(no subject)

[fishbulb9]

im so fucking sad. tim and i hung out all day yesterday and it was great and then this morning/afternoon when we got up i was talking to him about where our relationship was going and it was just like... nowhere basically... in that we have fun.. but we arent moving any closer to the relationship i want. which sucks. so it ended there. and i was fine and i left his house and everything was good. i drove home listening to some pump up music and was like "yeah this is gonna be ok, this is alright. i need to be with someone who can give me what i want, theres no reason to stick with something if you dont see it going anywhere" which, yeah, is totally right. so. its all good.

then i go to work on my math stuff on my computer and he imed me and it was probably one of the kindest things ive had said to me in a long time.

so i immediately start crying [and subsequently get a nosebleed]. im sitting there thinking its just like what the fuck. hes so fucking nice. i have a wonderful time with him. ....and its not ever going to go anywhere. we have differences, but... goddamn. im just so disappointed in everything. i was dating a genuinely nice and good person that i loved being around.

this is rough. i cant remember the last time i cried this much. i was crying until i picked marg and valtron up, then after i dropped them off and the way home and now as i type this. what the fuck. im a fucking mess. how did this happen