21 days.
Thats three weeks without cigarettes.
It is kinda weird how I got to this point. I did everything someone quitting is not supposed to, went into hyper masochism mode and forced myself to do things that would knowingly hurt me badly because I realized that without that failure would be just around the corner.
About 4 weeks ago and after having remained smoke free for 3 days I broke down and smoked.
Thats when I decided to ditch my online support group because frankly their positivism and unwavering support was frustrating and depressing the hell out of me. Listen you fuckers it is NOT ok that I relapsed and started smoking again after only three days, it is NOT ok for me to seek help with a group of people who hardly know me and it is NOT ok for me to go to a psychologist who will just tell me shit I already know.
Thats when I decided to buy cigarettes because of the realization that I needed them in order to not smoke them.
Thats when I decided to deliberatly put myself in all the situations that make/made me crave cigarettes.
Drinking, visiting friends for poker in the weekend, coffee, a big meal, playing Gears of War etcetera.
It didnt take long before my body at first and then my mind to act up.
The first days seemed to last forever and consisted of a burning sensation in my lungs and a never ending longing for cigarettes, after that I entered a state of perpetual anger and agresitivity and finally after just under two weeks that feeling eased into one of joy because of the realisation that I was going trough the withdrawal fazes faster then I was supposed to.
Three weeks now, yes the feeling of wanting to light one up rears its ugly head from time to time and yes thoughts of ah just one or a few wouldnt be so bad force tghemselves upon me.
Then I think about the promis made to my dad, the cigs I bought which are staring at me with the messages I wrote on them, my refound sense of super smell and taste and lots of other things.
Alcohol needs to be next.
It is kinda weird how I got to this point. I did everything someone quitting is not supposed to, went into hyper masochism mode and forced myself to do things that would knowingly hurt me badly because I realized that without that failure would be just around the corner.
About 4 weeks ago and after having remained smoke free for 3 days I broke down and smoked.
Thats when I decided to ditch my online support group because frankly their positivism and unwavering support was frustrating and depressing the hell out of me. Listen you fuckers it is NOT ok that I relapsed and started smoking again after only three days, it is NOT ok for me to seek help with a group of people who hardly know me and it is NOT ok for me to go to a psychologist who will just tell me shit I already know.
Thats when I decided to buy cigarettes because of the realization that I needed them in order to not smoke them.
Thats when I decided to deliberatly put myself in all the situations that make/made me crave cigarettes.
Drinking, visiting friends for poker in the weekend, coffee, a big meal, playing Gears of War etcetera.
It didnt take long before my body at first and then my mind to act up.
The first days seemed to last forever and consisted of a burning sensation in my lungs and a never ending longing for cigarettes, after that I entered a state of perpetual anger and agresitivity and finally after just under two weeks that feeling eased into one of joy because of the realisation that I was going trough the withdrawal fazes faster then I was supposed to.
Three weeks now, yes the feeling of wanting to light one up rears its ugly head from time to time and yes thoughts of ah just one or a few wouldnt be so bad force tghemselves upon me.
Then I think about the promis made to my dad, the cigs I bought which are staring at me with the messages I wrote on them, my refound sense of super smell and taste and lots of other things.
Alcohol needs to be next.