(no subject)
Alright, so.. since this break-up has been like.. the most devestating thing ever to me, I thought I'd share with you how optimistic I've become in the past few days.
To start, I have so much time! Okay, seriously, I don't feel like every single free moment I have has to be spent with him anymore. It was really difficult to break myself of that but like.. now that I'm actually realizing it.. I'm keeping myself busy with other things and I've gained a whole new understanding of myself. I'm actually paying attention to school now, like real attention, and putting effort into my homework and shit. I had time to make some costumes for music theatre, not even close to the effort I put into that class last year. I'm seeing my parents more and talking to them more because I don't have someone at my house until like 10pm, at which point I would scramble to do my homework and get to sleep. I did some shopping today and I'm really happy with the way my body is starting to look in clothes haha. Since the break-up I've been eating healthier and I've actually lost some weight (I didn't take the whole.. binge approach.. because I felt like I couldn't eat for 3 days). I've had this whole new level of confidence. It's really weird. Maybe like, the way my friends talk to me.. telling me that I'm pretty and that I'll be alright, that may have had some sort of effect on the inflation of my ego haha. But seriously, I actually feel much more attractive now than I have for months. I'm actually going to join the gym at Centennial tomorrow and actually go and work out once in awhile (due to this abundance of free time I have now). I have a 2 1/2 hour lunch and could easily run over to Centennial then, work out for an hour, run home, shower, and get back to school with time to spare. I'm going to be making more money because I'll be booking less days off. I'm even babysitting for Ms.Hallis this weekend, just because I felt like it.
None of this means that I'm like.. totally happy and over everything. I'm actually still completely devestated. But the other day I almost fucked up our friendship and as soon as I realized that, I decided it was time to drop the whole crying/being mad at him thing.. and actually attempt to work on being friends. It's actually coming pretty easily. We went for lunch together yesterday and had a lovely time, we were actually talking more than we have in ages, as far as I'm concerned. We've talked more on msn and we've been happier around each other. I'm still not totally comfortable, but I can see now that I'll get there.
I'm extremely optimistic right now. I haven't cried in 2 days. It's only been a week since we broke up. It's rough when I realize that but, at the same time things are so much better for me right now. I'm concentrating on myself and really working towards being happy. I've been depressed for months and I don't need that anymore. Keeping myself busy, getting healthy, making money, and all of that is really having an excellent effect on my life. I've become closer with some of my friends, and even with people who I wasn't close with at all before. It's good. I'm doing alright. I'm gonna make it.
3 days ago I was crying my eyes out, thinking I'd never be happy again. Now, I see that that's not true. My whole life seems a hell of a lot brighter.
So to the people who I ignored when they told me I'd be okay, my apologies. You're absolutely right. I will be okay.
I definitely need to thank Missy for being here and asking me how I am every step of the way. I'm pretty sure I would have died without your help.
And to everyone else who gave me some sort of advice or comfort, thank you so much. It means the world to me that you're here for me when I'm in a time of need.
Matt, we're going to be fucking incredible friends. Our future is definitely bright. This is a friendship that's going to last a very long time. You'll always have a place in my heart and I will never, ever forget you. My first real love. Thank you for making the past year incredible.
As for me, I have no idea what the future holds.
This chapter of my life is over. And I'm surprisingly okay with that.
This may just be another mood swing of mine but it's a good one, so I'm not complaining =P.
♥
To start, I have so much time! Okay, seriously, I don't feel like every single free moment I have has to be spent with him anymore. It was really difficult to break myself of that but like.. now that I'm actually realizing it.. I'm keeping myself busy with other things and I've gained a whole new understanding of myself. I'm actually paying attention to school now, like real attention, and putting effort into my homework and shit. I had time to make some costumes for music theatre, not even close to the effort I put into that class last year. I'm seeing my parents more and talking to them more because I don't have someone at my house until like 10pm, at which point I would scramble to do my homework and get to sleep. I did some shopping today and I'm really happy with the way my body is starting to look in clothes haha. Since the break-up I've been eating healthier and I've actually lost some weight (I didn't take the whole.. binge approach.. because I felt like I couldn't eat for 3 days). I've had this whole new level of confidence. It's really weird. Maybe like, the way my friends talk to me.. telling me that I'm pretty and that I'll be alright, that may have had some sort of effect on the inflation of my ego haha. But seriously, I actually feel much more attractive now than I have for months. I'm actually going to join the gym at Centennial tomorrow and actually go and work out once in awhile (due to this abundance of free time I have now). I have a 2 1/2 hour lunch and could easily run over to Centennial then, work out for an hour, run home, shower, and get back to school with time to spare. I'm going to be making more money because I'll be booking less days off. I'm even babysitting for Ms.Hallis this weekend, just because I felt like it.
None of this means that I'm like.. totally happy and over everything. I'm actually still completely devestated. But the other day I almost fucked up our friendship and as soon as I realized that, I decided it was time to drop the whole crying/being mad at him thing.. and actually attempt to work on being friends. It's actually coming pretty easily. We went for lunch together yesterday and had a lovely time, we were actually talking more than we have in ages, as far as I'm concerned. We've talked more on msn and we've been happier around each other. I'm still not totally comfortable, but I can see now that I'll get there.
I'm extremely optimistic right now. I haven't cried in 2 days. It's only been a week since we broke up. It's rough when I realize that but, at the same time things are so much better for me right now. I'm concentrating on myself and really working towards being happy. I've been depressed for months and I don't need that anymore. Keeping myself busy, getting healthy, making money, and all of that is really having an excellent effect on my life. I've become closer with some of my friends, and even with people who I wasn't close with at all before. It's good. I'm doing alright. I'm gonna make it.
3 days ago I was crying my eyes out, thinking I'd never be happy again. Now, I see that that's not true. My whole life seems a hell of a lot brighter.
So to the people who I ignored when they told me I'd be okay, my apologies. You're absolutely right. I will be okay.
I definitely need to thank Missy for being here and asking me how I am every step of the way. I'm pretty sure I would have died without your help.
And to everyone else who gave me some sort of advice or comfort, thank you so much. It means the world to me that you're here for me when I'm in a time of need.
Matt, we're going to be fucking incredible friends. Our future is definitely bright. This is a friendship that's going to last a very long time. You'll always have a place in my heart and I will never, ever forget you. My first real love. Thank you for making the past year incredible.
As for me, I have no idea what the future holds.
This chapter of my life is over. And I'm surprisingly okay with that.
This may just be another mood swing of mine but it's a good one, so I'm not complaining =P.
♥