condemned to walk the soil amongst all creatures wild and tame
My mother really does not understand the difference between "Julia doesn't know how to do X," "Julia is afraid to do X," and "Julia finds Xing emotionally, mentally, and/or physically taxing/unpleasant enough that she prefers to avoid it where possible so as to avoid what is for her massive energy expenditure on something relatively trivial." It's frustrating to have to explain to her over and over that I'm not "refusing to learn" to do certain things so much as reluctant to do them unless I really need to because they take a lot of reserves that I would rather use on matters I consider interesting or important. I suspect this is just one of those things that people with bad brains understand automatically and people with good brains are never going to accept or comprehend in full. If you'd like, you can just assume I'm a lazy fucker making lazy excuses and roll your eyes and move along.
I'm going to have to put myself through a shower in a little bit, speaking of. Maybe just a bath. My hair seems okay, so maybe I can get away with putting soap on my skin and dunking myself in the tub a few times. Oh god, I smell like a hippie. Why does it have to be so darn hot and humid out? It's not quite as hot and humid as it is where Alicia lives, so I suppose I should be glad of that, at least. And while I don't like bright sunshine or extreme heat, I definitely prefer warmish weather to coolish, so the nights are very pleasant. (Although my house doesn't have air conditioning either, except in the living room and kitchen.) Anyway, speaking of Alicia, she makes very good mixes. I know this because I received two of them in the mail yesterday. (And yes, they were fully intact! No worries!) I have a lot to say and it's not coming through yet; I swear I forget everything the moment I sit down and try to make it cohere. I still can't stop thinking about this story. Sometimes I think I wouldn't mind being torn to shreds by some great beast. Sometimes I think I live in an age of miracles, and it's a great waste and a great evil that no one really notices that. (Remember, miracles can be terrible, too.) But then, maybe you couldn't live that way, being aware of how weird your planet was all the time, how immense. I couldn't.