Words Not Violence Break the Silence
I’m 26 and a half and I’ve finally experienced a significant depression. Not that I’m excited about it, but in a way it’s opened my eyes to something that affects 18.8 million American adults. So much has changed in my life since May. The loss of the office, my job, my income, the addition of a family member, getting into school, becoming a house wife, fighting with the whole county to get my house fixed.. it just seems like my life got turned upside down. The last few weeks have been the worst. I’ve been struggling more and more since Jason has gone back to school and I’ve been stuck here at home. I finally had to admit out loud that there was a problem when it was a fight just to get out of bed in the morning to go sit on the couch. I’ve noticed I am experiencing very classical signs included things I normally enjoy have lost their allure.. but I’ve continued to fight and even though I’m still suffering… I am feeling better than I did.
I had a break through last Thursday. I had decided I would go to Nashville and pick up my last book I needed, but when the time came I was almost in tears because I just had a horrible sense of dread. I forced myself to go and I got half way to Nashville and decided I was hungry so I texted Tiffany (because the thought of talking to people seemed horrible in its own right). Luckily she was available and after I bought my book (which ended up being plural) we had lunch. Our lunch turned into a few hours of talk.. and an invitation to her wedding. I’m really excited to be invited.. I don’t know if I’ll make it or not.. but I’ve still got some time.. it’s in October of 2009 in St. Augustine. After that I ended up going to best buy and got a new laptop since mine died and the repairs would have been $300.00….what $300.00 more to get a new one? I ended my afternoon out with a quick pop in to Publix to see Siobhan. I’ve also been trying to fill my days with activities or thing I have to get done before school starts. I came home feeling almost like myself.
I devised a plan to help keep myself busy with things other than house work.. since I normally find that dreadful. I finally started going through our boxes that we have at Jason’s grannies house. I really wanted to sort through all of it and get rid of as much as possible before school starts. For the next 3 years I’m going to be not only broke.. but busy. So I know I won’t have any time to do that kinda stuff. Keeping busy has helped… but I’m still struggling in the morning and through-out the day. I have also not been eating as well as I would like… I’m honestly eating just about anything that might make me feel better.. but I am still working out so I guess it’s off setting it so far. The working out has been REALLY helpful I get a good high for a couple of hours after… but then it’s back down until Jason gets home. This is week three of my couch to 5k. I’m doing well although I did suffer from a shine splint for a week.. it’s no longer painful.
I am incredibly hopeful that once I start school all this anxiety, worry, angst and depression will fall far far away. I am aware that I have a significant family history full of depression.. and that could translate to me as well struggling long term… But for now I’m going to wait it out. If I don’t feel 100 times better by October, I’m going to seek further help like counseling and or medical intervention.
Jason is loving school and in a way that is helpful and harmful to me. It’s so hard to be miserable while the person I love is happy. Makes me feel like poo.. He’s actually been really understanding with me. He’s even come into the living room with me to finish up his work.
In other news we are officially out of mediation with Mr. Rackley. He says he is not going to do anymore. Our claims have been sent to the Contractors Licensing board. We’ve also been advised the only other option we really have is suing now.. I’m not sure what we are going to do at this point.. but I do hope he loses his license or at least gets a massive fine. I will make sure it gets in the paper here. I think that might be the best punishment of all.. losing the respect of the good ol’ boys in Pulaski.
I wish I had more exciting things to say but really nothing is going on… it’s just been me waging a battle of wills with myself, watching the Olympics and waiting on school to start.
I had a break through last Thursday. I had decided I would go to Nashville and pick up my last book I needed, but when the time came I was almost in tears because I just had a horrible sense of dread. I forced myself to go and I got half way to Nashville and decided I was hungry so I texted Tiffany (because the thought of talking to people seemed horrible in its own right). Luckily she was available and after I bought my book (which ended up being plural) we had lunch. Our lunch turned into a few hours of talk.. and an invitation to her wedding. I’m really excited to be invited.. I don’t know if I’ll make it or not.. but I’ve still got some time.. it’s in October of 2009 in St. Augustine. After that I ended up going to best buy and got a new laptop since mine died and the repairs would have been $300.00….what $300.00 more to get a new one? I ended my afternoon out with a quick pop in to Publix to see Siobhan. I’ve also been trying to fill my days with activities or thing I have to get done before school starts. I came home feeling almost like myself.
I devised a plan to help keep myself busy with things other than house work.. since I normally find that dreadful. I finally started going through our boxes that we have at Jason’s grannies house. I really wanted to sort through all of it and get rid of as much as possible before school starts. For the next 3 years I’m going to be not only broke.. but busy. So I know I won’t have any time to do that kinda stuff. Keeping busy has helped… but I’m still struggling in the morning and through-out the day. I have also not been eating as well as I would like… I’m honestly eating just about anything that might make me feel better.. but I am still working out so I guess it’s off setting it so far. The working out has been REALLY helpful I get a good high for a couple of hours after… but then it’s back down until Jason gets home. This is week three of my couch to 5k. I’m doing well although I did suffer from a shine splint for a week.. it’s no longer painful.
I am incredibly hopeful that once I start school all this anxiety, worry, angst and depression will fall far far away. I am aware that I have a significant family history full of depression.. and that could translate to me as well struggling long term… But for now I’m going to wait it out. If I don’t feel 100 times better by October, I’m going to seek further help like counseling and or medical intervention.
Jason is loving school and in a way that is helpful and harmful to me. It’s so hard to be miserable while the person I love is happy. Makes me feel like poo.. He’s actually been really understanding with me. He’s even come into the living room with me to finish up his work.
In other news we are officially out of mediation with Mr. Rackley. He says he is not going to do anymore. Our claims have been sent to the Contractors Licensing board. We’ve also been advised the only other option we really have is suing now.. I’m not sure what we are going to do at this point.. but I do hope he loses his license or at least gets a massive fine. I will make sure it gets in the paper here. I think that might be the best punishment of all.. losing the respect of the good ol’ boys in Pulaski.
I wish I had more exciting things to say but really nothing is going on… it’s just been me waging a battle of wills with myself, watching the Olympics and waiting on school to start.