy don’t you?” Zoro commented before returning his attention to the slinky at hand. “How did you even manage to get someone like Kalifa to go out with you anyway?”
“Franky introduced us. See, normal friends actually introduce you to the hot girls they know.”
“How does Franky even know her anyway? And that still doesn’t explain why she would consider going out with you.” Zoro said while contemplating the ever growing slinky-knot that had somehow appeared.
“She’s Iceburg’s secretary. Apparently he and Franky are friends or something. We kinda hit it off. Is it that hard to imagine someone actually not hating me?” Sanji tossed one of Zoro’s shirts that had somehow ended up in his closet at its owner’s head.
“Yeah, it kinda is.” Zoro replied bluntly, putting the shirt in his lap before continuing to “fix” the tangled slinky.
“Just because you’re a manner deprived buffoon with no class doesn’t mean the rest of the human population feels the same way.” Sanji finally settled on the blue pinstripe shirt with a black tie and matching jacket; you just can’t bet the classics after all.
“Humph.” Zoro expressively replied while he dealt with a slinky that was at this point more gigantic slinky mess than actual slinky. Sanji walked over, took the slinky from his hands, and in a few swift movements had it restored to its pervious condition before tossing it back to Zoro. “Well, I’m off.”
“Hmr.” Zoro remarked, still staring at the slinky. He will never know how he does that; must be some secret slinky-fixing-maneuver that only annoying, blonde, swirly-browed chefs can pull off or something.
***
Kalifa was waiting for him outside the restaurant when Sanji got there. She was looking dazzling in a small, black, form-fitting dress with matching fishnet stockings, classy heels, and a shawl. Her blonde hair was down, but tucked eloquently behind one ear while perfectly framing her simply yet lovely, in Sanji’s opinion, glasses.
“Sorry my dear, where you waiting long?” he asked.
“No, I only got here a few minutes ago. Of course that didn’t stop the valet from sexually harassing me.”
“Should I kick his ass?”
“No I’ve already dealt with him.” Sanji noticed a foot twitching from behind the podium by the door, but decided not to question further. “Shall we enter than?” he asked, offering his arm.
“Yes, of course.” She gracefully accepted and let him lead her inside.
They were promptly seating and their drinks arrived speedily enough. Kalifa was, like Zoro although he would never admit it, impressed that Sanji was able to get a reservation here. Sanji accepted her praises modestly while dishing out several of his own. Things were going great and Sanji was wondering how things could possible go wrong this time when it all went to hell.
Sanji had thought that he recognized one of his least favorite customers when he first entered the restaurant (for some odd reason he always insisted that Sanji make his meal whenever he stopped by the restaurant and he always took every opportunity to complain about it no matter how delicious his companions said it was and Sanji always ended up kicking his ass) but he decided to let it slide. How could he possible interfere anyway? It’s not like Sanji was cooking for him tonight, so he had nothing to complain about. Yet halfway through there meal, Jyabura still managed to find a way to saunter over and piss Sanji off, using the excuse that he knew Kalifa.
And apparently they were friends or something, but Sanji was sure that the only reason he was talking to her was just to get on his nerves. This was confirmed when he said, “So what are you doing in a place like this with a guy like that anyway?”
In retrospect, Sanji probably could have let the comment slide. Of course, if things could have been done in retrospect than Sanji would never ever have gone through that emo stage in high school; worst decision of his life, although responding to that comment is a very close second.
“Well, I guess she just wanted some actual company tonight instead of the ravings of some lunatic wolf-man.” Jyabura reminded him of a wolf for some reason and Sanji would always take the opportunity to point it out.
“What was that?!” Jyabura was reeling for a fight, but his square-nosed cohort held him back.
“Jyabura, do not fight him now. We still have customers to talk to and it would be best if you were somewhat coherent for that. Hello Kalifa, it’s great to see you.”
“It’s nice to see you to Kaku.”
“He started it though!”
“It does not really matter who started it; we are all adults here.”
Sanji probably should have stopped there, he had won after all. “Yeah wolf-boy, why don’t you listen to Mommy and go off and play somewhere else?”
The rest was a bit of a blur. Jyabura launched himself out of Kaku’s grip at Sanji who immediately countered it with a sharp kick to the head. The two of them continued to fight throughout the restaurant until somehow Sanji’s foot caught on fire. Not really thinking about it he launched another kick at Jyabura who thought it would be a good idea to counter it with a bottle of wine. Next thing Sanji knew, Jyabura was on fire, he was bleeding, Kalifa was in Kaku’s arms, and everyone was outside of the restaurant. He didn’t even get a chance to apologize for ruining dinner to Kalifa before he was pulled into an ambulance, but she didn’t really seem to mind as she had already left with Kaku.
