now
i know i know. i havent updated in forever. its because things were great, i didnt have anything to bitch about, and lets face it, other than funny pictures, what else is there to post on here?
well anyway, everything i thought i had security in is gone.
my dad has now officially gone through open heart surgery. that was a god damn ordeal.
and now im dealing with a break up with the most important person in the whole world. dale is the world to me. is and always will be. i refuse for him to not be a part of my life. so if i have to be miserable for a little while to get used to only being his friend i'll deal. i just hope i'm as strong as he thinks i am. i hope that if for some reason he isn't meant to be with me forever, i'll be able to manage and not feel like i feel now.
how am i supposed to deal with this? where is the self help book on: my boyfriend has always liked boys, i've always known, now it might mean that we can't have the future he once promised me?
what sucks is that isn't the only reason we broke up. if it was i actually think i might have been able to deal with it alot easier. but its all of this other stuff that makes me think theres something i can change, and fix, and improve, so that it will all go back to when we first started.
im tired of change. im tired of progress. im tired of growing up. i just want it to all be paused like one month ago. no scratch that, paused a little over a year ago. back when there was no lying, there was no confusion, there was no divorce, there was no heart surgery, there were no finals, there wasn't much expected from me.
if it makes me naive so be it. im not saying i want to be six with scraped knees and a milk mustache, i'm just saying i want simpler relationships. i don't even know if those exist. but i just want it to be, you mean the world to me, i mean the world to you, we'll be together forever with no one getting in between. period. no questions. no counselors. no "space". just an understanding.
well anyway, everything i thought i had security in is gone.
my dad has now officially gone through open heart surgery. that was a god damn ordeal.
and now im dealing with a break up with the most important person in the whole world. dale is the world to me. is and always will be. i refuse for him to not be a part of my life. so if i have to be miserable for a little while to get used to only being his friend i'll deal. i just hope i'm as strong as he thinks i am. i hope that if for some reason he isn't meant to be with me forever, i'll be able to manage and not feel like i feel now.
how am i supposed to deal with this? where is the self help book on: my boyfriend has always liked boys, i've always known, now it might mean that we can't have the future he once promised me?
what sucks is that isn't the only reason we broke up. if it was i actually think i might have been able to deal with it alot easier. but its all of this other stuff that makes me think theres something i can change, and fix, and improve, so that it will all go back to when we first started.
im tired of change. im tired of progress. im tired of growing up. i just want it to all be paused like one month ago. no scratch that, paused a little over a year ago. back when there was no lying, there was no confusion, there was no divorce, there was no heart surgery, there were no finals, there wasn't much expected from me.
if it makes me naive so be it. im not saying i want to be six with scraped knees and a milk mustache, i'm just saying i want simpler relationships. i don't even know if those exist. but i just want it to be, you mean the world to me, i mean the world to you, we'll be together forever with no one getting in between. period. no questions. no counselors. no "space". just an understanding.