(no subject)
"Like This?" I wanted to be angry, maybe deep down I felt like I deserved it, but instead my voice cracked and sounded weak. I took my glasses off wishing the blood would just wash everything away, take every moment with it. I asked again more softly as I hit my knuckle against my nose, I barely heard him say "Stop," as he pulled my hand away and propped my head in his lap trying to stop the bleeding. Everything was tinted blue, even the blood on my fingers which were still holding the toy I had picked up on the couch. I hated it so I closed my eyes simply begging him to tell me the rest. I heard something in the distance, but I didn't know what it was. I didn't really care, all I wanted was to hear how it ended. To know everything. Only then would it end, would my dreams be my own again. I heard the carolers began singing "Silent NIght". After they finished the first line, I sat up noticing that the blood pouring from nose had finally began to slow down. I had the five-dollar bill in my hand and suddenly, though I couldn't explain it, I knew that if could just get rid of it, it would really be over. I took great relish in tearing it into pieces and throwing them, not quite like confetti since this wasn't any sort of celebration, but there was something cleansing about it. After a deep breath, I put my head back in Neil's lap. "It's over." I could feel his hand stroking my hair and then I heard a soft clicking noise. At first I wasn't sure when it was, but when I realized I began to panic. He pulled me with him, but for just a moment everything blurred.
I only became aware again when I realized I no longer felt his hand pulling me, and that I was laying down again on a couch that felt nothing like it had just moments ago. I held the teddy bear closer and slowly sat up. The room was nothing like the room I had just been in. I couldn't say I missed the blue light, but this could only mean that I had blacked out again. Ignoring the red stains on my fingers, I called for Neil, Eric, but my voice once again seemed weak, brittle. I held onto the bear as I stood, wondering what this place was.
I only became aware again when I realized I no longer felt his hand pulling me, and that I was laying down again on a couch that felt nothing like it had just moments ago. I held the teddy bear closer and slowly sat up. The room was nothing like the room I had just been in. I couldn't say I missed the blue light, but this could only mean that I had blacked out again. Ignoring the red stains on my fingers, I called for Neil, Eric, but my voice once again seemed weak, brittle. I held onto the bear as I stood, wondering what this place was.