***
“So let me get this straight: Your foot caught on fire?”
“Yes.”
“But you didn’t suffer any burns whatsoever?"
“Yup.”
Zoro started laughing. Sanji had been mortified when Chopper, who was on call that night and had ended up treating Sanji, had taken the liberty of calling Zoro down to the hospital to take him home. After going through the story of just how he had ended up at the hospital, he now had to listen to his roommate laughing at him the whole ride home.
“How is that even possible?” Zoro managed to get out between chuckles.
“I don’t know. I guess my heart was just burning hotter or something.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.” He chuckled to himself again. “And did she really just run off with his friend right afterwards?”
“Seems like it.”
Zoro laughed some more. “Is your friend from the restaurant going to press charges, ‘cause form the sounds of things, you almost burnt the place down.”
“No he’s pretty chill about things like that.”
“Your friends are weird.”
“You know, technically you’re my friend.”
“Yeah, and you know how weird I am.” Sanji smiled at that. “Come on, I know you’re down now, but eventually you’re just going to look back on all of this and laugh.”
“You’re doing enough of that for the both of us.”
“True. But come on, I got a text from Ace earlier. He, Franky, and Usopp are out clubbing and asked if someone with actually taste wanted to join them.”
“Then why did he text you?”
“Seriously though, it will be easier to laugh this off when you’re plastered.”
“I guess, I mean my night can’t get any worse…right?”
Date 3: Nojiko
Word Count: 1,697
Sanji, a hot sister, and a picnic. What could possibly go wrong?
Zoro poked his head into the apartment. Sanji had been in the middle of a cooking frenzy and rather than disturb him and risk getting numerous amounts of cooking utensils shoved up places he’d rather not have them he opted to hit the gym instead. When he discovered that Sanji’s back was turned while he was putting the finishing touches on something that just came out of the oven, Zoro took the opportunity to slip into the bathroom and take a shower.
When he came out 10 minutes later wearing nothing but sweatpants his eccentric roommate was putting everything into a large picnic basket on the counter. “Going somewhere cook?” he questioned, running a hand through his still-wet hair.
Sanji glanced up, removing his pink apron to reveal an orange-striped collared shirt accompanying his usually black slacks and shoes combo. “Yes, as a matter of fact. The lovely Nojiko and I are going on a picnic this afternoon.”
“Nojiko? Nami’s sister?” Zoro asked looking thoughtful. “Damn, I haven’t seen her since that one time in Vegas…”
“My God, is there any girl you haven’t slept with?!”
“I never said we did anything…”
“Well did you?” Zoro glanced awkwardly at the ground. “Yeah that’s what I thought.” Zoro would have made the best comeback in the history of comebacks at this point, but Sanji was holding a knife and his swords were in the other room, so he settled for saying, “Does Nami know about this? She’s seems too close to her sister to actually let her go out with someone like you.” He realized this was the wrong thing to say when the knife found itself in the wall mere inches from his head.
“She’s the one who arranged it.” Sanji said, moving to the other side of the counter to retrieve his knife. “She said that Nojiko was feeling a bit down so she suggested that I take her somewhere.”
“And the best place you could think of was a dirty field full of ants?”
“It’s springtime! It’s only natural to have a picnic in the springtime!” Sanji stated while waving his knife around. Zoro ducked just in time to spare himself from being decapitated. Sanji kept those knives a bit too sharp for Zoro’s comfort.
“A sakura viewing would be better, true,” Sanji conceded, “but we are not in Japan, so it wouldn’t quite mean the same, you know?”
“No I don’t, actually. I don’t really pay attention to girly things like that, considering I’m a guy and all that.” He ducked again to avoid having his head separated from his shoulders by a kick. It amazed Zoro how many times he could come close to losing his head in one conversation with his roommate.
“Che, whatever you unromantic bastard. A little clichéd romance is a good thing every now and then.” Sanji remarked before returning behind the counter to prepare the picnic basket.
“Maybe so, but you seem to freak’n emit clichéd romance like it’s a spore.”
“Hm, whatever.” Sanji replied without looking up from his task. “By the way, I’m borrowing your car, so you better not have left any trash or sword-crap or whatever else you leave in there in it.”
“Considering the fact it’s mine I think you should either not complain or buy your own damn car.” Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “She’s coming here!?”
