What the hell...

[fishsoup71]

Maybe I'm just a heartless psychotic bitch, but what I really don't understand is how all the snobby, bitchy, black-hearted, prissy, stuck-up, "I-don't-really-care-about-you-as-long-as-I-get-sex-and-presents" girls end up in happy relationships with boys flaunting all over them in adoration. Because really? That's what guys like? Sorry then that I was raised to be a good person and to treat someone I love and care for with respect and to do my part to be rational and to make them happy in return for my own happiness that they bestow upon me. I'm so sorry that even after being raised by an emotionally abusive father, I have still been able to block my negativity towards relationships and have been able to see past anger and frustration and have been able to be a patient, caring person who sees reasoning before aggression. I'm sorry that I have tried for so damn long now to get over a single person, haven't succeeded, but have tried, and is still trying, but can't accomplish such tasks until I have the one other person come along and help me out of this rut. I'm sorry that I'm not that girl. Maybe I should put myself out there, undo a couple more buttons and be the slut that can somehow manage to score all the happiness. I'm sick and tired of everything about this world and it's twisted little games that it constantly seeks to play on me for fun. I'm tired of being the person that tries so hard and lucks out. I'm just sick of it all and I'm sick of being depressed about how I feel that my entire life has just fallen into one big hole. Everything, my schooling, my ideas of a future, my lovelife, my friendships, my opinions of myself... nothing is happening. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not the person I want to be, I don't know how to be the person I want to be, I don't know how to find someone that likes me for who I am... I'm stuck. I hate this. I hate Christmas. I hate it when everyone thinks it's okay to be happy. Well guess what? No. It's not okay. Stop telling me to cheer up. Stop telling me thinks will work out. Stop babying me and trying to make me feel some fraction of a hope that my life will turn out just fine. Because yanno, I've been trying, and the more I try, the more worthless and pathetic I feel for trying, because it's not worth it anymore. It's not worth it to do anything because nothing works. I'm just another number in this world. I'm another statistic that gets thrown into a catagory of people that no one knows, nor will anyone ever know. I'm nothing, and as much as I strive to be something, there's always something blocking me from that. And I'm done.

That right there, is some real, prime, quality pathetic, self-hating ranting. Take it or leave it because I really don't care.