Nip/Tuck: "Shari Noble"
*
* This isn't really much of a note, but mmm...champagne.
* Ooh! Christian got a well-deserved bitch slap from Sanaa Lathan, who then refers to her cleavage as "world class." I like her! Plus it's always refreshing to see Christian get turned down.
* Lobster claw breast feed!! "Any beer in the fridge?" asks Mrs. Gunther, citing that it helps in breast feeding. (What, can heroin help change diapers?) And yes, I bet there's some Heineken!! in the fridge!
* Uh oh! Julia has post-partum depression! Another slam to Tom Cruise! Geez, first Brooke Shields as a therapist, then Matt goes nutso Scientologist...I'm just waiting for a couch jump, or possibly Lobster Claw Suri...
* Ew...grossest tit ever. Dog bit the nipple off. Eight minutes and this is the third breast-centric scene. I'm pretty sure this is the first time in television history that a character's motivation has been: "I need to hide the fact that my dog bit my tit off from my husband in Iraq or else he'll kill my puppy!"
* Christian: "Your chocolate cupcakes are looking very tempting." Yep, that's boobie reference, and a lame one at that. More breasts.
* Scene 5: Breast surgery. We're five for five.
* Scene 6: Midget nurse draws a jungle on baby's bedroom wall. No sign of breasts so far. Oh wait...the drawing is of Adam and Eve with leaves covering their naked parts. Obscured titties are still titties! Six for six.
* Scene 7: Starts with close-up of Lobster Claw Baby sucking on breast, then midget fondles Julia (to help with the feeding) but Sean walks in. Seven for seven!
* Scene 8: Lesbian bar. If this scene isn't about breasts I don't know what. Ooh, Christian is shot down by another lesbian! Dykes, two...Christian, zero. The fact that Liz is showing cleavage, I think, makes this another breast scene. Eight for eight!
* Lesbian seduction scene. This is going far too well for this woman not to turn out to be a psycho. Girl-on-girl makeout sesh, but no direct breast action. Dammit.
* Okay Liz has a phone taped to her hand. That's weird. Ew! Hot lesbian removed Liz's kidney! Did I call 'psycho' or what? And what's the deal with the "Hi, we just stole your kidney!" courtesy call? If some bitch seduced me and removed one of my vital organs, I don't think I'd be in the mood to chat.
* Liz: "My first pickup in a gay bar...think God's trying to tell me something?" I hear ya, girl.
* OH no, Liz is gonna be out of commission for 4-6 weeks! But...the show can't go on without her...she delivers at least one sarcastic quip every episode! Well, most episodes. Sometimes she's gone for weeks at a time. In fact, she hasn't had her own storyline in ages. Wait a sec, we covered this last week. I guess it's fine.
* With all this organ thievery, it's been awhile since any of the scenes revolved around breasts. Boooooooobs.
* Yow! Model girl gets a paper weight to the face. That's gotta smart.
* Sanaa Lathan gets to operate on the face-bash girl? I'm pretty sure you need to finish medical school for that. On a sidenote, I'm not much of a fan of this crazy old woman yet. Let's wait and find out what she's about.
* Sean: "You fondled my wife's breast. It was right in front of you and you couldn't resist touching it." Yes! We're back on the titty track!
* Psycho nanny interrupts Sean firing midget nanny. It's fucking nannypalooza up in here and I love it!
* I'm way ahead of you, sponsors! I've already got my cursory Tuesday night Heineken!! right here. Except this time it's Heineken!! Light, so there. You can make me an alcoholic, Nip/Tuck, but I'll be goddamned if you make me fat!
* Psycho nanny: "Some say eyes are windows to the soul. I think it's the hands. I love your hands." Yeah, that's something to say to a guy who just fathered a lobster claw baby.
* Whoa! Peanut butter bestiality. That's awesome. Aaaand a tit-chomping dead doggie. Get out! That's so fucking Nip/Tuck I can't stand it! And this time I'm certain that it's the first time a character motivation has been: "My husband found out that my dog bit my tit off when I rubbed peanut butter on myself to get him to lick me and now he killed my puppy!" Crunchy PB, indeed.
* Aha! Heineken!! for Sean and Julia! I knew they had 'em in the fridge.
* Psycho nanny makes hash brownies? This can't end well. And she even dances like a psycho! Half a hash brownie and Sean is tripping like he's on LSD? Lightweight. Low tolerance aside, this scene is cool.
* Oh no, evil tattoo man is back! Him again? Our Season One villain? Is this guy boning the show runners or what? Ooh, but Megan's appearance is delish (and actually makes sense, given that she was Extramarital Affair Girl #1). And hey, Bonus Points...she was on the show to get BREAST IMPLANTS after having BREAST CANCER. Hoo boy, I'm all over this theme! She's in white, tattoo guy is in red, they're standing over Sean's shoulders...oh, devil and angel. Apples. Subtle. Ew! Evil guy has a long evil devil tongue! That's gross. Now he's fucking Julia in the ass! This is madness! Man, I would love to have been a fly on the wall of the writer's room for that pitch.
* Ah. So Sanaa's an ex-hooker. That makes sense. I dig. But ew. Christian blackmails Sanaa for sex? That's a new low, even for him. Boooooooooooo(bs)!
* I'm looking forward to Courteney Cox's return to TV with Dirt. Since it's on FX, called Dirt, and about paparazzi, I can only hope that she'll be in full Gale Weathers bitch mode.
* Overall, solid episode with a few good shockers and twice the breasts. Season 4 continues in style! Hmm...could the theme of next week's episode be "money"? I know I'd pay to see Christian penetrate Rosie O'Donnell. Or maybe I'd pay not to have to. Either way, C.U.N.T.! (See you next Tuesday!)