“Yeah, did I forget to mention that? Sorry.” Sanji replied without a shred of remorse on his face. “She’s just meeting me here; we’ll be gone right away. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper are coming over today right? I left you guys about fifteen sandwiches in the fridge.” He said while picking up the basket and heading towards the door.
“Will that be enough?” Zoro wondered aloud while putting on the shirt that was conveniently placed on the chair in the TV area.
“Usopp and Chopper will only have one each. That leaves two for you and ten for Luffy. It should at least hold him long enough for you guys to order pizza or something.” He remarked before answering the door with, “Ah, Nojiko! You’re looking as lovely as ever!” She was wearing jeans and a sea foam green vest with matching sandals that complemented her hair and tattoos.
“Shall we go?”
“Yeah let’s go.” She said before shouting, “It’s good to see you again Zoro!”
“Hm. You too.” Said man lazily replied.
“We should get going now or else we won’t get a good seat…” Sanji all but mumbled before closing the door behind him.
“We’re going on a picnic, how can we get a bad seat?” Nojiko commented. Zoro just laughed.
***
Sure enough, when they got there all the good seats were still available. As a matter of fact, all of the seats were still available, as they were the only ones out picnicking on this particular stretch of grass today. Sanji didn’t know why; the field was almost as gorgeous as his companion for this equally gorgeous afternoon. The grass under his feet (they had both removed their shoes) was soft and squishy, the trees were swaying hypnotically in the gentle breeze. The small river that ran through the field was not only aesthetically pleasing, but also provided wonderful background noise. All in all, Sanji thought this was a perfect day for a perfect picnic.
He and Nojiko set up their blanket under a sturdy looking tree on the far side of the meadow. They ate the fantastic meal Sanji had prepared (which earned him numerous brownie points and compliments from Nojiko, all of which he returned with just as much fervor) and proceeded to wander toward the center of the meadow and do some cloud gazing. It was going pretty well if Sanji did say so himself.
“That cloud looks kinda like a spider.” Nojiko innocently remarked. Sanji shuddered noticeably at the thought. “I never took you for an archnephobic Sanji.”She teased.
“It’s not that I’m particularly afraid of them per say…” the cook remarked, “It’s just that they kinda freak me out a bit.”
“Really?” Nojiko laughed, “You don’t seem to freaked out by the one on your neck.”
Sanji froze. He didn’t dare move his hand to his neck to check to see if she was just joking or if there actually was a spider on his neck. He wasn’t going to lie: bugs freaked him out.
Spiders did to. They were just so damn creepy with all those legs and all that movement. Plus they were the bane of chefs everywhere. It doesn’t matter how good the meal you poured your heart and soul into is; if there was a bug in it, the customer automatically hated it.
Nojiko laughed a light, airy laugh at his shock before reaching over and brushing it off herself. That’s when he realized something had crawled up his shirt. Several somethings now that he thought about it. Several creepy crawly somethings that seemed to be doing the salsa on his back. Needless to say, he shot up into a sitting position immediately. “Something wrong?”
Nojiko asked.
“Yeah, I think there’s something in my shirt…” Sanji started, before he realized that he accidently lay down near an ant mound. Now all of the creepiness in his shirt made sense.
He most certainly did not scream like a girl. If Sanji has to defend that singular fact until the day he dies he most certainly will. His yell of surprise was just a tad bit higher in pitch than he would have liked. And he most certainly did not completely lose it. He was just a little less calm and level headed than he would have liked.
For her part, Nojiko reacted quite well. She was able to assess what had happened quickly enough and was able to strip Sanji of his shirt and drag him off to the nearby river and push him in before he hurt himself. Only when all of the ants were gone and Sanji had completely calmed down did she proceed to start laughing.
Sanji, once he collected his sense, flushed a very interesting shade of pink. “Sorry, Nojiko. I didn’t mean to ruin the mood…”
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” She insisted through her laughing fit. Sanji got out of the river and wandered back over to their picnicking area with Nojiko following. Together they cleaned up their mess and found Sanji’s shirt, with only a few more outbursts from Nojiko, and left the meadow behind.
***
Sanji dropped Nojiko off at the small house she shared with Nami and Vivi. Nojiko thanked him and insisted that she had a great time before getting out of the car, laughing on her way to the door.
Afterwards Sanji, still a bit wet from his time with the river, returned back to his apartment where Zoro, Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were watching season three of House with 12 empty pizza boxes scattered on the floor beside them, a half empty popcorn bowl on Zoro’s lap. As he came in, Zoro looked up at him, took in his appearance and remarked, “That bad huh?”
“She had a good time at least. And I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Yeah she would.”
