gang of flowers, cult of open minds
I've come to the realization that my entire idea of right and wrong essentially boils down to "Everybody matters. Don't be a jerk. No, not even to that guy. No, not even if you really don't like him. No, not even if he was a jerk to you first. Maybe if he's physically hurting/threatening you or other people. Then, okay, do what you need to do to stop him. (But do it in the least jerky way possible.)"
I don't think I'm smart enough or enough in love with absolute value judgments to come up with a more complicated philosophy than that one. Anyway, the interesting thing I've noticed is that not being a jerk is actually a lot harder than it sounds most of the time.
My friend Ella once said that when she gets really angry with someone, she thinks about their mom. Everybody has a mom. Ella said that she figures most moms love their kids a lot, so she tries to see in people what their moms see in them, just a little. And, she said, if it turns out that someone's mother didn't love them, well, that's tragic and you can imagine how it might help predispose someone to meanness. You can't help but feel some sympathy for a person whose parent/s didn't love them, even if the person is still an asshole.
And yeah, assholes don't get a free pass on being assholes if they had depressing childhoods, but I'm not sure it's anyone's job to try and punish assholes, or to try and force them to feel shame and remorse. I'm not saying "be a doormat." I'm saying "there are ways to defend yourself and stand up for your beliefs without threats, insults, and/or gratuitous violence."
I wish there were a radical movement based on these ideas that actually kind of stuck to them instead of getting co-opted by people who believe that accepting an idea about how to behave in the world works the same way as joining a gang, or joining a cult.
I don't think I'm smart enough or enough in love with absolute value judgments to come up with a more complicated philosophy than that one. Anyway, the interesting thing I've noticed is that not being a jerk is actually a lot harder than it sounds most of the time.
My friend Ella once said that when she gets really angry with someone, she thinks about their mom. Everybody has a mom. Ella said that she figures most moms love their kids a lot, so she tries to see in people what their moms see in them, just a little. And, she said, if it turns out that someone's mother didn't love them, well, that's tragic and you can imagine how it might help predispose someone to meanness. You can't help but feel some sympathy for a person whose parent/s didn't love them, even if the person is still an asshole.
And yeah, assholes don't get a free pass on being assholes if they had depressing childhoods, but I'm not sure it's anyone's job to try and punish assholes, or to try and force them to feel shame and remorse. I'm not saying "be a doormat." I'm saying "there are ways to defend yourself and stand up for your beliefs without threats, insults, and/or gratuitous violence."
I wish there were a radical movement based on these ideas that actually kind of stuck to them instead of getting co-opted by people who believe that accepting an idea about how to behave in the world works the same way as joining a gang, or joining a cult.