I think i have been alone this whole time.
******CLARRIFICATION IN BOLD******
Do you ever want something so bad and you know you cant have it because someone else already had it, or still does, or wants it worse than you.. and it hurts so bad to not have it.. because of one.. or two or three other person(s). (have you ever just wanted something, be it a hoodie, or a car, or to be on a team, or to do well in school without trying. Just WANT something that you know you cant have. Thats what i am talking about...)
So, I am wondering if we are just going to sit here and pretend that everything is normal, and that nothing happened, and that it is just going to plain stop. Things dont just.. stop that easily. Things arent going to change, and the second that everyone realizes it.. and we try again and again... i will get let down worse and worse everytime, and i dont want that to happen. I am sick of seeing everyone get hurt in the end. (My FATHER)
I am sick of disappointing people. I am sick of being a bad friend. I am sick of crying. I am sick of wondering how things could be, but arent. I am sick of being lonely. I am sick of having no one that i feel like i can talk to even though i know i can. I am sick of not...pleasing people. I am sick of hurting people. i am sick of feeling like this. (....)
"Somehow, this past week, I thought maybe... just maybe.. things were going to change. I thought I would see so many more happy faces walking around. But.. I think that was a false hope. Because.. the sun doesnt fix things. The warm weather doesnt bury all of winters disapointments." (a good friend said this to me.. and it is totally true.)
I miss going the whole day without crying. I am not going to act like nothing is happening, and no matter how much "fun" i have when i am out with my friends.. it doesnt matter..ever. (well, i am not going to sit here and pretend that I am "okay" when i am not.)
.kellie.
.:edit:. fuck you all.
Do you ever want something so bad and you know you cant have it because someone else already had it, or still does, or wants it worse than you.. and it hurts so bad to not have it.. because of one.. or two or three other person(s). (have you ever just wanted something, be it a hoodie, or a car, or to be on a team, or to do well in school without trying. Just WANT something that you know you cant have. Thats what i am talking about...)
So, I am wondering if we are just going to sit here and pretend that everything is normal, and that nothing happened, and that it is just going to plain stop. Things dont just.. stop that easily. Things arent going to change, and the second that everyone realizes it.. and we try again and again... i will get let down worse and worse everytime, and i dont want that to happen. I am sick of seeing everyone get hurt in the end. (My FATHER)
I am sick of disappointing people. I am sick of being a bad friend. I am sick of crying. I am sick of wondering how things could be, but arent. I am sick of being lonely. I am sick of having no one that i feel like i can talk to even though i know i can. I am sick of not...pleasing people. I am sick of hurting people. i am sick of feeling like this. (....)
"Somehow, this past week, I thought maybe... just maybe.. things were going to change. I thought I would see so many more happy faces walking around. But.. I think that was a false hope. Because.. the sun doesnt fix things. The warm weather doesnt bury all of winters disapointments." (a good friend said this to me.. and it is totally true.)
I miss going the whole day without crying. I am not going to act like nothing is happening, and no matter how much "fun" i have when i am out with my friends.. it doesnt matter..ever. (well, i am not going to sit here and pretend that I am "okay" when i am not.)
.kellie.
.:edit:. fuck you all.