“Oh Sanji! You’re just in time for the differential!” Luffy shouted. “Although I don’t know why, it’s so obviously Lupus.”
“Luffy, none of the symptoms even remotely resemble Lupus.” Chopper rebuffed in all of his doctor knowledge. “It’s got to be ragged-red fiber. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“I don’t know, Chopper. That heavy metal poisoning sounds pretty good to me.” Usopp suggested.
“Geeze Usopp you should know never to go against the diagnosis of a medical genius while watching a show about medicine.” Sanji said while settling himself on the couch between Zoro and said genius.
“Sh-shut up! You’re praise doesn’t make me happy, idiot!” Chopper shouted, clearly thrilled with the praise his blonde friend bestowed upon him.
“Hey, if you damage the couch you’re buying a new one.” Zoro remarked.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He said, grabbing the popcorn from Zoro and settling down to Dr. House prove Dr. Chopper’s assumption correct.
Well that's the first three. If I do three dates a day, I might have all of them up by the time Date 20 is done. Hopefully.
Date 1: Jewelery Bonney
Word Count: 1,316
Apparently, no one informed Sanji about his date's table manners...
“You going out again?”
Sanji glanced away from the mirror where he had been fixing his hair for the past 2 hours to look at his roommate. The green-haired man was casually leaning against the doorway drinking a beer while waiting for an answer.
“Of course.” In an attempt to find a steady girlfriend, Sanji had gone out with a different girl almost every night for the past month or so. Clearly it wasn’t going so well, but Sanji was very hopeful about tonight…just like every other night.
“Where did you find this one? Not in a back alley again I hope.” Zoro finished off his beer and crushed the can in his hand.
“No, I met her outside a Café this afternoon. Her name’s Jewelry Bonney, ‘cause I know that’s going to be you’re next question.” They’ve been through this routine almost every time.
“Hm? Jewels? I know her.” Also part of the routine. It seemed as if Zoro knew every girl in town. Why he refused to actually introduce any of them to Sanji himself still remained a mystery to the chef. “We’re in that Supernova club thing together. She and Luffy seem to get along swimmingly. Considering…”
There it was. Zoro Roronoa’s reason why this girl, like all of the others, will eventually drive Sanji insane, thus condemning him to bachelor life forever. Maybe Sanji should focus his efforts on a new roommate first. Of course, maybe he just continues to dig his own grave, because he still consistently asked, “Considering what?”
“Well, I’m sure it’s no big deal for you, being a chef and all, but Jewels and Luffy have similar appetites. Honestly, I’m always surprised when the place still has any food left after she and Luffy have had their fill.” Damn him. If there’s one thing that Zoro can do to turn him away from a girl, it’s compare her to Luffy. “You’d probably better off just cooking something for her here rather than taking her out.”
“You just don’t want to make your own dinner. Besides, it’s rude to have the first date at home. Especially if you’re stupid roommate is going to be home all night.”
“Che. It’s your money I guess. Assuming you’re paying for dinner…”
“Of course I am.”
“Meh. Like I said, it’s your money.” He shrugged and made his way to the TV area. Sanji finished his primping and grabbed his jacket before leaving the room. “I’m off.”
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Somehow Sanji’s shoe that was by the front door a few seconds before managed to hit Zoro’s head.
***
Sanji looked at his watch again. Jewelry was almost a half hour late. They had agreed to meet in front of the restaurant at 8, but his watch informed him that it was about 8:27. Where was she?
About 5 minutes later Jewelry came running up the sidewalk. She was wearing a red and black striped mini-skirt with matching leggings, black boots, and a white blouse. Sanji thought she looked absolutely stunning (just like every girl he saw) and was glad that he decided to wear the red pinstripe shirt with the black vest instead of the green one.
“Sorry I’m late. I got held up by this cop.”
“Did you drive here?” Sanji asked, looking around for a car or a vehicle of some kind.
“No, there was this jerk that got in my way. I may have punched him in the face to get my point across and a cop saw us. Apparently that counted as assault or something. I got off though ‘cause the cop thought I was younger than I actually am.”
“The real crime would have been locking up someone as cute as you for something like that in the first place. You look lovely tonight, by the way.”
“You’re not so bad on the eyes yourself. This where we’re eating?”
“Yes. This restaurant is owned by an acquaintance of mine, so I was able to get a reservation.” They entered the restaurant and were promptly seated and served their drinks.
“You’re a cook right? Ya think the food here is going to be any good? Aren’t cooks pretty picky about things like that?”
