....
sometimes things are to crazy for me to understand why they even happened they way they did. i am constantly finding out new things about my family that i prolly should have known, but seems how is didn['t now a lot more makes sense. i sometimes feel like my heart is too big for this job, and it is constantly hurting because i cannot stand to see that these children are so screwed for the rest of their lives and some of them may never be able to function properly in society due to the fact that they have been so institionalized. i can relate to these kids and i only hope for the best for them in their endeavours.
i have also come to the conclusion that my brother... fucking retarded, though if i am cutting these kids some slack i should do just these same for family but damn, he is going to end up in a facility like this. i have warned him and everything. but he is 15 and alas he is in trouble with the law.
i can't quiet figure out why i am so facinated by the fact that people are so fucked up in the head, it's definately becoming somewhat of an obsession. i spent about two hours reading peoples journals about how they love the fact that they are anorexic. and some of these girls are wasting away to nothing and to me it is mind boggling.
it seems like there are few people who will ever experience true happiness and i want to know how they achieve this happiness, just so that one day i will be more than content with what i have. but truly happy.
i also think that i have lower my standards in life. i don't really stive to have a lot of things which may or may not be a good thing. but i am ok with just getting by. just barely having enough to live off of. as long as i have the essentials which even i can stand to go a short period of time without.
i have also come to the conclusion that my brother... fucking retarded, though if i am cutting these kids some slack i should do just these same for family but damn, he is going to end up in a facility like this. i have warned him and everything. but he is 15 and alas he is in trouble with the law.
i can't quiet figure out why i am so facinated by the fact that people are so fucked up in the head, it's definately becoming somewhat of an obsession. i spent about two hours reading peoples journals about how they love the fact that they are anorexic. and some of these girls are wasting away to nothing and to me it is mind boggling.
it seems like there are few people who will ever experience true happiness and i want to know how they achieve this happiness, just so that one day i will be more than content with what i have. but truly happy.
i also think that i have lower my standards in life. i don't really stive to have a lot of things which may or may not be a good thing. but i am ok with just getting by. just barely having enough to live off of. as long as i have the essentials which even i can stand to go a short period of time without.