like a good book i could put this day back
sometimes i feel like i am losing my grip on reality. i don't know how to grieve. i don't know how to be ok. i don't know anything anymore.
i feel so isolated, like i should keep quiet about how much i hurt and the more i keep my feelings trapped inside, the more i wonder what's happening to me. sometimes i worry i am seriously going to lose my mind and never be able to recover. it's settling in now that this is real, that mia is never coming back, will never smile, will never laugh or cry... will never say my name. she will never grow up and she will never have her own family.
i miss her so much and i feel a tightness in my chest if i dwell too long on how much. i feel like a stranger in my life. a pathetic ghost of myself who clutches the teddy bear containing her daughter's ashes to her chest in a pitiful attempt to feel close to her child. i cry into it's fur and wish that i could still hear mia's heart beating. that sound was the sound of hope to me and now that it is gone i wonder if i will ever be able to hope again.
i feel so isolated, like i should keep quiet about how much i hurt and the more i keep my feelings trapped inside, the more i wonder what's happening to me. sometimes i worry i am seriously going to lose my mind and never be able to recover. it's settling in now that this is real, that mia is never coming back, will never smile, will never laugh or cry... will never say my name. she will never grow up and she will never have her own family.
i miss her so much and i feel a tightness in my chest if i dwell too long on how much. i feel like a stranger in my life. a pathetic ghost of myself who clutches the teddy bear containing her daughter's ashes to her chest in a pitiful attempt to feel close to her child. i cry into it's fur and wish that i could still hear mia's heart beating. that sound was the sound of hope to me and now that it is gone i wonder if i will ever be able to hope again.