so overwhelmed. i hate my period.
so, on top of my finals, i have to do porfolios as well as final projects. and research papers.
here's my to do list:
english:
research paper on design legislation for english. (almost done)
studio:
studio project (do the rendering, redo the floor plan, redo the elevations, do the concept statement, mount everything on a board/some boards.)
2D:
redo some projects
do my final project
do my porfolio
drawing:
30 sketches
mini sketchbook sketches
porfolio
lecture:
get all the work that i lost somehow and put it in a binder
drafting:
redo some floor plans
fix some floor plans
get a copy of everything
make a bound book of everything.
FYS:
research paper
community service paper.
and i have to have all of this done by tuesday. half of it by tomorrow. and i have no poster boards because my teacher never told me what size i needed.
djfalkfj!!!
i'm just overwhelmed with everything.
and oddly enough i'm fucking dreading christmas break because i'll be going "home."
and where the fuck is home? honestly, i don't have one. i have places to stay, that's it. home is newburyport. home is with the people i want to be with. i don't have a home. and this makes me think a lot about what i want out of life.
i want a home.
i need a home.
and my family can't provide that.
i need to.
and this kind of sucks. because as of right now, i'm not working. and i'm not 100% if i'll have a job when this semester ends. i should... but who knows.
i've been thinking a lot about what i want. what i want the most.
not many things come to mind. i don't need much in life to be happy. just good people and some stability. but what do i want most for myself?
i want to make my dreams come true and become an interior designer. i didn't really know how serious i was until i started talking about it in a meeting with the art institute and she told me she could tell i was serious about it. i knew i liked it. i knew it was what i wanted to do. i just didn't realize i wanted it this bad.
it's my calling, basically.
I don't know how to describe me and cory's relationship. no one understands it. sometimes, i don't even understand it. when it's bad, it's bad, but when it's good, it's amazing. he's the one that's always been there. no matter what. he knows me better then i know myself almost. he knows me enough to make up my mind at a restaurant if i can't. he doesn't even need to hear me vent about shit in my life to know what's going on. i never think he's listening but when i get mad at him and ask him to reiterate what i said he always does. word for word almost. either because he's actually been listening or just because he just can assume what's wrong just by our daily conversations. i don't think there's anyone in the world that could get a person as much as he gets me. and idk. all the talking that we've been doing just makes me realize that i still love him and i'm honestly probably going to always love him. and everytime i think about what i want i picture me working at some design firm, coming home with a bunch of samples and shit, kicking off my shoes, petting the little mini doberman, hanging up my coat, going into the bedroom, and seeing cory playing carball at the computer desk. or napping on the bed and me crawling in bed next to him and cuddling. or him coming home from work and me cooking dinner (steak, of course<3.) and him having friends over to watch the football game and me making food with him. and idk. a bunch of different scenarios, but all with him in it. and idk. it just sucks because of the distance. i get so jealous and i don't mean to. i know he's only friends with stacy but i saw her pictures and she's gorgeous. and it makes me feel so weird to know that my kinda sorta boyfriend is living with a girl that looks like a fucking model. idk. i trust him 100%. it's just that idk. i compare myself to other girls constantly. that's my problem. i don't think anything's going on with him and stacy or with any of the other girls he hangs out with. but idk. i guess it's like... why me and not them? idk. but it's not really like that. idk. i just don't know. i just hate this fucking distance. so fucking much. it would be so much different if i knew these girls.
it's one of those entries where so much is bothering me that nothing i write makes sense.
i made up my mind. if i want to be a designer and i want cory in my life i need to move to texas. i need to get a good job. and just move. don't overy analyze shit. take a chance and just go.
i wish it were that easy. i wish i knew he felt the same way about me as i do about him.
GAH I FUCKING HATE MY PERIOD. IT MAKES ME CRAZY.
here's my to do list:
english:
research paper on design legislation for english. (almost done)
studio:
studio project (do the rendering, redo the floor plan, redo the elevations, do the concept statement, mount everything on a board/some boards.)
2D:
redo some projects
do my final project
do my porfolio
drawing:
30 sketches
mini sketchbook sketches
porfolio
lecture:
get all the work that i lost somehow and put it in a binder
drafting:
redo some floor plans
fix some floor plans
get a copy of everything
make a bound book of everything.
FYS:
research paper
community service paper.
and i have to have all of this done by tuesday. half of it by tomorrow. and i have no poster boards because my teacher never told me what size i needed.
djfalkfj!!!
i'm just overwhelmed with everything.
and oddly enough i'm fucking dreading christmas break because i'll be going "home."
and where the fuck is home? honestly, i don't have one. i have places to stay, that's it. home is newburyport. home is with the people i want to be with. i don't have a home. and this makes me think a lot about what i want out of life.
i want a home.
i need a home.
and my family can't provide that.
i need to.
and this kind of sucks. because as of right now, i'm not working. and i'm not 100% if i'll have a job when this semester ends. i should... but who knows.
i've been thinking a lot about what i want. what i want the most.
not many things come to mind. i don't need much in life to be happy. just good people and some stability. but what do i want most for myself?
i want to make my dreams come true and become an interior designer. i didn't really know how serious i was until i started talking about it in a meeting with the art institute and she told me she could tell i was serious about it. i knew i liked it. i knew it was what i wanted to do. i just didn't realize i wanted it this bad.
it's my calling, basically.
I don't know how to describe me and cory's relationship. no one understands it. sometimes, i don't even understand it. when it's bad, it's bad, but when it's good, it's amazing. he's the one that's always been there. no matter what. he knows me better then i know myself almost. he knows me enough to make up my mind at a restaurant if i can't. he doesn't even need to hear me vent about shit in my life to know what's going on. i never think he's listening but when i get mad at him and ask him to reiterate what i said he always does. word for word almost. either because he's actually been listening or just because he just can assume what's wrong just by our daily conversations. i don't think there's anyone in the world that could get a person as much as he gets me. and idk. all the talking that we've been doing just makes me realize that i still love him and i'm honestly probably going to always love him. and everytime i think about what i want i picture me working at some design firm, coming home with a bunch of samples and shit, kicking off my shoes, petting the little mini doberman, hanging up my coat, going into the bedroom, and seeing cory playing carball at the computer desk. or napping on the bed and me crawling in bed next to him and cuddling. or him coming home from work and me cooking dinner (steak, of course<3.) and him having friends over to watch the football game and me making food with him. and idk. a bunch of different scenarios, but all with him in it. and idk. it just sucks because of the distance. i get so jealous and i don't mean to. i know he's only friends with stacy but i saw her pictures and she's gorgeous. and it makes me feel so weird to know that my kinda sorta boyfriend is living with a girl that looks like a fucking model. idk. i trust him 100%. it's just that idk. i compare myself to other girls constantly. that's my problem. i don't think anything's going on with him and stacy or with any of the other girls he hangs out with. but idk. i guess it's like... why me and not them? idk. but it's not really like that. idk. i just don't know. i just hate this fucking distance. so fucking much. it would be so much different if i knew these girls.
it's one of those entries where so much is bothering me that nothing i write makes sense.
i made up my mind. if i want to be a designer and i want cory in my life i need to move to texas. i need to get a good job. and just move. don't overy analyze shit. take a chance and just go.
i wish it were that easy. i wish i knew he felt the same way about me as i do about him.
GAH I FUCKING HATE MY PERIOD. IT MAKES ME CRAZY.