cold sweat
tell me how this makes sense...
you dont want to be with me
you dont trust me
but you still EVENTUALLY want to be with me?
ok i understand
so sit around for who knows how long?
waiting my life away
not saying i would go and be with anyone else
CAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
so you still dont want me
but if im with someone else
youll be mad?
is this right?
i dont understand
i hate boys
i hate guys
i hate men
and i hate how i will never be able to figure them out
cause you all suck
and you all blow my mind
and you
yes you
you drive me crazy
to the point of insanity
where i believe i can not go on any longer
where my body aches in pain
and i get eye head aches from the tears
and my underlip area is raw from boogers comming out my nose
and it stinks
it hurts to not trust
and to be not trusted
and it hurts to be used
ive been used
but its the worst feeling when im used by you
i know ive made mistakes
but i cant go back and fix it
but im glad i did
cause i know its you now
and only you
except its not only me
not anymore
cause i fucked it up
and it was the worst mistake ever now
my life is off balance
and i never feel well
i thought it was mono
but i think its a broken heart
but no
you didnt break it
i broke it myself
with my own two hands
and i live in a constant fear
i feel im forming multiple personality
from a shearing pain across my entire head
im scared
cause we planned us out
and now i lost the map to it
and you hate me
so im just a loser
so why dont i kill me?
or rather you
it would mean more to me
fighting
is our relationship
we used to always laugh
in the shower
in your bed
in your car
on the beach
where ever we were
we were happy
im sorry
im sorry i did this
to you
to me
to us
and i cant stop typing
but you did it too
and i wish you could see all the pain
that you filled me up with
cause i look at it in the eye everyday
mon-fri
and i hate it
lets kill that
and i know ill never be
the one
with her
in sight
cause for some reason
there still is a her
what is it
that holds over you
keeping you at a standstill
she gives me
"the urge to purge"
except it doesnt flow right
cause we dont flow right
i make no sense
and im cold
and im sweating
i want to go back
back to your room
where we watched our movies
and laid naky
holding eachother
and sitting in the shower
simply laughing
joking
happy
i miss baseball games
and holding hands
i miss our innocents
i miss 14
i only told you
so i could tell it by me
and let you know
there wouldnt be anyone else
and i was ready
ready for
for
for...
nothing
its all gone
and im a pointless shape
my purpose serves no more
but let it stand
at least this one last thing
that if you ever notice me
im being honest
and to sum it up
I
Love
you...
Andrew Pannella.
ps
it only took me 4 years to know this for sure
i guess 4 years was 4 too many.
you dont want to be with me
you dont trust me
but you still EVENTUALLY want to be with me?
ok i understand
so sit around for who knows how long?
waiting my life away
not saying i would go and be with anyone else
CAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
so you still dont want me
but if im with someone else
youll be mad?
is this right?
i dont understand
i hate boys
i hate guys
i hate men
and i hate how i will never be able to figure them out
cause you all suck
and you all blow my mind
and you
yes you
you drive me crazy
to the point of insanity
where i believe i can not go on any longer
where my body aches in pain
and i get eye head aches from the tears
and my underlip area is raw from boogers comming out my nose
and it stinks
it hurts to not trust
and to be not trusted
and it hurts to be used
ive been used
but its the worst feeling when im used by you
i know ive made mistakes
but i cant go back and fix it
but im glad i did
cause i know its you now
and only you
except its not only me
not anymore
cause i fucked it up
and it was the worst mistake ever now
my life is off balance
and i never feel well
i thought it was mono
but i think its a broken heart
but no
you didnt break it
i broke it myself
with my own two hands
and i live in a constant fear
i feel im forming multiple personality
from a shearing pain across my entire head
im scared
cause we planned us out
and now i lost the map to it
and you hate me
so im just a loser
so why dont i kill me?
or rather you
it would mean more to me
fighting
is our relationship
we used to always laugh
in the shower
in your bed
in your car
on the beach
where ever we were
we were happy
im sorry
im sorry i did this
to you
to me
to us
and i cant stop typing
but you did it too
and i wish you could see all the pain
that you filled me up with
cause i look at it in the eye everyday
mon-fri
and i hate it
lets kill that
and i know ill never be
the one
with her
in sight
cause for some reason
there still is a her
what is it
that holds over you
keeping you at a standstill
she gives me
"the urge to purge"
except it doesnt flow right
cause we dont flow right
i make no sense
and im cold
and im sweating
i want to go back
back to your room
where we watched our movies
and laid naky
holding eachother
and sitting in the shower
simply laughing
joking
happy
i miss baseball games
and holding hands
i miss our innocents
i miss 14
i only told you
so i could tell it by me
and let you know
there wouldnt be anyone else
and i was ready
ready for
for
for...
nothing
its all gone
and im a pointless shape
my purpose serves no more
but let it stand
at least this one last thing
that if you ever notice me
im being honest
and to sum it up
I
Love
you...
Andrew Pannella.
ps
it only took me 4 years to know this for sure
i guess 4 years was 4 too many.