"Shari Noble": A-
* This isn't really much of a note, but mmm...champagne.
* Ooh! Christian got a well-deserved bitch slap from Sanaa Lathan, who then refers to her cleavage as "world class." I like her! Plus it's always refreshing to see Christian get turned down.
* Lobster claw breast feed!! "Any beer in the fridge?" asks Mrs. Gunther, citing that it helps in breast feeding. (What, can heroin help change diapers?) And yes, I bet there's some Heineken!! in the fridge!
* Uh oh! Julia has post-partum depression! Another slam to Tom Cruise! Geez, first Brooke Shields as a therapist, then Matt goes nutso Scientologist...I'm just waiting for a couch jump, or possibly Lobster Claw Suri...
* Ew...grossest tit ever. Dog bit the nipple off. Eight minutes and this is the third breast-centric scene. I'm pretty sure this is the first time in television history that a character's motivation has been: "I need to hide the fact that my dog bit my tit off from my husband in Iraq or else he'll kill my puppy!"
* Christian: "Your chocolate cupcakes are looking very tempting." Yep, that's boobie reference, and a lame one at that. More breasts.
* Scene 5: Breast surgery. We're five for five.
* Scene 6: Midget nurse draws a jungle on baby's bedroom wall. No sign of breasts so far. Oh wait...the drawing is of Adam and Eve with leaves covering their naked parts. Obscured titties are still titties! Six for six.
* Scene 7: Starts with close-up of Lobster Claw Baby sucking on breast, then midget fondles Julia (to help with the feeding) but Sean walks in. Seven for seven!
* Scene 8: Lesbian bar. If this scene isn't about breasts I don't know what. Ooh, Christian is shot down by another lesbian! Dykes, two...Christian, zero. The fact that Liz is showing cleavage, I think, makes this another breast scene. Eight for eight!
* Lesbian seduction scene. This is going far too well for this woman not to turn out to be a psycho. Girl-on-girl makeout sesh, but no direct breast action. Dammit.
* Okay Liz has a phone taped to her hand. That's weird. Ew! Hot lesbian removed Liz's kidney! Did I call 'psycho' or what? And what's the deal with the "Hi, we just stole your kidney!" courtesy call? If some bitch seduced me and removed one of my vital organs, I don't think I'd be in the mood to chat.
* Liz: "My first pickup in a gay bar...think God's trying to tell me something?" I hear ya, girl.
* OH no, Liz is gonna be out of commission for 4-6 weeks! But...the show can't go on without her...she delivers at least one sarcastic quip every episode! Well, most episodes. Sometimes she's gone for weeks at a time. In fact, she hasn't had her own storyline in ages. Wait a sec, we covered this last week. I guess it's fine.
* With all this organ thievery, it's been awhile since any of the scenes revolved around breasts. Boooooooobs.
* Yow! Model girl gets a paper weight to the face. That's gotta smart.
* Sanaa Lathan gets to operate on the face-bash girl? I'm pretty sure you need to finish medical school for that. On a sidenote, I'm not much of a fan of this crazy old woman yet. Let's wait and find out what she's about.
* Sean: "You fondled my wife's breast. It was right in front of you and you couldn't resist touching it." Yes! We're back on the titty track!
* Psycho nanny interrupts Sean firing midget nanny. It's fucking nannypalooza up in here and I love it!
* I'm way ahead of you, sponsors! I've already got my cursory Tuesday night Heineken!! right here. Except this time it's Heineken!! Light, so there. You can make me an alcoholic, Nip/Tuck, but I'll be goddamned if you make me fat!
* Psycho nanny: "Some say eyes are windows to the soul. I think it's the hands. I love your hands." Yeah, that's something to say to a guy who just fathered a lobster claw baby.
* Whoa! Peanut butter bestiality. That's awesome. Aaaand a tit-chomping dead doggie. Get out! That's so fucking Nip/Tuck I can't stand it! And this time I'm certain that it's the first time a character motivation has been: "My husband found out that my dog bit my tit off when I rubbed peanut butter on myself to get him to lick me and now he killed my puppy!" Crunchy PB, indeed.
* Aha! Heineken!! for Sean and Julia! I knew they had 'em in the fridge.
* Psycho nanny makes hash brownies? This can't end well. And she even dances like a psycho! Half a hash brownie and Sean is tripping like he's on LSD? Lightweight. Low tolerance aside, this scene is cool.
* Oh no, evil tattoo man is back! Him again? Our Season One villain? Is this guy boning the show runners or what? Ooh, but Megan's appearance is delish (and actually makes sense, given that she was Extramarital Affair Girl #1). And hey, Bonus Points...she was on the show to get BREAST IMPLANTS after having BREAST CANCER. Hoo boy, I'm all over this theme! She's in white, tattoo guy is in red, they're standing over Sean's shoulders...oh, devil and angel. Apples. Subtle. Ew! Evil guy has a long evil devil tongue! That's gross. Now he's fucking Julia in the ass! This is madness! Man, I would love to have been a fly on the wall of the writer's room for that pitch.
* Ah. So Sanaa's an ex-hooker. That makes sense. I dig. But ew. Christian blackmails Sanaa for sex? That's a new low, even for him. Boooooooooooo(bs)!
* I'm looking forward to Courteney Cox's return to TV with Dirt. Since it's on FX, called Dirt, and about paparazzi, I can only hope that she'll be in full Gale Weathers bitch mode.
* Overall, solid episode with a few good shockers and twice the breasts. Season 4 continues in style! Hmm...could the theme of next week's episode be "money"? I know I'd pay to see Christian penetrate Rosie O'Donnell. Or maybe I'd pay not to have to. Either way, C.U.N.T.! (See you next Tuesday!)
"Shari Noble": A-