this is the rhythm of the night
i go through stages with people... well i guess i should say guys, because i dont really give a shit about very many girls... but anyway, i will become insanely interested in a dude for, say, a couple weeks? maybe a month? not interested as in a dating sense but that i have noticed something in their personality that i absolutely love. and this makes me want to hang out with them... oh pretty much all the time. then it passes and i take them off the pedestal and put some other poor chump up there.
i wish i could talk about something past men. unfortunately, not gonna happen anytime soon, so lets continue.
being in a relationship allows me to tap into emotions that i normally dont pay any attention to. pretty sad that i need someone to bring it out of me, that i cant always be the same person, that i change depending on who is in my life at the moment. wait, scratch that, im still the same person- i just i look at everything differently. i dunno, maybe it has nothing to do with that, but i do feel progressively more cold and uncaring towards whatever comes by... apathetic you might say!! its really nice, because i dont get upset about anything for more than 10 minutes.
last night vinny grabbed my nose, you know how like you do to little kids sometimes? only he did it really really fucking hard so it was incredibly painful. then we played thumb wars and he lost so he fucking bit my arm and through a long sleeve shirt and a sweater he was able to leave bite marks, so needless to say, that hurt really fucking bad too. and then he licked my eye and probably gave me some sort of infection. what an asshole.
hm... back to 2 paragraphs ago. i changed my mind, i am not entirely apathetic... because in moments of nothing, as in right now, i should be feeling nothing right? im not though, im kind of mopey/sad. i can normally vanquish these feelings with the company of others, but alone im generally just... sad? is everyone like that? i have no reason to be sad, but when im not doing anything, thats just what comes out. i mean, from that i am led to believe that my base emotion is sadness. is anyone happy when theyre just bumming around? i submit that they are not, i submit that humans are innately sad.
la bouche makes me happy. maybe i cant read my feelings. tricksy hobbitses.
i wish i could talk about something past men. unfortunately, not gonna happen anytime soon, so lets continue.
being in a relationship allows me to tap into emotions that i normally dont pay any attention to. pretty sad that i need someone to bring it out of me, that i cant always be the same person, that i change depending on who is in my life at the moment. wait, scratch that, im still the same person- i just i look at everything differently. i dunno, maybe it has nothing to do with that, but i do feel progressively more cold and uncaring towards whatever comes by... apathetic you might say!! its really nice, because i dont get upset about anything for more than 10 minutes.
last night vinny grabbed my nose, you know how like you do to little kids sometimes? only he did it really really fucking hard so it was incredibly painful. then we played thumb wars and he lost so he fucking bit my arm and through a long sleeve shirt and a sweater he was able to leave bite marks, so needless to say, that hurt really fucking bad too. and then he licked my eye and probably gave me some sort of infection. what an asshole.
hm... back to 2 paragraphs ago. i changed my mind, i am not entirely apathetic... because in moments of nothing, as in right now, i should be feeling nothing right? im not though, im kind of mopey/sad. i can normally vanquish these feelings with the company of others, but alone im generally just... sad? is everyone like that? i have no reason to be sad, but when im not doing anything, thats just what comes out. i mean, from that i am led to believe that my base emotion is sadness. is anyone happy when theyre just bumming around? i submit that they are not, i submit that humans are innately sad.
la bouche makes me happy. maybe i cant read my feelings. tricksy hobbitses.