The sushi date and other things I've been thinking about since
I have absolutely no gaydar for the type of women that actually interest me - feminine looking with a fabulous sense of style plus the confidence to back it up, bisexual, independent, and undeniably intelligent. From my experience, most of the women who would seem to qualify turn out to be very heterosexual. As for the women looking to experiment for the sake of their boyfriends, well, they definitely don't click with me.
I've discovered there are four types of experiences that can arise from attempting to meet women online: the discovery of fabulous women with whom I share no physical chemistry, the discovery of totally hot women with unattractive attitudes and world views, the disappointment of dealing with complete nut cases, and the irritation of fending off pathetic men pretending to be women for the sake of photo swapping and online sex… lame.
I've thought about the cumulative time I've spent searching, chatting, emailing, etc etc etc, and given the overall low success rates for most people, I realize how truly lucky I am to have discovered two women with whom I had an awesome click. The first woman I miss quite a bit - I'll always look back fondly on our parties for two, as well as our parties for four… those were incredible experiences! The second woman and I always had an amazing time out dancing (make that, making out and dancing), but by the time I was about to leave that city, we mutually agreed that what we had was strictly in the moment, and not worth attempting to carry on.
I know very well that I'm busy, picky, drama-adverse, and highly concerned about having a healthy and open balance between any extra-curricular sexual relationships and my very incredible and most important relationship with my boyfriend. I can't begin to express how lucky I am to have his emotional support while attempting to work through this whole want of a girlfriend thing.
And now, the sushi date.
Why am I so disappointed with how things went yesterday? Because I'm disappointed with myself for leaping so quickly into kissing her last time we met. Our conversation was so fabulous - she's creative, passionate, intelligent, everything else - but I didn't feel attracted to her, and I knew this the second I saw her; however, when she started kissing my hands, I got caught up in the surprise of the moment, and didn't evaluate what I was doing. I knew I didn't feel sexual chemistry, but I now see that I was trying to put it there by "going with the flow".
Kissing is always great, sure… but I felt completely neutral with her. I have enough experience to know that's never worth it, so I can't figure out why I agreed to a second date. Perhaps I thought there was no chemistry because she was so totally loaded? But, more than before, I'm glad I stopped things when I did… I would have ended up regretting a lot more. I don't want to be one of those people who sleep with someone and then say: sorry, but I don't actually really like you, and I really don't want to do that again.
In the time following our drinks and make out session at the bar, I was conjuring an idealized situation. I hoped that, when she arrived at my house for dinner, that I would think: OMG! Let's sooooooooooooo pick up where we left off! But, that's not what happened. The only thing that ran through my mind was: "Holy shit, I'm leading her on! I'm an asshole!"
Making sushi was awesome, and our conversation was enjoyable. But, I feel like I've wasted her time particularly because I know that she really, really likes me. To make matters more complicated, she's a lesbian, and has admitted to falling for attached bisexual women again and again.
And so, no more online dating for me. Although it has brought me a few very hot experiences, and one very good friend, I see that there's no substitute for on-the-spot chemistry. Further, I realize that my gaydar will improve if I'm more open about my sexuality to begin with. Real radars need to send out a ping in order to get feedback, right? *ha ha*
I know I said that I hate cruising for chicks, but under better circumstances, I'm sure I'll discover that there are other women in the same boat as me. And if not, well, at least I've had some really wonderful experiences in the past, and don't feel like I have to obsess over the issue ;-)
I've discovered there are four types of experiences that can arise from attempting to meet women online: the discovery of fabulous women with whom I share no physical chemistry, the discovery of totally hot women with unattractive attitudes and world views, the disappointment of dealing with complete nut cases, and the irritation of fending off pathetic men pretending to be women for the sake of photo swapping and online sex… lame.
I've thought about the cumulative time I've spent searching, chatting, emailing, etc etc etc, and given the overall low success rates for most people, I realize how truly lucky I am to have discovered two women with whom I had an awesome click. The first woman I miss quite a bit - I'll always look back fondly on our parties for two, as well as our parties for four… those were incredible experiences! The second woman and I always had an amazing time out dancing (make that, making out and dancing), but by the time I was about to leave that city, we mutually agreed that what we had was strictly in the moment, and not worth attempting to carry on.
I know very well that I'm busy, picky, drama-adverse, and highly concerned about having a healthy and open balance between any extra-curricular sexual relationships and my very incredible and most important relationship with my boyfriend. I can't begin to express how lucky I am to have his emotional support while attempting to work through this whole want of a girlfriend thing.
And now, the sushi date.
Why am I so disappointed with how things went yesterday? Because I'm disappointed with myself for leaping so quickly into kissing her last time we met. Our conversation was so fabulous - she's creative, passionate, intelligent, everything else - but I didn't feel attracted to her, and I knew this the second I saw her; however, when she started kissing my hands, I got caught up in the surprise of the moment, and didn't evaluate what I was doing. I knew I didn't feel sexual chemistry, but I now see that I was trying to put it there by "going with the flow".
Kissing is always great, sure… but I felt completely neutral with her. I have enough experience to know that's never worth it, so I can't figure out why I agreed to a second date. Perhaps I thought there was no chemistry because she was so totally loaded? But, more than before, I'm glad I stopped things when I did… I would have ended up regretting a lot more. I don't want to be one of those people who sleep with someone and then say: sorry, but I don't actually really like you, and I really don't want to do that again.
In the time following our drinks and make out session at the bar, I was conjuring an idealized situation. I hoped that, when she arrived at my house for dinner, that I would think: OMG! Let's sooooooooooooo pick up where we left off! But, that's not what happened. The only thing that ran through my mind was: "Holy shit, I'm leading her on! I'm an asshole!"
Making sushi was awesome, and our conversation was enjoyable. But, I feel like I've wasted her time particularly because I know that she really, really likes me. To make matters more complicated, she's a lesbian, and has admitted to falling for attached bisexual women again and again.
And so, no more online dating for me. Although it has brought me a few very hot experiences, and one very good friend, I see that there's no substitute for on-the-spot chemistry. Further, I realize that my gaydar will improve if I'm more open about my sexuality to begin with. Real radars need to send out a ping in order to get feedback, right? *ha ha*
I know I said that I hate cruising for chicks, but under better circumstances, I'm sure I'll discover that there are other women in the same boat as me. And if not, well, at least I've had some really wonderful experiences in the past, and don't feel like I have to obsess over the issue ;-)