I feel almost as bad as I did when you were still here.
Who ordered the Blue-Light Angst Special? Table Six? Dive right in!
Yeah, so as some of you know, I made a very difficult decision to stop talking to someone who used to be very close to me (and she purports to still be). I absolutely hated doing this, just because it seemed like an immature, desperate move. I've never deliberately stopped talking to someone whom I actually enjoyed conversing with; I save my "Block Buddy" weapon for the most outstanding of irritants. But I was made to realize that the anxious feeling I got deep in my gut whenever she signed on wasn't right. It was a pretty good indicator that something had to give. So, it's been a month. I haven't faltered, but I still don't feel great about it. I just wonder what I'm accomplishing. I have noticed that she hasn't made any attempt to find out what happened. No e-mails, letters, phone calls, not even a facebook message. Sure, it's what I wanted. But in another way, it's a blow to the ego, to find out what I had already concluded on my own - I'm not nearly as important to her as she swears I am. Not if she has to put forth any effort. But it's only feeding my bitterness, and that can't be healthy, no matter how entertaining it may be to anyone else once I get in a lather. The other side of the coin says that if I cared about her half as much as I claim to, I wouldn't simply shut her out of my life when she started ticking me off. I would voice my concerns, try to reason my way through it like an adult. Help her. But it's not like I haven't tried. She immediately puts up her defenses, gets snappish and throws out smokescreens to try and confuse me. Ultimately I end up imagining some small victory or rushing to a conclusion. Then we're smoothing it over, pretending it didn't happen, and bantering right along until I get annoyed again. She never addresses her own faults, turns the focus inward. It's always someone else's problem. I guess I'm hoping that if I really do matter, she will miss me. She'll figure out what I am doing, and consider that she's taken me for granted and that she's lost me because of the way she is acting. I don't hold out much hope. But it's just about the only thing I haven't tried.
I guess the reason I'm spilling all of this into a public forum, other than to vent and get it out of my head, is that I want your thoughts. Does any of it make sense? Should I keep it up? Try something else? Have any of you ever mended fences after being deeply hurt?
I'll open up the floor to discussion...and just to put something other than my own wallowings here, I saw Batman Begins with Mikey and Juls last night. It was marvelous.
Yeah, so as some of you know, I made a very difficult decision to stop talking to someone who used to be very close to me (and she purports to still be). I absolutely hated doing this, just because it seemed like an immature, desperate move. I've never deliberately stopped talking to someone whom I actually enjoyed conversing with; I save my "Block Buddy" weapon for the most outstanding of irritants. But I was made to realize that the anxious feeling I got deep in my gut whenever she signed on wasn't right. It was a pretty good indicator that something had to give. So, it's been a month. I haven't faltered, but I still don't feel great about it. I just wonder what I'm accomplishing. I have noticed that she hasn't made any attempt to find out what happened. No e-mails, letters, phone calls, not even a facebook message. Sure, it's what I wanted. But in another way, it's a blow to the ego, to find out what I had already concluded on my own - I'm not nearly as important to her as she swears I am. Not if she has to put forth any effort. But it's only feeding my bitterness, and that can't be healthy, no matter how entertaining it may be to anyone else once I get in a lather. The other side of the coin says that if I cared about her half as much as I claim to, I wouldn't simply shut her out of my life when she started ticking me off. I would voice my concerns, try to reason my way through it like an adult. Help her. But it's not like I haven't tried. She immediately puts up her defenses, gets snappish and throws out smokescreens to try and confuse me. Ultimately I end up imagining some small victory or rushing to a conclusion. Then we're smoothing it over, pretending it didn't happen, and bantering right along until I get annoyed again. She never addresses her own faults, turns the focus inward. It's always someone else's problem. I guess I'm hoping that if I really do matter, she will miss me. She'll figure out what I am doing, and consider that she's taken me for granted and that she's lost me because of the way she is acting. I don't hold out much hope. But it's just about the only thing I haven't tried.
I guess the reason I'm spilling all of this into a public forum, other than to vent and get it out of my head, is that I want your thoughts. Does any of it make sense? Should I keep it up? Try something else? Have any of you ever mended fences after being deeply hurt?
I'll open up the floor to discussion...and just to put something other than my own wallowings here, I saw Batman Begins with Mikey and Juls last night. It was marvelous.