“My dear, I wouldn’t consider taking someone as divine as you somewhere I wouldn’t consider eating at.” The waiter showed up and they ordered their meal. Sanji was a bit unnerved about the amount of food Jewelry ordered, but Zoro had said she had an appetite and besides, he’s cooked for Luffy and Ace on several occasions. The amount of food some people were able to eat was nothing new to him.
Things were going pretty smoothly if he did say so himself. They probably would have continued smoothly if the food had somehow never arrived. Then again, maybe it would have made things worse; Sanji was never one to think about what could have been anyway.
Jewelry managed to eat her larger-than-normal meal in under 5 minutes. This in itself was no big shock to Sanji. It was more of the way she devoured it. After all, even Luffy knew not to put his feet on the table. After she finished her first course however, she continued banging on the table asking for more and more food until Sanji’s acquaintance had to come over and remove them from the restaurant. Sanji was going to have to pay him back somehow, and Sanji hated having to pay people back if it couldn’t involve food.
Being a gentleman, Sanji waked Jewelry home. The entire trip consisted of her complaining about how restaurants these days never had enough food or were never willing to share. They were paying customers after all; there was no reason for her to be kicked out…again. Sanji simply nodded and agreed with whatever came out of her mouth.
When they got to her building’s door Jewelry said, “Well, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe next time you can cook for me instead.”
Sanji cringed, inwardly of course. “Maybe. I never really have any food on hand though.”
“Yeah, Zoro always says something like that.”
Sanji groaned, inwardly. “Zoro says we never have enough food?”
“Yeah, we’re in the Supernova club thing together and he’s mentioned how you have trouble feeding both him and Luffy on your salary.”
Sanji didn’t know what was worse, the fact that he was once again ending a date with the topic of Zoro or the fact that Zoro complained about not having enough food in the apartment when he ate more of it than Luffy.
“Well, it was nice meeting you. You’re a lot nicer than Zoro says.” Sanji had the sudden urge to kick something, preferable a green-haired something with a sword fetish. “Thanks for dinner.” And with that, she went inside and left Sanji on the front stoop.
Sanji sighed. “Ce la vie.” He walked down the lonely streets back to his apartment.
***
Upon returning, Sanji found Zoro, Luffy, and Brooke sitting around the coffee table in the TV area playing cards. They looked up as Sanji came through the door. “That bad huh?” Zoro asked, picking up on his defeated stance and food-stained…everything.
“It was fine until the food showed up.” Sanji countered, sitting down with the others at the unoccupied side of the square table.
“Yeah, it’s usually like that with Bonney,” Luffy felt the need to add, before slamming his cards down on the table and shouting “King me!”
“Yohoho, Luffy, we’re playing go fish. By the way, do you have any threes?” Brooke asked.
“As a matter of fact I have three. How did you know?”
Zoro rolled his eyes. “You want in?” he asked Sanji.
“Sure, why not?” He picked up seven cards from the deck in the middle of the table and proceeded to just play cards with his friends.
Date 2: Kalifa
Word Count: 1,365
Sanji takes his date out to eat. It's his specialty after all.
“You’re taking her where?” Zoro was sitting on Sanji’s bed playing with a slinky while Sanji was searching for a shirt to wear in his closet. At this moment, however, the slinky had ceased all movement as Zoro was looking at his roommate with pure shock written all over his face.
“Che La Orbit.” Sanji answered nonchalantly while looking an orange pinstripe shirt before placing it back in the closet.
“That high-class-snotty-French place where you need to call ahead at least 6 months to even be considered for a reservation?” Sanji nodded. “How in the hell did you get a reservation, unless you’ve been planning this for a year?”
“I know a guy.” Sanji simply said, checking out a green shirt before putting that back too.
“You always seem to know a guy don’t you?” Zoro commented before returning his attention to the slinky at hand. “How did you even manage to get someone like Kalifa to go out with you anyway?”
“Franky introduced us. See, normal friends actually introduce you to the hot girls they know.”
“How does Franky even know her anyway? And that still doesn’t explain why she would consider going out with you.” Zoro said while contemplating the ever growing slinky-knot that had somehow appeared.
“She’s Iceburg’s secretary. Apparently he and Franky are friends or something. We kinda hit it off. Is it that hard to imagine someone actually not hating me?” Sanji tossed one of Zoro’s shirts that had somehow ended up in his closet at its owner’s head.
“Yeah, it kinda is.” Zoro replied bluntly, putting the shirt in his lap before continuing to “fix” the tangled slinky.
“Just because you’re a manner deprived buffoon with no class doesn’t mean the rest of the human population feels the same way.” Sanji finally settled on the blue pinstripe shirt with a black tie and matching jacket; you just can’t bet the classics after all.
