no subject for a subject
I guess this is really just a rant. So if you don't want to read it then don't. Okay lets get started!
For starters I have way to much rage right now. Things were going well sorta... or so i thought.
I have lost faith in man and human kind really.
Acts of kindness go unnoticed. Love is thrown away like its nothing. (yea i am guilty of this stuff too, but i am trying to change so i don't do these things)
I used to have outlets for rage and my feelings, exercise let me tell you i really miss the wind in my hair when i run. I am in a slump with my artwork. I keep comparing and judging myself rather than just letting all the emotions i have go. Hard to get past for some reason. Terrible things happening to the people i care about. Death in the family this week. Someone i used to be close to also lost someone he cares about. This shit just really hits you hard sometimes.
I wanna be there for the people i care about. I want to take their pain and sadness away, but alone i am nothing. I am not strong enough. I don't want to see people cry anymore, I don't want to see the ones i love hurt. I guess this is just part of everything. We take on what we can and the rest we push aside until its either forgotten about or we have the time to take it on.
I have so much and so little that i hold dear. I don't feel that i am living or enjoying anything at the moment. Its more like i am just going through the motions waiting for my time to wake up and come back to reality. I don't want to come back i like the safe secure place i am in. I know its wrong to distance myself from everything and everyone. I just cant take the pain anymore I don't want to feel it. I give and try so hard to be shut down by one thing another. I guess im more like a walking doll... sure i have thoughts of my own but no courage to announce the thoughts. i am void of any relevant emotion, its sad the depression has consumed me so much. The person i was is not even a shadow or who i am now. it is very sad. I do not even look the same. An old friend told me recently after looking at my photo, that my eyes are blank. I just dont care i guess. I am a recluse and an otaku. I dont even know how to properly speak to someone. Communication is very complicated for me. Pixels and anything that is indirect is best otherwise i either end up yelling at the person or i stutter my way through. I used to stutter when i was over excited when i was younger but now its more like all the time i stutter. Full on nerdome?
Thats all i can think of for now.
For starters I have way to much rage right now. Things were going well sorta... or so i thought.
I have lost faith in man and human kind really.
Acts of kindness go unnoticed. Love is thrown away like its nothing. (yea i am guilty of this stuff too, but i am trying to change so i don't do these things)
I used to have outlets for rage and my feelings, exercise let me tell you i really miss the wind in my hair when i run. I am in a slump with my artwork. I keep comparing and judging myself rather than just letting all the emotions i have go. Hard to get past for some reason. Terrible things happening to the people i care about. Death in the family this week. Someone i used to be close to also lost someone he cares about. This shit just really hits you hard sometimes.
I wanna be there for the people i care about. I want to take their pain and sadness away, but alone i am nothing. I am not strong enough. I don't want to see people cry anymore, I don't want to see the ones i love hurt. I guess this is just part of everything. We take on what we can and the rest we push aside until its either forgotten about or we have the time to take it on.
I have so much and so little that i hold dear. I don't feel that i am living or enjoying anything at the moment. Its more like i am just going through the motions waiting for my time to wake up and come back to reality. I don't want to come back i like the safe secure place i am in. I know its wrong to distance myself from everything and everyone. I just cant take the pain anymore I don't want to feel it. I give and try so hard to be shut down by one thing another. I guess im more like a walking doll... sure i have thoughts of my own but no courage to announce the thoughts. i am void of any relevant emotion, its sad the depression has consumed me so much. The person i was is not even a shadow or who i am now. it is very sad. I do not even look the same. An old friend told me recently after looking at my photo, that my eyes are blank. I just dont care i guess. I am a recluse and an otaku. I dont even know how to properly speak to someone. Communication is very complicated for me. Pixels and anything that is indirect is best otherwise i either end up yelling at the person or i stutter my way through. I used to stutter when i was over excited when i was younger but now its more like all the time i stutter. Full on nerdome?
Thats all i can think of for now.