cornell

[fishchick87]

so what if i would have gone to cornell this year? what if instead of staying in houston i would have gone to iowa? would that have helped prevent all of this? I dont think t would have. At least when I did decide to leave I didnt waste an amazingly wonderful scholarship and waste my parents money. oh wait, I already did. I backed otu on my u of h scholarship and i ended up having my parents pay for two classes that i didnt get credit for and a dorm room btoh a complete waste fo my time. and now here in el paso im doing it all over agia. i dropped my biology class ad lab one day too late and my parents still ahev to pay for it. I feel so horibel abotu it, and yes i think that hcc was and still is on the bottom of my list of places to go btu you knwo what if i can get my assosciates degree by the time i turn twenty-one and start working maybe at that point i will want to go back and actually focus. i mean one day i want to get my masters in nursing its jsut right now i dotn want to do any of it. i mean i dont want to be a bum or anythign its just right now i really dont have any drive. i get to go home in tthree days well four i guess but i get to go home for all of 48 hours. i am super exicted btu at some point in thsi time i have to have a very serious talk with my parents about what i am goign to do abotu next semester i know that i really jsut need to get through this semester but i am so scared that i cant. waht if i jsut need a break? what if i jsut need to basically take this semester off i dont knwo. io dont knwo what to do. i dont want to stop school i love to learn but im bored im so bored. i dont mean that im bored liek oh there is nothign to do no i mean im bored liek the classes dont hold my attetion i dont want to go i dont see the poitn and its frustrating. i dont really want to go back home and spend the next 8 months in my parents house. i dont think things will have changed much. thats my biggest reason taht i didnt go home last week or that i didnt decide to just go home in general becuase i dont want to go back to my parents house. i dont think many of you understand that, but thats ok. i mean i love them to death but i dotn want to go back to the arguing all of the time and all of that stuff. that really is the biggest reason i have stayed here for this long. And im so freakin tired of people sayign that its because i miss patricka dn i miss my friends btu you knwo what no its not. i mean if i went home of course i woould want to see them btu that isnt my motivation for this. its the fact that things dont feel right here im bored otu of my mind and i dont know what else to do.

i really havent been able to sleep for the past couple of weeks i average i usually cant fall asleep till about 2 maybe 3 and i jsut toss and turn for the most part and wake up abotu every 45 inutes its miserating.