“Humph.” Zoro expressively replied while he dealt with a slinky that was at this point more gigantic slinky mess than actual slinky. Sanji walked over, took the slinky from his hands, and in a few swift movements had it restored to its pervious condition before tossing it back to Zoro. “Well, I’m off.”
“Hmr.” Zoro remarked, still staring at the slinky. He will never know how he does that; must be some secret slinky-fixing-maneuver that only annoying, blonde, swirly-browed chefs can pull off or something.
***
Kalifa was waiting for him outside the restaurant when Sanji got there. She was looking dazzling in a small, black, form-fitting dress with matching fishnet stockings, classy heels, and a shawl. Her blonde hair was down, but tucked eloquently behind one ear while perfectly framing her simply yet lovely, in Sanji’s opinion, glasses.
“Sorry my dear, where you waiting long?” he asked.
“No, I only got here a few minutes ago. Of course that didn’t stop the valet from sexually harassing me.”
“Should I kick his ass?”
“No I’ve already dealt with him.” Sanji noticed a foot twitching from behind the podium by the door, but decided not to question further. “Shall we enter than?” he asked, offering his arm.
“Yes, of course.” She gracefully accepted and let him lead her inside.
They were promptly seating and their drinks arrived speedily enough. Kalifa was, like Zoro although he would never admit it, impressed that Sanji was able to get a reservation here. Sanji accepted her praises modestly while dishing out several of his own. Things were going great and Sanji was wondering how things could possible go wrong this time when it all went to hell.
Sanji had thought that he recognized one of his least favorite customers when he first entered the restaurant (for some odd reason he always insisted that Sanji make his meal whenever he stopped by the restaurant and he always took every opportunity to complain about it no matter how delicious his companions said it was and Sanji always ended up kicking his ass) but he decided to let it slide. How could he possible interfere anyway? It’s not like Sanji was cooking for him tonight, so he had nothing to complain about. Yet halfway through there meal, Jyabura still managed to find a way to saunter over and piss Sanji off, using the excuse that he knew Kalifa.
And apparently they were friends or something, but Sanji was sure that the only reason he was talking to her was just to get on his nerves. This was confirmed when he said, “So what are you doing in a place like this with a guy like that anyway?”
In retrospect, Sanji probably could have let the comment slide. Of course, if things could have been done in retrospect than Sanji would never ever have gone through that emo stage in high school; worst decision of his life, although responding to that comment is a very close second.
“Well, I guess she just wanted some actual company tonight instead of the ravings of some lunatic wolf-man.” Jyabura reminded him of a wolf for some reason and Sanji would always take the opportunity to point it out.
“What was that?!” Jyabura was reeling for a fight, but his square-nosed cohort held him back.
“Jyabura, do not fight him now. We still have customers to talk to and it would be best if you were somewhat coherent for that. Hello Kalifa, it’s great to see you.”
“It’s nice to see you to Kaku.”
“He started it though!”
“It does not really matter who started it; we are all adults here.”
Sanji probably should have stopped there, he had won after all. “Yeah wolf-boy, why don’t you listen to Mommy and go off and play somewhere else?”
The rest was a bit of a blur. Jyabura launched himself out of Kaku’s grip at Sanji who immediately countered it with a sharp kick to the head. The two of them continued to fight throughout the restaurant until somehow Sanji’s foot caught on fire. Not really thinking about it he launched another kick at Jyabura who thought it would be a good idea to counter it with a bottle of wine. Next thing Sanji knew, Jyabura was on fire, he was bleeding, Kalifa was in Kaku’s arms, and everyone was outside of the restaurant. He didn’t even get a chance to apologize for ruining dinner to Kalifa before he was pulled into an ambulance, but she didn’t really seem to mind as she had already left with Kaku.
***
“So let me get this straight: Your foot caught on fire?”
“Yes.”
“But you didn’t suffer any burns whatsoever?"
“Yup.”
Zoro started laughing. Sanji had been mortified when Chopper, who was on call that night and had ended up treating Sanji, had taken the liberty of calling Zoro down to the hospital to take him home. After going through the story of just how he had ended up at the hospital, he now had to listen to his roommate laughing at him the whole ride home.
“How is that even possible?” Zoro managed to get out between chuckles.
“I don’t know. I guess my heart was just burning hotter or something.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.” He chuckled to himself again. “And did she really just run off with his friend right afterwards?”
“Seems like it.”
Zoro laughed some more. “Is your friend from the restaurant going to press charges, ‘cause form the sounds of things, you almost burnt the place down.”
“No he’s pretty chill about things like that.”
“Your friends are weird.”
“You know, technically you’re my friend.”
“Yeah, and you know how weird I am.” Sanji smiled at that. “Come on, I know you’re down now, but eventually you’re just going to look back on all of this and laugh.”
“You’re doing enough of that for the both of us.”
“True. But come on, I got a text from Ace earlier. He, Franky, and Usopp are out clubbing and asked if someone with actually taste wanted to join them.”
“Then why did he text you?”
“Seriously though, it will be easier to laugh this off when you’re plastered.”
“I guess, I mean my night can’t get any worse…right?”
Date 3: Nojiko
Word Count: 1,697
Sanji, a hot sister, and a picnic. What could possibly go wrong?
Zoro poked his head into the apartment. Sanji had been in the middle of a cooking frenzy and rather than disturb him and risk getting numerous amounts of cooking utensils shoved up places he’d rather not have them he opted to hit the gym instead. When he discovered that Sanji’s back was turned while he was putting the finishing touches on something that just came out of the oven, Zoro took the opportunity to slip into the bathroom and take a shower.
When he came out 10 minutes later wearing nothing but sweatpants his eccentric roommate was putting everything into a large picnic basket on the counter. “Going somewhere cook?” he questioned, running a hand through his still-wet hair.
Sanji glanced up, removing his pink apron to reveal an orange-striped collared shirt accompanying his usually black slacks and shoes combo. “Yes, as a matter of fact. The lovely Nojiko and I are going on a picnic this afternoon.”
“Nojiko? Nami’s sister?” Zoro asked looking thoughtful. “Damn, I haven’t seen her since that one time in Vegas…”
“My God, is there any girl you haven’t slept with?!”
“I never said we did anything…”
“Well did you?” Zoro glanced awkwardly at the ground. “Yeah that’s what I thought.” Zoro would have made the best comeback in the history of comebacks at this point, but Sanji was holding a knife and his swords were in the other room, so he settled for saying, “Does Nami know about this? She’s seems too close to her sister to actually let her go out with someone like you.” He realized this was the wrong thing to say when the knife found itself in the wall mere inches from his head.
“She’s the one who arranged it.” Sanji said, moving to the other side of the counter to retrieve his knife. “She said that Nojiko was feeling a bit down so she suggested that I take her somewhere.”
“And the best place you could think of was a dirty field full of ants?”
“It’s springtime! It’s only natural to have a picnic in the springtime!” Sanji stated while waving his knife around. Zoro ducked just in time to spare himself from being decapitated. Sanji kept those knives a bit too sharp for Zoro’s comfort.
“A sakura viewing would be better, true,” Sanji conceded, “but we are not in Japan, so it wouldn’t quite mean the same, you know?”
“No I don’t, actually. I don’t really pay attention to girly things like that, considering I’m a guy and all that.” He ducked again to avoid having his head separated from his shoulders by a kick. It amazed Zoro how many times he could come close to losing his head in one conversation with his roommate.
“Che, whatever you unromantic bastard. A little clichéd romance is a good thing every now and then.” Sanji remarked before returning behind the counter to prepare the picnic basket.
“Maybe so, but you seem to freak’n emit clichéd romance like it’s a spore.”
“Hm, whatever.” Sanji replied without looking up from his task. “By the way, I’m borrowing your car, so you better not have left any trash or sword-crap or whatever else you leave in there in it.”
“Considering the fact it’s mine I think you should either not complain or buy your own damn car.” Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “She’s coming here!?”
“Yeah, did I forget to mention that? Sorry.” Sanji replied without a shred of remorse on his face. “She’s just meeting me here; we’ll be gone right away. Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper are coming over today right? I left you guys about fifteen sandwiches in the fridge.” He said while picking up the basket and heading towards the door.
“Will that be enough?” Zoro wondered aloud while putting on the shirt that was conveniently placed on the chair in the TV area.
“Usopp and Chopper will only have one each. That leaves two for you and ten for Luffy. It should at least hold him long enough for you guys to order pizza or something.” He remarked before answering the door with, “Ah, Nojiko! You’re looking as lovely as ever!” She was wearing jeans and a sea foam green vest with matching sandals that complemented her hair and tattoos.
“Shall we go?”
“Yeah let’s go.” She said before shouting, “It’s good to see you again Zoro!”
“Hm. You too.” Said man lazily replied.
“We should get going now or else we won’t get a good seat…” Sanji all but mumbled before closing the door behind him.
“We’re going on a picnic, how can we get a bad seat?” Nojiko commented. Zoro just laughed.
***
Sure enough, when they got there all the good seats were still available. As a matter of fact, all of the seats were still available, as they were the only ones out picnicking on this particular stretch of grass today. Sanji didn’t know why; the field was almost as gorgeous as his companion for this equally gorgeous afternoon. The grass under his feet (they had both removed their shoes) was soft and squishy, the trees were swaying hypnotically in the gentle breeze. The small river that ran through the field was not only aesthetically pleasing, but also provided wonderful background noise. All in all, Sanji thought this was a perfect day for a perfect picnic.
He and Nojiko set up their blanket under a sturdy looking tree on the far side of the meadow. They ate the fantastic meal Sanji had prepared (which earned him numerous brownie points and compliments from Nojiko, all of which he returned with just as much fervor) and proceeded to wander toward the center of the meadow and do some cloud gazing. It was going pretty well if Sanji did say so himself.
“That cloud looks kinda like a spider.” Nojiko innocently remarked. Sanji shuddered noticeably at the thought. “I never took you for an archnephobic Sanji.”She teased.
“It’s not that I’m particularly afraid of them per say…” the cook remarked, “It’s just that they kinda freak me out a bit.”
“Really?” Nojiko laughed, “You don’t seem to freaked out by the one on your neck.”
Sanji froze. He didn’t dare move his hand to his neck to check to see if she was just joking or if there actually was a spider on his neck. He wasn’t going to lie: bugs freaked him out.
Spiders did to. They were just so damn creepy with all those legs and all that movement. Plus they were the bane of chefs everywhere. It doesn’t matter how good the meal you poured your heart and soul into is; if there was a bug in it, the customer automatically hated it.
Nojiko laughed a light, airy laugh at his shock before reaching over and brushing it off herself. That’s when he realized something had crawled up his shirt. Several somethings now that he thought about it. Several creepy crawly somethings that seemed to be doing the salsa on his back. Needless to say, he shot up into a sitting position immediately. “Something wrong?”
Nojiko asked.
“Yeah, I think there’s something in my shirt…” Sanji started, before he realized that he accidently lay down near an ant mound. Now all of the creepiness in his shirt made sense.
He most certainly did not scream like a girl. If Sanji has to defend that singular fact until the day he dies he most certainly will. His yell of surprise was just a tad bit higher in pitch than he would have liked. And he most certainly did not completely lose it. He was just a little less calm and level headed than he would have liked.
For her part, Nojiko reacted quite well. She was able to assess what had happened quickly enough and was able to strip Sanji of his shirt and drag him off to the nearby river and push him in before he hurt himself. Only when all of the ants were gone and Sanji had completely calmed down did she proceed to start laughing.
Sanji, once he collected his sense, flushed a very interesting shade of pink. “Sorry, Nojiko. I didn’t mean to ruin the mood…”
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” She insisted through her laughing fit. Sanji got out of the river and wandered back over to their picnicking area with Nojiko following. Together they cleaned up their mess and found Sanji’s shirt, with only a few more outbursts from Nojiko, and left the meadow behind.
***
Sanji dropped Nojiko off at the small house she shared with Nami and Vivi. Nojiko thanked him and insisted that she had a great time before getting out of the car, laughing on her way to the door.
Afterwards Sanji, still a bit wet from his time with the river, returned back to his apartment where Zoro, Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were watching season three of House with 12 empty pizza boxes scattered on the floor beside them, a half empty popcorn bowl on Zoro’s lap. As he came in, Zoro looked up at him, took in his appearance and remarked, “That bad huh?”
“She had a good time at least. And I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Yeah she would.”
“Oh Sanji! You’re just in time for the differential!” Luffy shouted. “Although I don’t know why, it’s so obviously Lupus.”
“Luffy, none of the symptoms even remotely resemble Lupus.” Chopper rebuffed in all of his doctor knowledge. “It’s got to be ragged-red fiber. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“I don’t know, Chopper. That heavy metal poisoning sounds pretty good to me.” Usopp suggested.
“Geeze Usopp you should know never to go against the diagnosis of a medical genius while watching a show about medicine.” Sanji said while settling himself on the couch between Zoro and said genius.
“Sh-shut up! You’re praise doesn’t make me happy, idiot!” Chopper shouted, clearly thrilled with the praise his blonde friend bestowed upon him.
“Hey, if you damage the couch you’re buying a new one.” Zoro remarked.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He said, grabbing the popcorn from Zoro and settling down to Dr. House prove Dr. Chopper’s assumption correct.
Well that's the first three. If I do three dates a day, I might have all of them up by the time Date 20 is done. Hopefully.